


Always you, Only you

by zroe



Series: Imperfect [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-08 19:27:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 46
Words: 81,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7770136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zroe/pseuds/zroe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Lexa have been the best of friends for years, perhaps the closest of all in their group of friends. The connection, chemistry and comfort that they share is unmatched by any of their other friends. Everyone knows that when they're both single things tend to happen between them. It a comfort thing. A no strings attached thing. A thing that they both silently understand. But, do they really?</p><p>They’re best friends who have the power to lift each other up, but also the power to tear each other down.</p><p>What could possibly go wrong?</p><p>There is one thing that will always be true - The one that brings out the best in you, will always be the one that can bring out the worst in you.</p><p>Note: If you're looking for a quick Clexa fix, this might not be the story for you. These two dummies, will probably make you crazy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to contact me here:  
> • z.roe@hotmail.com  
> • @zroe_z (Twitter)

**************Incoming Skype Call**************

Lexa saw her laptop light up in the mirror. Quickly dodging out of the bathroom, she accepted the call and went back to doing her hair as she watched the call connect in the mirror.  
Clarke appeared on the screen dressed in a red and black flannel, her blonde hair wildly untamed. All of her focus seemed to be on the guitar sitting in her lap. Lexa just continued doing her hair, knowing that eventually Clarke would catch on. 

"Hey," Clarke’s raspy voice finally flowed from the speaker when she realized that the call had connected.  
Lexi smirked at her in the mirror. "Welcome back."  
"Sorry. New song," Clarke explained quickly.  
Lexa nodded in response. She knew how easily Clarke could get wrapped up in her music. "You’re going out tonight?" Clarke asked curiously as she noticed what Lexa was doing.  
"Yeah," Lexa answered as she ran her fingers through her chestnut curls. "Raven and Monty are being pretty relentless. They want to go have a few drinks."  
"Boo," Clarke pouted. "I want to go."  
Lexa turned to face the screen. "You are under quarantine," she said, her voice slightly stern. "You're not going to kick that cold if you don't get some rest."  
Clarke continued to pout as she set her guitar aside. "I know, I know," she muttered grumpily. "It's just been really lonely here."  
Lexa gave her a sympathetic smile. "Where's O?"  
"She didn't want to risk catching it, so she's staying at Linc's." Clarke shook her head.  
"Finn?"  
Clarke scoffed. "Finn's been shit."  
Lexa nodded in understanding. Finn was already acting funny before Clarke got sick. Go figure he'd disappear now. She redirected her attention to her phone.

Raven: Yo Commander! Are you ready yet???  
Lexa: Actually, I'm going to have to cancel.  
Raven: What? No!  
Lexa: Next time. Promise.  
Raven: You suck!

"Time for me to go, Clarke." Lexa said as she looked back to the screen.  
Clarke pouted again.  
"Maybe you should curl up and watch a movie or something,” Lexa offered, but then paused and pointed at the screen, “but remember, fluids and rest.”  
Clarke rolled her eyes. "Thanks Mom," she mumbled. "I'll talk to you tomorrow. Have fun tonight."  
Lexa grinned with a nod and quickly and ended the call. 

Half and hour later as Lexa knocked on Clarke's door she couldn't help but shake her head and smirk in spite of herself. 

"Lexa?" Clarke’s eyes went wide when she opened the door. "What are you doing here?"  
Lexa's smirk stretched into a smile. "Well, I have it on good authority that my best friend is sick and feeling lonely, so I thought that soup and maybe a movie might be just what the doctor would order."  
Clarke's blue eyes sparkled as she wrapped Lexa in a tight hug. "You're going to risk getting sick just to keep me company?"  
Lexa hugged her back. "I figure you're probably at the tail end of it anyway"  
"You're awesome."  
Lexa smiled. "I've heard that. Now first things first, while I make the soup, you go take a shower.  
Clarke gave her a puzzled look.  
"Trust me, you need it," Lexa said nodding towards the bathroom. "Now go."  
Clarke feigned offense for a moment, but then skipped off to the bathroom soon after, absolutely delighted that she would not be spending yet another night home alone. 

A little while later Clarke returned wearing a pair of white sweatpants with the bottoms pulled up exposing her calves and a black tank. She leaned against the doorway, tying her slightly damp hair up in a messy bun and watched Lexa moving through the living room clearing used tissues and empty water bottles from the coffee table and floor in front of the couch. "What are you doing?"  
Lexa looked up and smiled. "Clarke, as much as I love you, I'm drawing the line at eating dinner surrounded by your nasty tissues," she answered with a smile.  
Clarke laughed as she went and retrieved some disinfecting wipes from the kitchen and wiped down the coffee table, remotes and anything else that Lexa might touch. While just having Lexa there already made her feel so much better, the last thing that she wanted was for her to be sick too.

Sometime later, the soup was gone and they were lounging silently on the couch, Clarke with her head resting on Lexa's lap as they watched a movie. The sound of keys rattling the door caught their attention, but figuring it was Octavia, they paid it no mind.

"Seriously, Clarke?" Finn's voice echoed through the apartment. "What the fuck?"  
Clarke pushed herself up, but remained firmly planted next to Lexa. "What the fuck, what?" She asked with a look of confusion in her eyes.  
Finn crossed his arms. "I don't come around for a couple of days and you start shacking up with Lexa again?" He briskly accused her.  
Clarke got to her feet, her blue eyes filled with annoyance. "A couple of days? Finn, I haven't heard from you in over a week," she spat back. "And I'm not shacking up with Lexa! I was feeling crappy and lonely so she brought me some soup and we were just watching a movie."

Lexa sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. This was the downside of the closeness of their group. Because they had basically grown up together and been through so much together, they were more than just friends, they were family. They knew practically everything that there was to know about each other, including the fact that since high school Clarke and Lexa had been each others go-to lovers. But never, ever while one of them was seeing somebody else. Just the fact that Finn would accuse them of such was highly offensive. 

"Don't be a dick, Finn." Lexa said as she got to her feet and turned to face Clarke. "I'm going to go," she leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on the top of Clarke's head. "I hope you feel better."

Lexa crossed the room towards the door but was stopped when Finn grabbed her roughly by the arm. However, before he could utter a single word Lexa grabbed his hand and twisted hard. "Have you lost your mind, Finn?"  
"Ow, ow, ow. Shit, fuck..."

In fairness, it was really foolish of Finn to even consider doing this. Everyone knew that Lexa was more than capable of protecting herself. She had been trained in self defense from a young age; her uncle had insisted it. Lexa's green eyes were burning with anger, first from his accusation, and now his audacity. She set her jaw and twisted a little harder causing a few gasps and unintelligible words to fall from his mouth. “What was that?”

“Lex, please…ugh…”

"Lexa," Clarke said softly as she stepped forward and placed a soothing hand on Lexa's shoulder. "Lexa, let him go."  
Lexa turned and looked at her. As soon as blue met green Lexa felt the anger inside her begin to dissipate. "Next time you lay a hand on me, Collins, be damn well prepared to have it broken," she said sternly and released him with a shove.

Finn stood rubbing his wrist as Lexa gave Clarke a reassuring nod and walked out the door.

As the door clicked shut, Clarke turned back to Finn and gave him a very disapproving look. "You owe her an apology," she said simply.  
"Seriously?" He replied with annoyance.  
"Absolutely," Clarke responded with a definite tone. "Just because you know our history, doesn't mean that you can accuse me of something like that and," she paused as she stepped forward and poked him hard in the chest, "you had no right to grab her like that. You're lucky she didn't break your arm."

Lexa really was the sweetest person in the world, but her years of training had also made her fairly lethal. Something that everyone remembered, far too well. Several years ago they were at a party where Lexa had been politely dodging the advances of a drunken frat boy for most of the night when he decided that a brazen approach might work better and got handsy with her. She fractured his wrist and broke his jaw. Though no one faulted Lexa for reacting the way she did when the guy pounced on her, licking up her neck and shoving his hand up her shirt, it was still jarring and downright scary.

Finn stared as the ground with a guilty look in his eyes as he continued to rub his wrist. He knew she was right. "Thank you for that," he muttered.

Clarke shook her head and returned to the couch. She was frustrated by they way that Finn had behaved. Regardless of their relationship already being strained, she would never cheat on him. Granted, it was true that over the years she and Lexa had spent more than their fair share of nights together, however, those nights were a mutual understanding that was between them and no one, including Finn, had any right to use that knowledge against either of them.

“Look Clarke, I’m sorry, okay?” Finn tried. “I saw you two on the couch like that and I just spaced. I mean, it’s been like a month since we’ve even…”  
Clarke shot up from the couch. “Are you kidding me? I’ve been sick for a week now, and your only concern is the last time you got your rocks off?”  
Finn’s eyes went wide as he realized his mistake. “Clarke no, that’s not what I meant.”  
“That’s just great,” she sighed, turning her back to him.  
“Come on, I didn’t even know that you were sick.” Finn defended, raising his hands.  
Of course he didn't know that she was sick. He hadn't so much as sent her a text in the last two weeks. How could he know? “Go home, Finn.”  
“Clarke.”  
“Go.”  
A moment later he relented and left without another word, slamming the door behind him. 

Clarke flopped back down on to the couch with tears streaming down her cheeks as she wished for nothing more than her best friend to still be there with her.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been almost a week since Clarke's argument with Finn and she hadn't heard from him since. She knew that he as frustrated, but she was too. Time apart was probably the best thing. In addition to not hearing from Finn, Clarke had also not heard from Lexa. She knew that this was Lexa’s way. A little bit of solitude to sort out whatever was in her head. Thankfully Clarke's cold was gone and Octavia had started staying back at their apartment, otherwise the loneliness probably would have gotten the best of her.

“Any word from Lexa yet?” Octavia asked as she poured herself a cup of coffee.  
“Nope.” Clarke answered as she sat on the couch folding her laundry. “Is it horrible that I care more about that then the fact that I haven't heard from Finn?”  
Octavia shrugged as she sipped her coffee. “Lexa is your best friend and...”  
“Finn’s an asshole.” Raven finished her sentence from the other side of the room where she was working on Clarke’s new surround sound.  
Octavia nodded, tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear. “Look, all of his selfish tendencies aside, it was really shitty of him to even think that you and Lexa would be messing around like that. I mean, everyone knows that you have, and that's fine - it's your business, but for him to just assume the worst of you, is really not cool.”  
“I agree.” Clarke quickly. She thought for a moment, biting her lower lip. “Is it wrong that we’ve gone so long without having sex?”  
“He’s not exactly the best lay.” Raven quipped from somewhere behind the television causing Clarke and Octavia to giggle like school girls.  
“Everyone gets into funks where they're just not in the mood. It happens and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.” Octavia assured her. “Though…”  
“Though what?” Clarke asked as she stood up and walked over to the kitchen counter where her phone had just gone off.  
“It just seems unusual for you.” Octavia replied as she started folding socks.  
“Meaning what?” Clarke pushed her, feeing both confused and slightly offended.  
“Clarke,” Raven said as she popped up and leaned against the television. “You're a sexual being, so the fact that you're not in the mood to have sex, is a little unusual.”  
“Yes.” Octavia pointed at Raven with a smile. “Thank you.”  
Clarke instantly flushed a vibrant pink. “Shut up,” she said picking up her phone.

Finn: Hey Babe. How about dinner tonight? I’m missing my princess.  
Clarke: Have you apologized to Lexa yet?  
Finn: Clarke…  
Clarke: Nope. Bye Finn.

Clarke slammed her phone down on the counter. “He still hasn't apologized to her. God!”  
Octavia and Raven exchanged a glance just as Clarkes phone went off again.

Lexa: Dinner?  
Clarke: Absolutely.  
Lexa: In or out?  
Clarke: In. Pizza?  
Lexa: Done. See you at seven.

Clarke sighed with a small smile as she placed her phone back down.

“Lexa?” Octavia questioned.  
Clarke nodded. “She's gonna come over in a couple of hours.”  
“Finally. Good, make sure you talk to her about what happened.” Octavia instructed.

Again Clarke nodded. She knew what Octavia was referring to. Any time Lexa lost her composer, especially in a way that caused someone harm, she’d wrap herself up in a cocoon of self doubt, questioning everything that she had said or done. Between Finn’s accusation and the way that Lexa had almost broken his wrist, Clarke was quite sure that Lexa was not exactly in happy place.

“You two weren't doing anything wrong. He was way out of line.” Raven said firmly and Octavia nodded.

Clarke heard her words but somewhere deep inside wondered if they weren’t entirely true. Granted, she hadn't slept with Lexa in a long time, but things with Finn had been far from awesome lately and there was always something about being close to Lexa that made her feel warm and happy. We're they entirely innocent? Had she enjoyed being curled up with Lexa too much? Perhaps she wasn't the only one that battled with a little self doubt. “I know,” Clarke finally responded, “and that's exactly what I'm going to tell her.”

Octavia and Raven left a little while after to see a movie and Clarke went to shower. A long day of cleaning and rearranging had left her a sweaty mess and she had no desire to spend the evening sitting in her own stink. She was standing in the bathroom brushing out her hair when a light knocking filled her ears, causing her mouth to stretch into a smile.

When the door opened, the first thing that Lexa saw was a pair of sparkling blue eyes. “Pizza for two,” she said with a smirk.  
“About time you turned up.” Clarke told her as she pulled her into a tight hug. “I was getting ready to send out a search party.”  
“Uh huh.” Lexa replied and hugged her back. “Come on. I’m starving.”

The pizza was just about gone when Clarke finally took a deep breathe and spoke her mind. “You know that you didn't do anything wrong, right?”  
Lexa groaned. She figured this was coming.  
“I mean it. Even Octavia and Raven agree that Finn was out of line.”  
Lexa took a sip of her beer and cleared her throat. “Lincoln agrees too.”  
“And Anya?” Clarke questioned with the lightest smirk.  
The corner of Lexa’s mouth twitched. “Anya thinks that I should have twisted harder.”  
“He had no right to touch you and that's exactly what I told him after you left.” Clarke told her.  
Lexa nodded, though in her head, she wasn't sure that she agreed. Regardless of who Clarke was dating, she had always loved it when she was the one that was able to swoop in and make Clarke feel better, so really, how innocent was she? “I know.” Lexa responded as her phone buzzed in her pocket.

Finn: Sorry.  
Finn: I was being an ass.

Lexa flipped the phone around and showed it to Clarke.

“About time.” Clarke scoffed as she got to her feet and walked towards the sink. “He must really be missing me.”  
“What do you mean?” Lexa questioned as she too stood up and took her plate to the sink.  
Clarke shrugged. “He wanted me to go to dinner with him tonight, but I wouldn't go.”  
“Because he hadn't apologized to me?” Lexa asked as she leaned back aginst the counter.  
“Mhmm.” Clarke nodded. “I haven’t seen him since that night.”  
“Clarke,” Lexa said sharply. “Don’t strain your relationship over some bullshit that happened between me and Finn. It’s not worth it.”  
“Hey, let's be clear about one thing.” Clarke responded quickly and took a step forward. “You're my best friend Lexa, and day or night, right or wrong,” her blue eyes pierced Lexa’s green ones, “it's always your side that I'm going to be on. Besides, Finn was being a total dick.”  
Lexa leaned back at these words and couldn't help the slight smile that spread across her face. She felt the same way about Clarke. She’d always choose her, regardless of the situation. There wasn’t a person on the planet whose side she would choose over Clarke's. “He was,” she agreed.  
“Finn fucked up.” Clarke said as she pushed her hair from her face. “We weren't doing anything wrong. He overreacted. Everyone knows it and finally, he sees it too.”  
“I’ll text him later.” Lexa assured her.

That night as Clarke laid in bed she finally decided to give in and send Finn a message.

Clarke: Thank you.  
Finn: I know I was a jerk. I don't know why. I didn't mean to be.  
Finn: I really miss you , Princess.  
Clarke: I miss you too.

Clarke sighed and rolled over, hoping that a sweet slumber would take her before she could think anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smooth sailing, but for how long?


	3. Chapter 3

Lexa awoke to the sound of her phone buzzing on her nightstand. “Ugh, come on, guys. What the hell?” She mumbled to herself.

***New Event Created***

MontyG: Attention Ladies and Gents! It’s that time again!!!  
Reyes: Hell yes. So ready.  
BabyBlake: Has it been a month already?  
JasperJ: Oh yeah!!

Lexa sighed as she leaned back against the headboard, she knew exactly what this was. On the last weekend of every month practically everyone in their group would get together for a weekend filled with food, drinks and fun. It something that had been going on for years. Everyone was always busy in their own lives and though they’d see each other randomly, some more than others, this was a easy way to ensure that they didn’t let too much time and space fall in between them all.

Commander: I’m going to skip this one.  
Reyes: Not happening!  
Princess: Oh no you are not!

Lexa rolled her eyes. Of course Clarke and Raven would be the first to object to the idea of this.

Commander: My liver is still recovering from last month.  
Princess: ANYA!!!  
Commander: So not fair!  
Linc: Hahaha. Since when does Clarke play fair?

Lexa dropped her phone into her lap as she vigorously rubbed her fingers against her scalp. This was an excellent point. Clarke loved to win and get her way. She rarely played fair if she could help it, but there was always something so genuinely endearing in her methods that no one ever seemed to mind them. Lexa grinned. “Can’t argue with that.”

Commander: Truth.  
A: I’ll make sure Lexa and her liver are present.  
Commander: Damn it.  
Princess: Yay! What else do we need? Rae?  
Reyes: Booze?  
MontyG: Jasper and I have that covered.  
Reyes: Dinner – Collins?? Breakfast – Blakes?  
Collins: Yep.  
BigBlake: Of course.  
BabyBlake: No problem.  
Reyes: Then we’re good to go. Food, check. Booze, check. Anya dragging the Commander kicking and screaming, check.  
Commander: I hate you all.  
MontyG: Harsh.

Lexa stared down at the message and smirked thoughtfully. She didn’t really hate any of them. It was true that they could all drive her crazy sometimes, but they were family, they were supposed to. Though given recent events she could probably do without Finn right now. Just the thought of him irritated her, so the idea of being around him for an entire weekend – not exactly appealing.

Commander: Ok, maybe not you, Monty.  
MontyG: :)

Pulling herself up further on the bed, Lexa pounded furiously on her bedroom wall. “You sold me out!” She called.  
“Totally did!” Anya called back. “Blame Clarke!”  
“I always do.” Lexa chuckled to herself as she flopped back down into her pillows.

Lexa spent the next half hour trying, and failing, to go back to sleep before she finally gave in and grumpily rolled out of the bed and began to get dressed. Making her way into the kitchen she found Anya sitting at the table, sipping a cup of coffee and scrolling through emails.

“How was dinner with Clarke?” She asked without looking up.  
“Fine,” Lexa replied as she pulled a mug from the cabinets above the coffeemaker. “She’s not blaming me.”  
Anya looked up. “Did you really expect her to?”  
“No.” Lexa replied as her eyes fell on to the bowl of fruit on the table. Quickly she put her mug back in the cabinet and grabbed an apple. She turned her back on Anya and quietly began rinsing it in the sink.  
“Then what’s bothering you?” Anya asked, sitting back in her chair as she crossed her legs.  
“I was just trying to cheer up Clarke.” Lexa sighed as she turned back to face her. “But, I could have really hurt him, you know?”  
“You didn’t though.” Anya told her as she straightened up and pushed her blonde hair back so that she could see Lexa clearly. “You hurt him just enough.”  
Lexa nodded in agreement as she rolled the apple around in her hands.

Getting to her feet, Anya sighed as she walked over and stood next to her. “Finn is the type of person that needs to be knocked back into place every now and again. It’s not his fault. It’s just who he is.”  
“He really is too.” Lexa chuckled and took a large bite of her apple.  
“I’ll never quite understand what Clarke sees in that guy.” Anya said as she shook her head.  
“Well, it’s not really for you to understand, is it?” Lexa shrugged. “I mean, everyone sees the world differently. I think it's the same with people. Obviously Clarke sees something in Finn that you don’t.”  
Anya seemed to think for a moment. “That could be be true. I suppose it's just that Clarke has such a big heart and can be so damn kind - I mean, she's bat shit crazy, don't get me wrong," she laughed. "But, she's good people and sometimes I think that Finn is just, not. So, I guess I can’t help but think that she deserves someone that's just, better.”  
“And you could be right, however, it's not for you to decide.” Lexa taking another large bite.  
“And what about you?”  
“What about me, what?” Lexa asked confused.  
“Do you really think that he deserves her?” Anya asked curiously.  
“Hell no,” Lexa answered quickly. “I’ve always thought that Clarke deserved better.”  
“And you're right too.” Anya said with a quick nod.  
“Finn is my friend, but the reality is, he can be extremely selfish and acts like a total douche. Do I think that he could treat Clarke better? Absolutely, I do, but it’s not about what I think.” Lexa explained as she tossed the rest of her apple into the trash, her appetite having suddenly vanished on her. “That's the point, Anya. It’s about what Clarke thinks. What she feels and what she sees. Whatever it is, it’s not for anyone else to question.”  
“How did I end up with such a wise sister?” Anya asked as she gave her a light nudge.  
“Shut up,” Lexa nudged her back with a chuckle. “You know, I am going to get you back for selling me out this morning.”  
“I’m so not afraid of you.” Anya smirked playfully.  
“Yeah well, perhaps you should be. I am smarter than you, you know?” Lexa laughed as she went to leave the room. “Please, don’t forget to rinse your dishes again.”  
“I know, I know. I was just about to,” Anya assured as she collected her plate and walked to the sink. “Aughhhh!” She shrieked as a cascade of freezing water flowed from the sprayer, soaking her chest and stomach. As she struggled to turn the tap back off she heard an explosion of laughter behind her.  
Anya turned and glared at her sister. “Told you so,” Lexa smirked back before turning and walking from the room triumphantly.

Lexa dodged into her room and quickly locked the door. Anya would get her back for that, she knew that she would. She would accept whatever come, she didn’t care. It was totally worth it and her only regret was that she had forgotten her cellphone in the bedroom. She scooped up her phone and noticed several messages from Clarke.

Clarke: Really? Why would you try to ditch?  
Clarke: Lexa!!!  
Clarke: You’re not really mad, are you?  
Lexa: No. I was just busy setting myself up to be murdered by Anya.  
Clarke: Lexa! What’d you do now??  
Lexa: >;)


	4. Chapter 4

Clarke’s week had gone by quickly and with only one hitch. Being sick had cost her her spot performing at a local coffeehouse. She didn't know yet who had taken her spot, but loathed them on principle, as she had been holding that spot for over a year.

“Don't dwell on it, Clarke.” Raven told her as she glanced in the rear view mirror. “You'll get your spot back.”  
Clarke sighed and continued sketching. She had been down ever since she called to verify her time slot and found out that it had been given away.  
“Raven’s right.” Octavia assured her. “The only reason they had to fill your spot in because you were so out of it when you were sick and you forgot to call.”  
“I know,” Clarke said finally looking up. “It just sucks. I actually have people that come there to see me perform.”  
“We know,” Octavia sighed. “But, you'll get it back. They love you there.”  
“And that's how we know you'll get your spot back.” Raven added. “Your fine ass, puts asses in the seats. More asses in the seats, more people buying drinks.”

Clarke finally smiled. It was true. She had a large following and usually performed to a full house. Who the hell had they found to fill that spot? Would they be better? How many fans would she lose to this new performer?

“Clarke, I can literally hear you thinking.” Octavia said as she rubbed her eyes.  
“I’m sorry, I'm sorry.” Clarke shot out. “Subject change. How close are we?”  
“Five minutes.” Raven answered.

This weekend they were spending their time at Monty’s house and the weather was finally nice enough to take full advantage of the pool. And really, a weekend relaxing by the pool, with a drink in her hand and her favorite people around her was exactly what Clarke needed.

“Awesome.” She responded as she tucked some of her blonde waves behind her ear and began to pack up her sketch pad and pencils.

When they pulled up in front of the house Clarke got out of the car, dragging her bag behind her and smiled. She made her way around to the back deck where she came face to face with Monty, who was carrying a large plate of food toward one of the tables.

“Hey Clarke,” he greeted her with a light peck on the cheek. “Good to see you.”  
“You too, Monty.” Clarke smiled. “What do you got there?” She asked, motioning to the tray.  
“Bruschetta,” he smiled. “Want a taste?”  
“Of course.” Clarke smiled and took a small taste. “Mmm. Really good.” She said, giving him a thumbs up.  
“Thanks.”  
“So who's here?” She asked him as he set the tray down.  
“Uh, looks like you three, me, and Jasper right now. Lincoln is about fifteen minutes out.” He told her. “Oh, and Bell. He got here a few minutes ago.”  
“Oh good. I know Octavia’s eager to see the big dope.“ Clarke laughed. “Any word from Lexa and Anya?”  
“Nope. I haven't heard from Lexa since earlier in the week.” He answered. “You don't really think she'd ditch, do you?”  
Clarke shrugged. “I don't know. Her and Finn kind of had a misunderstanding a couple of weeks ago, so I guess anything’s possible.” She hoped that she wouldn't. She had somewhat of a bone to pick with her.  
“Yeah. Jasper and I heard.” Monty nodded and gave her a look. “Not cool, by the way, and I should probably warn you that Bellamy wants to have a word with him about it.”  
“Oh, I hope he doesn’t.” Clarke groaned. She had just fixed this.  
“Might as well face it, Clarke,” Jasper said as he appeared beside them and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her into a half hug. “Bellamy Blake is the quintessential big brother.”

Clarke turned just in time to see Octavia darting across the yard and jumping into Bellamy’s arms. It was a sight that warmed her heart. Bellamy had missed the last three scheduled weekend getaways due to work and Octavia was so excited when she heard that he would be making it to this one. “Yeah, he is,” she smiled.

Raven finally appeared from the side of the house carrying both her and Octavia’s bags. She looked like she was about to complain, but instead only grinned when she caught sight of Octavia and Bellamy.

“Alright Clarke, why don’t you go settle in and get changed.” Monty suggested. “I’m sure that everyone else will be turning up soon.”  
Clarke nodded and went to turn away.  
“Not so fast, Clarke,” Jasper laughed as he held out a mini bottle to her and cocked an eyebrow. “Right of passage.”  
Clarke looked from the bottle to Monty, who simply grinned at her. Taking the bottle, she unscrewed the top and tipped the clear liquid into her mouth. It burned the whole way down, causing her to cough a little. “Monty’s fucking Moonshine,” she shook her head. “Ugh. There is no getting used to that.”  
Monty smiled as Jasper tossed a similar bottle to Raven who swallowed it as though it was water. “Love that shit,” she grinned.

An hour later Lexa and Anya came walking into the yard, each with a bag thrown over their shoulder. The first thing that Lexa noticed was Clarke, who dressed in a black bikini and sitting at the opposite side of the pool talking to Raven. Lexa swallowed hard, her mouth having gone suddenly dry. 

“Here, give me your bag.” Anya told her as she grabbed the shoulder strap if Lexa's bag. “I’ll take them in while you can go say hello.”  
Lexa nodded and handed her bag to her sister.  
“Hey Lex, can I borrow your phone? Mine’s dead.” Lincoln asked as he approached. “Collin’s screwed up the food and now everyone just wants pizza.”  
Lexa nodded as she handed over her phone and he stepped away with it.  
“Too easy.” Anya said.

Lexa turned her head just in time to catch the smirk on her sisters face before she felt the push and was falling backwards into the swimming pool. She screamed just before being submerged in the chilly water, which caused her to inhale a great deal of it. Popping back through to the surface she coughed and gasped as she grabbed the edge of the pool, glaring at Anya. “You asshole,” she said as she lifted herself out of the water, hearing the laughter of everyone around her.

Anya smiled playfully. “Hey squirt, be grateful the voice of reason made me decide to spare your phone first.”  
Lexa looked at her. “The voice of…?” she paused, her shoulders dropping. “Really? Clarke knew?”  
Anya nodded quickly with a satisfied look on her face as Lexa turned to see Clarke getting up with an equally satisfied grin on her face. As she turned back to say something else to her sister she noticed Finn walking up on to the deck, his arms full of groceries and another realization hit her. Spinning quickly on her heels she glared at Lincoln, who smiled sheepishly. “Really? You too?”  
“I was threatened with a very painful death,” he insisted, but chuckled all the same. “At least your phone is safe?”  
“You all suck.” Lexa grumbled as she began unbuttoning her shirt.  
“Aw. Don’t be so grumpy.” Clarke cooed as she finally reached where they were all standing. “You know, you kind of look like a drowned raccoon right now?”  
“Shush,” Lexa mumbled, knowing full well that her mascara was most likely streaking down her face. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”  
Clarke grinned deviously. “Well, that’s what you get for not telling me that you’ve been seeing someone.”  
Lexa’s head shot up. “I’m not. Not really,” she replied as she absentmindedly looked down and kicked off one of her boots. “We’ve only gone out a few times.”  
“Uh huh.” Clarke nodded and with a light push, Lexa found herself back in the pool.

A second later Lexa popped back up and pulled herself partially from the water. She laid her face against to cool concrete and took a few breathes as she watched Clarke walk back towards where Raven was still sitting. It was going to be a long weekend.

“Come on,” Anya laughed as she pulled Lexa to her feet and led her towards the house.  
“Hold up,” Jasper said as he stepped in their path, holding a bottle out to each of them. “You know the rules.”  
Anya drank it down without any argument, but Lexa pouted. “Why is everyone trying to kill me today?”  
“Oh, it won’t kill you.” Monty assured her as he joined them.  
“Might make you go blind,” Jasper joked, “but not kill you.”  
Lexa sighed and glanced back towards Clarke who was now greeting Finn with a kiss. Sometimes it’s better to be blind, she decided and quickly emptied the contents of the bottle into her mouth. “I’m going to go get cleaned up.” She told Anya as she grabbed both of their bags and headed inside.

A little while later Lexa returned to see that some food had already been set out and people had randomly broken off into groups at the different tables in the yard. At one table sat Raven, Anya, Bellamy and Jasper, playing what appeared to be poker. Lincoln, Octavia and Monty were all standing by one of the tables talking about food and Clarke and Finn were curled up on a patio chair doing a bit more than lounging. Lexa’s stomach lurched slightly at the sight. “Get a room,” she mumbled to herself.

“Looks like someone got their thirst back.” Raven said as she appeared beside Lexa and motioned to Clarke.  
Lexa shrugged as she knelt down and retrieved a beer from the cooler. “So, she’s pissed at me, huh?”  
“Eh, I wouldn’t say pissed.” Raven said with a quick shrug. “Slightly annoyed with, perhaps.”  
“Why?” Lexa questioned as she opened her beer.  
Raven laughed. “Come on, everyone knows that Clarke’s ridiculously possessive when it comes to you.”  
“True.” Lexa conceded with a nod.  
“It’s been a crazy couple of weeks.” Raven told her. “She’s probably just jealous. She misses you.”  
“It was just a couple of dinners.” Lexa groaned.  
“You know Clarke.” Raven grinned with a shrug. “Fix it or forget it.”

Several hours later Lexa was sitting at a table playing cards with Jasper and Lincoln when she saw Clarke stumbling towards the house alone. At this point in the night everyone was pretty much stumbling and slurring to some degree. Now this was, perhaps, not the best opportunity to try and talk to her, but it was the first chance that Lexa had seen to catch her alone and make sure that everything was alright between them. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Clarke was standing at the counter, holding on with one hand, while making a drink with the other when Lexa walked in. She watched as she crossed the room and leaned against the opposite counter, cupping her hands in front of her. She sighed. “Is it going to be like this all weekend?”  
“Christ. Like what, Lexa?” Clarke asked without so much as looking up at her. She knew she had been snubbing Lexa all night, but couldn’t really stop herself. Or even express why.  
“Clarke,” Lexa stressed. “What is it?”  
“Look, I just don’t understand, okay?” Clarke slammed the bottle down harder than she’d intended.  
“Understand what?” Lexa questioned bewildered.  
“Why wouldn’t you tell me that you’re seeing someone?” Clarke pouted. “When I started seeing Finn I told you.”  
“You didn’t exactly have to tell me, Clarke.” Lexa suddenly snapped at her. “I heard you – hell, the whole damn house could hear you!”  
Clarke felt like she’d been slapped. Where the hell did that come from? The look on Lexa’s face told her that the words were immediately regretted.  
“Clarke, I…” Lexa started, but was interrupted when Octavia and Bellamy came walking into the room.  
“Everything good?” Bellamy asked as he looked between them. Lexa’s eyes bounced around a little as she stepped forward and poured herself a glass of wine.  
“Yep.” Clarke forced a smile. “Just getting a refill,” she told him as she raised her cup pleasantly, grabbed the bottle from the counter and left the room.

When Clarke rolled over the following morning and opened her eyes, she immediately regretted it. She was sure that the pain in her head was about to spilt her wide open. “Ugh,” she groaned. “I’m never drinking again.”  
“You say that every month.” Finn told her as he curled around her. It was at this moment that she realized they were both naked.  
“I need food,” she mumbled. “What time is it?”  
“I don’t know,” Finn mumbled. “Go back to sleep. They’ll wake us when breakfast is ready.”  
Clarke closed her eyes. Finn was right.

An hour or so later Octavia knocked on their door informing them that breakfast was ready. Finn got right up and slipped into his jeans but Clarke decided that she needed to shower before even attempting to be around anyone. 

As she stood letting the warm water wash over her, her mind went to Lexa and the exchange that had taken place between them the night before. What the hell was that about? Where did it come from? Why were they both being so difficult and rude? The answers were something that she didn’t have, but from the way it had all happened, she was pretty sure that Lexa didn’t have them either. 

When she finally did make her way out on to the deck she poured a glass of juice and glanced at Lexa. She was leaning against the railing, clutching a cup of coffee. She offered her a weak, regretful smile and Clarke returned it.

A few minutes passed before Clarke went and leaned against the railing, shoulder to shoulder, with Lexa. “Hi,” she finally said, her voice soft and warm.  
Lexa sighed. “Hi.”

Suddenly the sound of raised voices came flowing out of the kitchen window peaking everyone’s curiosity. It was Bellamy and Finn. Well, shit.

“It was just Lexa.” Finn scoffed. “Trust me, she can take it.”  
“Are you even hearing yourself right now?” Bellamy was completely offended. “She can take it. Really?”  
“I really don’t know why you’re getting on my case right now, Bell.” Finn said loudly. “She’s tougher than she looks.”  
“That doesn’t make it alright!” Bellamy chided him. “Who the hell are you to put your hands on anyone?”  
“Look, I thought she was messing with my girlfriend…” Finn started to argue.  
“That just speaks to how little you think of Clarke.” Bellamy cut him off.  
“Fuck you, Blake.” Finn scowled.  
“No thanks,” Bellamy crossed his arms. “Bitches like you aren't really up to my standards.”

It happened very fast. Finn took a swing and Bellamy caught it, twisting his arm being his back and slamming his face down onto the island. 

“Seriously?” Bellamy roared.  
“Ugh…shit…” Finn groaned as he tried to squirm out of Bellamy’s grip.  
“I don’t know what the hell is going on with you,” Bellamy snarled, “but so help me, if you try to put your hands on anyone else in this house again...” his voice trailed off.  
“Get of me…” Finn grunted.  
“Bellamy.” Lexa’s voice finally cut through the room and though she didn’t say another word, her point was more than clear.  
Bellamy let go of Finn and took a step back.  
Finn stood upright and rubbed his shoulder as he looked around the room. “Fuck this shit,” he practically whispered, before scooping up his jacket and storming towards the door. He turned to Clarke. “You coming?”


	5. Chapter 5

Clarke was frozen. Why was she frozen? Her voice was failing her. Caught in her throat, like a mouse in a trap. What was happening? This didn't make any sense. She was fully capable of speech. Fully capable of speaking her mind. Where were her words? She knew the answer. Why would her mouth speak it? Her eyes prickled and misted over as her mouth gaped ever slightly. Nothing was coming, so she did the only thing that she could think of and looked at Lexa. The blue hoping, pleading – silently praying that the green would just know what to do.

Fuck. That was all Lexa could think when Clarke looked at her. “Finn,” she began.  
“Lexa, seriously,” Finn glared at her, “back the fuck off.”  
Lexa stepped forward, her hands cupped behind her back as she inhaled deeply. She didn’t speak again, but only stared at Finn. Suddenly Bellamy turned, much in the same fashion and also faced Finn.  
“You know, “ Finn sneered at Lexa, “this is all your fucking fault.”  
Lexa didn’t flinch at his words. In fact, she showed no signs of emotion at all, but she was feeling them. Her fault? Really? What had she done? There was nothing going on between her and Clarke. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Finn.”  
“Seriously?” Finn scoffed. “You really think that I can't see it. That I don't know?”

Clarke's brow furrowed. What the hell was he talking about?

“You really need to stop, Finn.” Raven spoke up harshly.  
“Yeah, you're acting like a total ass,” Octavia added.   
“”Me?” Finn’s eyes widened.  
“Yes, you.” Octavia responded. “There's nothing going on between Clarke and Lexa.”

Everyone knew that Clarke and Lexa had a history, but they also knew that Clarke and Lexa never cheated on their significant others. It just wasn't who they were. Had they messed around over the years? Sure. But, they'd never dated. Hell, they’d never even discussed dating.

“And really, if there was,” Anya's voice joined the argument. “Do you really think you'd stand a chance?”

Everyone turned to see that Anya had a appeared next to Lexa, her arms folded across her chest and a very arrogant look on her face. Lexa clenched her jaw as she slowly turned and looked at her sister. Not helping.

Finn looked like he was about to explode, but before he got the chance, another voice cut through the room. Monty’s.

“Okay guys, that’s enough.” He told them all. “We’re all hung over and edgy and this needs to stop before it passes the point of no return.”

Clarke looked absolutely mortified as she stormed forward, grabbing Finn’s wrist and dragging him back up to their room. Raven and Octavia exchanged a look and turned to Lexa. Hell no. Not this time. Lexa was not getting involved. She grabbed a bottle of water and walked back out onto the deck. 

Just like the previous argument with Finn, she knew that she hadn’t been doing anything wrong. But again, she suddenly felt guilty. Was Clarke’s friendship with her really putting that much of a strain on her relationship with Finn? It had been a couple of years since anything had happened between her and Clarke. Why was it becoming an issue now? 

Hearing slow approaching footsteps, Lexa didn’t have to turn to know who was coming up behind her.

“Was that really necessary, Anya?” Lexa asked turning around.  
“Yes.” Anya replied as she sat down at the table and poured herself a glass of juice.  
Lexa rolled her eyes, but remained silent.  
“Listen Lex,” Anya turned to face her. “Here's the thing; you are, well, you and Finn is, well, Finn. Anyone would choose you over Finn.”  
“I know I would,” Octavia admitted as she sat down next to Anya.  
Raven walked over and stood next to Lexa. “I would too,” she nodded. “Your remarkably defined body aside, you have way more to offer than Finn ever will.”  
“I’m not offering anything. That’s the point!” Lexa insisted loudly. “Clarke and I – it’s not like that. It’s never been like that!”  
“Lexa, we know that.” Octavia assured her. “But sometimes, the way Clarke looks at you, or clings to you…”  
“Or gets jealous when you take another girl to dinner.” Raven offered matter-of-factly. “Speaking of, what’s her name, anyway?”  
“Costia.” Lexa answered. “But, it’s not a big deal. We’ve only had dinner a few times.”  
“Is she nice?” Octavia asked curiously.  
“Yes,” Lexa nodded, “she’s nice.”  
“Do you think it could go somewhere?” Raven questioned as she went and sat down next to Anya.  
Lexa shrugged. She hadn’t really given it too much thought. “I don’t know,” she answered softly. “I mean, I wouldn’t necessarily mind it if it went somewhere. I really enjoy spending time with her.”

Anya smiled. She had met Costia earlier in the week. She liked her.

For the next hour or more Finn and Clarke remained in their room, screaming at each other most of the time. Because Finn had been the last one to arrive, his a car was blocking the driveway, so no one could leave, and no one dared interrupt them and ask for it to be moved. So they waited, choosing to remain on the deck, as it was way too uncomfortable being anywhere in the house. When they finally emerged, Finn went directly to his car without speaking to anyone, but Clarke came out on the deck to let everyone know that she was leaving with Finn.

“Are you sure?” Octavia questioned her.  
“You’ve got to be kidding.” Raven scoffed.

Clarke gave Lexa an assuring look. “I’ll call you,” she said, keeping an unusual distance, “or something.”  
Lexa furrowed her brow. This was weird. All she could do was nod.

But, Clarke didn’t call that night. In fact, three nights would pass before Clarke finally tried to contact Lexa. Luckily, Lexa was sitting at her computer when the Skype call came through.

“Hey you,” Lexa smiled when she saw her.  
“Hi,” Clarke responded, but her smile was less than halfhearted. “I was wondering if we could talk – alone?”  
Lexa swallowed hard. “Anya’s not here right now, so,” she motioned at her surroundings.  
Clake simply nodded.  
“How are you?” Lexa asked her as she took a sip of her wine.  
Clarke bit her lip, but didn’t say anything.  
Lexa could see that there was something on her mind, but whatever it was, Clarke seemed to be struggling with the words. “Is everything alright?” She finally asked.  
“Lexa,” Clarke sighed. “Listen, I…I need some space.”  
Lexa automatically sat back.  
“No, that’s not what I mean,” Clarke told her, but couldn’t suppress a small smile at the adorable gesture. “I mean, from you.”  
“Wait, what? Me?” Lexa’s eyes went wide. “Why?” That, she did not see coming.  
“Finn and I talked, a lot actually and we decided that if we want to try and make this work, we need to spend more time together and less time with our friends.”

Fuck. Lexa wished that she could pretend that she didn’t know what this was, but she couldn't. Her heart sank, but she wasn’t going to let Clarke see it. “So then, Octavia and Raven will be getting similar calls tonight?” She quickly questioned.  
Clarke’s mouth opened, but nothing came out. She shook her head.

Lexa swallowed hard, her shoulders dropping. “How about you just tell me the truth?”  
Clarke’s eyes flinched lightly. “You’re kind of a hindrance on us working things out.”  
Lexa opened her mouth to object, but all that came out was a defeated sigh.  
“But that doesn’t mean that we can’t still see each other, except maybe just, less.” Clarke offered quickly. “We can still have lunches? We’ll invite Octavia and Raven too.”  
“Let me guess,” Lexa said as she averted her eyes from the screen. Her heart did something funny, causing her to inhale deeply. “He doesn’t want you to be alone with me?”  
“Lexa,” Clarke released a doleful sigh. “I mean, can you really blame him?”  
Lexa felt her entire demeanor change as she turned and stared at Clarke. There was no hiding the emotion she was feeling now. “Excuse me?”  
Clarke cleared her throat. “He just thinks…”  
“I don’t care what he thinks, Clarke.” Lexa said, her voice instantly somber.  
“What about me, then?” Clarke tried. “Don’t you care what I think?”  
“Not right now, I don’t.” Lexa replied, her voice was soft, but not warm.

Clarke was choosing Finn over her. She said that she wouldn’t do that. She had told her that she’d always choose her. What had changed in just a few weeks?

“Lexa, come on,” Clarke shrugged lightly. “Everyone sees the way…”  
“Don’t you dare finish that fucking sentence, Clarke.” Lexa warned her harshly. What the hell was going on?  
Clark swallowed hard, her blue eyes lacking their normal sparkle.   
“I get it, okay?” Lexa said as she reached for the mouse. “I have to go now.”  
“Lexa…” Clarke began, but Lexa hit the End button.

When she finally released the breath, that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding, a rush of tears, that she wasn't prepared for, came with it. Lexa never cried, but she couldn't help it. She sat back in her chair, trying to catch her breath as tears just spilled from her eyes. Clarke didn’t want to be around her? It was like the world was spinning. Clarke, her best friend? How the hell was this happening? Her hands shook as she raised them to her mouth, trying to stifle the sounds that kept escaping it? No one had ever been able to come between them like this, not ever. Leaning forward onto the table, she closed her eyes and continued to cry. Her chest was aching as though it was being split apart. Was her heart physically breaking?

Suddenly arms surrounded her from behind, pulling her close. “Lexa?” Anya’s voice filled her ears. “Hey. What is it?”  
Lexa turned her head slightly and looked up at her sister. Her face was tensed up and her wet eyes were pleading, but for what Anya didn’t know. “What did I do wrong?” Lexa finally asked, as tears filled her eyes once more. “What did I do?”

Anya didn’t know what to say – she didn’t know what was going on, but she’d never seen Lexa so distraught. In that moment, there was just one thing that Anya knew for sure. There was only one person who could have possibly had this kind of an effect on Lexa.

Clarke.


	6. Chapter 6

Anya: What the hell did you do, Clarke?

Clarke didn’t answer. She was sitting on her couch, her head in her hands. Her eye were red and swollen, her chest heaving. As tears ran down her cheeks she gripped her hair tightly and muffled a scream. The look on Lexa’s face and the heartbreaking tone of her voice had cut through her like a knife. Clarke thought that she had been prepared, but she was far from right. 

She and Lexa would still see each other, just not as much, right? It would be fine. They’d still talk and text, email and Skype. It would be fine. 

She wasn't choosing one over the other. No. That's not what this was. She was simply taking a step back in an attempt to focus more on Finn. After over a year together, she owed him that much. Didn't she?

As Clake and Finn argued and talked, screamed and cried, she learned things. Things she never thought about or considered. Even Finn came to realize and understand things more. 

In the beginning, things with Finn had been good, really good, for awhile actually, and then things slowly starrted to change. He became emotionally distant and would disappear for days on end without a word or even reason. He’d say that he was working or hanging with the guys and after awhile it just became normal. What Clarke had never considered was that there was a reason. A real reason, and one that to him, was actually painful.

It was Lexa.

From Finn’s perspective, Lexa was golden. She could do no wrong. No matter what she faced, personal or business, she came out on top. Somehow, she always made it work, she’d always found a way and amazingly, even when people were disappointed, they still loved her. 

He didn't miss the comments and jokes that were made by their friends, comparing the two of them and stating that there was no competition. In the beginning the comments didn't bother him, but after awhile they started to sink in. 

Things had never come easy for Finn, and though Lexa had been made to walk a rougher path, she had been afforded more opportunities through her uncle’s connections and her own raw talent. Didn't it matter how hard Finn had worked or tried, or even cared? It never seemed to. Nothing had been good enough. The comments and jokes still flowed like wine and all Finn could do was crack a smile and go with the flow.

But the reality is, you can only hear comments like that so many times before you actually start to believe them and eventually he did. So he just stopped trying. He did his thing and he let Clarke do hers, figuring that they’d would either make it or they wouldn't. 

He loved Lexa, he did, but he had also comes to resent her, though no real fault of her own.

When Clarke finally let all of this sink in she felt awful. Was it fair, really? To be in a relationship, but constantly be told that you’ll never be good enough – that you'll never measure up? And even worse, not to be compared to a former lover, but to your girlfriends best friend. 

Because Clarke had always taken the comments as jokes, she never considered how they might have been affecting Finn and she had never, not even once, said anything to assure him that they were, in fact, untrue. How different would things be if she had? How different would he be?

Would it even have been an issue if Clarke and Lexa’a history wasn't what it was? If they had never slept together, would anyone be comparing the two? No one compared Finn to Octavia, so why Lexa?

Finn deserved a chance to just be Finn, without the pressure of measuring up to Lexa. Didn't he?

The following day as she was leaving her gallery job to rush to her diner job things only got worse.

“Clarke Griffin,” Anya's voice echoed down the street as she stormed towards Clarke.

Clarke swallowed hard. She had been dreading this. While she adored both of the sisters, Lexa really was the sweeter of the two. “Anya, listen…” 

CRACK!

Light exploded in Clarke's vision as Anya's fist collided with her left cheekbone. “Anya!” she gasped as her had went to her face.  
“What the hell is wrong with you? After everything, you’re just going to cast Lexa aside for fuck-boy Finn?”  
“Anya..”  
“Don’t bother, Clarke. There is nothing you can say that makes what I came home to last night okay.” Anya cut her off. “You have the nerve to tell her that she’s the reason you and Finn have problems? Are you fucking kidding me? YOU and FINN are the reason you have problems!”  
Clarke stood thunderstruck. She'd never seen Anya so angry.  
“You know, everyone knows that you can only function for so long without my sister,” Anya raged on. “You really think that your saving your relationship? What do you think is going to happen when you finally crash?”  
“Anya, I don't..I didn’t,” Clarke stuttered. "That's not..."  
“Lexa never would have done that to you,” Anya cut her off again, her voice was thick with disgust. “Not for anyone.”

When Anya walked away Clarke just stood there. Her faced tensed up as tears threatened to spill from her eyes once more. She had to get to work. She couldn't fall apart here. 

Finally reaching the diner, Clarke made her way into the bathroom and quickly changed. Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror she sighed. Shit. That was going to leave a mark. She shouldn’t have been surprised that Anya had hit her, but still on a level, she was. She exited the bathroom and made her way into the back where she quickly fashioned an icepack and then went out front to get some coffee.

“Geez Clarke, who took a piece of you?” Raven said from the counter where she was sitting with Jasper.  
“Raven? Jasper?” Clarke hadn’t expected to see them. “What are you guys doing her?”  
“Lunch, before I fly out.” Jasper answered. “So, what happened?”  
Clarke swallowed. “Anya,” she said motioning to her cheek.  
“Anya?!” Raven was shocked, her eyes narrowing in curiosity. It would take something pretty extreme for Anya to actually hit Clarke. “Why would Anya hit you?”  
Clarke shook her head. “It’s a long story.”  
Raven turned and glanced at the clock. “Your shift doesn’t start for another ten,” she told her. “Spill.”

Clarke sighed and proceeded to give them a very abridged version of what had happened, trying her best to stress all the point that she believed were relevant in her decision.  
Amazingly enough, Raven remained silent for the entire explanation, and even at the end, said nothing.

“Hang on,” Jasper said quietly, his face twisted up in confusion, “so, because Finn was unintentionally hurt, you intentionally hurt Lexa?”  
Clarke blinked and looked at him. She hadn’t expected that. It frustrated her. “Like you’ve never hurt anyone, Jasper,” she said defensively.  
Jasper’s face dropped, he looked offended. “I’ve never intentionally hurt anyone. I might be a fuck up, but it’s never been on purpose.” He stood up and turned to Raven. “I’m not hungry anymore. I’ll meet you back at your place,” he said and walked out. 

Clarke looked at Raven, her face stern. “Are you going to bite my head off too?”  
Raven glanced at the clock. The ten minutes were up. “I’ll take a coffee, please,” she said.  
Clarke stared at her for a second and then turned to retrieve the cup of coffee. Placing it in front of Raven, she sighed. “Is that all?”  
Raven looked up, with something of disappointment showing in her face. “You know I support you, Clarke – always, but I can understand Anya’s anger.”

As word of what happened spread, several conversations were had within the group and the only two people who didn’t take a neutral position were Anya and Jasper. 

It was the third Wednesday of the month when Clarke found herself out to lunch with Octavia and Raven. It had been just over two weeks since she and Lexa had last spoke and she wasn’t surprised that Lexa had made no attempt to contact her. Though so many times she’d picked up her phone wanting to tell Lexa something, only to realize a second later that she had been the one who requested the space. 

She sighed as her mind went to Finn. Things had been better, but only slightly. With the way things had been for so long, they had basically had their own time mapped out to their own needs and now that they were trying to spend more time together, this was proving problematic. 

Suddenly her eyes fell on a local events pamphlet and a bell went off in her head. She picked up the pamphlet and began flipping through the pages.

Octavia and Raven were chatting over their salads when Clarke briskly returned to the table. “Who the hell is Costia?” She questioned, sitting down with a thump.  
“Lexa’s new girl,” Raven answered offhandedly, without looking at her or realizing the annoyed tone in her voice.  
Clarke’s eyes went wide. “Raven, give me your phone,” she demanded quickly and held out her hand.  
“You have your own phone.” Raven pointed out. “Why do you need mine?”  
“Because Lexa’s not going to answer if it’s me calling,” Clarke explained, “and I want to know how long she’s known that this Costia is the one who filled my time slot.”  
Octavia’s jaw slacked a bit as Raven’s eyebrows went up. “Clarke,” Raven began.  
“Please,” Clarke said simply.

Clarke was so focused on Raven that she didn’t see Octavia take out her own phone and fire off a quick text.

Octavia: Incoming.  
Lexa: The hell?

When Raven finally handed over her phone Clarke immediately went to the recent list and hit Lexa’s name. To her surprise, it opened a video chat screen and began dialing Lexa, who after a moment answered. There she was, with her chestnut curls wildly untamed and a pair of glasses on the tip of her nose. Her focus seemed to be elsewhere and the distant clicking told Clarke she was typing, probably working on an article. A pang of emotion went off deep in Clarke chest.

“What’s up, Raven?” Lexa finally said, without looking at the screen. “I’m a little busy right now.”  
“Hello Lexa,” Clarke replied in an even tone.  
The typing stopped instantly and Lexa’s jaw went tight, her eyes slowly dragged over toward the screen. “Clarke,” she said quietly. “What do you want?”  
“I want to know how long you’ve known that it was your girlfriend took my time slot,” Clarke answered rather harshly.  
Lexa didn’t react to the word girlfriend or the accusation of how Clarke’s spot had been taken. “Not long,” Lexa told her, and resumed her typing, “but, thank you for reminding me. I’d hate to miss it.”  
Clarke was stung by Lexa’s nonchalant response. “Is this your way of getting back at me?”  
“No Clarke,” Lexa sighed without looking at the screen. “Costia had your spot before you stopped speaking to me.”  
“I didn’t stop speaking to you Lexa.” Clarke insisted.  
Lexa paused and looked blankly at the screen, but she didn’t say anything and after a few seconds went back to typing.  
“Do you think you can stop that for a moment?” Clarke lightly snapped. “It’s kind of rude.”  
“Actually, I can’t. I have a deadline.” Lexa told her. “Give my best to Finn,” she added and the screen went black.

Two nights later Costia performed at Grouders. Clarke refused to go. 

 

Saturday morning Clarke’s phone began buzzing with excitement.

 

*******New Event Created********

Reyes: Who’s ready for a relaxing weekend at the lovely, albeit, cramped Casa de Rae???  
Jasper: Relaxing? Stop lying. Though the cramped part it true…I’m in.  
BabyBlake: Me too. I’ll bring food!  
Reyes: Good. Food makes me happy.  
Princess: Finn and I are in.  
Reyes: Gross. Not so happy.  
Princess: Oh, shut up.  
BabyBlake: Ha. I love you, Rae.

Clarke wondered for a moment if Lexa would be there, but then had another thought.

Princess: Dibs on the spare bed!  
JasperJ: Damn it!  
BabyBlake: Shit. Now I’m not happy either.  
Princess: :)  
Linc: I’ll be there.

Clarke sighed. Ok. Lincoln was coming and he’d always been close to Lexa, so this was a good sign.

MontyG: Lincoln, can I ride with you?  
Linc: Of course.  
MontyG: Sweet. In.  
Reyes: Jasper, beer?  
Reyes: JASPER!!!  
JasperJ: Got it. RoP?  
Reyes: Hmmm. Cuervo.

Clarke groaned. Of course Raven would chose tequila for the Right of Passage.

BabyBlake:Nice!  
JasperJ: No problem.  
Princess: I hate you.  
Collins: You just hate what tequila turns you into. ;)  
Princess: Shut up, Finn!  
Reyes: hahahaha  
Reyes: Ok, so O’s on food. Jasper on booze. Anything else?  
Reyes: Hang on…  
Reyes: Anya! Commander! What say you?

Clarke held her breath.

A: No.  
Commander: I have plans already.  
Reyes: Seriously???  
Linc: Come on…  
BabyBlake: Boo.  
MontyG :(

Clarke and Finn were the only ones to not respond to this news. She had really been hoping that they would be there. Clarke sat staring at her phone with a prominent pout, but then suddenly, something in her stomach started to bubble.

Princess: What a crock of shit!  
BabyBlake: CLARKE!!  
Princess: What? It is!  
Reyes: Clarke, stop!  
Collins: They don’t want to come – leave it alone.  
Princess: Fuck off, Finn.  
A: Aw, trouble in paradise already?  
Commander: Anya, don’t.  
Princess: Fuck you, Anya.  
A: Don’t make my hit you, again.  
Commander: Again?  
Reyes: Uh oh…  
A: Tell me Clarke, why would Lexa want to be anywhere near you?  
Commander: Stop it.  
Princess: Shut up!  
A: Or Finn for that matter.  
Commander: Anya – enough!  
A: I thought you needed space?  
Princess: Go to hell!  
A: Hahaha.  
Commander: Fuck. Raven!!!

Suddenly the conversation went blank. Raven had terminated the chat session


	7. Chapter 7

“Anya!” Lexa yelled as she stormed through the front door, slamming it behind her.  
“Hello to you too,” Anya replied as she looked up from her computer.  
“What the hell was that?” Lexa snapped, dropping her gym bag next to the fridge.  
“I thought you had a client?” Anya sidestepped.  
“My client was Octavia,” Lexa glared at her. “Needless to say she canceled.”  
Anya shook her head knowingly. ”Let me guess, to go check on Clarke?”  
Lexa took a deep breath.  
“She had it coming.” Anya said matter-of-factly.  
“I told you to stop.” Lexa said as she sat down and untied her sneakers.  
“I’m the boss of you, not the other way around.” Anya replied as she closed her computer.  
“Pfft.” Lexa shook her head quickly.  
Anya laughed. “So tell me, how are you doing?”  
“I'm fine.” Lexa answer quickly.  
“Lex, the walls are thin.” Anya’s brow furrowed. “I can hear you.”

Lexa sighed. She knew all too well how thin the walls were. The sounds of a long ago night, shared between Anya and Raven still burned bright in her memory. She shuddered. 

“You miss her.” Anya stated simply.  
“Of course I do,” Lexa answered honestly. “We were the constant in each other's lives for so long, it's hard not to miss her.”  
Anya got up and went to the fridge. “Are you even angry?”  
“Of course I'm angry.” Lexa answered without hesitation.  
Anya pulled some food from the fridge and placed it on the table. “You need to eat,” she told her.  
“Hungry,” Lexa shook her head, “that, I am not.”  
Anya pushed the fruit bowl toward her, knowing that if she would eat anything, it would be that. “Eat something or so help me, I’ll shove it down your throat myself," she told her as she leaned back against the counter.  
Lexa stood up and grabbed an apple.

“I still just can't believe that she'd let Finn convince her to do this.” Anya said quietly.  
Lexa’s mouth twitched as she shook her head slightly. “Finn didn't do this.”  
“You can't know that.” Anya said with a definite tone.  
“Clarke makes her own decisions,” Lexa nodded.  
“I've seen you answer questions for her.” Anya laughed quickly.  
“Never without already knowing the answer.” Lexa said sternly.  
“Telepathy? Anya suggested wth a smirk.  
“Shut up,” Lexa nudged her. “I don’t know how to explain it. I just know Clarke.”  
Anya shook her head. These two dummies. 

There had always been something there, for as long as anyone could really remember. Just as Anya had pointed out that Clarke needed Lexa, Lexa also needed Clarke. The affect these two had on each other was irrefutable. It had only been a month and Anya could already see it. Lexa moved through her day taking care of whatever she needed to, nothing along those lines suffered. But, Anya could tell by looking at her that she wasn't sleeping, the bags and redness around her eyes spoke volumes. Not that they needed to, Anya could hear her up all hours of the night. Her weight was another thing. Apples had become Lexa’s go-to food, Anya couldn’t even remember the last time she'd seen her eat a decent meal. 

“Do you actually have plans next weekend or did you just not want to go without me?”  
“I have a date," Lexa assured her. “Why aren't you going?”  
Anya shrugged and a silence suddenly fell between them. 

“You hit her.” Lexa said, her tone now harder.  
Anya redirected her eyes to meet Lexa’s and nodded. “It was the day after. It wasn't what I meant to do. I was angry and when I saw her...” Anya tried to explain, but she didn't really understand it herself. The moment she'd hit Clarke she wanted to take it back, but she was just so infuriated that all she could do was scream at her.  
Lexa took a deep breath. “You owe her an apology.”  
Anya nodded and looked at the floor.  
“Anya?”  
Anya slowly looked back up at her. 

CRACK!

Anya's head snapped back as Lexa's fist ironically caught in the same place that she had hit Clarke. She didn't swing back. The two stared at each other for a moment, Lexa's eyes were burning. There was no need for words.

Finally, Lexa swallowed her anger and turned to walk away.  
“I know that you’re not as fine as you’re claiming, alright?” Anya said harshly. “Do you really think that I can’t see it just by looking at you? You need to stop.”  
Lexa’s eyes fluttered slightly as her face expressed pain for a mere flash. “I can’t,” she said in barely a whisper.  
“What you can’t do is get lost inside your head.” Anya told her. “You’re going to drive yourself mad.”  
“It hurts,” Lexa said softly, before turning and going to her room.

She sat on her bed, leaning back against the headboard as she closed her eyes. It was so hard. Everything inside her was tight and tense. Her mind was pleading for a release that just wasn’t coming. She could physically feel the bundle of emotions she was carrying as though she were wearing a necklace that was far too heavy. How long before she would break beneath the weight of it? 

She unlocked her phone and clicked open her photo album. Dozens of pictures filled the screen. Not just pictures of Clarke, but pictures of all of them. The pictures both warmed and broke her heart, but she couldn’t stop looking at them. Her eyes filled with tears. She did miss Clarke. It was true, she was angry and hurt, but all of that melted away when she thought of her or looked at her picture. In those moments all she wanted to do was be around her and talk to her, to see her smiling and hear her laugh. 

It was Saturday and all Lexa wanted was to be spending a lazy day with Clarke, lounging around in comfortable clothes as they shared some take out and binged on their favorite television shows. It was the stupidest thing to wish for, but what she wouldn’t give for it. Instead, here she was, sitting in her room, unable to stop her mind from analyzing just about everything.

She thought about Finn and the way that he’d said it was her fault. What had she done? She might have had her doubts about Finn and Clarke relationship, but she had always been outwardly supportive of them. Why was he so angry with her? She wondered what it was that he claimed to know. Had she crossed some line without even realizing it? Had she done something that made Clarke uncomfortable? She tried to think back to any moment where things might have been taken the wrong way, but couldn’t find anything that stuck out.

With Clarke, everything had always been comfortable and easy. They had always had that with each other. Comfort and ease, with absolute acceptance. But now, she was just caught in a world of self-doubt.

Even her thoughts of Costia didn’t go unaffected. With everything she was feeling right now, was it really right to be even attempt the lightest of relationships with someone? Should she back off? Cancel the date? Costia was definitely the one being more aggressive, but maybe now wasn't the right time.

Costia: I'm really looking forward to next Saturday.

Lexa stared at her phone, feeling the slightest hint of relief.

Lexa: Me too.

The next morning Lexa woke up to a series of messages. She knew instantly that she was in double trouble hell.

Raven: Morning!  
Raven: Have breakfast with me and O??  
O: Lunch?  
Raven: Dinner???  
Raven: LEXA!  
Raven: I thought she was an early riser??  
O: She is.  
O: Maybe she's ignoring you.  
O: You can be annoying sometimes.  
Raven: Excellent point.  
Raven: C  
Raven: O  
Raven: M  
Raven: M  
Raven: A  
Raven: N  
Lexa: SHUT UP, RAVEN!  
O: That worked.  
Raven: Of course it did.  
Raven: Come to breakfast!  
Lexa: No.  
Raven: Why???  
Lexa: Because, I'm sleeping.  
Raven: Uh, not anymore!  
Lexa: Because, you suck!  
O: Come on, Lexa!  
Raven: I'll buy?  
Lexa: I want coffee.  
Raven: You really make it too easy sometimes…  
O: Yes!

Octavia was the first to reach the restaurant so she sat alone in a booth and stared out the window. Though she and Raven had both seen and talked to Lexa since all of this started, neither of them had really pushed her much about what happened with Clarke. However, between Lexa’s comments during the video chat about how Clarke stopped speaking to her and the comments made by Anya during the chat session, something was off. They didn't seem like two friends who were just spending less time together, they barely seemed like friends at all.

“Morning,” Lexa said as she slid into the booth.  
“Good morning,” Octavia replied brightly as she tucked a strand of her long dark hair behind her ear.  
“Where's Raven?” Lexa yawned.  
“Not a clue.” Octavia shrugged.  
Lexa shifted in her seat. “So, you want to tell me what this is about?”  
Octavia smiled. "Food," she answered simply.

Suddenly Raven came through the door sporting her usual red leather jacket. Her dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail and a pair of aviator sunglasses rested on the tip of her nose. “Good morning, my minions.”  
“Morning!” Octavia chirped.  
“You are far too awake.” Lexa told her grumpily. “What time did you get up?”  
“Never went to sleep.” Raven answered as she slipped into the booth, next to Octavia.

They bantered and chatted over the next hour, with Octavia and Raven not necessarily touching on the topic of Clarke, but throwing very subtle and precise comments into the air as they tried to figure out if they could put this puzzle together.

“Can I see your phone?” Raven finally asked as she held out her hand.  
Lexa’s brow furrowed. “No.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because, you’re a demon,” Lexa answered with the slightest of smirks as she tipped her mug toward Raven, “and I don’t trust you.”  
“I’m not going to do anything, I promise.” Raven insisted. “I just want to see something.”  
“You are a bit of a demon,” Octavia concurred.  
“And you're just as bad.” Lexa said as she pointed to Octavia.  
Octavia gasped, “I am not,” she said, placing her hand on her chest as Raven broke out in laughter.

Lexa finally relented and handed her phone over to Raven who instantly opened up her recent calls. “Lex, you know you have like forty missed calls from Clarke?”  
Lexa nodded. “I know. They’re from the first couple of days after we stopped speaking,” she explained. "She sent a few texts too, asking me to pick up or to call her back.”  
“And did you?” Octavia asked.  
Lexa shook head. “My phone was off for a few days,” she shrugged. “It seemed pretty pointless after the fact.”  
“Was it also pointless to listen to the voicemails?” Raven pointed to the screen.  
Lexa swallowed. “Look, I knew if it was something real serious, someone would have gotten ahold of Anya and I.”

Raven and Octavia exchanged a look.

“Maybe you should listen to them?” Octavia offered.  
Lexa shook her head.  
“Why not?” Raven asked. “Are you afraid?”  
Lexa looked up, her eyes showing something between annoyance and sadness. “Of course not.”  
“Then do it.” Raven challenged, raising her eyebrow with a smirk.

Lexa clenched her jaw and swallowed hard. Her eyes narrowed as she reached forward and retrieved her phone from Raven. She wasn’t really afraid of what the messages would say, she was actually afraid of what hearing Clarke’s voice would do to her. Clicking on the first message, she held the phone to her ear.

– Hey Lex. I need to talk to you. Call me back?

Lexa clicked the next message.

– Please call me. I think things got fucked up. I need to explain.

Explain what? Lexa clicked the next message.

– Please Lex. Please, answer the phone. Or call me back? Text me – anything.

Next.

– I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say. Or maybe I said It wrong? I know I say stupid things when I’m flustered. Please call me. Please?

It was true. Clarke could easily become shit with words when she was nervous.

– Anya said that I cast you aside for Finn. Is that what you really think? Call me, okay?

What the hell was she supposed to think?

– Jasper said that I intentionally hurt you. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I’d never want to hurt you. Please, just let me try to explain. This isn’t how I thought it was going to be. I just thought us not hanging out quite as much would ease some of the tension. I didn’t think we’d end up not speaking at all. That’s not what I want. I’d never want that.

Lexa pouted lightly. Clarke was crying, she sounded heartbroken.

– Damn it Lexa, answer the phone!” It’s been days. Stop being stubborn and talk to me! You know I’d never choose anyone over you. That wasn’t what I meant!

Oh. Angry Clarke.

Raven and Octavia just watched as Lexa clicked from one message to the next as her face transformed through a series of emotions. They couldn’t hear what the messages said, but could tell that whatever was being said, was not what Lexa had expected.

Lexa set the phone down. 

Was it possible that she had misunderstood what Clarke was actually saying? From the day they had met, there was only one thing that they were both instantly convinced of, neither of them ever wanted to not know that other again. Could the need she’d always felt to have Clarke in her life have caused her to just jump to the worst possible conclusion?

“Not what you were expecting?” Raven’s voice cut into her thoughts.  
Lexa looked up at her friends. All she could do was shake her head.

The next week passed quickly and when Saturday came Lexa decided to convert her dinner with Costia into drinks and really, everything went great. By the time she returned home she somehow felt lighter. It was already late, but she decided to work on an article that was due on Monday. 

Hours later she woke up with her head on the desk. Oddly enough, she felt good, really good. It was the best sleep that she had gotten in weeks. She looked at the clock, it was just after nine in the morning. 

She picked up her phone and dialed Clarke's number. It went to voicemail. 

– Hey. We should talk. I’ll be waiting for your call.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been two and a half weeks since their night at Casa de Rae, which made it a month and a half since all of this had started, and things had only gotten worse since then. Their night at Raven’s had been awkward, but for the most part fairly pleasant, until Jasper and Clarke got into a screaming match in the kitchen that ended with Jasper teling her that she needed to stop being a self absorbed bitch, swallow her pride and apologize to Lexa. Octavia, being the little shit she is, actually chimed in and agreed.

Clarke was spiraling. 

Why couldn't anyone understand that she had tried to make things right? She had called her dozens of times, texted her and even had tried to catch her at work a handful of times. Lexa obviously didn't want to talk her. Octavia was present for the video call, did she not hear the disdain in Lexa’s voice? 

Lexa lived a half an hour away and Clarke didn't have a car anymore. Sure, if she really needed to get somewhere that she couldn't walk to, she could get a ride from someone, but how do you ask someone drive you around until you find your best friend because you need to talk to her and she won't pick up the damn phone? All of them had busy lives, that was why they had kept up with their one weekend a month together to begin with. She couldn't ask any of them. She wouldn't. And why should she? She had already tried to bridge the gap, Lexa clearly wasn't interested.

Jasper was right about one thing though, her pride was becoming somewhat of an issue. It was like a constant game of tug of war between her heart and her head. She missed Lexa, she missed her so much, that it was like she couldn't breathe, but she’d tried. She'd tried, damn it and Lexa just wouldn't hear it. What was she supposed to do? Crawl into Trikru and beg on her hands and knees between the the squat station and the leg machine? No. Hell no. Not happening.

“Ugh,” Clarke groaned in frustration as she chucked her sketch pad across the room.  
“You okay over there?” Octavia asked from the couch.  
“I'm fine,” Clarke sighed as she rubbed her temples. Her head was throbbing something fierce.  
“You’re not,” Octavia told her, “not really.”  
Clarke looked up at her. “You really agree with Jasper?”  
“You know I do,” Octavia nodded. “Hell, I’m pretty sure that we all do.”  
“What am I supposed to do?” Clarke scoffed. “I tried.”  
“Try harder,” Octavia answered.  
Clarke shook her head.  
“Look, I don't know what's really been said between the two of you, but it’s been over a month and it's getting ridiculous.” Octavia sounded annoyed as she got up and went to the fridge. “Obviously whatever you were trying to do isn’t working because not too much has changed between you and Finn and now everything is shit between you and Lexa. So, try harder. You say it’s all fucked up, well, fucking fix it already.” 

Octavia knew that Lexa had only heard Clarke’s messages a few weeks ago, but she wasn't about to tell Clarke that. She was actually slightly surprised that Lexa didn't reach out. She itched to know what the messages said. Was there something in them that actually made it worse?

“You've seen her,” Clarke finally said. “How is she?”.  
“Nope,” Octavia shook her head. “Not discussing Lexa with you. Not like that. You want to know how Lexa is, you go find out.”  
Clarke pouted and crossed her arms.

That night Clarke had plans with Finn. The two of them were having dinner together at Polis, one of her favorite restaurants. As they stood waiting to be seated Clarke glanced around and her breath caught in her chest. Lexa was there. She was standing at the bar talking to a man that Clarke could only see from behind. She looked a little different, but no less incredible. 

Suddenly a woman appeared at Lexa’s side. She was tall and tan, her curly dark hair stopped right at her shoulders. She was beautiful, too beautiful. A lump developed in Clarke's throat as the woman looped her arm with Lexa's and kissed her on the cheek. Costia? Lexa gestured between the two, clearly making introductions and the man turned more.

What the fuck?

It was Kane. Clarke’s boss. What the hell was Lexa doing with her boss? And why the fuck was she introducing him to Costia?

Before Clarke even knew what was happening her feet were carrying her forward.

“Clarke,” Kane said pleasantly when he saw her approaching.  
“Hi. Sorry,” Clarke said quickly. “I just need to borrow Lexa for a moment,” she told them as she took ahold of Lexa's wrist.  
“Now’s not really a good time, Clarke.” Lexa shook her head.  
“Just for a moment.” Clarke insisted as she pulled Lexa out of Costia’s grip and off around the corner, out of earshot.

“What the fuck, Lexa?” She said quickly as she let go of Lexa's wrist. Ok. That came out way harsher than she'd intended.  
“What?” Lexa asked defensively.  
“What the hell are you doing with my boss? Is that Costia? Why are you introducing her to Kane?” Clarke rambled, her voice was softer, but her tone, still hard. “Wait. Shit. Tell me that you are not trying to get her into the same gallery as me?” Clarke's mind was on auto drive. First her time slot and now this?  
Lexa just stared at her. “I don't have time for this, Clarke.” She said as she started to walk away.  
Clarke grabbed her arm to stop her, but immediately let go when Lexa turned to face her. Her eyes were furious and her jaw clenched. She took a step forward, making Clarke take a step back. “You have a lot of nerve,” she said quietly.

Clarke watched as Lexa turned and walked away. What the fuck? 

After dinner Clarke and Finn went back to her place, where she furiously began pacing around and cleaning.

“Is everything all right?” Finn questioned her. “You've kind of been off all night.”  
“Yeah, well you'd be off too, if your best friend was trying to screw you.” She snapped as she wiped down the counter.  
Finn's eyes went wide. “She did what?”  
Clarke looked up. “Jesus Christ, Finn,” she snapped. “Not like that! God!”  
“Oh,” he said quietly.  
“Oh?” Clarke’s eyes burned. “Oh? You know what, I’m done. Whatever the fuck it is,” she motioned her hands furiously at Finn, “you need to get the fuck over it already. I can't fucking do this. I tried to be understanding and spend more time with you and less time with Lexa, and in the process fucked up everything between us and still you’re all – you!”  
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He snapped back.  
“I say that Lexa is trying to screw me and your mind immediately jumps to sex,” she yelled. “Are you kidding me? She doesn't even want to speak with me, you really think she wants to sleep with me?”  
Finn brushed his brown hair out of his eyes. “Not like you need to speak during sex,” he shrugged.  
“Just get out,” Clarke’s voice was stony.  
He looked at her for a moment before shaking his head and walking out.

An hour later Octavia found her crying on the couch.

Two days had passed when Clarke found herself having a quiet breakfast with Octavia. Suddenly the words she was dreading came falling out of Octavia's mouth. 

“Announcement time,” she told her. “You're up.”  
“Ugh,” Clarke groaned. “O, please, will you do it?”  
“Hell no,” Octavia shook her head. “I did it last time. You’re up.”  
“But,” Clarke began.  
“No,” Octavia cut her off. “You started this shit. Now you have to deal with.”

Clarke sighed as she stood up and walked off to her bedroom. She pulled out her phone. 

“And don't you dare leave out Anya and Lexa.” Octavia warned her.

*********New Event Created**********

Princess: Okay people, you know the drill. Who's in?????  
Reyes: I am!  
Princess: Of course you are.  
JasperJ: I'm not.  
Princess: Whatever.  
BabyBlake: Clarke…  
Linc: Sorry! I have game tickets.  
Reyes: Man!  
Collins: I’ll be there.  
A: Pass.

Clarke rolled her eyes. No surprise there.

MontyG: I’m in. What do you need?  
Commander: Not attending.

Clarke frowned. Fuck. She wasn’t surprised, but she hated seeing it.

Reyes: Fuckin crap…  
BabyBlake: I’m cooking, Monty. Can you handle beer?  
MontyG: No problem.  
BigBlake: I think I might be able to make it work.  
Princess: Yes!  
BabyBlake: Yay! :) :)  
MontyG: Clarke? RoP?

Clarke thought for a moment.

Princess: Whiskey.  
MontyG: Ok…  
Commander: Monty, do not get whiskey.

The fuck? Seriously? This woman…

Princess: Yes Monty, do. It's my turn, my choice.  
Commander: Clarke.  
Collins: Back off, Lexa.  
Commander: Seriously Finn? You really want her drinking whiskey? Are you stupid?  
BabyBlake: Guys, stop.  
Collins: She can drink whatever she wants.  
A: Your funeral, Collins.

“Are you sure, Clarke?” Octavia asked her cautiously as she poked her head into Clarke's room.  
Clarke only nodded. 

Everyone knew that bad things always seemed to happen whenever Clarke drank whiskey. Even Clarke knew it, but right now, she didn't care. Maybe a whiskey night was exactly what she needed.

Princess: Whiskey. Please and Thank you.  
JasperJ: Shit. Maybe, I will show.  
BigBlake: Don't be an ass, Jasper.  
JasperJ: Sorry, sorry.  
Reyes: Clarke, you might want to listen to Lexa on this one.  
Princess: Or I might not?  
Reyes: Fine.  
BabyBlake: Clarke's right. Her turn, her choice.  
BabyBlake: Though now, I'm suddenly wishing I'd just done the announcement.  
Princess: See you all in a week. xoxoxo 

Exactly one week later Clarke rolled over with a splitting headache and a mouth as dry as the Sahara. She looked over to find that it was not Finn that she was lying in bed with, but Bellamy. Horrified, she instantly recoiled and looked down. They were both fully clothed. Thank God. What the hell was going on? Where was Finn?

She stumbled out of her room, gripping the wall for balance and found Raven and Monty quietly cleaning up the living room.

“Where's Finn?” she croaked.  
Raven grinned sympathetically. “Not remembering much, huh?”  
Clarke shook her head as Monty walked over and handed her a bottle of water. She instantly uncapped the bottle and took a large mouthful. Ah, sweet relief.

“You threw him out,” he told her, “Finn.”  
Clarke chocked on her water. “I did what?”  
Raven nodded. “He was being a total dick. Running his mouth. You know, being Finn.”  
“Even Jasper came to your defense.” Monty told her as he nodded to the corner of the room where Jasper was asleep.  
“What was he saying?” Clarke asked. Fuck, she wished she could remember.  
“I don't even really remember,” Raven admitted, “but, I know that as soon as he started trash talking Lexa, it was like the damn house exploded.”  
“He what?” Clarke was floored.  
Raven held up her hands. “Don't even ask. I have no idea what he said to you. I just know that you went fucking crazy.”  
“You were pretty upset.” Monty agreed.  
“Is that how I ended up with Bell?”  
Raven nodded. “He took care of you.”

Well shit. She hated it when Lexa was right. Lexa.

“Fuck. Where's my phone??” Clarke shot out.  
“Dont worry,” Octavia said as she came up behind her. “I took it off you early in the night.”

Thank god. Clarke took her phone and opened the news event that she'd left open from the previous week.

Princess: Damn you.  
Commander: …  
A: Hahahaha!

She terminated the session.

“Raven, can I borrow your car?” Clarke questioned quickly.  
“For what?” Raven asked, her brow instantly furrowing.  
“I need to see a man.” She replied and went to take a shower.


	9. Chapter 9

Anya stood in the doorway watching her sister. Lexa was pacing all through the house with a pair of earbuds planted firmly in her ears. She kept shifting back forth between steps and slick movements, something between walking and dancing. Anya glanced at the table and saw Lexa's laptop. Lexa was working. Anya knew that this little routine was a way that her sister would untangle all of the thoughts in her head when she was working on something important. Deciding it was best to leave her be, she picked up her keys and left quietly.

Lexa saw Anya leave, but just kept pacing through the house, every now and again glancing at her computer screen. Her head was full, too full and none of her words were coming out right. She spun three times on her heels and walked into the kitchen.

It had been weeks since she'd called and left Clarke that voicemail, but Clarke never called her back. Maybe she’d waited too long? Maybe if she had just listened to the voicemails and called her back in the beginning, things would be different? It didn't really matter, because she didn't and so her first real face to face interaction with Clarke in weeks consisted of Clarke jumping down her throat at Polis about Costia and Kane. The worst part was that it was a total misunderstanding.

Lexa had been getting ready for a date with Costia when a call came though from one of the magazines that she freelanced for asking her to meet with Kane that night. The person who was supposed to meet with him had fallen ill and they needed it taken care of for an article about an upcoming event. Not wanting to break her plans, and knowing Kane, Lexa called him and asked if they could meet at Polis, thinking that they could have their meeting, and then she could just transition right into her date.

Then Clarke appeared. The way that she walked up and pulled Lexa aside, you really wouldn't have known that it had been so long since they'd spoken. But it was the look in her eyes, and the audacity of her questions that had set Lexa off. 

She knew that Clarke could be really insecure, but was it insecurity that caused her to accuse Lexa of possibly doing something that would effect her job, or her reputation in the gallery? Perhaps more had been broken between them than either of them realized.

“Asshole,” Lexa said loudly as she slammed her glass down hard on the counter. The music in her ears changed. She shifted her feet, swaying her hips slightly and moved across the room.

She'd thought about calling Clarke out in the event update last Saturday, she really, really had, but it wasn't a conversation that she wanted to have publicly. She thought about calling her again, but couldn't bring herself to do it. She’d put herself out there, if Clarke really wanted to talk, she'd call. 

Her thoughts went to Finn as she stood in place moving from side to side following the beat. This fucking guy. It was true, Clarke is a grown woman and could drink whatever she'd like, but, whiskey, really? Everyone knew how bad whiskey was for Clarke, and Finn should have been looking out for her. She could tell that Monty had been apprehensive, and hell, even Raven spoke up, but not Finn. No, if anything, he was all for it.

She wasn't surprised when the message came through this morning in last weeks news event. She knew that it would and she knew that Clarke would hate the fact that she'd been right. She couldn't help but wonder what had happened. The last time Clarke had drank whiskey she was almost arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct.

Costia: Morning. Want to go have breakfast?

Lexa glanced at her phone and then looked at the blank document that was glaring back at her from her computer screen. Her stomach rumbled lightly.

Lexa: Can’t. Working. Lunch?  
Costia: Hmm. I going to hold you to that.  
Lexa: Please do.

She put her phone away and stared at the computer. She needed to work on the article for the gallery, it was due the following night at midnight. This particular magazine released monthly issues, and the next one was due out soon. The article in question was about a series of showcases featuring local artists that would be happening in the upcoming months. One of them, of course, being the very talented, Clarke Griffin. 

Because naturally, Lexa needed more reasons to have Clarke's name fresh in her mind.

Clarke was a very talented artist, there was no denying that. There was just something in her work that pulled an emotional response out of people. It was in the lines and the details, in the choice she made. It was like she just knew how to bring it all together in perfection. She poured so much of herself into her work, that it seemed to spill out and wash over people when they looked at it. Lexa knew that her go-to was working with charcoal, but she could do amazing things with a paintbrush too, bringing out details that she wasn't even sure a camera could catch. 

“Okay,” Lexa mumbled to herself as she sat up in her chair, “let's do this.”

A little while later Anya returned and as she passed by Lexa, she set an apple on the table next to her computer. Lexa smiled and shook her head.

“How the article coming?” Anya asked as she hung up her jacket.  
Lexa continued typing. “Some parts are easier than others.”  
“Because its hard to write something positive about someone who's eliciting such negative feelings from you?”  
“Pretty much.” Lexa answered without taking her eyes off of the screen.  
Anya nodded, she could understand this. She cleared her throat. “Next we have the amazing Clarke Griffin, while her talent is one that no one could argue, her life choices have been shit lately. Check out the work, but stay away from the woman.” Anya suggested in a playful tone.  
Lexa stopped typing. “While I like it, I'm not sure that's going to make the final edit.”  
Anya nodded. “Have you thought about trying to get ahold of her again?”  
“I have.” Lexa admitted. “But I won't.”  
“Why not?” her sister asked curiously. She knew that Lexa still missed Clarke. 

Unfortunately, it seemed like the more time that passed, the more angry and resentful Lexa was becoming. Everyone was noticing the changes in them both. A few days prior she'd had lunch with Raven and they'd discussed the two. In the end it seemed that Clarke was a spiraling hot mess of emotion, while was Lexa was heading toward an emotional shut down.

“I just can't.” Lexa answered.  
“Stop being so proud.” Anya told her. When did she become team Griffin? “From what I've gathered, there seems to be a lot of misunderstanding happening with the two of you, but nothing's going to get better if one of you don't take an actual step forward.”

Lexa slammed her laptop shut. She’d already tried to take a step forward with Clarke. She called her, but Clarke never called her back. It was true, she could go to the gallery. She could show up at the diner or even Clarke's apartment. But why should she? No. She didn't start all of this. If it was going to get better, Clarke had to put forth the effort. She’d called her. The ball was in Clarke's court now. 

Lexa got up and started to walk away.  
“Where are you going?” Anya asked her quickly.  
“To shower.” Lexa answered without looking at her. “I'm having lunch with Costia.”

When Lexa was gone, Anya pulled out her phone and fired off a text to Raven.

Anya: These two dummies.  
Raven: I know. I know. It's getting really bad.  
Anya: So, what happened last night?  
Raven: WWIII.  
Anya: I really don't want to get involved in Lexa's business, but…  
Raven: But, we may not have to.  
Anya: ???  
Raven: Clarke's going to see Jake.  
Anya: Finally.

Clarke was going to see her father. This meant several things. Clarke was crashing, and really couldn't cope with whatever was going on inside her head. If she was going to see her father, it meant that she had finally recognized how out of control she was. Everyone knew that if anyone could sort Clarke out, it was Jake. Clarke had a way of getting lost inside herself and when that happened, one by one, pieces of Clarke would go into shutdown. But Jake, he was like a reboot button for her.

Everyone adored Jake, both of her parents, really. They were just genuinely good people, who had always treated all of them with acceptance and respect. Anya knew that Clarke was an amazing blend of these two wonderful people. 

She knew that Clarke made mistakes, hell, they all did. Unfortunately, Clarke could be quite headstrong and when she really made a mistake, all she knew how to do was run with it. She'd flip into autopilot, flashing between hot and cold, convinced that she was being clear as day, while being anything but understandable. She'd become a volatile version of herself. 

Normally, it was Lexa that helped maintain the balance. 

Lexa. Anya shook her head. 

She too was becoming a different version of herself. Regardless of whether Clarke had actually chosen Finn over her or not, in that moment, Lexa had taken it as such and the effect that it had had on her was devastating. It had cut too deep, reaching her very core and the wave of emotion that was released had left her shaken. Lexa was an amazing woman, everyone agreed, but she was also exceptionally proud. Anya knew that she was embarrassed that Clarke somehow had the ability to affect her so. Her pride had taken a hit and now her stubborn steak would kick in and prevent her from doing something that would allow that to happen again.

And then there was Costia. 

Anya had only been around her a handful of times, but she seemed nice enough. She knew that Lexa had been spending more time with her, but wasn’t exactly sure of what they really were. On a level though, she felt for the woman. She had come into the picture at the beginning of all of this, and how much would things change if Lexa and Clarke were finally able to reconcile? She would be introduced into a whole new world of crazy, but would she be able to adapt?


	10. Chapter 10

When Clarke pulled into the driveway at her parents house she could see her father sitting on the porch, reading. She sighed in relief at the sight of him. He looked up at her and smiled sympathetically when she got out of the car.

“Who called you?” she asked as she approached the porch.  
“Octavia,” he answered.  
“Of course she did.” Clarke mumbled as she sat down.

Jake waited, not pushing. He knew that when Clarke was ready, when she found her words, she would speak. Ten minutes went by without a word, Jake got up and went to get them some tea. When he came back, Clarke was crying.

“I fucked up,” she said softly, “and I don't think I can fix it.”  
“Well, tell me what happened, kid.” Her father told her.

Clarke started with the week that she as sick, explaining what happened when Finn came in and assumed something was going on between her and Lexa. Jake frowned at Finn's reaction.

“I was so annoyed with him,” Clarke said shaking her head. “Lexa was just being sweet. We weren't doing anything.”  
“Of course not.” Jake nodded.

She told him about loosing her time slot at Grounders and how she knew it sounded silly, but it had really upset her. 

“I know it's just a coffeehouse. It’s a small thing,” Clarke shook her head. “But, I'd worked hard to secure that spot. I'd been performing there every month for over a year.”  
“It’s something that's important to you,” he shrugged. “It's understandable that it upset you.”  
Clarke nodded. “Right around the same time, I found out that Lexa had been seeing someone,” she told him. “Lexa and I kind of got into an argument about it.”  
“Kind of?” Jake picked up his mug and took a sip of his tea.  
“She didn't tell me,” Clarke explained.  
“Do you really think that she should have to?” He asked her. “Maybe she was still feeling her way through it.”  
Clarke nodded.

Next it was what happened the following morning between Finn and Bellamy. How Finn raged at Lexa and she didn't understand why, until she got Finn alone. Jake sighed when she talked about her conversation with Finn and how awful it had made her feel. When she talked about her conversation with Lexa, he rubbed his eyes.

“Well kiddo, I definitely think it was the way your worded things that caused all of the confusion.” He told her simply.  
“I know. Lexa is the one that's good with words,” Clarke agreed. “I'm shit with them.”  
“Not always,” he waved his hand, “But, this time, yes.”  
“I just thought that if we hung out a little less it would help.” Clarke insisted.  
“I’m sure that you did,” he assured her. “But that's not what you said. You didn't say; Lexa, this is what's going on and I think that if we didn't spend quite so much time together, right now, it would help. No. you said; Lexa, I need space from you because you're a hinderence on me and Finn working things out.”  
Clarke released a sigh of frustration and dropped her head into her hands. “I know what I said.”  
“Then own it. You fucked up, kid.” His tone was slightly harsher.  
“I tried. I called her a bunch of times, but she wouldn't call me back.” Clarke snapped.   
“Did you go see her?” He bit back. Her face answered his question. “Why not?”

Clarke explained how everything had happened. What happened with Anya, and then Jasper. How with Lexa not returning her calls she'd thought that she had just needed time to clear her head. It fit with Lexa's way of doing things. And of how not hanging out as much had, in fact, been her suggestion, so she backed off.

“Okay, I can understand that.” Jake nodded. “Then what happened?”  
Clarke clenched her jaw slightly and shook her head. “Costia.”  
“Who?” Jake was confused.

Clarke went on to explain who Costia was, how she had been the one to get her time slot and the video chat with Lexa. Jake grinned.

“What could you possibly be grinning about?” Clarke asked totally put off.  
“I have to give it to Lexa,” he continued to grin. “She's a sassy little shit, but a very well-mannered one.”

Clarke glared at his appreciation, but went into the announcement about the weekend at Raven’s and the fight that then ensued between her and Jasper.

“He called me a self-absorbed bitch,” Clarke said furiously, “and Octavia agreed.”  
“Well, maybe you shouldn't have been acting like one.” Jake said with a shrug.  
“I wasn't trying to,” Clarke defended.  
“Be that as it may,” her father shook his head, “you still were.”  
Clarke deflated a little bit and frowned.

And then finally, Polis and the previous night.

“Jesus Christ, Clarke,” Jake shook his head. “You've been busy making a mess of things.”  
Clarke was sitting with her head in her hands. “I'm shit with words,” she mumbled.  
Jake looked at her and nodded.

After a few minutes of silence, Jake cleared his throat. “It's time for you to stop being so stubborn. You and Lexa are both stubborn, and proud. I would bet that things aren't quite how they appear.”  
“Or they're exactly as they appear and she hates me.” Clarke said without looking at him.  
“Lexa doesn't hate you,” he shook his head quickly.  
Clarke looked up, her eyes hopeful. “Do you really believe that? I've been really horrible.”   
He sighed. “If you want to fix it – really fix it, you need to go see her.”  
“I need to talk to Finn too,” she nodded.  
“Yes actually, you do,” Jake sat back. “I’m not going to pretend to be overly impressed with him right now. I understand that you made the decision to take a step back, but really, he should have stopped you. Finn’s insecurities are exactly that. Finn’s. It shouldn’t have been you trying to make changes to fix them.”  
“Finn said that all of my spare time was spent with Lexa, so I just thought that if I spent some more time with him, it might help him not feel so insecure.” Clarke raised her voice slightly. “I didn’t expect Lexa to think that I didn’t want anything to do with her anymore. We had just talked about how I’d never choose anyone over her!”  
“Think about what you said to her, Clarke,” her father snapped briskly.  
“I know how it came out,” Clarke’s face was getting red. Why was she so bad with words? She took a calming breathe. “When I called her a hindrance, I was talking about the amount of time that we spent together. That was all.”  
“But, that’s not what you said,” he shook his head. “And then, to add insult to injury, you imply that it’s understandable that Finn doesn’t want you two to be alone together.”  
“He said it made him uncomfortable,” Clarke nodded.  
“Why?” He questioned her quickly. “Because she’s gay or because you two have slept together?  
“Dad!” Clarke’s face was on fire.  
“What?” He chuckled lightly. “Did you really think that we didn’t know?”  
“We?” Clarke’s eyes went wide. “Mom knows?”  
“You’re kidding, right?” His eyebrows went up. “Clarke, you girls are far from subtle, and I’m not sure that either of you understand the definition of quiet.”  
Clarke covered her face with her hands and wished she could melt into the floor. “Just kill me now,” she muttered.  
“Stop it,” he said waving his hand.

Everyone knew that she had slept with Lexa, Clarke knew this, she just didn’t know that everyone also included her parents. How long had they known?

“So, has spending more time with Finn helped?” Jake asked after giving Clarke a moment to collect her thoughts.  
“Not so much,” She mumbled without making eye contact. As much as it frustrated her, she couldn’t deny that her relationship with Finn hadn’t seemed to strengthen any.  
“Sounds to me like he’s someone else who needs to figure his shit out,” Jake said sharply.

Her father was right. Finn’s issues were his own and she shouldn’t have made them hers. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more she came to see that there really wasn’t anything that she could have done to help Finn with his insecurity. Their relationship wasn’t perfect, but Clarke was with him, she had chosen to be with him and that should have been enough for him to see.

“What if Lexa won’t see me?” Clarke changed the subject. “I mean, I’ve been really awful.”  
“You accept it,” he answered simply. “But, I don’t think that’ll happen.”  
She looked at up at him unsure. “Why not?”  
“I just can’t see her doing it.” He got to his feet and leaned back against the railing. “You messed up. You chose poor wording and then got defensive and said stupid things. Later, you tried to explain, but she didn’t return your calls. So, you figured Lexa was just being Lexa, which actually does makes sense. But, then you got mad, so you stopped trying. I mean, did it ever occur to you that maybe she didn’t get the messages? Or had deleted them without listening to them? She was upset, after all.”

Clarke sat back in her chair. Honestly, the thought that Lexa hadn’t listened to her messages never crossed her mind.

“You think?” She asked as the wheels in her head turned.  
“Uh, yeah,” he told her. To him it seemed totally plausible.  
“But what about all of this with Costia?” Clarke crossed her arms. “Like, what the hell? Why would she do that to me?”  
“Clarke, come on! How do you know that Lexa and Costia didn’t simply run into Kane, and Lexa was just introducing them,” he shrugged, “Again, sassy little shit, but a very well-mannered one.”  
Well shit. Okay, that made sense too. “Then why didn’t she just say that?”  
Jake’s blue eyes narrowed. “You really have to ask?”  
Clarke thought for a moment and shook her head. “Self-absorbed bitch,” she muttered softly as her cheeks burned red.  
He gave her a very typical dad-look and crossed his arms. “Uh huh.”

Suddenly tears were swimming in Clarke’s eyes. Was it possible that everything that had been going on was all due to miscommunication and misinterpretation?

“Listen, you two, for whatever reason, you’re connected – you always have been Its always been you two. But, I told you, you can both be very pigheaded and far too proud.”  
Clarke acknowledged this with a simple nod. It was true.  
“Those two traits alone are enough to insure that things will get messy from time to time. You’ll be pissed off or upset and say something stupid,” his voice was softer. “Or you’ll just be stupid and end up hurting each other. You’re human, it happens. I mean, look at me and your mother.”  
“Yeah, but you two are married.” Clarke pointed out with a laugh.  
“Yes we are, but it’s not so different,” he told her with a warm smile. “I married my best friend.”  
Clarke smiled at his statement.  
“Do you remember what you and Lexa used to say about each other when you were younger?” He asked.  
Clarke thought for a moment. “That we’d walk through hell for one another,” she said softly, “and with one another. “  
Jake nodded. “Sometimes, the hell we find ourselves walking though, is one that we’ve created.”

He was right.

“So, what is it that you want to see happen next?” He questioned her.  
Clarke sat thinking, but only one thought came to mind. “I just want her back,” she finally said. “I miss her so much.”  
“Then you know what you need to do,” he sat down. “Give yourself a few days, paint, sketch, write music– just, do you. Get your head clear, and then go see her.”  
Clarke leaned over and give him a hug.   
“And Clarke,” his voice was low, “leave your pride at the door. I know that you're scared, but Lexa doesn't hate you.”  
“How do you know?” she whispered into his neck.  
Jake grinned. “Because, you two don't know how to hate each other.” 

When Clarke got back to her apartment both Octavia and Raven were waiting for her.

“Feel better?” Octavia asked as she pulled her into a hug.  
“Much,” Clarke nodded. There was something about the talks she had with her father, maybe it was because he was her father, but his words always seemed to sink in better, even more-so than her own thoughts.  
“Ready to finally start fixing shit?” Raven raised her eyebrows curiously.  
“Almost.” Clarke answered as she returned Raven’s keys.   
“Where will you start?” Octavia questioned as she pushed her dark hair off of her shoulder.  
Clarke took a deep breathe. “Fucking Finn,” she sighed. “But, not right now." She turned and walked off toward her bedroom. "Now, I'm going to paint.

Octavia and Raven watched as she left, they glanced at each other, both thinking the same thing. Well, can't get much worse, right?

“I love that man.” Octavia smiled.  
“Don't we all,” Raven nodded.

Clarke painted for the rest of the day and the following day when she got out of work. On Tuesday evening when Finn came over, she told him that she had made the wrong decision. He wasn't happy. 

“Come on, Clarke,” he snapped at her. “Things have been fine for months. You don't need to go back to hanging out with Lexa.”  
“That's the point you're missing, Finn,” Clarke raised her voice. “I want to hang out with Lexa. I miss hanging out with Lexa. I miss her.”  
He glared at her. “This is such bullshit.”  
“No. What's bullshit it that you'd actually want me to give up my best friend, because you think she wants to fuck me.”  
“Because she has fucked you,” he shouted.  
“So what?” Clarke said sharply. “I mean, that is kind of how consensual sex works, isn't it?”   
His eyes narrowed. “So, I don't like the thought.”  
“Well, I don't know why you're thinking about it.” Clarke folder her arms. “It's none of your business.”  
Finn didn't reply, he was seething.  
“I'm going to try and fix things with Lexa,” Clarke finally said. “You do what you have to do.”  
Finn shook his head and walked out.

“Are you okay?” Octavia asked as she poked her head into Clarke's room a few minutes later.  
“Yeah, I’m fine.”Clarke assured her.  
“He didn't take it so well, huh?” She asked.  
“Nope.” Clarke shook her head.  
Octavia crossed the room and sat down next to her. “Have you figured out when you're going to talk to Lexa?”  
“Tomorrow night,” Clarke replied. “Raven said I can borrow her car after work.”

They following day as Clarke was sitting on the couch, munching on some leftover takeout with Octavia before she had to go into work and her phone kept going off from an unidentified number.

“Just answer it next time.” Octavia told her.  
“Uh huh,” Clarke said as she took her plate to the kitchen. “I will.” 

As she approached the sink her phone rang out again. She answered it and a voice poured out into her ear. 

“Wait, wait. Slow down,” Clarke said loudly. “What are you taking about?!”  
Octavia spun around on the couch.

Something was definitely wrong.


	11. Chapter 11

Lexa had back to back clients all morning and she’d promised to attend a poetry reading with Costia one town over when she was done. Lexa had never attended a poetry reading, but decided it was worth a try. As the day went on, she got behind and was pressed for time as she rushed through her shower and took off to pick up Costia.

She was a little late, but Costia seemed very understanding. 

When they got to the poetry reading, Lexa sat listening very attentively. She allowed herself to get lost in the words of others. Some she thought were ludicrous, but others resonated with her well, almost two well. Though it had been Costia's idea, she'd actually seemed rather bored by the whole thing. Lexa, on the other hand, had enjoyed it very much.

A couple hours later when they returned to the car, Lexa turned her phone back on and shook her head in confusion as it was flooded with messages.

Clarke: 911!!!  
Clarke: Raven’s hurt. It's bad. Get your asses to Ark Memorial!! A.S.A.P.  
Jasper: Fuck! What happened???  
Lincoln: I’ll be there in under an hour.  
Clarke: Driving now. Just get there!  
Clarke: O’s with me.

Lexa felt her stomach drop. This wasn't happening.  
.  
Finn: Holy shit.  
Monty: I’m on my way there now.  
Anya: I’ll be there in twenty.  
Bellamy: Booking a flight. Be there in a couple of hours!  
Lincoln: Anya, where the fuck is Lexa???  
Anya: I don't know.  
Anya: She's not answering her phone.  
Lincoln: Fuck!  
Clarke: Someone fucking find her!

She had other messages, but didn't bother to look a them.

“I can't take you home. I'm sorry,” Lexa said quickly. “I need to get to Ark Memorial.”  
“Whats wrong?” Costia asked quickly.  
“It’s Raven.” Lexa explained as she started the car. “Something happened.”  
“Raven?” Costia asked. "Clarke's friend?"  
“My friend,” Lexa spat quickly, “They're all my friends – my family.”

As they sped off toward the hospital, Lexa's mind was reeling. Why the hell had she turned her phone off?

After what seemed like an eternity, they pulled into the parking lot. They'd barely spoken on the drive, Lexa's mind was far to engulfed in what she might possibly be walking into.

“I'll go with you.” Costia told her as she unbuckled her seatbelt.  
“I don't think that's a good idea.” Lexa responded. She had no idea what to expect. “Just take my car. I’ll get a ride.”  
Costia's face fell a little bit. “I want to be here for you.”  
“I know and I appreciate it,” Lexa said as she opened her door. “I'm sorry.”

Lexa entered the hospital and spoke to the woman behind the desk who told her where to go. She bolted down the hall with her mind in a haze. Turning the corner, her eyes fell on her friends, her family.

Jasper and Monty were sitting next to each other on the floor, Monty’s head was in his hands.

Lincoln had his back against the wall, holding Octavia from behind in one arm as his other hand rubbed absentmindedly against the top of his shaved head. Octavia looked exhausted, her greenish blue eyes were tinted red and wet as she just held on to Lincoln’s forearm with a white knuckled grip.

Bellamy was already there too. Sitting in a chair with his hands clasped together in front of him and a tense look was on his face.

Anya was at the far end of the corridor, pacing furiously on her phone.

Two figures had their backs to her. She made them out easily. It was Jake and Finn. Suddenly they shifted and Lexa caught a flash of blonde as blue met green. 

Lexa stormed down the hallway, her chestnut locks flowing behind her as her long leather jacket whipped around her knees. Clarke had seen her. Her face tensed up in what appeared to be a knew rush of tears as she pushed her way passed Jake and Finn and took off running. She collided with Lexa with such a force that it should have rocked her, but all Lexa felt was instant relief in the warm embrace.

“You’re here,” Clarke whispered through her tears as she pulled Lexa impossibly close.  
“Of course I am.” Lexa replied.

They stood here for a moment, neither moving or speaking. Lexa opened her eyes and they fell on Finn, he looked far from pleased, but Lexa had no way of knowing if it was because of her. Fuck him, if it was.

“What happened?” Lexa finally asked when they separated slightly.  
“Some asshole ran a red light,” Clarke answered, as her hands continued to grip Lexa's jacket  
“How bad is she?” Lexa questioned.  
Clarke shrugged as her eyes welled up with tears again.

Bad.

“I'm sorry,” Clarke shook her head. “I'm so sorry. I was going to come see you, but then I got the call and…”  
Lexa silenced her with another hug. “Shh, we’ll figure it out,” she said. Clarke was nodding her head. “but, not now,” Lexa added.  
Clarke took a deep breath and leaned back, “Not now.”

Suddenly Clarke's mother, Abby, came walking down the hall, talking quietly to one of her colleagues. Abby was highly respected in this hospital, having worked there for most of Clarke’s life.

“Lexa,” she said when she got close. “I’m glad you’re finally here.”  
“Abby,” Lexa stepped away from Clarke and greeted her with a light kiss on the cheek. “I came as soon as I heard.”  
“Mom?” Clarke said with tears swimming in her eyes.  
“Clarke,” Abby sighed as Jasper and Monty got to their feet. “She’s in bad shape.”  
Lexa’s shoulders dropped. “How bad?”  
“She's in surgery," Abby explained. "She was awake when they brought her in, but we had to put her under.”  
“Why?” Octavia's voice was flat.  
“She started seizing.” Abby answered.

The air in the hallway could have been cut with a knife.

“What else?” Clarke questioned gravely.  
“Her leg is pretty bad, and there's debris,” Abby swallowed hard, trying to keep her tears at bay. “There's debris in her back, it's close to her spine, too close and we don't know...”

Octavia burst into tears as Lincoln slowly slid them to the floor. Lexa heard Clarke's quick intake of breathe as she grabbed onto her arm hard. Bellamy was covering his face with his hands as Finn turned and pressed his forehead against the wall. Jasper stood silently with tears swimming in his eyes as Monty turned his back and silently broke.

“What happens now?” Jake questioned quickly.  
“Right now, we're focusing on the surgery.” Abby answered. ’We have to get it out. I'll be scrubbing in to assist soon."  
“Abby...” Jake began.  
“I’m doing this, Jake.” Abby cut him off. She looked around at the group and smiled reassuringly. “Jackson is going to find somewhere to put you all, so you won’t be clogging up the hallway.” 

Jackson was another colleague of Abby's.

When Abby walked away Lexa was unsurprisingly approached by Anya. “Where were you?”  
“I was at a poetry reading with Costia,” Lexa shook her head.  
“You had me worried.” Anya told her.  
“Did you really think that I wouldn’t come?” Lexa questioned her rather harshly.  
“Of course not,” Anya answered. “That’s why I was worried. You weren’t here and no one could get in touch with you.”  
“My phone was off,” Lexa unnecessarily explained. Her eyes went to Clarke, who was now standing talking to Finn as he rubbed her arms reassuringly.

“It was good to see you two talking again,” Anya said absently.  
Lexa nodded slightly and rubbed her eyes. She couldn’t think about any of that right now. Not now. Later. They’d deal with it later.

Jackson found them an unused room with two beds and was able to scrounge up some extra chairs for them too. Jake called and had food sent in, but no one really ate much of it. They chatted on and off about nothing in particular and had the television on, more for background noise than anything else. Everyone just kind of found a place in the room and stuck to it, each zoned off and locked into their own thoughts.

Anya was sitting in the window, while Lexa paced nearby. Clarke had refused to lay down, so she and Finn were occupying two chairs in the corner. Bellamy was lying on one of the beds staring blankly at the ceiling, while Octavia had taken up a similar residence in the other, with Lincoln close by. Monty and Jasper were again, shoulder to shoulder on the floor. The hours ticked by slowly, but still, they refused to leave. 

As the clock slipped passed midnight, one by one, sleep began to take them. It was just after two in the morning when the door slowly opened, the light causing Lexa, who was not sleeping, to open her eyes. She held her breathe when Abby stepped in and clicked on the light. Slowly everyone who had been dozing stirred.

“We got it out,” Abby finally said when they were all awake and focused, "and repaired as much as we could."

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

“There are still things that we don't know,” she explained. “Things that we won't know, not for awhile yet, but we know that…” Abby’s voice caught in her throat.  
Clarke stood up and stepped forward. “Mom?”  
“We don't know how well she'll be able to walk,” Abby finally answered, “if at all.”

The group sat stunned. Raven Reyes, not be able to walk?

Lexa covered her face with her hands. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening.

Abby told them that there was really no way of knowing how long Raven would be out. She had seized again during the procedure, thankfully in between the removal and the stitching. It could be hours, it could be days. 

After much conversation the group decided to take their stay in shifts, with Octavia swearing that she wasn't leaving under any circumstances. In the end, I it was decided that the first shift would consist of Octavia, Bellamy, Lincoln, Clarke and Lexa. 

Lexa decided that Finn didn't look happy, but he seemed to accept it quicky.

Hours went by with no change in Raven’s status. Bellamy and Octavia were sitting on one bed, her head on his lap as Lexa paced back and forth in front of the window, wanting nothing more than to pummel the man who had run the red light and, miraculously, come out unscathed. She glanced at Clarke, who had fallen a sleep in what looked like the most uncomfortable position ever. Her eyes traveled to the empty bed and she sighed.

“Do you want me to get her?” Bellamy yawned, having followed Lexa's eyes..  
“No. I've got her.” Lexa told him as she walked over and carefully scooped Clarke up bridal style.

She carried her over to the bed and placed her down carefully, but when she went to resume her pacing, Clarke's hand shot out, gripping her arm hard. “Stay with me,” she barely whispered, her eyes remained closed, but her face was twisted up in turmoil. “Lexa, please. Stay with me.”

Twenty four hours ago, Lexa might have turned away. She might have. But, not now. Not after almost losing one of their own – a member of their family. She sighed and slipped onto the bed next to Clarke, who instantly curled into her side. It didn't take long for them both to be lost to sleep.

“They’re going to be the death of me.” Octavia said warmly as she glanced at the two. Lexa sitting upright against the wall with Clarke on her chest, their hands connected at Clarke's shoulder.  
Bellamy shook his head. “They’re going to be the death of us all.”


	12. Chapter 12

“Lexa,” Clarke’s voice came out, just above a whisper as her finger tips traced down the center of Lexa's abdomen.  
Lexa inhaled deeply. “Clarke,” she opened her eyes. They were dark with desire, with need.

Blue met green and every question was answered. It was okay. 

They were burning for release and it was okay. It was okay to give into it. It was okay to let themselves be engulfed by it, until their aching hunger was sated. It was safe. Safe, because they knew. They knew what the other thought and felt. What they wanted and needed. Something simple, something that left them free. Something that calmed the beast within.

Lexa's right hand reached forward, her fingers slipping around the back of Clarke’s neck and tangling lightly with her hair. Her grip was soft, but strong as she pulled Clarke to her, their lips.. 

Clarke’s eyes snapped open as she bolted upright with her chest heaving. What the fuck? She knew what it was, she remembered it well. But, where the hell did it come from?

“Hey,” Lincoln called lightly from the chair by the door. “You good?”  
Clarke blinked and gave him a nod. “Where is everyone?”  
“Bell and O went to see if they could find us some coffee,” he answered. “Lexa’s out in the hall, talking to her girl.”  
Clarke felt her eyes narrow slightly. “Cosita’s here?”  
Lincoln nodded and redirected his attention back to his book.

Not a moment later Bellamy and Octavia walked in carrying several cups of vending machine coffee. “Here we go,” Bellamy said as he handed them out.  
“You two are awesome,” Clarke said as she quickly sipped hers.  
Bellamy grinned widely. “We know,” he quipped, shaking the dark locks from his forehead.  
Clarke smiled. “Any word yet?”  
Octavia shook her head. “Nothing.”

Clarke sighed as she walked out into the hall. She knew that all of them were thinking the same thing. They just wanted Raven to wake up. Just wake up and be okay. Be okay and just crack that classic shit eating grin as she told them how foolish they’d been for worrying. Down the hall she could see Lexa and Costia talking, her feet carried her forward without much thought. 

“Hey,” she said softly as she reached Lexa’s side.  
“Hi,” Lexa replied as she motioned to Costia. “Clarke, this is Costia.”  
Clarke nodded politely, taking the sight of Costia in. Damn, she really was beautiful.  
“Costia,” Lexa said quickly, “Clarke.”  
A pleasant, but slick smile crept across Costia’s face. “I’ve heard a lot about you,” she said as she moved and looped her arm with Lexa’s.  
Something in Costia’s voice instantly put Clarke on her guard. “Lexa,” she said as she redirected her glance, “Bellamy and Octavia brought back some coffee, if you want some.”  
“Oh,” Costia spoke up quickly. “I actually brought coffee. It’s from the café around the corner,” she said as she lifted a tray from the chair, revealing several cups of coffee.  
“I’m good,” Clarke said as she held up her cup. “Thanks.”  
“Vending machine coffee?” Lexa asked, looking skeptical. Everyone knew how much Clarke enjoyed her coffee.  
“I hardly think that qualifies as coffee,” Costia smirked with a humored look in her eyes.  
“Looks like coffee,” Clarke shrugged as she took a sip. “Even tastes like coffee,” It didn’t really. Not at all. In fact, it was awful, absolutely awful.  
Something flickered in Costia’s eye. Something calculating and quick.

Fabulous. Yep, Clarke was sure. She did not trust this woman.

“Lexa! Clarke!” Abby’s voice rang down the hall.  
Clarke turned and saw her mother waving them back to the room. “It was nice meeting you, Costia,” she said and gave Lexa’s sleeve a light tug. “Coming?”  
Lexa nodded and looked at Costia. “I’ll text you,” she placed a quick kiss on her lips. “Thank you, for the coffee.”  
“Of course,” Costia smiled.

Clarke was already a few steps ahead, but Lexa caught up with her easy enough. “What was that?”  
“What?” Clarke asked absently.  
“You’d really prefer vending machine coffee?” Lexa queried.  
“I don’t care for the coffee from that café.” Clarke shrugged.  
“Have you actually had it?” Lexa smirked lightly.  
“Of course,” Clarke insisted quickly.

It was true Clarke had tried their coffee before and it wasn’t anything to brag about. It was better than the vending machine coffee, but she wasn’t about to admit it.

As they turned into the room they saw that Abby was smiling. “She’s awake,” she told them quickly and the room erupted in relief as tears flowed from everyone's eyes.  
“When can we see her?” Octavia asked standing up.  
“Soon. I promise.” Abby answered. “There's a few doctors in with her right now. They have to do some tests and explain some things, but as soon as they're done, you can go see her.”  
Octavia nodded on every word, she looked like she'd just been given back years of her own life. Clarke moved quickly and wrapped her in a tight hug.  
“I knew it,” Bellamy said, punching his right fist into his left palm. “I knew she’d pull through.”  
“She has a long road ahead of her,” Abby reminded him.  
“She’s strong,” Lexa countered. “She's a fighter.”  
Lincoln nodded and Abby smiled warmly. “I’ll come get you as soon as it's time,” she told them and left the room.

They feeling in the room had significantly changed. Raven was awake. She was okay. Whatever came next, they'd help her through it. They'd face it together, the same way they always had. 

Clarke quickly pulled out her phone.

Clarke: Guess who's awake???  
Jasper: Yes!  
Monty: Finally!  
Finn: Alright!  
Anya: About damn time.  
Clarke: They're going to let us know as soon as we can see her.  
Clarke: I'll keep you posted – but, get your asses back here.  
Jasper: Finn, pick us up on your way.  
Finn: You got it.

A few minutes later Anya came walking through the door. 

“That was quick,” Clarke commented.  
Anya nodded a reply as Lexa pulled out her phone.

Lexa: You never left, did you?  
Anya: Shh.

An hour later Abby came back to get them.

“Listen to me, Octavia,” she said as they approached Raven’s room, “you need to be gentle. She's going to need a lot of time to recover.”  
Octavia nodded quickly. “Got it.”  
“Don't jump on her,” Clarke added quickly.  
Octavia's face fell a little. "Okay.”

They walked into the room expecting anything other than what they saw. Raven was on her back, her top half slightly elevate, the side of her face was lightly littered with cuts and bruising. Her left leg was heavily bandaged and sticking out from under the sheet. When her eyes opened everyone took notice of the deep red that was staining them and the moisture on her face.

She looked at them, practically defeated, her eyes searching for any glimmer of hope, something- anything that she could grab on to. Octavia stepped forward and took her right hand as Clarke rounded the bed and took her left. Tears built in Raven’s fierce dark eyes and then rolled out onto her cheeks.

“We’re right here with you,” Clarke said sternly.  
“We’ve got you,” Octavia assured her.

Raven nodded her head and took a deep breath. “It's shit,” she said, motioning to her leg.

Lexa, Anya, Lincoln and Bellamy all lingered further back. They knew that Raven needed this moment with Clarke and Octavia. It was Abby who stepped forward next. “It’s not shit,” she told her quickly. “I'm not done with you yet, Raven. Do you understand? Not by a long shot.”

“They said…” Raven began.  
“I know what they said.” Abby cut her off softly. “Just trust me, okay?”  
Raven smiled weakly and nodded.  
“It’s going to be hard and it'll never be perfect,” Abby’s showed truth, “but it won't be shit.”  
Raven closed her eyes with something of relief appearing on her face.

A little while later the rest of their group arrived and Abby excused herself from the room. 

Clarke followed her out. “Do you really have hope?” She asked.  
Abby smiled. “Clarke, I started calling in favors the moment Raven got out of surgery,” she replied, looking utterly exhausted. “Some of the best surgeons I know are already making arrangements to come see her.”  
Clarke smiled and pulled her mother into a hug. “Thank you.”  
Abby replied with a tight squeeze. “Raven is strong and she has an amazing support system in all of you,” Abby said sternly. “We’ll get her there.”  
Clarke gave her a small nod and smiled before making her way back to her friends.

Hours later Clarke found herself standing outside with Lexa, an odd silence had fallen between them. 

“Will we be speaking tomorrow?” Clarke finally asked.  
Lexa looked at her for a moment, her eyes weren’t searching for anything, just looking and finally, she nodded.  
“I never meant to hurt you,” Clarke said softly. “I think I just…”  
“Fucked up?” Lexa offered quickly.  
Clarke instantly nodded. “I really did,” her eyes lingered briefly and then went to the ground.  
Lexa released a small sigh.  
“So much so, that I’m not sure if I know where or how to even begin.” Clarke added, shaking her head feebly.

For a moment there was nothing but silence. 

“You just did,” Lexa finally responded.  
Clarke's eyes shot up. She caught a glimpse of Lexa’s face as the corner of her mouth twitched slightly and she turned and walked away.

Clarke watched her go, feeling the sting of relieved and hopeful tears burning in her eyes. Maybe?

Maybe.


	13. Chapter 13

A few days had passed since Raven’s accident. They had been long and both physically and mentally tiring. Lexa was leaning forward, her hands touching the edge of the reception counter as she stretched out her back muscles. She’d just spent the last hour sparring.

“Damn,” she heard Costia breathe.  
Lexa smirked slightly. “See something you like?”  
“I do,” Costia told her, reaching her hands forward and tracing her fingers along the intricate tattoo covering Lexa’s bicep.  
Lexa stood upright, continuing to smirk.  
“You look so damn good when you’re sparring,” Costia whispered as she leaned forward and placed a light, but suggestive kiss on Lexa’s lips.  
Lexa leaned back and glanced around the gym, shaking her head lightly at Costia, as if to slightly scold her.  
Costia pouted playfully.  
Lexa was about to respond to the pout when her phone went off inside the desk. Quickly she rounded the counter and pulled it out of the drawer.

Clarke: So… Does this mean I can text you again?

Lexa smirked down at the phone. Clarke was known for her random texts of nonsense and honestly, Lexa had missed them.

Lexa: Yes, Clarke.  
Clarke: :)

Lexa dropped her phone back into the drawer and looked up at Costia.

“Everything alright?” Costia asked.  
“It’s just Clarke,” Lexa replied quickly as she closed the drawer.  
Costia nodded slowly. “So, you two are friends again?”  
Lexa’s brow furrowed slightly. “I wouldn’t necessarily say that we were ever not friends.”  
“You’ve barely spoken in months.” Costia reminded her.  
Lexa only nodded at this as she came back from behind the counter. “I’m going to go take a shower, and then, how about we go get something to eat?” She sidestepped.  
“Sure,” Costia smiled pleasantly. 

Lexa turned and walked toward the locker room. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to discuss Clarke with Costia, she just didn’t want to discuss Clarke. Things had been rough and messy and the two of them had a lot to sort through and figure out. She knew that they would, they always would, but it was going to take time.

A little later the two of them were comfortably tucked into a booth, reading over their menus when Lexa’s phone went off again.

Clarke: I think I’m being stalked by a squirrel.  
Lexa: You’re not being stalked by a squirrel.  
Clarke: Are you sure?  
Clarke: He’s not leaving.  
Lexa: I’m sure. Ignore him.

Lexa she shook her head and went back to looking at the menu.

“Clarke again?” Costia asked, her eye brows going up.  
Lexa answered with a nod, but continued looking at her menu.

Five minutes later, it went off again and Costia rolled her eyes lightly.

Clarke: Lexa! He stole the rest of my bagel!  
Clarke: I knew he was stalking me!

Lexa tried to suppress her laughter, but when a picture came through of a large grey squirrel running off with a fair amount of Clarke’s bagel, she couldn’t help it. 

“What’s so funny?” Costia asked curiously.  
“Clarke had her lunch stolen by a squirrel.” Lexa replied and turned her phone so Costia could see the picture. “She’d said it was stalking her. I guess she was right.”  
“It would appear so,” Costia agreed with a nod.

Lexa: I stand corrected.

“So, is everything just fine between you two now?” Costia questioned as she sank back into the booth and sipped her water.  
“No,” Lexa shook her head as she set her phone down. “We’ll figure it out as we go.”  
“I don’t think she likes me.” Costia told her as the waiter set their food on the table.  
“She doesn’t know you,” Lexa reminded her quickly.  
“That’s true, I guess.” Costia shrugged, her dark curls bouncing at her shoulders, “When do I get to meet the rest of your friends?”  
“Maybe after things calm down?” Lexa offered. “It’s pretty crazy right now.”  
Costia nodded. “So, how about after this, we go back to my place and curl up watching movies,” she said with a slight smirk, “or something.”  
Lexa shook her head. “I have to go see Raven,” she answered. “I told her I’d come by today.”  
Costia’s shoulders dropped. “Okay,” she sighed lightly.  
Lexa didn’t miss the disappointed tone. “But, how about I come by your place after that?” She snaked her hand across the table and slipped it into Costia’s.  
Costia perked up with a grin. “Deal.”

A couple of hours later Lexa poked her head into Ravens hospital room. Raven was awake, sitting slightly upright and reading a magazine. Octavia was wrapped in a blanket, sleeping in the chair next to Raven’s bed.

“Hey,” Lexa said softly as she stepped inside. “How’re you feeling, Rae?”  
Raven looked over at her. “Like shit,” she shrugged.  
“How long has Octavia been here?” Lexa asked as she scooped up a chair and set it closer to the bed.  
“A couple of hours.” Raven answered. “I keep telling her that she doesn’t have to come back and sit with me all day.”  
“Good luck with that,” Lexa nodded as she slipped out of her jacket and sat down. “Any word on what happens next?”  
“Abby came and saw me this morning,” Raven explained. “A friend of hers will be flying into see me next week. I can’t remember her name, but she’s developed some kind of implant that Abby thinks could really help.”  
“So, another surgery?” Lexa’s brow furrowed.  
Raven gave a halfhearted nod. “Abby said I would probably need at least one more anyway,” she shrugged.  
Lexa sighed.  
Raven shifted a little. “So, I hear you and Clarke are speaking again,” she grinned lightly.  
“Sort of,” Lexa acknowledged. “She said she fucked up. I could see that she meant it, so, we’ll go from there.”  
“Fair enough,” Raven responded as she picked up the remote and pushed a button, the top of the bed elevated slightly.  
“She said that you owe her a bagel,” Octavia said without opening her eyes.  
Lexa smirked and shook her head lightly. “Of course.”  
“She really lit up when she told us about the squirrel,” Raven grinned again. “Well, more when she said she’d been was texting you and you texted back.”  
Octavia opened her eyes. “You two are so weird.”

“Hey guys,” Monty’s voice filled the room.  
“Monty,” Raven looked confused. “What are you doing here? I thought you couldn’t come back until Monday?”  
“I brought you something,” he replied as he crossed the room and handed it over.  
“My phone?” Raven perked up instantly. “You found my phone?”  
“Jasper did, actually,” Monty smiled as he pulled a chair next to Lexa’s. “It was still in the car.”  
“Does it still work?” She questioned curiously.  
“Yep,” he nodded. “It's fully charged too.”

Raven slid it open and wasted no time. Within a minute everyone’s phone was buzzing.

Raven: Haha! I’m back!  
Raven: Thank you for finding my phone, Jasper!!!  
Jasper: Anything for you, Rae!  
Clarke: Yay!!!!  
Bellamy: Welcome back.  
Lincoln: Nice.  
Anya: You know that none of us are ever going to get any sleep now, right?  
Finn: She’s right.  
Clarke: Don’t even care!!!  
O: She’s so ridiculously happy right now – it’s totally worth it.  
Lexa: She really is.  
Monty: :)

The four of them chatted for another hour or so, before Lexa took her leave and left the hospital. She started her car, but before pulling out of her spot, she took out her phone.

Lexa: Leaving now. I’ll see you a little while.  
Costia: The door will be unlocked.

Lexa tucked her phone away and started her drive. Costia’s was about an hour from the hospital so she clicked on the radio and settled in, letting her thoughts go to Clarke. 

Everything had been so messed up for so long and yet, there they were today, texting as though nothing had happened. How was it that they were able to just switch over like that? Was it because of how long they’re known each other? Why wasn't she nearly as angry as she had been a week ago? Maybe it was because she believed what she’d seen in Clarke’s eyes when they’d spoken a few days ago. Though there was a lot that Lexa didn’t understand, she did believe that Clarke really was sorry. Admitting that she’d fucked up really was like a starting point, but again, there they were today, able to just so easily slip back into it. Octavia was right. They were weird.

When Lexa got to Costia’s she let herself in, locking the door behind her and called out for Costia. Finding both the living room and kitchen empty, she moved through the apartment and finally found Costia in her bedroom. She was lying on her stomach with the sheets pulled up to her waist and her bare back exposed. Lexa sighed at the sight, taking it in for a moment before she stepped out of her shoes and crawled into bed. She slid herself close to Costia, dropping light kisses onto her bare shoulder and then up her neck.

“About time you got here,” Costia hummed softly.  
Lexa smirked as she slipped her arm around Costia’s waist.

Yes. Yes, it was.


	14. Chapter 14

Clarke was tired. It had been a long day, really, a long week. Several new shipments had come in and she had been unloading and cataloging nonstop. All she wanted to do was go home, pour a glass of wine an soak in the tub.

“So Clarke, “ Kane said as he entered the room,” have you decided what pieces you'll be featuring yet?”  
Clarke blinked and looked up. “I'm sorry, what?”  
“In the showcase,” He clarified.  
Clarke stood up and stared at him. “I’m being featured in the showcase?”  
Kane stared right back at her. “I did tell you, didn’t I?” He asked. “I know it was a while back, but maybe I wasn't clear enough when we spoke.”  
Clarke couldn't find her words.  
“Yes Clarke” he nodded. “You're being featured in the showcase. In fact, you have the largest spot.”  
“I do?” Clarke's blue eyes went wide. “How any pieces do I need?”  
“Fifteen,” Kane replied. “Im sorry, Clarke. I probably should have reminded you sooner. I just assumed you and Lexa would have discussed it.”  
“Lexa?” Clarke looked at him. “Why?”  
“Because she wrote the article announcing the showcase,” he replied and pulled a magazine out of his desk. He flipped through the pages until he found what he was looking for and then turned the magazine over to Clarke.

Clarke skimmed down over the article, passing names, dates and times until her eyes fell on her own. The words jumped off the page at her and warmed her heart. She flipped it over and looked a the cover. This publication was several weeks old. She had a thought. “Is this what you were meeting with Lexa about?”  
Kane nodded without looking up.

Shit.

She sat back in her chair, her mind reeling. Why had she been such an ass?

Clarke; Will you come by for a drink tonight?  
Clarke: We should talk some.  
Lexa: I have a few clients late this afternoon. I can come by after?  
Clarke: That works.  
Lexa: Food?  
Clarke: Yes, please.

Hours later Clarke found herself pacing the floorboards as she waited for Lexa to arrive. She had no clue what she was going to say, or how it would all end, but she knew she had to say something. A knock at the door frozen her in place. Deep breath.

Opening the door, her eyes found Lexa’s and she couldn't help the smile that crossed her face. Awkward moment, to hug or not hug? Suddenly a slight smirk crossed Lexa's face, obviously she had that awkward feeling too, as she stepped inside she nudged Clarke with her elbow. “Come on,” she told her, “lets eat.”  
“What is it?” Clarke asked as she closed the door ad followed Lexa into the kitchen.  
“Chinese,” Lexa answered as she set the bag on the counter and started unpacking the contents.

As always, just as the food was about finished, Clarke finally spoke up. “You weren't trying to get Costia into the gallery,” she said. It wasn't a question.  
Lexa put down her fork and took a sip of her water before finally shaking her head. The topic of what transpired at Polis seemed to instantly change her mood.  
“I read your article,” Clarke told her. “I didn't even know that I was in the showcase, let alone that you'd written an article about it.”  
“You didn't exactly ask, did you?” Lexa's jaw clenched slightly.  
“I'm sorry,” Clarke said as she leaned forward.  
“Do you have any idea how hard it is to right an article about how amazingly talented someone is, when all they've been is shit to you?” Lexa got up and took her plate to the sink.  
“You'd been pretty shitty too, Lex,” Clarke said, feeling her own annoyance rising. “I called you for days, trying to explain why…”  
“You chose Finn over me?” Lexa cut in, finishing her sentence.  
“That's not what happened,” Clarke stood up. “ I mean, effectively, that's how it ended up seeming, but that's not how it was supposed to be.”  
“Not how it was supposed to be?” Lexa's eyes were getting darker. “How the hell else could it be?”  
Clarke picked up her plate and dropped it into the sink. “Look, I know what I said, but it wasn't meant the way you took it,” she said as she turned back to Lexa. “When I realized that was how you took it I tried to get ahold of you.”  
“My phone was off,” Lexa shrugged.  
“You never called me back.” Clarke leaned back against the counter. “You never even gave me the chance to explain.”  
“I didn't listen to your messages,” Lexa responded. “Well, I did, but not for a while.”  
“How long?” Clarke asked.  
“Right before Polis.” Lexa answered.  
Clarke shook her head. “Nice,” she scoffed. Stop. Just, stop.  
Lexa closed he eyes and shook her head lightly.  
“You knew,” Clarke began again. “You know, that I would never choose Finn over you. I'd never choose anyone over you. Not like that. Not ever.”  
“But, you did.” Lexa snapped through her clenched teeth.  
“I didn't,” Clarke insisted as she tried to keep her own anger at bay. “Not intentionally.”  
“Explain,” Lexa crossed her arms.  
“I was trying to fix something that wasn't mine to fix.” Clarke replied.  
Lexa's eyes narrowed as she waited for more.

Clarke sighed and over the next fifteen minutes or so, explained the conversations that had taken place between her and Finn, after the fight between him and Bellamy.

“So, I became the bad guy, because of Finn's weakness?” Lexa was angry. “Because Finn has no belief in his own worth, you tore down every bit of mine?”  
“No,” Clarke said loudly as she stepped forward. “That’s not how it was supposed to happen.”  
“But, it is how it happened,” Lexa snapped as she turned on her heel and began to walk away. “To hell with this.”  
“Don't you dare walk out on me, Lexa!” Clarke practically yelled.  
Lexa spun around and stared at her with fire in her eyes.

Just then Octavia came through the door. Her eyes floated between the two of them. “Nope,” she said, shaking her head quickly. “Uh-uh. Not spending a night in the crazy Clexa house. You two have fun,” she said turning back to the door. "Don’t break anything.”

Clarke and Lexa glanced at each other. 

“Crazy Clexa house?” Clarke finally spoke.  
Lexa chuckled lightly. “How about that drink?”  
Clarke nodded and walked back into the kitchen.

She returned a few minutes are with two glasses and handed one to Lexa. “We need to stop,” she said firmly. “We’re both being pigheaded.”  
Lexa took a sip of her drink. “You sound like…”  
“My dad?” Clarke nodded knowingly. “Well, he was the one that said it.”  
“He's a smart man.” Lexa acknowledged.  
“He also said that you and I don't know how to hate each other.” Clarke said as she stared down into her glass. “So can we please, try to figure this out?”  
Lexa seemed to be letting these words absorb. “Do you ever wish that you could?” She finally asked.  
“Hate you?” Clarke looked at her. This was an easy question to answer. “No. Not ever.”  
“Me neither,” Lexa admitted. 

They were silent for a moment, each collecting their thoughts.

“It hurt, when you said you didn't want to be around me.” Lexa finally said. "I wasn't prepared for how much."  
“Lexa,” Clarke sighed. “It wasn't that I didn't want to be around you. I love being around you. So much so, that I'd never even realized how much time we actually spend together.”  
“I guess we do, don't we?” Lexa shrugged.  
“That was all I was asking for,” Clarke tried to explain again. “Just less time together so I could try to,” she shook her head. “Fuck. I don't even know anymore.”  
“You can't fix Finn's problems,” Lexa told her. “But, maybe now that I'm with Costia, he won't feel so intimidated by our friendship.”  
“You think so?” Clarke asked.  
“Maybe,” Lexa shrugged. “I mean, he is Finn.”  
Clarke chuckled. “He is.”  
“Costia thinks that you don't like her.” Lexa said as she set her glass down.  
“I don't know her.” Clarke pointed out. She didn't like her. Nope. Not one bit.  
“That's exactly what I told her.” Lexa nodded, pushing her hair back off of her shoulder.

A while later they were sitting on opposite ends of the couch, facing one another, Clarke with her knees pulled to her chest and Lexa with one foot on the floor and the other tucked under her thigh. The conversation had been grueling, but they kept at it, they needed to get it all out. Clarke struggled as she tried to better explain what is was that she'd intended and why, while Lexa admitted that she hadn't made much of an effort to better understand, even after she'd finally listened to Clarke’s messages. 

It was an evening full of words and emotion, but they were getting there.

“Lexa,” Clarke’s voice seemed to have shrunk, “do you think we can be friends again?”  
Lexa looked at her, her eyes were warm as she shook her head ever so lightly. “I don't think we'll ever not be friends.”

Clarke leapt the length of the couch, wrapping around Lexa like a blanket as tears pooled in her eyes. “You have no idea how much I've missed you,” she whispered as the feeling of relief surged through her.  
“I've missed you too,” Lexa spoke into her neck as she gave her a hard squeeze. “No more bullshit, okay?”  
Clarke nodded. “No more.”  
“Jake was right,” Lexa said with a sigh. “We were both being stubborn and we probably could have avoided a lot of this if we'd just talked.”  
“Speaking of my dad,” Clarke leaned back a little. “There's something else I should probably tell you.” If Clarke had to live with the embarrassment of knowing that her parents knew about her and Lexa, Lexa had to live with it too.

A few minutes later Lexa's face was flushed with a redness that wouldn't quit, as Clarke giggled into her neck.


	15. Chapter 15

Lexa glanced at the clock. It was four in the morning. Raven was scheduled for surgery in less than an hour and everyone was at the hospital to await the outcome. In the few weeks since Raven’s accident, things had been different. Everyone had been different. It wasn't a bad different, quite the opposite actually. It was like the shock of almost losing Raven had reminded them of just how lucky they were to have one another. Even Finn, was different. 

After mostly reconciling with Clarke, Lexa had expected another round of shit storms with Finn, but they never came. Not one comment or a single dirty glance. It was almost as if Raven’s accident had snapped him back into his former self.

“Hey,” Finn said sleepily as he and Clarke entered the room. “We brought coffee and food.”  
Clarke rubbed her eyes. She was clad in a pair of black leggings and an oversized grey sweatshirt, her hair haphazardly tied into a bun.  
“I’ll take a couple of those,” Lexa said as she crossed the room. Finn held the tray out to her. “Thanks,” she told him as she grabbed two cups. She greeted Clarke with a chaste kiss on the cheek and returned to her seat next to Costia. She handed one of the cups to her and she accepted it with a warm smile.

Lexa glanced around the room as she ran her fingers through her loose locks, tossing them over her shoulder.

Lincoln was sitting in a chair in the corner, he had his feet propped up and a book in his lap.

Bellamy was sitting on the other side of the room, engrossed in a conversation with Jake, who looked like he hadn't slept very well.

Jasper and Monty had taken up residence at a table in front of the window, hoping to pass the time quickly with a deck of cards.

Anya was leaning against the wall, staring out the window. She hadn't said much of anything since they'd arrived.

Finn and Clarke had moved to a set of chairs across the room, Clarke with her legs draped over Finn's as they each sipped on a cup coffee and looking thoroughly nervous.

Octavia was pacing the floor like a caged animal. Everyone knew that the next few hours would be the hardest on her. Like Lexa and Clarke, Octavia and Raven practically shared the same brain.

“Hey,” Costia said softly as she slipped her hand into Lexa’s. “It’s going to be fine.”  
Lexa only nodded. She was glad Costia was here with her.

She knew Raven would be fine. She had to be. This was going to work. This was going to work and Raven was going to walk again.

Abby said that the surgery would take six hours, but that as soon as it was over she'd come right out and let them know how everything went and when they'd be able to see Raven. Lexa glanced at the clock again. It was going to be the longest six hours of her life.

Hour one went by rather quietly, but quickly. The group drank their coffee and chatted optimistically about how soon Raven would be right back to kicking ass and taking names.

Hour two went slower, but their optimism was still there. Lexa had moved herself to the table by the window. She needed a distraction and who better than Jasper and Monty? 

“What do you do, Costia?” Jasper asked as his dealt out another hand of cards.  
“I'm an event coordinator,” Costia replied quickly. ‘It requires a bit or traveling, but I love it.”  
“Like, weddings and stuff?” Monty asked.  
‘Sure,” Costia nodded. “I've done weddings and parties. Festivals and trade shows too. I’m open to pretty much anything. I love the challenge of tying it all together.”  
Lexa smirked. it was true. Costia certainly liked a challenge.  
“Nice,” Jasper nodded.

Clarke came over and sat on the arm of Lexa's chair. “Who’s winning?” She asked.  
Costia slipped her arm around Lexa's and smirked. “Lexa, of course.”  
“It's not hard against you three.” Lexa quipped and Costia nudged her.  
“Hey!” Jasper exclaimed.  
“Yeah, where's the love?” Monty shook his head.  
“Yeah,” Costia leaned forward. “Where is the love?”  
Lexa’s eyes narrowed almost playfully as she gave her a quick peck and returned her attention to her cards.  
Costia smirked again.  
“Deal me in the next round.” Clarke said confidently.

To everyone's displeasure, Clarke won the next five rounds as the clock rolled them into hour three.

Lexa was pacing in the hallway. The clock wasn't moving fast enough for her. She knew that it was a delicate procedure and that it would take time, but God, it was taking forever. She looked up, her eyes catching Anya and Clarke at the opposite end of the hallway, she couldn't hear why was being said, but was pretty sure that Anya was apologizing for having hit Clarke. Lexa's hunch was confirmed when Clarke stepped forward, embracing Anya in a tight hug.

A moment later Anya came walking down the hall. She made eye contact with Lexa before giving her a nod and returning to the waiting room.

“You hit her.” Clarke's voice broke into Lexa's thoughts.  
Lexa turned, her features stony. Of course she’d hit her.  
Clarke's expression was soft. “You didn't have to do that.”  
Lexa stood silent, her hands cupped behind her back. What was she supposed to say?  
“I deserved…” Clarke started.  
“You didn't,” Lexa cut her off.  
“You shouldn’t have defended me,” Clarke shook her head, “but, thank you.”  
Lexa nodded and Clarke stepped forward, embracing her in a tight hug. “Raven’s going to be fine,” she whispered.  
“She's a fighter,” Lexa responded, unnecessarily pointing out the obvious, as she reached around, returning the embrace.  
“She is,” Clarke agreed. 

“Sorry,” Costia’s voice filled the hallway. “I didn't mean to interrupt.”  
“You didn't,” Lexa assured her as she stepped away from Clarke. She did, but it was okay.  
“I just didn't know where you disappeared to.” Costia explained as she ran her hand up Lexa's arm and gripped her bicep smoothly.  
“I just needed a moment.” Lexa replied. “Come on, let's go back in.”

They were four hours in when a new face appeared in the doorway, next to an utterly bewildered looking Jackson. Lexa recognized the woman immediately, it was Raven’s mother. Raven’s mother, who in the weeks since her accident had made no attempt to contact her. Hell, none of them were even sure if she was aware of what was going on. They had all long since learned not to contact her with any news on Raven.

Raven’s mother had a habit that she couldn't keep in check. A habit that she would have been fine with Raven paying the price for, had it not been for the Blake and Griffin families. 

“You need to leave,” Clarke said as she stepped in the woman's way, her eyes were icy.  
“My girl,’ the woman replied, her eyes slipping out of focus.  
“Raven will be just fine,” Clarke's assured her, but her words were dripping with venom, ”but you need to leave, or I'll have you taken out.”  
The woman steadied herself, as if preparing to make an argument.

Lexa took a deep breath and squared her shoulders as everyone in the room stood up. Everyone, but Costia, who had no idea what was going on. Jackson’s eyes were apologetic to the group as he took Raven’s mother by the shoulders and led her away from the room. “Come on,” he told her. “Let's go this way.”

Hour five. The roles of the room changed.

Lincoln and Bellamy now sat at the table playing cards.

Anya was having a quiet conversation with Monty in the corner as Jasper lay on the floor nearby, flipping uninterestedly though a magazine.

Jake and Octavia were standing just outside the door having, what seemed to be heated, discussion of their own. 

Somehow, Lexa and Costia had ended up sitting across from Finn and Clarke, stuck in their own conversation.

“So, how'd you two meet?” Finn asked with innocent curiosity.  
Lexa noticed that Clarke sat up a bit at this and it dawned on her that they'd never even gotten the chance to discuss it.  
“Work,” Costia answered first. “I was planning a concert and Lexa got flagged to do an article about it.”  
“You two just hit it off?” Finn smiled.  
“Yeah,” Costia slid her hand into Lexa's and leaned closer. “I could tell right away that she was good people.”  
“She is,” Clarke confirmed and Finn actually nodded.  
“You've in the company of very good people.” Finn added as he motioned around the room. Some closer than others, and all a little strange in their own right, but nonetheless, good people.”  
Lexa saw something flicker in Clarke's eyes.  
“Well, so far everyone seems great,” Costia said as she laid her head on Lexa's shoulder, “None as great as this girl here, but all great.”  
Something flickered again and Lexa felt her brow furrow as she looked at Clarke curiously. Clarke's eyes answered her unspoken question. Later.  
“That’s Lexa,” Anya's voice joined the conversation, ”best of the best.”  
A light shade of pink crossed Lexa's cheeks as Clarke grinned slightly

Hour six. It was never going to end.

Now it was Lexa who was feeling like a caged animal. It was hot and the air in the room was getting heavier by the minute. She glanced around, it was obvious enough that everyone in the room was feeling the same amount of stress, all just waiting for Abby to appear in the doorway and tell them that very thing was fine.

“Hey you,” Costia appeared at her side, running her fingers around the back of Lexa's neck.  
Lexa felt herself cringe slightly. She was glad Costia was there, really, but she needed to stop touching her. The pressure in the room was already enough, Costia's constant touching was like an added amount of pressure that Lexa couldn't take right now. She stepped back. “Please,” she said softly.  
Costia looked wounded, but only slightly. She walked off and sat in one of the chairs between Finn and Jasper. Lexa tried to focus her thoughts, there wasn't enough air in the room.

“Lexa,” Clarke was suddenly at her side. “Lexa, look at me.”  
Lexa looked up and green met blue.  
“Take a deep breath,” Clarke told her as she took her hand.  
Lexa did as she was told.  
“Again,” Clarke instructed, giving her hand a light squeeze.  
Lexa complied. It helped. She gave Clarke a nod, she was okay.  
Clarke returned the nod and let go of her hand. Lexa watched as she returned to her seat next to Finn and rubbed her hands together, clearly, feeling just as nervous.

Finally, Abby appeared in the doorway, she glanced around the room into all of their questioning eyes and smiled. That smile told them all they needed to know. 

Lexa closed her eyes and released an emotional sigh of relief. Raven was okay.


	16. Chapter 16

Raven’s surgery was a success and in the days that followed the procedure, her mood seemed to have increased significantly.

“Hey Rae,” Clarke said as she entered the room. She glanced around at the dozens of floral arrangements that littered the room.  
“How'd you get here?” Raven questioned.  
“Octavia let me borrow her car,” Clarke answered. “How are you feeling?”  
“I’m feeling,” Raven said with a grin as she touched her leg. “It hurts, but I can feel it.”  
Clarke didn't like the thought of Raven being in pain, but the fact that she could feel was something. “Drawback of getting the feeling back, huh?”  
Raven nodded. “As soon as I heal up some, we’re going to start physical therapy. Chances are good that I'll be able to walk, but I made need some assistance.”  
“Assistance?” Clarke asked as she sat down in the chair closest to the bed.  
Raven shrugged. “Yeah, I don't know,” she answered. “Maybe a cane or something?”  
Clarke nodded. Well, a cane wasn't so bad.

“So, I finally got to meet Costia yesterday.” Raven said as she shifted in the bed. “She seems nice.”  
Clarke shrugged. “I guess.”  
“What?” Raven asked curiously.  
“Nothing,” Clarke shook her head.  
“Don't give me that shit, Griffin.” Raven said as she pointed at her. “I know you. What is it?”

Clarke took a deep breath. She could tell Raven. “I don't trust her,” she finally answered.  
“Why?” Raven asked.  
“I just get a bad vibe from her.” Clarke said as she leaned back in the chair. “I don’t know why.”  
Raven thought for a moment. “Is it because she's with Lexa?”  
“No,” Clarke shook her head. “Well, maybe, but not like that. It's in the way she looks at me.”  
“How does she look at you?” Raven asked.  
“I don't know,” Clarke shrugged. “It's smug and snide. Like she's won some competition that I didn't even know I was competing in.”  
“Is it possible that you're seeing something that isn't there, just because of the last few months?” Raven asked. “I mean, you and Lexa are just starting to spend more time together again.”  
Clarke shrugged again. “Maybe?” Nope. She wasn't seeing things.  
“Give it some time,” Raven told her. “Maybe she’ll be at Anya and Lexa's this weekend? You two can get to know each other a little better.”  
Clarke shook her head. “No weekends until you're out of here,” she told her.  
A warm smile crossed Raven’s face. “You guys don't have to do that.”  
“We want to,” Clarke responded quickly. “Everyone’s already decided.”  
“It might be a while yet.” Raven said, motioning to her leg.

“It takes as long as it takes,” Lexa's voice floated into the room and turning, Clarke found her leaning in the doorway. 

Shit. How long had she been there?

“When’d you turn up?” Raven asked curiously.  
“Just a second ago,” Lexa answered as she entered the room and held up a paper bag. “I thought you'd like a break from that hospital food.”  
“Hell yes, I do.” Raven smiled happily. “It’s okay?”  
Lexa nodded. “I cleared it with Abby.”  
Raven adjusted herself on the bed as she took the bag and peeked inside. Pizza. “You're awesome.”  
Lexa grinned. “I've heard.”  
Raven pulled out a slice and took a rather large bite. “Oh my f…” She moaned. “So good. Sorry Clarke, going to have to marry this one,” she said, pointing to Lexa.  
“Good luck taking on Costia,” Clarke said before she could stop herself. Shit.  
“I'd be more worried about taking on you.” Raven mumbled into her pizza.  
“Oh stop it,” Clarke laughed as she nudged Raven’s shoulder while Lexa chuckled.  
“Ow,” Raven feigned. “Hey, I'm injured,” she laughed.

They chatted for an hour while Raven ate her pizza. The conversation was pleasant and practically normal. Minus the fact that Raven was lying in a hospital bed, it was the best that Clarke had felt in weeks, that was until Lexa's phone went off.

“Shit,” she said getting up. “I have to go. I'm supposed to meet Costia.”  
Clarke rolled her eyes unnoticed. “I'll walk you out,” she said quickly. “I have to get to the diner anyway.”  
“You're working today?” Lexa asked as she looked up. “That's where I meeting Costia.”

Fucking great.

Clarke smiled. “Great,” she said before turning to Raven. “I'll text you later.”  
“Can't wait,” Raven replied with a sly grin.  
“Bye Rae,” Lexa said with a wave. “I’ll try to come by tomorrow.”  
“Sounds good,” Raven nodded.

They exited the hospital quickly and as Clarke drove to the diner she only had one though. Let them be in anyone else's section.

God hates her. That was the conclusion that Clarke came to when she came out from the back and saw Lexa and Costia sitting in her section. “Fuck my life,” she mumbled to herself as she approached their table.

“Hey guys,” Clarke said as she reached their table. “Can I start you off with some drinks?”  
Lexa looked up and smiled, she didn't have to answer. Clarke quickly jotted down a water and looked at Costia.  
“Clarke,” Costia greeted her curtly. “I'll take a…” a crash from the kitchen echoed through the diner, “…tea with lemon.”  
“You got it,” Clarke nodded and made her way back behind the counter and into the kitchen where Harper just looked at her apologetically  
“You good?” Clarke asked quickly.  
“I got it,” Harper assured her and Clarke left the kitchen.

As she stood getting Lexa and Costia's drinks, Finn came in.

“Hey,” he said as he leaned across the counter a placed a light peck on her cheek. “How's it going?”  
“Just started,” Clarke replied with a shrug.  
“Well, hopefully it goes quickly,” he responded, pushing his shaggy dark hair out of his face.  
“We’ll see,” Clarke nodded as she grabbed Lexa and Costia's drinks.

She made her way back to the table and set the glasses down. “Have you two decided?” she asked pleasantly.  
“We’re each going to take a Caesar salad,” Costia answered.  
“Coming right up,” Clarke smiled quickly and turned to leave.  
“UGH,” Costia's voice echoed in Clarke’s ears. “That's awful."  
Clarke spun around and saw Costia setting her cup back down. “What's wrong?” She asked quickly.  
“It's so sweet,” Costia replied.  
“You asked for iced tea?” Clarke responded.  
“I asked for unsweetened tea,” Costia snapped lightly.  
“Shit,” Clarke said quietly. “I’m sorry, Costia. I must have misheard you. I'll get you a new drink.”

Clarke rushed back behind the counter to make Costia a new drink.

“Everything okay?” Finn asked, taking in Clarke's frazzled disposition.  
“I got distracted by Harper and messed up Costia's drink,” Clarke answered. Did she mess it up? She tried to think back to that moment.  
“Oh,” Finn replied. “I didn't even realize she was in here,” he glanced around.  
“Yeah,” Clarke replied, pointing to the other side of the diner. “Her and Lexa are over there.”  
“I see them now,” Finn nodded. “I'll have to pop over before I leave.”  
Clarke shrugged as she walked away with Costia's drink. 

As she neared the table she gave the two an apologetic smile, similar to the one that Harper had recently given her. “Sorry about that, Costia.”  
“No problem,” Costia said with a sideward glance.  
Clarke looked at Lexa, even more apologetic, she seemed slightly put off. 

Shit. Did she think that it had happened on purpose?

As her shift wore on and business picked up Clarke noticed that Finn had made his way over to Lexa and Costia and had slid into the booth next to Lexa. They seemed to be having a pleasant conversation, but in the back of her mind Clarke couldn't help but hope that Finn was behaving himself. She had just finished cashing out a customer when Finn appeared at the counter.

“Hey,” he said smiling. “How do you feel about having dinner with Lexa and Costia tomorrow night?”  
Clarke looked up. “Um, I don't know,” she hesitated.  
“Why?” He asked, looking disappointed.  
“I need to get my pieces selected for the showcase.” Clarke explained. “We’ll see, okay?”  
“Fair enough,” he replied and walked back to the table.

Clarke turned and poured herself a cup of coffee. She was so ready to go home. She pulled out her phone.

Clarke: I want to go home.  
Raven: What's wrong?  
Clarke: Lexa + Costia + Finn + mistake drink order x possible dinner date = :(  
Raven: Haha, damn. So, double dating already??  
Clarke: Shut it.  
Raven: You need to give her a chance.  
Raven: Octavia agrees.  
Clarke: You told O?  
Raven: Duh?

Clarke stuffed her phone back into her pocket. Of course Raven would tell Octavia. 

By the time Clarke got home from work that night she was completely exhausted and fell asleep on the couch within a few minutes of entering the apartment. She woke up a few hours later covered with a blanket and smiled warmly as she silently thanked the stars for Octavia.

Late the following morning Clarke was pacing. She had gone through an pulled out a lot of her work and had it situated throughout the apartment. Fifteen pieces was a heavy order and while her work ranged all over the place and there was plenty to go around, she wanted to make sure that the ones she picked out were perfect.

“You’re over thinking it,” Octavia told her from the kitchen table.  
“I know,” Clarke nodded as she stared at a still life she’d done a few weeks ago. It was good, but not great. She pushed it aside. She had several picked out, but not enough.

“What about the one that's hanging in the hallway?” Octavia asked. “It's a great piece.”  
Clarke looked at her. It was true the picture in the hallway was, by far, one of her best. “I don't know if I'd want to part with it.” Clarke shook her head.  
“No one is saying that you have to,” Octavia assured her. “People can make offers on your work, but you're not obligated to sell any of it.”  
Clarke nodded. It was true.

She turned and walked down the hall. She stared at the charcoal picture on the wall, every line was perfect.

The entire outline was heavily shaded, but the center focus depicted a woman on her back, covered only by a rumpled sheet at her waist. Her face lost in the darkness, save only her mouth, which was hung open slightly. The arch of her back and hint of someone's hand beneath the sheet made what was transpiring all too obvious. The piece was very suggestive, yes, but truly amazing.

Clarke shook her head and walked away. Maybe.

“Well?” Octavia asked as she returned to the living room.  
“I don't know,” Clarke shrugged. “We’ll see. That one may be too over the top, even for me.”  
“How many more do you need?” Octavia flipped through a few paintings that Clarke had discarded.  
“At least six,” Clarke shook her head.  
“Well, think on it.” Octavia told her.  
Clarke nodded. “I will.”

Finn: So dinner?

Clarke sighed. She had no desire to go to dinner.  
“Finn?” Octavia asked.  
“Uh huh,” Clarke replied.  
“You going to go?” Octavia questioned her again.  
“Yep,” Clarke answered with a nod.  
“Good girl,” Octavia smiled as she continued flipping through Clarke's paintings.  
Clarke glared at her lightly before redirecting her eyes back to her phone.

Clarke: Just let me know what time to be ready.


	17. Chapter 17

“Lexa,” Clarke’s voice came out, just above a whisper as her finger tips traced down the center of Lexa's abdomen.  
Lexa inhaled deeply. “Clarke,” she opened her eyes. They were dark with desire, with need.

Blue met green and every question was answered. It was okay. 

They were burning for release and it was okay. It was okay to give into it. It was okay to let themselves be engulfed by it, until their aching hunger was sated. It was safe. Safe, because they knew. They knew what the other thought and felt. What they wanted and needed. Something simple, something that left them free. Something that calmed the beast within.

Lexa's right hand reached forward, her fingers slipping around the back of Clarke’s neck and tangling lightly with her hair. Her grip was soft, but strong as she pulled Clarke to her, their lips were only inches apart, they could feel each other's breath, it was torturous. 

Finally Lexa leaned forward, bridging the last millimeter of a gap between them. There was a sharp intake of breath, Clarke's hand finding the small of Lexa’s back, their bodies rolling into one another perfectly as small explosions began to erupt beneath their skin. They parted for a moment, just a moment and green met blue…

Lexa’s eyes opened slowly. That did not just happen.

Costia stirred in the bed next to her and she was instantly flushed with guilt. She should not be dreaming about Clarke, while lying in bed next to Costia. She shouldn’t be dreaming about Clarke at all. She scolded herself quickly before sitting up and slipping into a long t-shirt and a pair of shorts.

As she crossed the room Costia sat up, pulling the sheet up to cover her chest. “Where’re you going?” She asked sleepily.  
“To shower,” Lexa answered quickly, “we’re meeting Finn and Clarke in a couple of hours.”  
“Mmm,” Costia hummed as she laid her head back onto the pillow and closed her eyes. “I’d rather stay in bed with you.”  
“Of course you would.” Lexa smirked. “Sleep a little more. I’ll wake you when I’m finished showering.”  
“Okay,” Costia said without opening her eyes.

Lexa quietly exited her room, her body seemed to be burning as she walked down the hallway. She glanced into the living room, spotting Anya texting on the couch as she turned into the kitchen and poured a tall glass of water. Taking a rather large sip, she sighed at the instant relief she felt when the cold spread through her.

“Dehydrated?” Anya asked from the sofa.  
“A little,” Lexa replied as she took another large sip.  
“Can’t imagine why,” Anya rolled her eyes.  
“Oh shush,” Lexa returned the eye roll. “Like, I’ve never had to listen to you.”  
Anya chuckled to herself as Lexa walked off to the bathroom.

She stood in the shower letting the hot water wash over her as she pushed the faint memory of her dream far from her thoughts. Where the hell did that come from? 

Exiting the bathroom sometime later, Lexa found Anya still sprawled out on the couch texting.

“Who’re you texting?” She asked as she rubbed her hair roughly with a towel.  
“Just Raven,” Anya answered as she dropped the phone onto the couch and looked back at her magazine. “I still can’t believe you agreed to have dinner with Finn and Clarke.”  
Lexa stopped drying her hair. “I didn’t,” she told her. “It was my idea.”  
“Why?” Anya asked, looking up.  
“I thought it would be nice,” Lexa shrugged as she went to wake up Costia.

After a somewhat annoying struggle, Lexa finally got Costia to drag herself out of bed and into the shower. Too much time had passed and Lexa kept glancing at the clock while she finished up the final touches on her shadowy eye makeup, Costia needed to pick up the pace. As soon as she had the thought, hands were at her side. She felt Costia's body press against her own as fingernails firmly trailed down to her hips. Lexa sighed into the feeling.

“Damn,” Costia whispered into her ear. “You look…”  
“Thank you,” Lexa grinned. “You should really get ready. We have to leave soon.”  
Costia growled lightly, but submitted and began to get ready.

A little while later they were standing at the bar inside Polis having a drink while they waited for Clarke and Finn.

“I’m glad you agreed to this,” Lexa told her as she lifted her glass to her lips and took a sip. “I’d like my friends to be able to get to know you better.”  
“I’d like to get to know them too,” Costia replied with a smile as she finished her drink in one sip and flagged down the bartender for another.

Lexa’s eyes were focused on the other side of the restaurant where Clarke and Finn had just entered. She raised a hand to get their attention and a moment later they were walking toward the bar.

“Hey guys,” Lexa greeted them pleasantly, and as always, placed a chaste kiss on Clarke’s cheek. “You’re late.”  
“Sorry,” Finn replied quickly. “Someone wasn’t quite ready.”  
“I got distracted,” Clarke laughed defensively and gave him a nudge.  
“Music or art?” Lexa questioned knowingly.  
“Art,” Clarke replied sheepishly.  
Lexa just grinned and shook her head.  
“Ready to get a table?” Finn asked.  
“Definitely,” Lexa replied quickly.  
“So Clarke, have you been working on any new music?” Costia asked as they made their way back across the restaurant. “They speak highly of you at Grounders.”

Both Lexa and Finn stared at Costia. Shit.

“Music is kind of on the back burner right now,” Clarke answered stiffly, but there was no missing the annoyed look in her eyes.  
“Ah, I see.” Costia nodded with a smile. “Too bad.”  
“Anyway,” Clarke suddenly added. “I’m being featured in an upcoming showcase at the gallery, so really, all of my focus should be there.”  
“I’d love to see your work sometime,” Costia replied with a curt smile. “I’m sure it’s very, nice.”

Lexa’s brow furrowed as Clarke’s eyebrows rose slightly and everyone could tell that she was biting on the inside of her cheek.

“Easy enough,” Finn spoke up quickly “just turn around.” He pointed to a large painting hanging on the wall behind them.  
Costia turned, her smile faltering as her eyes moved across the picture, she opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Lexa could tell that Costia had underestimated Clarke’s skill and she didn’t miss the mildly smug look that appeared on Clarke’s face as a result of it. An odd tension settled between them as they waited for their table in silence.

“Come on, our table is ready.” Clarke said briskly when the hostess motioned them forward, Finn followed closely behind, his fists shoved in his pockets.  
Lexa started to follow but stopped when she noticed that Costia’s attention was still on Clarke’s painting. “You alright?” She asked as she slipped her hand into Costia’s.  
Costia nodded slowly. “It really is beautiful.”  
Lexa grinned. It was not the first time that she’d seen someone become mesmerized by Clarke’s work. “I know,” she said softly. “Come on, let’s go sit down.”

Thankfully, by the time they finished ordering their food the tension seemed to be lessening. They chatted though their meal, touching on a variety of topics ranging from business to personal and by the time they were ordering their coffee the tension seemed to have completely subsided. Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever.

“I see we have a new face among us this evening.” A familiar voice filled Lexa’s ear.  
“Hello Thelonious,” Clarke greeted him warmly as Finn waved. “This is Costia, Lexa’s girlfriend.”  
“A pleasure to meet you, Costia,” he said with a smile as he extended his hand to her. “Thelonious Jaha, owner and operator of Polis.”  
Costia smiled back at him. “The pleasure is all mine.”  
“You’re not by chance the same Costia that’s been preforming at Grounders, are you?” He asked curiously.

Ugh. Really? Out of the corner of her eye, Lexa saw Clarke’s shoulders drop and her jaw clench lightly.

“I am,” Costia answered, a proud smile crossing her face.  
“I’ve seen your set,” he nodded. “Very moving.”  
“Thank you,” Costia said as she slipped her hand into Lexa’s and gave it a squeeze.  
“Nice to see you again, Lexa,” he smiled and she returned it.  
“Anyway, forgive my interruption, but Clarke,” he redirected his glance, “I was wondering if I might borrow you for just a moment?”  
“Of course,” Clarke replied as she slipped out of the booth.

Lexa watched as the two walked away before redirecting her attention to her coffee.

“They seem friendly,” Costia stated as she stirred her spoon around in her cup.  
“Clarke’s known him all her life,” Finn explained. “He been friends with her parents since they were kids.”  
“I see,” Costia nodded. “Is that why he has her art hanging in his restaurant?”  
Finn shook his head quickly, making his hair flop around his face.  
“No, he bought that outright,” Lexa answered. “Back when Clarke was in college.”  
“He bought a couple of them actually,” Finn added, “though some went into his personal collection.”  
“Impressive,” Costia noted as she took a sip of her coffee.  
Lexa only nodded. Clarke’s work spoke for itself.

Ten minutes later Clarke returned with her cheeks flushed pink and a smile that wouldn’t quit. Lexa looked at her curiously.

“What happened?” Finn finally asked.  
“Thelonious just offered me a contact to perform in the lounge.” Clarke answered happily, her blue eyes sparkling.  
“Here?” Lexa’s eyes went wide with shock.

Being that the list of people that actually got to perform at Polis was very exclusive, it went without saying that this was a huge upgrade from Grounders and a huge win for Clarke.

“That’s awesome, Princess.” Finn exclaimed as he pulled her into a hug. “Wow.”  
“Congratulations,” Lexa said with a warm smile, before her eyes fell on Costia.  
Costia seemed to need a moment to find her words. “Well done, Clarke,” she finally told her with a smile. “That's really great.”  
“Thank you,” Clarke smiled widely. 

They discussed Clarke's conversation with Thelonious for awhile before the check was finally requested and they parted ways. Lexa dropped Costia off at her apartment and just as she pulled into her parking spot at home, her phone began to buzz wildly.

Clarke: Guess who has a contract at POLIS???  
O: Holy shit! About time!!!  
Jasper: That’s awesome!  
Raven: That’s what I'm talking about!  
Finn: Damn right!  
Monty: Congrats!  
Lincoln: Alright, Clarke!  
Bellamy: Yeah!!!  
Anya: Well done.

Lexa smiled at all of the messages, her heart felt warm. This was exactly what Clarke needed.

Lexa: Congratulations, Clarke. Polis is lucky to have such a talent.


	18. Chapter 18

Clarke was sitting in the park across from the hospital quietly sketching. The early autumn air felt slightly cool against her skin, but it was refreshing, even nice. Six weeks had passed since Raven’s surgery and today they were finally releasing her. Octavia and Clarke had made the drive up to get her. Raven had asked them to both wait outside, but Octavia refused, so Clarke just made herself comfortable and waited.

“Hey,” Lexa’s voice broke into her thoughts.  
Clarke looked up and smiled. “What are you doing here?”  
Lexa smiled as she sat on the bench. “I wasn’t about to miss Raven’s release.”  
Clarke simply nodded.  
“Are you just about ready for the showcase?” Lexa asked curiously.  
“Getting there,” Clarke replied as she closed her sketchbook. “I still need a few more pieces.”  
“I’m sure it will be great,” Lexa assured her. “I can’t wait to see it.”  
Clarke smiled warmly as both of their phone began going off.

***New Event Created***

BabyBlake: Guess who’s back, bitches???  
BabyBlake: IMG_100

A wide smile broke across Clarke’s face as she looked down at a smiling picture of Raven, though her heart sank a little, when she saw the brace that was practically covering her entire left leg.

Princess: YAY!!!! :)  
Commander: Welcome back, Raven!  
MontyG: I missed that smiling face!  
BigBlake: This just made my day!  
A: About time.  
Linc: Yes!  
JasperJ: Woo-hoo!  
Collins: Excellent news!  
Reyes: Ah, my minions. It’s good to be back.  
Reyes: And just in time for a weekend. No?  
BabyBlake: Indeed. Lex?

Clarke chuckled as Lexa shook her head and took over the conversation.

Commander: Well, we know everyone’s been waiting for it so, who’s in?  
Reyes: IN!  
Princess: Definitely in.  
Collins: Me too.  
BabyBlake: I’m so there.  
Linc: Yep.  
A: I’d pass, but being that it’s at my place…  
Commander: Our place.  
A: Whatever.  
Reyes: Anya, you would ditch? You wound me!  
A: It’s the simple things in life.  
MontyG: I’ll be there.  
JasperJ: You know I’m in.  
BigBlake: Wouldn’t miss it.  
JasperJ: RoP?  
Commander: Vodka.

Clarke looked up at Lexa. “Really?” She twisted her face up slightly. “Lame.”  
“I like it.” Lexa grinned. “At least I didn’t choose whiskey.”  
Clarke tossed her a playful glare. “Oh hush.”

JasperJ: Done.  
Reyes: We need food! Lots of food!  
BabyBlake: Don’t worry, Rae. There will be plenty of food.  
Reyes: Good food!  
BigBlake: O and I will take care of it.  
Reyes: Yes!  
A: Is Costia coming?  
Commander: I mentioned it. We’ll see.

Clarke felt her eyes roll slightly. Of course.

In the weeks since she signed her contract with Thelonious, she and Finn had been spending a lot of time with Lexa and Costia. It wasn’t great, but it was okay. Costia would still make her snide little comments and throw looks her way as she hung all over Lexa, but Clarke just did her best to ignore it. Finn and Lexa were getting along better and Costia seemed to get along with him too, so really, it worked out, because the more they hung out together, the more Clarke would get to hang out with Lexa without anyone pitching a jealous fit.

As they made their way back towards the hospital they spotted Octavia and Raven exiting the front doors. Raven paused and closed her eyes, letting the sun warm her face. She was smiling and the sight brought tears to Clarke’s eyes. Quickly she moved forward and embraced Raven in a tight hug. 

“Easy,” Raven chuckled. “I’m fragile.”  
“Bullshit,” Lexa laughed.  
“Maybe.” Raven grinned playfully as she switched over and gave Lexa a hug. “Did you bring me food?”  
“Nope,” Clarke shook her head.  
“But, we are taking you to lunch.” Octavia added.  
“Yes!” Raven punched her fist in the air.

As they walked to the car Clarke couldn’t help but take in Raven’s limp. The accident had slowed her down, no doubt, but it hadn’t stopped her. Abby was right; it wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t shit.

Thankfully, the next few days went by quickly and before Clarke knew it, she and Finn were making their way to Lexa’s, this time, running late because of Finn. When they finally found a parking spot, more than a block away, Clarke released a sigh of frustration. “Finally.”  
“Sorry,” Finn told her as he unclipped his seatbelt. “I couldn’t help it.”  
“I know, I know,” Clarke shook her head. “Let’s just get in there.”

As they entered the apartment the sound of music and their friends laughter instantly changed both of their moods. Clarke looked around. Octavia and Bellamy had the kitchen counters lined with food and someone had turned the island into a makeshift bar. Raven was planted on a stool with a plastic crown sitting lopsided on head and a huge plate of food on her lap. Octavia and Monty were at her side, both laughing at, what Clarke assumed, was some ridiculous joke that she’d had just cracked. Bellamy, Anya and Jasper were all seated at the kitchen table, engaged in what seemed to be a very tense hand of cards, while Lincoln and Costia were lounging in the living room, both with a drink in hand and a smile on their faces.

“Well, look who finally decided to grace us with their presence,” Raven said with a grin as she tossed each of them a mini bottle of vodka.  
“His fault,” Clarke replied as she pointed at Finn and uncapped the bottle. She took a deep breath before tipping the contents into her mouth and swallowing quickly.  
Finn shrugged as he too drank the vodka and scooped up a beer before walking off to check out the card game.  
“Here you go,” Lexa said, appearing beside her with a beer in hand. She held it out to her.  
“Thanks,” Clarke smiled as she accepted the beer and placed a quick kiss on her cheek. “Looks like everyone’s having a good time.”  
Lexa looked around. “So far, so good.”  
Clarke sighed lightly. “It’s so great to see them all together like this and…”  
“Have it not be in a hospital setting,” Lexa finished her sentence.  
“Exactly,” Clarke smiled.  
“I agree.” Lexa nodded as she walked over and grabbed a handful of grapes. “Want some?” She held them out to Clarke.  
“Thanks,” Clarke nodded and Lexa tipped a few into her hand.  
“Come on,” Lexa popped a grape into her mouth and gave her a nudge. “Time to mingle.”

Clarke followed Lexa into the living room where she sat down next to Lincoln on the couch.

“Hey Clarke,” he smiled at her.  
“What are we talking about?” Clarke asked pleasantly as she tossed a grape into her mouth.  
“Nothing really,” Costia answered as Lexa sat down next to her.  
“Are you excited for the showcase?” Lincoln asked.  
“Absolutely. I can’t believe it’s next week.” Clarke answered quickly. “You’re coming, right?”  
“Of course,” he nodded. “I’m pretty sure that everyone is.”  
Clarke smiled and opened her beer. “Awesome.”  
“Think you’ll sell any of your work?” Costia eyed her as she began rubbing her thumb on Lexa’s knee.  
“I don’t know,” Clarke shrugged, ignoring the look Costia was giving her. “It’d be nice, but I wouldn’t be disappointed if I didn’t. I’m just glad people are coming to see it. Kane’s expecting a full house.”  
“That’s great, Clarke.” Lexa smiled sweetly.

“Clarke!” Octavia yelled from the other side of the room. “Come have a drink with me and Raven!”  
“What are we drinking?” Clarke hollered back.  
“Whatever the hell I choose,” Ravens voice came back, “Now get your sexy ass in here!”

A wide smile stretched across Clarke’s face as she stood up from the couch. She’d missed Raven. “See you in a bit,” she said before walking off.

When Clarke entered the kitchen she found Raven and Octavia pouring a few shots and whispering to one another. “What’s up?” She asked.  
“Okay so, remember that conversation that we had about Costia awhile back?” Raven asked in a hushed voice.  
Clarke nodded.  
“I take back what I said,” Raven told her. “You’re not seeing things.”  
“Right!” Clarke hissed. She knew she wasn’t crazy  
“I totally saw it just now when you were talking to her,” Raven explained as she set down the bottle.  
“I saw it too,” Octavia added as she tucked her hair behind her ear.  
Clarke sighed as she picked up one of the shots. “Any suggestions?”  
Raven shrugged. “I’d just ignore it,” she answered. “She’s probably just jealous of you, the same way that Finn was jealous of Lexa.”  
“Think?” Clarke asked.  
“Makes sense, really.” Octavia nodded.  
“Ugh.” Clarke held up her shot glass. “People and their fucking issues.”  
“You do seem to attract them,” Raven picked up her glass with a slick grin.  
“Cheers,” Octavia smiled with a light shrug.

The three of them tipped their shots back and instantly Clarke and Octavia began to gag and cough, while Raven giggled deviously.  
“What the hell?” Clarke asked quickly as she felt the fiery liquid burn its way down to her stomach. “Was that…”  
“Monty’s fucking Moonshine,” Raven grinned. “Love that shit.”  
“Sometimes, I really hate you.” Octavia coughed.  
“You wish you did.” Raven said, wrapping her arm around Octavia and giving her a squeeze.

Two hours later Clarke found herself playing a very intense game of chess against Lexa. This was nothing new, it had been going on forever. Whenever they spent the weekends at Lexa and Anya’s the two of them always played at least one game of chess.

“I don’t understand you two.” Costia whined as she stood up from her seat next to Lexa.  
“Don’t bother trying to understand them,” Finn chuckled as he sat down on the arm of the couch. “It’s a waste of time and energy.”  
“Really. You’ll just give yourself a headache.” Octavia said as she stood behind Clarke with her eyes focused on the board.  
“How can you play this game?” Costia rolled her eyes. “It’s so boring.”  
“This game is awesome,” Lexa responded smoothly as she eyed the pieces, making her decision. “It’s strategic and demands total concentration.”  
Clarke tensed up her face playfully and nodded. “Total concentration.”  
“Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke.” Lexa said firmly as she popped one of her eyebrows lightly.  
“Really?” Clarke asked lightheartedly.  
“Mhm," Lexa replied as she made her move.  
“Are you sure it’s not?” Clarke smiled as she crossed her arms.  
“I’m sure.” Lexa nodded.  
Clarke returned the nod as she reached forward and moved her piece. “Checkmate,” she grinned, her blue eyes sparkling with delight.  
Lexa’s mouth hung open as her eyes scanned the board and the room erupted in laughter.  
“Holy shit!” Jasper howled.  
“Well done, Clarke.” Anya nodded with a smile.  
“That was awesome,” Raven laughed as she high-fived Monty.  
Lexa looked up, her eyes still showing utter disbelief. “I want a rematch,” she grinned.  
Clarke heard Costia groan as she flopped over on the couch somewhere behind them. “Let’s do it,” she accepted happily, knowing that from this moment on, the night could only get better.


	19. Chapter 19

Lexa had been up since five. She’d had already gone for a run, worked with four clients at the gym and done the grocery shopping and now she had to clear her backlog of articles. She had to, because a couple of them were almost due. She had to, because Clarke's showcase was tonight and there was no way in hell she was going to miss it.

**************Incoming Skype Call**************

Lexa clicked the button and Clarke's frazzled face appeared on the screen. “Lexa,” she wined quickly. “I'm freaking the fuck out!”  
Lexa took a deep breathe. “What's going on, Clarke?” She asked as she shrunk the image of Clarke and continued typing.  
“What's going on?” Clarke said rhetorically. “Tonight's the showcase. Everyone is going to be looking at my work. Some people might even have an interest in owning some of it.”  
“And?” Lexa asked, knowing that this was not what was freaking Clarke out.  
“And I cant find a fucking thing to wear.” Clarke's voice was so small and frustrated, it was actually cute.  
Lexa grinned. “You're going to wear your blue dress,” she responded confidently.  
Clarke looked up. “The square neck or the scoop?”  
“The V,” Lexa replied, still typing. “It brings out your eyes and pair it with your black heels.”  
Clarke nodded quickly. “Makeup?”  
Lexa stopped typing and thought for a moment. “Smokey, but soft,” she replied and began to type again.  
Clarke sighed. “What would I do without you?”  
“Probably be exceptionally late.” Lexa replied matter-of factly. “Anything else?”  
“What are you doing?” Clarke asked curiously.  
“Working,” Lexa answered. “I have a lot to get done, if you want me to be there tonight.”  
“If?” Clarke’s eyes went wide. “No if! I need you there.”  
Lexa stopped typing and grinned into the camera. “Well then, let me get my work done, so I don't have to worry about you being all disappointed and mopey all night.”  
“You’ll be there?” Clarke asked sincerely.  
“I'll be there,” Lexa smiled and ended the call. 

She clicked on her music and let herself get lost in her work for well over an hour, until there was a new interruption.

Costia: This day has been a nightmare.  
Costia: I can't wait to be curled up with you in a little while.  
Lexa: Clarke's showcase is tonight, remember?  
Costia: Shit. Right, right.  
Costia: Don't suppose you'd want to skip it and spend the night in bed with me?

Lexa stared down at the message and shook her head quickly. This wasn't even up for discussion. There was only one answer.

Lexa: No.  
Lexa: I can't do that.  
Lexa: You don't have to go though, I'm sure that Clarke will understand.  
Costia: :(  
Costia: No. I'll be there.

Lexa glanced at the clock. “Shit,” she muttered to herself.  
“What's wrong?” Anya asked.  
“Nothing,” Lexa answered and increased her typing speed.  
“Lexa, relax. It'll be fine.” Anya assured her. “You've got plenty of time.”  
Lexa took a deep breath an let it out slowly. “Plenty of time.”

An hour later Lexa finished her work and raced off to the shower. She was in and out in a flash and finished her hair and makeup in record time. For herself, she decided to go solid black, choosing a medium length dress and matching heels.

“You look great,” Anya told her from the doorway. “Can we go now?”  
Lexa nodded as she quickly grabbed her clutch and moved toward the door. “We need to pick up Costia,” she said quickly.  
“Of course we do,” Anya rolled her eyes slightly. “Just make sure she's on her best behavior tonight.”  
Lexa stopped just short of the car and looked at her. “What do you mean?”  
“She's just a little abrasive with Clarke and tonight's really not the night.” Anya explained.  
“She is?” Lexa's eye widened. “When?”  
“We don't have time,” Anya waved her hand. “Just try to keep her in line.”  
Lexa gave a quick nod and climbed into the passenger seat.

Forty minutes later the three of them pulled into the parking lot of the gallery and quickly made their way inside. The showcase was still in its early stage and the main doors to the gallery had not yet opened. All of the people waiting to go in just mingled together as they munched on Hors d’oeuvres and sipped champagne. Lexa couldn’t locate Clarke anywhere, but after a few minutes found Raven, Octavia and Bellamy.

“Where is she?” Lexa asked with concern as she approached them.  
Raven pointed at a nearby door with a funny look on her face.  
“What's wrong?” Lexa questioned quickly.  
“She’s kind of freaking out.” Octavia answered.  
“Yeah,” Bellamy nudged her arm. “You better get in there.”  
Lexa gave them a quick nod before handing her clutch to Anya and walking to the door.

Peeking inside Lexa eyes instantly found Clarke. She was pacing back and forth with her hands on her stomach and an extremely nervous look on her face. Yes, she was definitely freaking out.

“Hey,” Lexa said softly as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her.  
“You're here,” Clarke said as she stepped forward, engulfing Lexa in a tight hug and burrowing into her neck.  
“Of course,” Lexa replied as she gave Clarke a tight squeeze. “What is this? What's going on?”  
“I don't know,” Clarke said as she took a step back, shaking her head.  
“Clarke,” Lexa said sternly. “What is it?”  
Clarke's eyes were starting to moisten. “What if they hate it all?” She asked quickly. “What if they hate, me?”  
Lexa reached forward and took her hand. “Clarke, your work is incredible,” she told her gently. “You know how talented you are - everyone, knows how talented you are.”  
“But, what if they hate me?” Clarke asked as she closed her eyes.  
“They're not going to hate you.” Lexa assured her firmly as she gave her hand a squeeze.  
Clarke looked down, shaking her head again. “How do you know?”  
Lexa reached forward with her free hand, tilting Clarke's chin up until green met blue. “What could they possibly find to hate?” She asked affectionately, as a warm smile spread across her face.  
Clarke returned the smile as she stepped forward and pulled Lexa into another hug. “Thank you,” she whispered.  
Lexa nodded. “Now, come on,” she said, her voice firm again, “It’s time to do this.”  
Clarke stepped out of the hug and nodded quickly. “I look okay?” she asked as she smoothed out her dress.  
“You look beautiful, Clarke.” Lexa nodded simply. It was true. “Let’s go.”

They exited the room to find all of their friends and Jake and Abby waiting patiently for them.

“All better?” Jake asked as she gave Clarke a hug.  
“I’m good,” Clarke assured him as she moved to also hug her mother.  
“Good,” Raven said as she gave her back a rub. “Time to kick ass and take names.”  
“Kane’s looking for you,” Lincoln told her as he fidgeted with his tie.  
“Stop messing with it,” Bellamy scolded him and Lincoln stuffed his hands in his pockets.  
Clarke's laughed. “Okay, I’ll see you guys in a bit,” she said before turning to Lexa and mouthing only two words, “Thank you.”

Out of the corner of her eye Lexa saw Finn down his glass of champagne and she shot Anya a look. She was about to speak when Kane stepped in front of the crowd. Everyone listened for the next few minutes as he complimented Clarke, her talent and the amount of raw emotion that she poured into her work. Lexa stood listening with her eyes focused on nothing but Clarke and a proud feeling bubbling in her chest. 

When Kane finished he turned the floor over to Clarke who simply expressed her appreciation for the people who turned out to see her work and told them that she truly hoped that they enjoyed what they were about to see.

A few moments later the doors opened and everyone wandered through, eager to explore what Kane had spoke so passionately about.

Lexa crossed the threshold with Costia on her arm, both pausing as they glanced around the room in awe. Clarke’s work was without a doubt exceptional. Some of the pieces she knew, while others were new. Lexa took her time looking at each painting, taking in the details and knowing that though Clarke would have created them with an effortless talent, she would have taken pains over each and every tiny detail. 

She was eight pieces in, studying a painting of children playing in a leaf pile when Costia broke away from her to get another glass of champagne and talk with Monty and Bellamy. She moved forward, not really minding her absence, being far too engrossed in the paintings that surrounded her.

A few minutes later a charcoal sketch at the end of the room caught her attention and her feet carried her forward without much thought. She knew this piece, Clarke had made it years ago. It hung in her apartment. Why was it here? Her eyes floated over the heavily shaded edges, before skimming down the length of the female figure. In truth, the piece was exquisite, every line was perfect. Every curve and birthmark, every scar…

Suddenly a hand was on her side as a thumb ran over the scar on her rib cage. She turned, her green eyes meeting Costia’s stormy ones. “You and Clarke,” she said stiffly. It wasn't a question. 

A flash burned through Lexa. Of all the fucking pieces, why did it have to be this one? She turned on her heel and walked away, looking for only one thing.

Clarke.

She found her quickly, talking to a group of people and looking positively radiant. “Excuse me,” Lexa apologized for her interruption as her long fingers slipped tightly around Clarke's wrist. “I need to borrow Clarke for just one moment.” Without waiting for a response, Lexa pulled Clarke out of the crowds earshot.

“Lexa?” Clarke questioned, clearly taken off guard “What is…”  
“Why is that picture here, Clarke?” Lexa cut her off harshly as she let go of her wrist.  
“What picture?” Clarke questioned her, looking bewildered.  
“The charcoal one,” Lexa replied quickly, “from your apartment. Why is it here?”  
“Because, it's one of my best pieces,” Clarke answered innocently. “Why are you so angry? No one knows that it's you.”  
“Costia,” Lexa snapped furiously through her clenched teeth. “Costia, knows that it's me.”  
“So what?” Clarke shrugged, waving a hand in the air. “It’s not like it’s a big…” her voice trailed off as an obvious realization appeared in her eyes. “She didn't know,” she nodded sharply.  
Lexa threw Clarke a very disapproving look before she closed her eyes and shook her head ever so slightly.


	20. Chapter 20

Clarke looked around, grateful to be far away from the crowd. She took a deep breath. Well, shit. “Lexa, I just assumed she knew,” she tried to explain. “I didn’t…”  
“Why would she know?” Lexa snapped again, her eyes piercing. “Why would you even think that I’d tell her?”

Um, because she acts like a jealous and possessive bitch all of the time?

“I don’t know,” Clarke shook her head quickly. She didn’t know what to say or do. Lexa was so angry. Why was she so angry?

“What were you thinking, Clarke?” Lexa finally sighed, rolling her eyes.  
“I was thinking that it’s just a picture.” Clarke bit back annoyed. “One that I’ve had in shows before, so why would it be a big deal?”  
“Because, no one knew it was me,” Lexa retorted quickly, “and now…

“You’re kidding, right?” Raven’s sarcastic voice filled the corridor. “We’ve always known it was you.”  
Clarke spun around to see Raven and Octavia standing nearby.  
“Lexa, I’m sorry.” Octavia stepped forward, looking extremely apologetic. “I was the one that suggested the piece, I didn’t…”  
“Well, it was a really stupid suggestion,” Lexa cut her off briskly.  
“Hey,” Raven spat as she stepped in front of Octavia. “You really need to stop being such a bitch!”  
Lexa opened her mouth to respond, but this time it was Raven cut her off. “You are the one who chose not to tell Costia,” she scolded her. “It’s your own damn fault.”  
“Why would I tell her?” Lexa scoffed, as if Costia knowing about her and Clarke was the most ludicrous thing ever.  
“Why wouldn’t you tell her?” Raven crossed her arms. “Everyone knows. Everyone. Were you just hoping that it would never come out?”  
Lexa didn’t answer. 

As Clarke stood watching the two go back and forth, her mind reeling. She didn’t understand why this was happening. Lexa was so angry and defensive, what was the big deal in Costia knowing? Then it dawned on her.

“That’s exactly what you were hoping,” Clarke’s voice came out raspy and cold. “You didn’t want to have to deal with Costia, the way that I’ve had to deal with Finn.”  
Lexa looked at her, the fury in her eyes quickly changing over to fear. “Costia is upset,” she said, trying to change the subject.  
“Well, tell her to grow up,” Clarke shook her head unsympathetically. “Everyone has a past.”  
Lexa took a deep breath and swallowed hard, she didn’t say anything.

Now it was Clarke who was angry. Lexa didn’t usually do relationships, so she’d never really been put in the position to defend her friendship with Clarke. Clarke on the other hand, had been defending her friendship with Lexa since high school, because somehow, their past always came back to bite her. Apparently, Lexa didn’t want to be bitten.

“What’s the matter?” Clarke hissed, crossing her arms. “Were you afraid she'd be crazy jealous? Or that she wouldn’t trust you to be alone with me? That you’d fight about us? That she’d question every single interaction we had?”  
Lexa just stared at her with slightly humiliated eyes.  
Clarke shook her head, feeling thoroughly disappointed. “Unbelievable,” she breathed as she glanced away.  
“I’m unbelievable?” Lexa’s eyes went wide. “You all but threw the fact that we’ve slept together in Costia’s face!”  
“Lexa,” Octavia interrupted quickly. “That is not what happened.”  
“It is exactly what happened,” Lexa replied before turning back to Clarke, “and I think you owe her an apology.”  
Clarke’s eyebrows shot up. Yeah, that’s not happening. “There is no way in hell that I’m apologizing to that woman,” she said sternly. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”  
“That woman,” Lexa growled, “happens to be my girlfriend.”  
“That woman, is a devious bitch,” Clarke countered venomously, “who has done nothing, but shove her relationship with you down my throat for weeks and really, I can’t fucking wait for you to finally open your eyes and see her for what she really is.”  
Lexa squared her shoulders, her eyes narrowing as she opened her mouth to respond.

“That picture is of Lexa?” Finn’s voice filled Clarke’s ears, she turned to see him standing behind Raven and Octavia. He shook his head, looking completely defeated and stormed away. Great.

“Shit,” Raven said quietly. “I guess he didn’t know.”

Not a moment later there was a commotion in the other room. Clarke didn’t waste any time, as she rushed down the hallway to find out what was going on. Her question was immediately answered when she turned the corner to find Finn in front of the sketch with Jake holding him by the neck of his shirt and Bellamy moving in front of him. 

What the hell?

Finn kicked his foot out, catching the bottom corner of the picture and Clarke’s heart froze. “No,” her breath caught in her chest as she watched the picture swing back and forth for a moment. Relief washed over her when it didn’t fall and Finn was quickly removed from the gallery by her father and a security guard, while Bellamy followed closely behind. 

How did this night go so bad, so fast? 

Kane moved to the front of the crowd, “Well, I guess not everyone can be a fan,” he chuckled, clapping his hands together before throwing a look at Clarke. Shit.

Clarke turned just in time to see Lexa walk away. She watched her for a moment before looking across the gallery to where Costia was standing with her arms crossed, glaring at her with nothing but a look of pure loathing. Clarke glared right back, unable to stop the smug smirk that had suddenly formed on her face, or prevent her eyebrow from popping slightly. 

That’s right. She’s always been mine.

As quickly as the thought appeared, Clarke shook it away. Lexa wasn’t hers. She’d never been hers.

“Clarke,” Abby said as she came up behind her. “What is going on?”  
Clarke shook her head. “It’s a really long story,” she told her as she watched Anya cross the room and pull Lexa to the side. 

Should could only imagine what the conversation was about and a few minutes later the three left, with Anya only throwing Clarke a very regretful look.

“He’s gone,” Jake said as he and Bellamy reappeared a few minutes later.  
Clarke sighed. “O, can I ride home with you later?”  
“Of course,” Octavia answered quickly. “Raven’s coming too.”  
Clarke nodded. “Great,” she said before excusing herself to the rest room. She needed to get it together.

Returning a short while later, Clarke was not at all surprised when Kane approached her. “Do I even want to know what that was about?” He asked her quickly.  
“My boyfriend,” Clarke said weakly. “He didn’t approve of the piece.”  
“Ah,” Kane nodded understandingly. “Well, you can’t please everyone.”  
“No,” Clarke shook her head. “I’m sorry about the scene.”  
“It happens,” he shrugged. “I’m glad the piece wasn’t damaged though. I know that you have it flagged, but someone’s made quite the offer on it.”  
Clarke didn’t have to think. “I’m sorry,” she responded simply. “I can’t do that.”  
“Fair enough,” he nodded. “Your work, your call.”  
“Thank you.” Clarke replied and walked off to find her friends.

The rest of the showcase was uneventful and hours later Clarke found herself pacing in her living room, with Octavia and Raven sitting patiently on the couch, just waiting.

“Am I wrong?” Clarke finally asked. “Do I owe Costia an apology?  
“Absolutely not,” Octavia answered quickly.  
“If anyone owes her an apology, it’s Lexa.” Raven added. “Though, I have a really hard time believing that she didn’t know.”  
“Why?” Octavia questions.  
“Because the fact that those two have slept together practically radiates off them,” Raven said as she motioned to Clarke.  
Clarke glanced at her and rolled her eyes. “God, Lexa was so,” she shook her head quickly, unable to come up with the right words to express how she was feeling.  
“Yeah,” Octavia nodded. “She was being a total ass.” Yep. That about summed it up.  
“Though it is nice to know that she has it in her,” Raven stated appreciatively and Clarke gave her a look.  
“Costia’s upset,” Clarke mocked to herself. “Really?”  
“I still can’t believe you called her a devious bitch,” Octavia said with a grin as she shook her head.  
“Well she is,” Clarke responded quickly. “Come on, she’s pretty awful. I really don’t know what Lexa even sees in her.”  
Octavia and Raven exchanged a look, but silently decided it would be better not to bring up Finn.

A momentary silence fell between them as Clarke’s anger simmered.

“I’m sorry I recommended the piece.” Octavia told her softly. “If I’d know that all of this was going to happen…”  
“It’s not your fault.” Clarke put her hand up. “It was my choice.”  
“I really hope you two don’t go back to not speaking,” Octavia’s voice was small.

Clarke’s heart sunk at the thought. That wouldn’t happen again, would it? She thought briefly about calling Lexa, but decided against it, figuring she was probably with Costia.  
Quickly she turned and walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water and some aspirin, her head was pounding. As she leaned against the counter her thoughts went to Lexa. She’d call her tomorrow and they’d talk. They’d figure it out. It’d be fine. No more bullshit. They’d both agreed.

“How come you and Lexa never dated?” Raven suddenly asked.  
Clarke looked up at her and shrugged. “It was never like that,” she answered simply.  
“Well, I know that,” Raven nodded, “but, why?”

Clarke thought back. It was a long time ago. She considered joking about how they were young and dumb, but really, that wasn’t the case. Though they may have been young, they were both fully aware of what they were doing and why. “When it started, life was pretty crazy. College was on the horizon and our lives were already complicated enough,” she explained. “We both knew what we wanted, and what we didn’t.”  
“What about after that?” Raven asked as she sat forward, adjusting her brace.  
Clarke shook her head. “Nope,” she answered easily.  
“Have you ever discussed dating?” Octavia asked curiously.  
Again, Clarke shook her head. “Why would we?” She shrugged.  
“Wow,” Raven said sitting back. “Sometimes, I really wish that you two could see each other.”  
“We see each other just fine,” Clarke assured her.  
“No,” Raven chuckled. “Not like that. I mean, I wish you could see what you two are like together, from an outside perspective.”  
Clarke furrowed her brow. “Oh.”  
“It can be pretty intense,” Octavia admitted as tucked her legs under herself.  
“Intense?” Raven feigned a shudder. “Sometimes, I need to walk away just to take a moment with myself,” she wiggled her eyebrows, “if you know what I mean.”  
“Oh, shut up,” Clarke laughed loudly as Octavia crashed her in the face with a pillow.

Finn: I’m sorry.  
Finn: I’m drunk.  
Finn: I got angry.  
Clarke: Go away, Finn.  
Finn: I’m sorry.  
Finn: Can we please talk?  
Clarke: Fuck off!

“Lexa?” Octavia asked hopeful.  
“Finn,” Clarke rolled her eyes.  
“Now he, was a total dick.” Raven said quickly. “I can’t believe he tried to trash one of your pieces.”  
“I couldn’t believe it either,” Clarke shook her head. “He says that he’s drunk.”  
“Wouldn’t surprise me,” Octavia shrugged. “He had at least six glasses of champagne.”  
“Why the hell would he drink that much tonight?” Clarke asked annoyed.  
“Who knows,” Raven shrugged. “I thought he seemed off all night.”  
Octavia nodded in agreement.  
“I mean, I guess I can kind of understand why the picture upset him,” Clarke said as she brushed her fingers against her scalp.  
“That’s bullshit,” Raven responded rather fast. “It’s not like it’s a new picture.”  
“I agree with Raven,” Octavia said as she stood up and walked off toward the bathroom.

Clarke dropped herself on the couch next to Raven and sighed. “Someone offered to buy it,” she told her. "Kane said they made quite an offer."  
“Really?” Raven’s eyebrows went up. “Are you going to sell it?”  
Clarke shook her head. “I love it too much.”  
“It really is beautiful.” Raven said, her tone kind. 

A couple hours later Clarke was still awake in her bed. She couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened and she couldn’t stop thinking about Lexa. She hadn’t meant for anything like this to happen. How could she know that Costia didn’t know about them? After everything that had happened in the months prior, the last thing Clarke wanted to do was cause another rift between the two of them. She rolled over and pushed the button on her phone, checking the time. It was almost three in the morning. She was sure that Lexa would be asleep, but she had to try. 

Clarke: We need to talk about this. We agreed, remember? No more bullshit.


	21. Chapter 21

Lexa paced in her room furiously, trying to piece together what had happened. Everything had escalated to fast. One minute she was looking at a painting of children playing in leaves and the next minute Costia was upset, Clarke was scolding the hell out of her and Finn was being thrown out of the gallery. She was angry. She was so angry that she didn't know what to do with it. She needed to think.

First things first. She was the one in the wrong. Of this, she had no doubt.

She really had no right to be angry at Clarke for including that picture in the showcase. It had been in countless showings over the years. Clarke had created right before her first showcase and had specifically asked if she could use it as a show piece, Lexa immediately agreed. When Clarke received recognition for the piece, she'd asked if she could include it in all of her showcases and again, Lexa agreed. It was a great piece. The way Clarke explained it; it was an extremely beautiful moment that had etched its way onto her mind, and the way the piece came together, that's exactly what people saw and felt when they looked at it, a beautiful moment.

But, Clarke hadn't done a showcase in years, and her collection of works to choose from was now so extensive that Lexa had never even considered that she would use that piece. It was her mistake. Had she thought of it, she would have addressed it with Costia. She would have. Right?

No. She wouldn't have. Clarke was right. She had seen the stress that their history had caused in all of Clarke's relationships and she didn't want to take the chance that her relationship with Costia would end up like Clarke's relationship with Finn. Clarke had been right in everything she had said. Well, almost.

Clarke had called Costia a devious bitch. Where the hell did that come from? She had thought that Clarke and Costia were getting along fine. They had all been spending so much time together. What was Clarke seeing that she wasn't? If Costia was intentionally shoving their relationship down Clarke's throat, wouldn’t she see it?

Suddenly her mind snapped to the words that she'd exchanged with Anya earlier; just try to keep her in line. Was it possible that there was something in Costia's behavior that everyone could see but her? No, that was ridiculous. Wasn't it? If Costia was being outwardly rude to Clarke, she'd notice. Wouldn't she?

She thought of her conversation with Costia, her stomach turned as her mind went over Costia telling her that she'd heard rumors about her and Clarke at Grounders, but that she never put any stock in them. She'd explained that she understood how people could misinterpret close friendships, that she'd been on the receiving end of such things before and that she'd figured if there was any truth to the things that she'd heard, Lexa would tell her. Why had she been so stupid?

She should have told Costia. She should have just made her position clear. Just like Clarke said, everyone had a past. Clarke was a part of hers. It was as simple as that.

Octavia. She owed Octavia an apology too. She was so rude to her, so incredibly rude to her.

And Finn, what the fuck was he thinking going out there like that? Was he really going to destroy Clarke's work? That would have definitely been the end of them.

Her stomach turned again. She was the source of the mess at the gallery. She was the one who had ruined Clarke's showcase. 

“Ugh,” Lexa grunted as she tossed her pillow against the wall.

Suddenly Anya came through her door. “Okay, that's it,” she said. “I've had enough.”  
“I don't know what to do,” Lexa told her quickly. “I fucked up.”  
“You did,” Anya agreed. “Now you deal with it.”  
“How?” Lexa flopped down on the bed. “I was awful. I ruined her showcase.”  
“Finn ruined her showcase.” Anya corrected her. “No one even knew anything was going on until he came out going all crazy.”  
“But, he wouldn't have gone all crazy if I hadn't gone all crazy on Clarke.” Lexa pointed out.  
“True,” Anya allowed. “But, that still doesn't make it your fault. His actions, his responsibility.”  
Lexa looked at her. “I should have just told Costia.”  
“Why didn't you?” Anya asked curiously. “Are you ashamed of it?”  
“God no,” Lexa answered immediately as she shot up off of the bed. “Never.”  
“Then what?” Anya pushed.  
“I like Costia,” Lexa admitted. “I was afraid that if she knew, we’d end up like Clarke and Finn.”  
“Ha,” Anya scoffed lightly. “You really are an ass.”  
“I know!” Lexa exclaimed.

They were silent for a moment before Lexa spoke again. “What did you mean earlier, when you asked me to keep Costia in line?”  
Anya crossed her arms. “You really don't see it?”  
“See what?” Lexa asked quickly.  
Anya sighed. “Costia is such a bitch to Clarke,” she answered firmly. “She makes little comments to try and get under her skin and then hangs all over you, while eyeing Clarke, like she's just trying to get a rise out of her.”  
“She does?” Lexa's eyes went wide.  
“Holy shit, squirt.” Anya shook her head. “You really have been oblivious.”  
Lexa thought for a moment. Sure Costia was affectionate, but…  
“Last weekend,” Anya's voice broke into her her thoughts, “when Costia came up behind you in the kitchen and started kissing your neck? Her eyes were on Clarke the entire time, like she was just begging for a reaction.”  
Lexa felt sick. What the fuck? “Why haven't you said anything?” She asked quickly.  
“You try to stay out of my personal life, I try to stay out of yours.” Anya shrugged. “It’s what we do.”  
Lexa nodded. It was true.  
“You need to fix it.” Anya told her.  
“How?” Lexa asked foolishly.  
“You talk to Clarke,” Anya answered simply, “and Costia, but not Finn, he made his own bed.”  
“Octavia,” Lexa added softly.  
“Yes, Octavia too.” Anya nodded. “Clear the air with Clarke, and then talk to Costia. If she's as into you as you are to her, she needs to accept your friendship with Clarke, and your history with her too. Clarke doesn't deserve the shit she's been getting from Costia. She hasn't done anything wrong.”

Lexa nodded, before her face suddenly flushed a light red. Clarke hadn't done anything wrong, but hadn’t she? When Clarke was going off, her mind went somewhere that it shouldn't have. Clarke was just so…

Lexa shook her head quickly. Fuck.

“Where do I start?” Lexa asked stupidly as Anya stood up and walked to the door.  
Anya’s eyes floated to Lexa's phone, which was lying face down on the nightstand. “You check your messages,” she replied knowingly and left the room.  
Lexa grabbed her phone and unlocked it.

Clarke: We need to talk about this. We agreed, remember? No more bullshit.

Lexa smiled as a prickle of moisture threatened her eyes.

Lexa: We’ll figure it out, but not now.

She laid back on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Not now, but soon.


	22. Chapter 22

Clarke wanted to go home. That was all. Her mood was shit, this shift had sucked and she just wanted to be home. It had been a week since the showcase, and a really shitty week at that. Lexa had replied to her text after the showcase, which was great, but they still hadn’t managed to find time to sit down and talk about it. She knew that they would, they always did. Finn spent a couple of days trying to talk to her, but she’d blown him off. She was angry at him for his behavior and really just didn’t have anything to say to him, until now. Unfortunately, Finn and Lincoln had left three days ago to attend a training for work and Clarke wasn’t even sure when they’d be back. So now she was exercising every ounce of patience in her possession. She wouldn’t have this conversation over the phone or via text message. No. That was cheap, and she wanted to look him in the eye when she told him that she was done. Just done. So fucking done.

“So, you and Lexa, huh?” An all too familiar voice filled Clarke’s ears and before she even looked up her eyes were already rolling. Costia.  
“What do you want, Costia?” Clarke asked quickly as she continued cleaning the counter.  
“Coffee,” Costia replied quickly as she set down her bag and slipped on to one of the stools.   
Clarke bit the inside of her cheek and turn to retrieve a cup of coffee. She really didn’t need this shit right now. “In a to-go cup,” Costia added. “I have a train to catch.”  
Clarke nodded curtly. Upside? Maybe she would just leave.  
“So, how was the rest of your showcase?” Costia asked snootily as Clarke set her cup on the counter and took her money.  
“Fine,” Clarke answered without looking at her. She wasn’t doing this. Not today.  
“You know, I had heard that things had happened between you two, but I really couldn’t see it.” Costia said matter-of-factly. “Then I figured if it was true, Lexa would tell me.”  
“I’m sure that she had her reasons,” Clarke responded as she placed Costia’s change on the counter in front of her. She was not having this conversation. Not with Costia.  
“I have no doubt,” Costia said as her eyebrow twitched slightly and her eyes raked across Clarke's figure. “Not much to brag on, is it?”  
Clarke swallowed hard. This bitch. She wasn’t doing this. She wasn’t going to let Costia inside her head. She was proud of her body, every single inch of it and Costia was not going to take that from her. She bit the inside of her cheek again.  
“I mean, let’s be honest,” Costia said as she motioned to Clarke’s body, “curves can be kind of nice and all, but people like Lexa and I, we just fit together – better.”  
Clarke's entire body tensed. “You know. I really don’t think…”  
“Costia.” Lexa’s stern voice filled the diner.  
Clarke turned quickly and spotted her only a few feet away, standing with her hands cupped behind her back and an unamused look on her face. 

Yes!

Costia paled slightly at the sight of her. “Lexa,” she said quickly. “What are you doing here?”  
“I stopped by to check in with Clarke,” Lexa answered as she stepped forward, “What are you doing here? I thought you were going out of town.”  
“Oh, I am.” Costia gestured to her suitcase. “I just stopped in to grab a coffee.”  
“Don’t you mean that you stopped to give Clarke an unnecessary rash of shit?” Lexa asked pointedly. “That is what you were doing, isn’t it?”  
“Of course not,” Costia shook her head. “We were just talking.”  
“Uh huh.” Lexa looked seriously annoyed and Clarke was loving it.   
“Anyway,” Costia said suddenly as she picked up her bag. “I really have to get going.” She kissed Lexa on the cheek and walked to the door. “Bye Clarke,” she added.  
Clarke shook her head and waved weakly.

When Costia was gone, Clarke instantly felt relieved. She really just couldn’t take that woman right now. She was barely making it through her shift as it was. She didn’t need Costia taking what little energy she had left. Looking over, she found that Lexa was staring at her. 

“What is it?” She asked quickly.  
Lexa stepped forward. “I heard what she said about your body,” she answered softly as she reached across the counter and took Clarke’s hand. “Listen to me. You are so beautiful, Clarke. Don’t let Costia’s bullshit comments ever make you doubt that.”  
Clarke smiled as a warm blush spread across her cheeks. “Thank you.”  
“And I didn’t not tell her because I was ashamed.” Lexa assured her. “I’ve never been ashamed.”  
Clarke smile widened as Lexa gave her hand a squeeze. Why did she have to be so damn sweet?  
“So, how’s your week been?” Lexa asked as she let go of her hand.  
Clarke instantly felt her mood darken. “Shit,” she replied, shaking her head.  
“Want to talk about it?” Lexa questioned softly.  
“Not here,” Clarke answered as she shook her head. “I get done in about a half hour though.”  
Lexa shook her head. “I have an appointment,” she told her. “I’m sure that I can come by your place after though?”  
Clarke smiled lightly. “That would be great.”  
“Okay,” I’ll see you in a little while then,” Lexa said as she leaned across the counter gave Clarke a chaste kiss on the cheek before leaving. 

Clarke watched her go. This was a good idea. A night with just the two of them. They could order some takeout, like they always did, relax on the couch and just talk. They hadn’t been able to do that in forever, really, not since all of that shit started months ago.

It had been hours and Clarke’s mood had significantly darkened. She was getting lost inside her head and it was bad. Really bad. She took a sip of her drink and stared at the canvas in front of her. She let out a sigh as she crashed her paintbrush against it. Nothing was working, nothing was right. All she wanted was a little peace from the thoughts in her head. Why couldn’t she find an escape? Dropping the paintbrush, Clarke picked up her glass and walked away from the canvas. She couldn’t do this right now. 

As she stood at the table, pouring a fresh drink she glanced at the clock. Octavia would be home within an hour or so, but where was Lexa? She had said she’d come by after her appointment, but that was hours ago. Clarke had sent her a text, but she never responded to it and her calls were all going straight to voicemail. Where they hell was she? While Clarke leaning against the counter pondering this, a light knocking sounded from her door. She sighed in relief at the thought that it could finally be Lexa.

Opening the door her eyes did indeed find Lexa, but she immediately knew that something was wrong. Lexa looked pale and pained, weakened somehow. Though there were no tears in her eyes, the redness in them and around them told Clarke that they had been there. Reaching forward she took Lexa by the hand and gently pulled her inside. Lexa sat on the couch, but she didn’t say anything. Her eyes staring forward while her face was twisted up in what looked like pain. Clarke waited, not wanting to push. She knew that Lexa would speak when she was ready. 

What the hell had happened in the last few hours? 

“Whiskey?” Lexa blinked, her eyes apparently seeing the bottle on the table.   
Clarke shrugged lightly. “Want one?”  
Lexa nodded and Clarke walked over to pour her a glass.  
“Why whiskey?” Lexa asked quietly.  
Clarke walked back over and handed her the glass. “You first,” she shrugged. “What’s going on?”  
Lexa took a long sip of her drink, finishing it in one go and shook her head. “You were right,” she finally said.  
Clarke’s brow furrowed. “Right about what?” She asked confused.  
“Costia,” Lexa replied as she ran her fingers firmly across her eyebrow. “She is a devious bitch.”  
Clarke’s eyebrows shot up in shock. “What?”  
“She’s been cheating on me,” Lexa explained.  
“You caught her?” Clarke’s eyes went wide.  
“I didn’t have to,” Lexa shook her head, “my doctor did.”   
Clarke’s face dropped. “What’?” Her tone hardened as her mind spun.   
Lexa held out a crumpled piece of paper to her. 

Clarke took the paper and opened it; test results. She skimmed through the columns until her eyes finally found the answer. This bitch.

Clarke swallowed hard as she pulled a piece of paper off of the end table and held it out to her. “Me too,” she said quietly.  
Lexa took the paper and opened it. As her eyes skimmed the page her expression shifted from one of pain, to one of fury. Looking up, green met blue, and they knew. “I’m going to fucking kill them both.”


	23. Chapter 23

Lexa leapt up from the couch as though it had burned her and walked toward the kitchen. This was not happening. This was not fucking happening. Not only was Costia a lying cheat, but Finn? Finn! What the hell? They had known each other for years. How could he? Why would he do that? Dead. So fucking dead. 

Lexa didn’t know what to do, her brain wasn’t working. She couldn’t take it. It was like she was on fire, she could feel her temperature rising as her heart pounded furiously in her chest. The anger was too much, it was splitting her. Reaching out, she grabbed the edge of the kitchen sink and squeezed as hard as she could. It was too hot and her lungs were failing her. It hurt. Something had to give. It had to give, right now. 

“Lex,” Clarke’s arms came around her from behind. “Lexa, take a breath,” her voice was firm, but calm.  
Lexa tried to breathe as pushed back into Clarke’s embrace, her eyes stinging again.  
Clarke’s arms squeezed around her stomach as she pressed her cheek against the back of her shoulder. “Breathe,” Clarke instructed harsher.  
Lexa reached down, her hand finding one of Clarke’s forearms, she took a deep breath and was relieved when she felt the air move into her lungs. A few more breaths and Lexa began to feel her heartrate slowing. “Clarke,” she said quietly and gave her arm a squeeze. But, Clarke didn’t let go. Lexa felt her grip tighten as Clarke’s head shook against her shoulder and then Lexa heard it, the smallest of sobs and she knew, Clarke was crying. 

Lexa gave her arm another squeeze and let her cry for a moment, before turning within her embrace and pulling her close. Clarke sobbed harder at this and tears began to fill Lexa’s eyes as well. Clarke’s head was buried in her neck and Lexa could feel her tears on her skin as she held her tighter. How the hell did they get here? 

A sound behind them broke them apart and turning they found the confused faces of Octavia and Raven staring back at them.

“Clarke?” Octavia asked with concern in her eyes.  
Clarke wiped her eyes. “Finn cheated on me,” she croaked.  
Octavia’s jaw dropped as she stepped forward, looking like she was about to start crying as well.  
“With Costia,” Lexa finally added as she quickly brushed the moisture of her cheeks.  
“WHAT?” Raven and Octavia yelled together.  
“Yep,” Clarke confirmed with a quick nod.  
“You caught them?” Raven questioned as she moved toward the table.  
Lexa glanced at Clarke. “Not exactly,” she answered.

Clarke shook her head as she sat down at the kitchen table and started to explain, while Lexa just paced in the kitchen. When Clarke finished speaking Lexa crossed her arms and leaned back against the counter, her anger was back. Feeling all of her muscles tensing, she took a deep breath. She still couldn’t believe that this was even happening.

“That is so fucked up,” Octavia shook her head. “What are you going to do?”  
“I’m going to kill them.” Lexa responded matter-of-factly.  
Clarke glanced at her, “You’re not,” she said calmly.  
“I’m with Lexa on this one.” Raven chimed in. “Fucking Finn. I’m going to kick his hypocritical ass.”  
“I’m going to kill him.” Lexa said again and Clarke sighed.

Lexa started to pace. Her mind went to Costia. This was so wrong. Why would she do this? Lexa began to rack her brain, trying to figure it out, but nothing came to her. No. She hadn’t done anything to deserve this. If Costia didn’t want to be with her, why didn’t she just leave? Her eyes went to Clarke. Neither of them deserved this. 

“I guess it could be worse.” Raven shrugged absentmindedly.  
Lexa spun around. “Seriously?”  
“No, no,” Raven put her hands up. “I just meant, you know, at least it’s something that can be taken care of. Like, with all the shit out there, it could have been worse.”  
Lexa rubbed her eyes in frustration. “Sorry,” she muttered.  
“So, do you think its Costia or Finn that’s also cheating with someone else?” Raven asked curiously. “One of them must be.”  
Lexa shook her head and shrugged. She didn’t want to think about it.  
“How long have you know?” Octavia asked looking Clarke.  
“A couple of days.” Clarke answered her with a shrug.  
“And Finn’s still breathing?” Raven quipped. “How’d he manage that?”  
“He’s at that training for work,” Clarke responded quickly, “with Lincoln. He doesn’t even know that I know.”  
Octavia suddenly looked up, her eyes narrowing. “Lincoln’s home.”  
“Excuse me?” Clarke’s eyes widened. “Since when?”  
“Last night,” Octavia answered.

Clarke shot her a look and Lexa rolled her eyes as she began to pace again. Great. So chances were that these two were shacked up together somewhere. 

“I’m going to kill them,” Lexa nodded to herself.  
“Lex,” Clarke scolded lightly, causing Raven to smirk at them.  
“Please, tell me that you’re done,” Lexa said before she could stop herself.  
“What do you mean?” Clarke asked. “With Finn? I’m totally done. I think I already was, after what happened at the showcase and everything.”

Lexa sighed, feeling slightly relieved as she leaned back against the counter again. Good. Finn didn’t deserve Clarke. He never had. No. In Lexa’s eyes Finn’s betrayal of Clarke was actually way worse than Costia’s. She and Costia didn’t have nearly as much time invested in their relationship as Clarke and Finn did. They had been together almost two years and while they had their issues, Clarke had always stayed, and she had always stayed faithful.

“What about you?” Clarke questioned her curiously. “Are you done with Costia?”  
Lexa crossed her arms. “I’m killing them both,” she reaffirmed.  
Clarke rolled her eyes and shook her head lightly.  
“Seriously though,” Octavia said as she poured herself a small glass of the whiskey. “What are you going to do?”  
“Are you going to confront them together?” Raven asked as she drank Octavia’s whiskey.  
Octavia nudged her lightly.  
“You’re driving me home.” Raven reminded her,  
Lexa looked at them. She hadn’t really had a chance to think about what she was really going to do. It made sense really, to confront them together. She looked at Clarke.  
“I think that’s a great idea.” Clarke told her.  
“I couldn’t agree more.” Lexa nodded.

Later, Lexa and Clarke had moved to the couch and were sitting silent, just trying to absorb everything that had happened, when suddenly a surge of guilt flashed though Lexa. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.  
Clarke looked up. “Sorry for what?”  
“I’m the one that brought Costia around,” Lexa shrugged.  
Clarke brow furrowed. “This isn’t your fault,” she told her.  
Lexa swallowed hard. “Isn’t it?” She asked. “If I had been able to see how awful she was to you, maybe we wouldn’t be here.”  
Clarke shook her head. “You didn’t make them sleep together.”  
Lexa shook her head as she leaned back into the couch and then another question appeared in her mind. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked softly. “About how she was treating you. I couldn’t believe the things she was saying to you at the diner today.”  
“That was actually the worst that it’s been.” Clarke looked down, and began to adjust her shirt.  
Lexa knew what she was doing. Between Finn cheating on her and Costia’s cruel words she could see that Clarke was starting to battle with her self-esteem. Her hand went out and grabbed Clarke’s. “Don’t,” she shook her head. “Don’t do that to yourself.”  
Clarke nodded understandingly, her eyes moistening slightly and Lexa let go. Clarke changed positions, laying her head on Lexa’s lap. “I didn’t want you to think that I was meddling in your relationship,” she finally told her.  
“I wouldn’t have,” Lexa assured her quickly. “I was so confused when you said that Costia was shoving our relationship down your throat. I didn’t see it. I just thought she was really affectionate.”  
“I just ignored her for the most part,” Clarke shrugged. “She’s an asshole.”  
“I would have put a stop to it.” Lexa said firmly. “You know that, right?”  
Clarke smiled. “I know,” she yawned.  
“You should go to bed,” Lexa told her as she glanced at the clock. “You look exhausted.”  
“I am. I’ve barely been sleeping.” Clarke nodded. “Will you…”  
“What?” Lexa looked down at her.  
“Will you stay with me?” She asked. “I don’t want to sleep alone.”  
“Of course,” Lexa nodded as she kicked off her shoes. “Now, close your eyes.”

After only a few minutes, Clarke’s breathing evened out and she knew that sleep had taken her. Lexa let her head lean back against the couch, she hadn’t actually realized how tired she was until she’d started listening to Clarke’s breathing. It took only a few minute for her eyes to fall shut, her mind briefly hoping for peaceful dreams, before her own breathing to even out and sleep took her too.


	24. Chapter 24

Tonight was the night. It had been a couple of days since the discovery of Finn and Costia's infidelity, but now that the two were back in town, tonight was the night that Clarke an Lexa would finally get to confront them. They had decided to have dinner at Clarke's apartment under the pretenses of burying all of the bullshit from the showcase.

Clarke was angry. For Finn to be cheating after everything, was just a huge slap in the face. She knew that their relationship wasn’t amazingly great, but they tried and she would have never, ever done this to him. And Costia, of all the fucking people in the world to cheat with, it had to be her. Clarke shook her head. She was quite sure that Finn had no idea just how much would be destroyed by all of this. This was one of those things that could splinter a group. This was the type of thing that drew lines in the sand.

Her thoughts went to Lexa and she couldn't suppress a sigh. Lexa didn't do relationships, she never really had, so the fact that she had taken a chance with Costia really was a big deal. But, in return Costia had done possibly the worst thing that she could have and Clarke couldn’t help but worry about the lasting effect that it would leave on Lexa. She sighed again.

“Thinking about Lexa?” Octavia asked from the kitchen.  
“Am I that obvious?” Clarke questioned as she rubbed her eyes..  
“I know that you're worried.” Octavia replied as she continued slicing the vegetables. She was the one doing the cooking for tonight. While Clarke was angry, no one should suffer through her cooking. Everyone knew that she really had no business in a kitchen.  
“I am,” Clarke admitted. “Not just about how she's going to react when she finally sees Finn tonight, but what this is going to do to her, like, on a whole.”  
“I understand.” Octavia nodded. It was true. Lexa, on a level, was a sensitive soul. All things considered, no one was really sure how it would change her.  
“You didn't see her.” Clarke shook her head. “Not when she got here, or when she realized that it was Finn.”  
Octavia looked up. “I know,” she told her. “For Lexa, it's like a double smack. Her girlfriend cheating on her with someone so close. I mean, Finn and her aren't exactly close, but we all are, so.”  
“I know,” Clarke sighed. She had already had the same thought.  
“You should go take a shower,” Octavia motioned to the bathroom. “I’m going to finish up here and take off.”  
“Yeah, okay.” Clarke nodded as she stood up. “Thanks for cooking.”  
Octavia smirked. “You're the one that said no to killing them,” she reminded her playfully.  
“Yeah, but they're not even going to be the ones eating it.” Clarke shrugged.  
“I don't mind,” Octavia assured her.

An hour later, Clarke moved through the kitchen making sure that everything was ready, she glanced at the clock. Soon. Soon they would be here and the night would begin, but really, Clarke was just ready for it to be over. There was a light tapping at the door and Lexa popped her head inside. “Clarke?”  
“Come on in,” Clarke waved her in.

Lexa entered with Costia close by. An instant wave of fury pulsed through Clarke when Costia reached out and looped her arms with Lexa’s. Clarke looked at Lexa, her jaw was slightly clenched as she slipped out of Costia's grip and moved to greet her. “Hey,” she placed her usual light kiss on Clarke’s cheek.  
“Right on time,” Clarke smiled pleasantly.  
“Of course,” Lexa grinned. “Where is he?” She added, her voice low.  
“Never on time,” Clarke shook her head. “Will you check the food?”  
“Of course.” Lexa nodded and walked off toward the kitchen.

Clarke's eyes went to Costia, who was moving through the room, her eyes wandering about quickly.

“Cute place,” Costia told her politely.  
“Thank you,” Clarke nodded. “We try.”  
“Smaller than I expected.” Costia noted.  
“It works for us just fine,” Clarke bit back lightly.

There was a noise behind Costia and suddenly Finn came though the door. “Sorry,” he murmured. “Couldn't find a parking spot.”  
Clarke nodded.  
“Hey princess,” he smiled as he placed a sloppy kiss haphazardly on her cheek.  
“Hey,” Clarke tried to sound normal. Her eyes found Lexa's and though Lexa's attention was focused on the table, Clarke could see that he eyes were burning.

As Finn walked over to greet Costia, Clarke moved toward Lexa. “Deep breath,” she told her. ”No killing.”  
Lexa nodded. “I’ll open the champagne.”  
“Champagne?” Costia asked from the living room. “What are we celebrating?”  
Clarke only smiled, as she waited for Lexa who soon came over and handed both Finn and Costia a flute of champagne. She disappeared for another moment before returning with glasses for both her and Clarke. 

Clarke cleared her throat. “The last few months have seriously been chaos,” she began,” and it's really time for us all to move passed this ridiculous nonsense.”  
“I absolutely agree.” Lexa chimed in with a quick nod.  
“Obviously the history between Lexa and I makes the two of you uncomfortable,” Clarke continued. “We get it.”  
“I suspect that it's why you're always so rude to Clarke,” Lexa said to Costia, “and, trying to show off that I’m with you now.”  
Costia nodded every so slightly, accepting Lexa's analysis of her behavior.  
“Finn, you and I have already been down this road about Lexa,” Clarke said quickly.  
Finn nodded. “I know,” he responded, his voice somewhat small. “Sorry.”  
Clarke took a deep breath. “Living like this can't possibly be healthy for anyone,” she sighed. “and it’s really just time to close this bullshit chapter and move forward.”  
“So if we can all agree,” Lexa said holding up her flute. “To moving forward.”

Clarke, Finn and Costia all followed in suit. “To moving forward,” they all said and with that, each one emptied the glass in one long sip.

“Now,” Clarke said as she rolled the champagne flute between her thumb and forefinger. “Exactly how long have you two been fucking?”

Finn’s eyes went wide as Costia’s glass slipped from her fingers and smashed into the floor. Lexa set her glass down and cupped her hands behind her back.

“Clarke,” Finn began quickly, shaking his head. “What are you…”  
“We know,” Clarke said firmly as she held up her hand. “Please, just don't even bother trying to deny it.”  
“Lexa,” Costia’s voice was suddenly small. “Lexa, I was drunk.”  
Finn turned and looking at her. He actually looked offended. “Maybe the first time,” he scoffed.  
Costia eyes went wide with horror at his words. She looked at him.  
“What?” He shrugged spitefully.  
“How long?” Lexa demanded, her severe disgust obvious in her voice.  
Finn looked at her. “Shortly after we had dinner at Polis,” he admitted. “We ran into each other and got really, really drunk. We were talking and I don’t know, it just happened. It just kept happening."

Clarke felt sick. That was like two months ago.

“You bastard,” Clarke glared at him, her blue eyes furious.  
“Clarke,” he said taking a step forward and reaching out for her.  
Lexa moved fast and stood in front of Clarke. “Don't you dare,” she told him through her clenched teeth.  
“Lexa, I’m…” He began.  
“Dead to me.” Lexa finished his sentence. “I know.”

There was a tense silence between them. Lexa's eyes were locked with Finn's, her shoulders squared, just waiting. Clarke silently hoped that he didn't tempt her. She knew that at this point, all Lexa needed was a reason. 

“Clarke,” he tried again. “Can I just explain?”  
“No,” Clarke shook her head. “You know, I didn't realize it until right this moment, but I don't care. I don't care what happened or what the reasons were. I don't need to know any more than I already do and just in case it’s not completely obvious,” she spoke calmly. “Finn, we are so fucking done.”  
“So are we,” Lexa said to Costia. “I feel the same way Clarke does. I don't care what your reasons were. My only hope, is that I never see you again after this.”  
“However, there is one more thing we need to know first.” Clarke added as she crossed her arms.  
Costia swallowed hard and Finn looked incredibly nervous.  
“Which one of you is also sleeping with someone else?” Lexa asked, again cupping her hands behind her back.  
Finn shook his head quickly and Costia looked at the ground. 

“You stupid bitch,” Clarke’s words dripped with utter loathing.  
Costia’s eyes shot up and looked at Lexa. “I’m sorry,” she said weakly.  
Lexa's eyes narrowed. “Sorry?” She scoffed harshly and took a step forward. “Sorry that you're a liar and a cheat? Sorry that you choose to sleep with my best friends boyfriend – a guy that I've known since I was a kid? Or sorry that your sinful fucking ways brought an STD into my bed and then passed it into Clarke’s?!” Lexa’s voice was loud and searing. 

Costia gasped, her hand rushing to cover her mouth and Finn went white.

“Yeah,” Clarke said matter-a-factly. “You might want to see someone about that.”

Finn stepped away from Costia, his hand on his stomach. He looked like he might be sick.

Clarke stepped forward. “I'm done,” she said quickly. “I want you both to leave. Now.”  
Lexa stared at them, as if waiting for one of the to object, but neither did.

Costia was the first to leave. Turning on her heel and walking out the door without another word. Finn stood still, staring at Clarke with his hand still on his stomach and apologetic eyes. He waited.

“Goodbye Finn,” Clarke said, making sure their eyes met.  
He swallowed hard, before turning and leaving.

When they were gone, Lexa immediately cleaned up the broken glass on the floor from Costia's glass and Clarke took her and Lexa's glasses and went into the kitchen. She refilled them both and waited.

“What's up?” Lexa asked when she walked into the kitchen.  
Clarke handed her a glass of champagne. “To the next chapter,” she offered with a small smile.  
Lexa returned the smile. “To the next chapter,” she said and they both tipped the champagne into their mouths.  
“Hungry?” Clarke asked as she set her glass down.  
“I am, actually.” Lexa nodded.  
Clarke's eyes fell to something on the counter, but Lexa quickly scooped it up and shoved it into her back pocket.  
“What is that?” Clarke asked quickly, her eyes slightly narrowing.  
Lexa shrugged, but didn't answer.  
“Lex?” She pushed.  
“Okay,” Lexa put her hands up and shrugged. “I may, or may not have dosed both of their glasses with a very strong, fast acting laxative.”  
“Lexa!” Clarke's eyes went wide. What the what?  
Lexa grinned smoothly. “It won't kill them.”


	25. Chapter 25

***New Event Created***

Linc: Well, looks like it's my turn. I’m not including Collins. If anyone wants to opt out because of that, I totally understand.  
Reyes: In!  
BabyBlake: Totally in!  
Princess: I'll be there  
Commander: I will too.  
JasperJ: You know I'll be there. RoP???  
MontyG: Yep.  
Linc: Something sweet, I think. Not picky.  
JasperJ: Okay. I'll find something.  
BigBlake: Coin toss for me. I might be out of town. We’ll see.  
BabyBlake: Boo.  
Reyes: Who's on food?  
Linc: I got it. No worries.  
A: I'm in.  
Reyes: Looks like we're good.  
BabyBlake: See everyone (hopefully) in a week!

Lexa tossed her phone aside and returned her attention back to her book. No one had even acknowledged Lincoln’s comment about Finn. News of what had happened had spread and everyone had taken their own position on the situation, none of which were in Finn's favor. It wasn't just the fact that he had cheated on Clarke, it was the fact that it had been with Lexa’s girlfriend. That was the choice that spoke volumes to the group. It spoke to his character, and to what he was willing to do. Everyone always knew that Finn was selfish, but this, this was beyond selfishness. If he was willing to do that, what else would he be willing to do and to who?

Lexa knew that each of them had had words with him over it and everyone highly suspected that it was Anya that had keyed up his car, but Lexa couldn't be sure. She wouldn't ask and Anya wasn't offering any information on the incident.

Lexa sighed as she she closed her book and tossed aside before picking up her phone again.

Lexa: What are you doing?  
Clarke: Drowning in boredom. You?  
Lexa: Same.  
Clarke: What are you thinking?  
Lexa: Comfy clothes and a movie marathon?  
Clarke: Get your ass over here.  
Lexa: Pizza?  
Clarke: Chinese?  
Lexa: Both?  
Clarke: Oh. You're good.  
Lexa: You order, I'll pick it up.  
Clarke: Done.

An hour later Lexa was crossing the threshold into Clarke's apartment with a bag of Chinese food in one hand and a pizza box in the other. 

“Hey,” Clarke said as she stepped forward, taking the pizza box and turned her face lightly in clear anticipation of Lexa's usual greeting, which Lexa immediately gave her in the form of a very ghostly kiss on her cheek.  
“Hungry?” Lexa asked as she set the food down on the coffee table, where Clarke already had everything else that they would need waiting.  
“Starving,” Clarke responded. “I was just getting ready to order something when your message came though. Perfect timing.”  
“Great minds,” Lexa replied with a grin as she kicked off her shoes. “So what's the genre of the day?”  
“Horror.” Clarke answered easily.  
“What?” Lexa’s brow furrowed as she pouted lightly.  
“Raven and Octavia told me about this trilogy, but I haven't had anyone to watch it with because we,” Clarke's voice trailed off. She shrugged.  
Lexa took a deep breath. “You don't like horror movies,” she reminded her  
“Neither do you,” Clarke nodded. “that's why it's perfect. Neither one of us can make fun of the other.”  
“I'm regretting bringing you food,” Lexa said as she sat down on the couch.  
“You are not,” Clarke said as she dropped down on the couch next to her.

They each grabbed a healthy serving of food as Clarke clicked the remote and the movie started. The opening was awful and all Lexa wanted to do was turn on every light in the apartment and watch cartoons. An hour and a half in though, she found herself surprisingly enjoying the movie, while Clarke was huddled into her side, constant burying her face into her shoulder.

“Don't go that way, stupid.” Lexa said to the television.  
“Oh god,” Clarke buried her face again. “I can't watch.”  
“We're so totally watching the other two.” Lexa laughed.  
Clarke quickly shook her head and then a loud scream came from the television making her jump.  
“Told you, stupid.” Lexa said with a smile.

A few minutes later the movie ended and Lexa was laughing. “That was really good.”  
“That was awful.” Clarke disagreed.  
“Well, only two more to go.” Lexa smirked playfully as she reached for the remote.  
Clarke got to her feet. “Come with me.”  
Lexa looked up at her curiously. “Where?”  
“To the bathroom.” Clarke responded. “I have to pee.”  
Lexa looked at her. Seriously?  
“Lexa, there could be an axe murderer in the shower!” Clarke exclaimed quickly.  
“Clarke, there's no axe murderer in the shower,” Lexa assured her, but got to her feet anyway and held out her hand. “Come on.”  
Clarke smiled as she grabbed her hand and the pair walked off toward the bathroom. Lexa quickly checked the shower for her and then stepped back outside, closing the door behind her and waiting for Clarke to finish. It didn't take long before the door opened and Clarke appeared. “Thank you,” she said as she turned to walk back to the living room.  
“Hey,” Lexa caught her by the wrist.  
Clarke paused instantly and looked at her. “You have to go too, don't you?” She smirked knowingly.  
Lexa nodded shyly, a light tinge of embarrassment crossing her cheeks. She wanted Clarke to wait for her too.  
“Go on,” Clarke motioned to the door, she wasn't going to make her ask. “I'll be right here,” she assured her as she leaned against the wall.

A few minutes later Lexa came out of the bathroom to find that Clarke had indeed waited for her. “Thanks,” she said simply as the two made their way back towards the living room.

As Clarke dropped down on the couch, Lexa got the second movie ready.  
“You're really going to make me suffer through another one?” Clarke wined slightly.  
"I am,” Lexa nodded as she sat down. “You started this.”  
“Yeah well, I'm stupid.” Clarke nodded.

Halfway through the movie Lexa was sitting up, her hand on her forehead, studying the screen. Clarke was next to her with her knees pulled up to her chest, burying her face every so often. The second movie wasn't nearly as gruesome as the first one, but still scary nonetheless. Lexa found her self completely sucked in, trying to unravel the puzzle that the movie had set up. She liked movies like this, ones that constantly tried to trick her and made her think.

“BOO!” Loud voices ripped through the room.  
It took less than a second for Clarke to leap from her seat and land firmly in Lexa's lap, her arms wrapping around her neck with a white knuckled grip. An all too familiar cackling filled the room and Lexa turned to see Raven and Octavia practically rolling on the floor.

“You assholes,” she shook her head as she rubbed Clarke's back.  
Clarke looked up. “Oh, I hate you guys!” She groaned before burying her face in Lexa's neck, thoroughly embarrassed.  
“You love us,” Octavia chuckled as she slipped out of her jacket.  
“Yeah, you definitely do.” Raven said as she stepped forward and peeked into the pizza box, smiling when she found there was still some in there.  
“It's cold,” Lexa told her as she paused the movie with her free hand.  
“It's food.” Raven shrugged as she took a bite and flopped down on the couch next to Lexa, effectively taking Clarke's seat. “I can't believe you two are actually watching this.”  
“Clarke's idea,” Lexa shrugged.  
“Stupid idea,” Clarke mumbled into Lexa's neck  
“No,” Lexa shook her head. “Oddly enough, I really liked the first one.”  
“The third one is the best,” Octavia said as she came back into the room and handed Raven a beer before dropping herself into one of the chairs.  
“Yeah?” Lexa asked with a smirk as she reached for the remote.  
“Clarke,” Raven shook her head, “are you going to get off the poor girl?”  
“Are you going to put that movie back on?” Clarke asked without moving.  
“Yep,” Lexa nodded.  
“Nope,” Clarke shook her head as she snuggled further into Lexa's neck.  
Lexa chuckled and hit the play button. 

She didn't mind. Not really. It wasn't the first time Clarke had sat on her lap. There had been countless times over the years where there wasn't enough chairs or room and Clarke would end up on her lap. Clarke was just freaked out by the movie. It was actually kind of adorable. 

As the movie played on Clarke shifted several times until she finally found a position of comfort and her breathing evened out. Lexa shook her head, not at all surprised that Clarke had fallen asleep on her. When they started the third movie Octavia got up and threw a blanket over them, knowing that Lexa would most likely be spending the rest of the night in that position.

“You could move her you know?” Raven told her.  
Lexa shook her head. “I don't mind,” she replied without taking her eyes off the screen.  
“You can't possibly be comfortable.” Raven chuckled.  
Lexa looked at her and shrugged lightly. Actually, she was very comfortable. “I’m good.” 

Halfway though the movie, Lexa was fighting a losing battle. Between the warmth of Clarke's body and the sound of her breathing, it was all she could do to keep her eyes open. A few more minutes passed before she finally relented, shifting her body slightly and allowing her eyes to flutter shut as Clarke sighed and burrowed closer to her.

The sound of a camera shutter filled her ears and she only had one more thought before drifting off to sleep.

Assholes.


	26. Chapter 26

Clarke: Can I ride with you to Lincoln’s?  
Lexa: I'm actually going to be late. Anya said that you can ride with her though. She's picking up Raven too.  
Clarke: That'll work. What time?  
Lexa: She said she'll pick you up at six.  
Clarke: Perfect. See you later tonight!  
Lexa: Yep.

Clarke tucked her phone away. She had been working in the store room at the gallery when Octavia called to see if she could find a different ride out to Lincoln's later that night. Apparently Lincoln had some emergency with the food so Octavia was going to head over there now to help him.

Clarke sighed as she slid another painting into the crate. She really needed this weekend. The last couple of weeks had really taken their toll on her. Physically speaking, she was fine. She had finished off her run of antibiotics and was back to being a picture of perfect health. Mentally though, she wasn't doing so great. She didn't miss Finn, not at all or the stress that apparently had been apart of that package. However, in between his cheating and Costia's hurtful comments, Lexa was right, she was starting to doubt herself and she was finding it increasingly difficult to stop. She loved her body, she did and she’d never want it to change, but she had to get Costia's words out of her head.

Later as she walked home, the cool air felt good against her face. Her eyes danced around to all of the Halloween decorations littering the store fronts and she grinned in appreciation at how much effort people put into their displays. Her fingers itched to just sit and sketch some of them, but she knew she didn't have time. She had to get home, shower and put a bag together, Anya would be picking her up in less than two hours and Clarke knew better than to make her wait.

Pushing through her front door a few minutes later, Clarke quickly dumped her stuff off on the kitchen table before going to her room and throwing together her weekend bag. Considering they did this every month, the bag was already mostly ready, there were certain staples that she never took out, so really all she needed to add was some clothes. After finishing that task, she dropped the bag by the door and rushed into the shower, she had less than an hour now.

After her shower Clarke stood staring in the mirror, her eyes raking over her body as her head damned Costia and her heart cursed her own self doubt. Stop. Just stop. 

She settled on jeans and a t-shirt with a pair of tall boots and then for good measure, covered it all up with a sweater that was definitely a size larger than necessary. It didn't look bad, it just really didn't look like her. 

Raven: Get a move on, Griff.  
Clarke: I'll be out in five.  
Raven: Anya said that you have three.

Clarke chuckled as she tucked her phone into her pocket and grabbed her keys off of the table. She knew that she'd better get out there, she had no doubt that Anya would leave after three minutes. Grabbing her bag, she clicked off the lights and booked out of the apartment, locking the door behind her.

“She was just about to leave you,” Raven told her as she slid into the backseat of Anya’s car.  
“Oh, come on,” Clarke chuckled. “I’m right on time.”  
“You're never on time, Clarke.” Anya grinned.  
“Girl’s got a point.” Raven nodded quickly.

The ride to Lincoln’s was pleasant as the three of the chatted about nonsense and listened to the radio. Everything seemed to be going smoothly, that was, until the pulled up out front of Lincoln’s and Clarke’s eyes fell on a car that she knew all to well.

“What the fuck is Finn doing here?” Raven said as she quickly opened her door.  
Anya’s eyes narrowed as she focused on the car where Finn was still sitting in the driver seat.  
Clarke swallowed hard and slipped out of the back seat. No sooner did she close her door, Finn stepped out of his.

“So, this is how it's going to be?” He scoffed, crossing his arms. “I'm exiled?”  
“You made your choices, Collins.” Anya replied stiffly.  
“I know it was you that scratched up my car.” He glared at her.  
Anya’s eyebrow twitched slightly. “Then prove it,” she said coolly.  
“You need to leave, Finn.” Clarke told him.  
“This isn't fair,” Finn said as he redirected his glance.  
“Not fair?” Clarke's eyes went wide.  
“You selfish fuck,” Raven stepped forward. “You ruined your relationship with Clarke and in the process destroyed Lexa’s relationship with Costia and now you have the nerve to stand there and be upset because you didn't get invited to the party?”  
Finn swallowed hard and Clarke didn't miss how Anya’s hands twisted into a fist.  
“I always knew that your were a dick, Finn,” Raven shook her head, “but, damn.”  
“What happened was between me and Clarke,” he defended quickly.  
“That might have been true,” Raven fired back, “if you hadn't allowed other people to be affected by it as well. Clarke was your girlfriend, but Lexa was your friend.”  
“My friend?” Finn laughed. “Yeah, my friend, who spent the last two years trying to sleep with my girlfriend.”  
Clarke's face felt hot. This shit again. “She never tried to sleep with me!” She snapped loudly.  
“If they really wanted to sleep together, I'm sure that they could have.” Anya stepped forward. “But in the end, it was you that crossed that line, not them.”  
Finn glared at Anya and Clarke was quite sure that he was contemplating throwing a punch.  
“Finn, you need to leave.” Monty’s voice filled the air. Turning, Clarke saw him approaching with Jasper right on his heels.  
“Monty,” Finn sighed. “Come on, man…”  
“I'm serious,” Monty shook his head. “If Lincoln wanted you here, he would have invited you.”

Finn glared at them all for another moment before shaking his head in defeat and getting back into his car. As soon as she pulled away Clarke turned and wrapped her arms around Monty’s neck. “Thank you,” she told him and gave him a tight squeeze.  
Monty nodded, returning her hug.  
“Man, that guy has nerve.” Jasper shook his head.

Clarke took a step back. Part of her wanted to feel bad for Finn, but she couldn't. She knew, the moment she found out, that this would sever his ties with the group. She glanced around. They were an odd group, really. All so very different, and yet so strangely similar. They were a family built on acceptance, sure, but also trust and respect. It was clear that no one trusted Finn anymore and it was also clear that Finn had no respect. Not for himself or Clarke, certainly not Lexa and probably not anyone else either. 

“You good?” Raven asked as she nudged her.  
“I'm good.” Clarke nodded.  
“Good,” Raven smiled. “Let's get inside.”

Entering the apartment Clarke and Raven dropped their bags next to the door and were quickly greeted by Lincoln who handed each of them a small bottle. “Welcome,” he said kindly.  
Raven opened the bottle and tipped the contents into her mouth. “Ugh,” she gagged. “That's gross.”  
Clarke opened her bottle and took a quick whiff. “Smells like licorice,” she noted.  
“Sambuca?” Anya questioned as she accepted her bottle from Lincoln, who nodded.  
“Yuck,” Anya shook her head before tipping to liquid into her mouth, Clarke followed in suit.  
“I'm with Anya on this one,” Clarke winced. “That's just nasty.”  
Lincoln laughed. “I know it.”

An hour later Lexa finally came through the door. Clarke noted that she must have come straight from a meeting or something as she was dressed in slacks and a button down, with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. Catching her eye, Lexa smiled and gave her a nod of acknowledgement before being approached by Anya an pulled off to the side. Clarke couldn't hear what was being said, but judging by the look in Lexa’s eyes and her body language, Clarke was quite sure that Anya was filling her in on Finn's appearance earlier. 

“Hey,” Lexa said when she finally made her way over to Clarke and kissed her cheek.  
“I was wondering if you a when you were going to show,” Clarke smiled.  
“Work,” Lexa nodded as she opened a beer.  
“Everything okay?” Clarke asked curiously.  
“Definitely,” Lexa smiled.

As the night wore on Clarke found that wearing a sweater might not have been the best idea. Given the size of Lincoln’s apartment and the amount of people in it, it was really getting quite warm. She could just take of the sweater, she knew that, but, no. 

“Aren’t you hot in that thing, Griffin?” Raven asked from her seat on the couch.  
“No, I’m good.” Clarke answered, but pushed the sleeves back up anyway.  
As if on cue, Lexa appeared at her side and held a hand out to her. “Will you come with me?”  
Clarke looked up at her and saw something flickering her eyes. “Of course,” she said as she took Lexa's hand and got to her feet.

Lexa led her down the hallway and into the bathroom. Once inside, Lexa closed to door and turned to look at her. She sighed. “I know what you're doing,” she said softly.  
“What am I doing?” Clarke asked curiously.  
Lexa’s eyes met hers, the green burning into the blue as if trying to relay a message. She stepped forward, her fingers quickly gripping the bottom of Clarke's sweater and in one swift movement, had it lifted up over her head and off of her overheating body.

As the cool air hit the bare skin that was left exposed by her t-shift Clarke felt instant relief. She took a breath as she looked back at Lexa with a certain amount of shame showing in her eyes, but in Lexa's eyes there was nothing but warmth and understanding.

“You don't need to hide yourself under baggy clothes,” she told her firmly.  
“I know,” Clarke nodded. “I just can't seem to get it out of my head,” her eyes misted over.  
“I can see that, but Clarke,” she sighed. “You have an amazing body, people would kill for your curves.”  
Clarke nodded. “But, it's not like yours,” she said with a shrug.  
“It doesn't need to be like mine,” Lexa shook her head. “It's yours, and it's beautiful and I wish that I could burn Costia’s words from your memory, because that is one thing that you never, ever need to doubt.”  
Clarke smiled affectionately, suddenly she felt lighter. How the hell did she do that?

“Thank you,” Clarke said as she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck.  
Lexa pulled her in tight. “No doubt,” she said firmly.  
Clarke nodded, suddenly becoming very aware of their bodies pressed together. “Was she right about the fit?” The question escaped her lips before she could stop herself.  
Clarke felt Lexa's grin on the side of her head as the smallest chuckle filled her ears, she shook her head. “No,” she said taking a step back. “I think it goes without saying that we've always fit together great.”  
Clarke nodded and giggled lightly.  
“Are you ready to go back?” Lexa asked.  
“I am.” Clarke smiled widely.  
“No sweater,” Lexa told her firmly.  
“No sweater.” Clarke agreed.

As they exited the bathroom, Clarke was hit with an insane feeling of gratitude for her best friend. “You're kind of amazing, you know that?”  
Lexa grinned. “Shh.”

Clarke didn't know what it was, or how Lexa had done it, but not once over the rest of the weekend did she even consider putting that sweater back on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small note has been added to the summary. My apologies, for not including it in the beginning.


	27. Chapter 27

Two weeks later, Lexa was leaning against the counter at Trikru, filling out paperwork when her phone lit up.

Clarke: Why did I agree to this?  
Lexa: I don't know, what is this?  
Clarke: Lunch with Wells.

Lexa stared at the phone, unable to stop the light scowl that had appeared on her face. She glanced at the time, she was supposed to be sparring with Lincoln soon, and she had to get ready.

Lexa: I would imagine because Thelonious set it up.  
Clarke: He did.  
Lexa: Deep breath. It'll be over before you know it.

Tossing her phone in the drawer, she shook her head and quickly made her way over to one of the training rooms, her mind already becoming clouded. Wells Jaha, only son of Thelonious Jaha was, to put it simply, an ass. Lexa had tried to like him, really, she had, but it just wasn’t possible.

It could be said that the one thing that set Clarke apart from the group was where she came from. Her parents were successful, very successful and really, Clarke should have been well off, except that she chose not to be. She didn't work two jobs because she had to, she worked two jobs because she chose to. She didn't want any success that she might achieve to be because of her parents. No. If Clarke was going to make it anywhere with her art, or anything else, she damn sure wanted to do it on her own. It was one of the most admirable things about her. 

She would indulge on occasion and let her parents help, only help, with trips that she and her friends took, but that was the extent of it. Hell, she had gone months now without a vehicle because she refused to let Jake and Abby pay for one.

“Ready?” Lincoln asked shortly after she entered the room.   
“Ready,” she nodded.

Less than five minutes later she was flat on her back.

Wells, on the other hand, had no problem using his father’s name and his money to get exactly what he wanted. He had been that way for as long as anyone could remember. People in high school either hated him or wanted to be him and while Lexa wouldn't go so far as to say that she hated him, she would say that she just simply couldn't stand him.

“You need to focus.” Lincoln told her as she was knocked to the ground again.   
“I am.” Lexa insisted with a glare.

They had dated for a while in high school, Clarke and Wells. It made sense, really. Their families went back a long way, so no one was exactly surprised when they started dating. Funny enough, they only person surprised when they broke up, was Wells. He just couldn't grasp why it wasn't working and honestly, became a bit of a dick, until Lexa knocked him on his ass for making an inappropriate comment about Clarke. This was an action that Clarke both scolded and thanked her for, though it only fueled the rumors about them.

“Damn it, Lex.” Lincoln said as he stood over her for a third time. “Focus.”  
“I am focused.” Lexa growled as she got to her feet.   
“You're not,” Lincoln told her quickly. “You're thinking. Stop thinking.”  
Lexa nodded. Right. Stop thinking.

Not a moment later, Lincoln was on his back. “See,” he winced, “told you.”

Okay. So maybe she had been thinking too much.

A few hours later, as Lexa was finishing up her shift, she finally retrieved her phone from the desk drawer, slightly surprised by the fact that she had no messages.

Lexa: Did you survive?  
Clarke: I did, but barely. He hasn't changed a bit.  
Clarke: And, he's coming to work at Polis.

Lexa glared at the phone. Brilliant.

Lexa: Do you want to have dinner?  
Clarke: That'd be awesome.  
Clarke: In or out?  
Lexa: In, I think? I’m finished in an hour. What do you want?  
Clarke: Italian?  
Lexa: Sounds awesome. What time are you home?  
Clarke: On my way there now.  
Lexa: When I’m finished here, I'll pick something up and head over. Any requests?  
Clarke: Surprise me.   
Lexa: You got it.

A little over an hour later Lexa was standing in the locker room, towel drying her hair when her phone went off again.

Clarke: O and Rae are here, should we feed them?  
Lexa: We can feed them.  
Clarke: Spoiled bitches.  
Lexa: Hahaha. Just find out what they want.  
Clarke: Chicken Marsala.  
Clarke: They’ll split it.  
Lexa: See you in a little while.

Not ten minutes later, her phone went off again. What was this? They day of endless texts?

Clarke: Anya's here now too.  
Lexa: ??  
Lexa: House party?  
Clarke: Raven invited her.  
Lexa: I already know what she wants.  
Clarke: For dinner or with Raven? ;)  
Lexa: Hahaha!! Don’t let her hear you say that!  
Clarke: They flirt so bad.   
Clarke: It's kind of gross.  
Lexa: Yeah, well you’ve never been in the next room. Believe me, it can get grosser.  
Clarke: You win.  
Lexa: Always do. ;)  
Clarke: Shush it. 

It wasn't much later, as Lexa sat waiting on her order, her phone went off yet again. 

Clarke: Where are you?  
Lexa: At the restaurant, waiting for the food. Why?  
Clarke: Make them go faster.  
Clarke: I need you. These people are crazy!  
Clarke: IMG_101

Lexa looked at the picture. It was of four flaming shots sitting on the kitchen counter.

Lexa: Clarke, what is that??  
Clarke: Anya called it a Flaming B-52, I think?

Lexa slapped her hand against her forehead. Thank God, it's Friday.

Raven: Get your ass over here, Commander!  
O: You need to try one of these!  
Anya: You know that you're curious.  
Clarke: Lexa!

Finally Lexa's name was called and she was able to pay for her food and leave. The trip back to Clarke’s was a short one and before Lexa knew it she was pulling into a parking spot and grabbing the food out of the backseat. She hadn’t even made it all the way to the door when the sounds music and laughter filled her ears.

“What is going on in here?” Lexa asked as she came through the door, attempting to look stern.   
“Girls night!” Octavia chirped from her spot on the couch.  
Lexa shook her head quickly. Oh, hell no. “I’m out,” she turned to run.   
“You're so in,” Raven told her as she wrapped an arm around her and led her to the kitchen. “Relax, it's just food, music, a couple of drinks and bullshitting. Though, it’s probably going to be a late one.”  
“No way,” Lexa shook her head. ‘I didn't even bring anything.”  
“Anya brought you a bag,” Clarke said as she entered the kitchen. “Now, what'd you bring me?”  
“Manicotti,” Lexa answered, before throwing a look at her sister.   
“Oh, I just love you.” Clarke told her as she gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek.   
“Uh huh,” Lexa rolled her eyes. “That's what all of the girls say.”  
“Only when you feed us,” Raven piped in, “so feed us already.”

It was at this moment that Lexa could no longer contain her composure and burst into laughter. She pushed the bag toward Raven. “Have at it,” she told her before turning to Anya. “Make me one of those shots.”  
“Coming right up,” Anya nodded quickly.

While Clarke, Raven and Octavia started pulling the food out, Lexa approached her sister. “So, was this your idea?”  
“Not specifically,” Anya shook her head. “It just kind of came together. But, come on, it's been awhile.”  
“Truth,” Lexa conceded with a nod as Anya lit two shots on fire.   
“Ready?” Her sister asked quickly.  
They blew out their drinks and tipped them back few seconds later.  
It tasted like coffee. “That is awesome,” Lexa grinned as she smacked her lips.   
“I know, right?” Clarke appeared and pressed into her side. “Come on, let's eat.”

As they sat down to eat, Clarke glanced curiously at Lexa's plate. “What do you have?” She asked curiously.   
“Chicken Parmesan,” Lexa answered as she picked up her fork.  
Clarke pursed her lips slightly, as if she were thinking.   
“Would you like some?” Lexa grinned knowingly.   
“I would.” Clarke smiled happily. “You're welcome to have some of my manicotti.”  
“I think I will,” Lexa nodded. “Thank you.”  
“Lex, any interest mine?” Octavia asked motioning to her plate. “Totally trade you some?”  
“Of course O,” Lexa chuckled, unable to stop herself.   
“Hey Anya,” Raven asked smoothly, “what are you dining on?”  
“At the moment,” Anya looked up. “Shrimp and roasted red peppers.”  
Raven smirked and it was a look that only she could pull off. “Yum.” She said, popping an eyebrow. “Trade you some?”  
Anya looked at Clarke. “See what you started?”

The table erupted in laughter. 

By the time they were finished eating, everyone had, at least some, of someone else's food. They were good and stuffed and Anya was already making them yet another round of drinks. Lexa couldn't be sure how many they'd had at this point, she'd lost count after Anya brought her supplies to the table and truth be told, things were starting to get a little fuzzy. 

She dropped on the floor in front of Clarke’s seat in the living room. ”So, how was Wells?”   
“As insufferable as ever.” Clarke rolled her eyes and started braiding Lexa’s hair.  
“He’s such a tool,” Octavia said as she dropped into one of the other chairs.  
“Always has been, really.” Lexa shrugged.  
“Keep still,” Clarke scolded her playfully. “You know he actually called me afterward and left me a voicemail, asking if I want to have dinner sometime. It was the most ridiculous message ever. Hang on, I’ll show you,” she said as she got up and grabbed her phone. 

Lexa’s stomach turned. She did not like the thought of Clarke going out with Wells. 

“Shit, I must have deleted it,” Clarke shook her head. “Wait a sec.”  
Lexa chuckled and just shook her head. 

“Clarke?” Octavia’s voice sounded funny and she sat up.  
Lexa turned quickly and found Clarke staring down at her phone with her brow furrowed and her head shaking slightly. She jumped to her feet. “Clarke?”   
Clarke didn’t look up, she put the phone to her ear. After a few seconds, she finally looked up. “You called?”   
“Um?” Lexa looked at her confused.

Clarke spun her phone around and Lexa got a look at what she was talking about. There in her deleted bin, from all those weeks ago, was the phone call that Clarke never returned. Lexa felt her eyes narrow. She didn’t even have to ask. Clarke turned and left the room.

“Confusion,” Octavia said quickly.  
Lexa sighed. “Remember when I had lunch with you and Raven, and I finally listened to Clarke’s messages?”  
Octavia nodded. “I was really surprised when you didn’t call.”  
“I did call,” Lexa said quickly. “But, apparently it never made it to Clarke.”  
“Oh, he did not,” Octavia’s eyes widened.  
“Apparently, he did.” Lexa sighed again.  
“I don’t even know why I’m surprised,” Clarke said as she came back into the room and sat back down, motioning Lexa to sit back in front of her. 

Lexa complied and Clarke resumed braiding her hair.

“He’s so not worth the wasting your energy, Clarke,” Octavia told her.   
Clarke nodded but didn’t say anything. Lexa knew that she probably didn’t want to talk about Finn anymore. Even though it was all over and done with, it still made her stomach twist slightly.

Hours later they were all sprawled out in the living room. Anya was on the edge of the couch, with Raven laid out next to her, her leg up. Octavia was in one chair with her legs hanging over the side and Clarke was back in the other with Lexa again, on the floor in front of her. The rest of their evening had been pleasant enough and even after the whole voicemail incident they were still able to get back into a good place and have a good time. Now however, they were all just spent.

Finally Octavia stood up. “Okay, I cave.” She yawned. “Rae, where're you sleeping?”  
“Right here.” Raven mumbled back.

Lexa got to her feet and looked at Clarke, who was not surprisingly, asleep in the chair. Octavia grinned at her as she scooped Clarke up and carried her off to her bedroom. After tucking Clarke in, she used the bathroom and made her way back to the living room, fully intent on crashing on the floor. Her idea was squashed however, when the sound of hushed voices filled her ears. Glancing around the corner she could see Raven and Anya deep in some discussion.

Well, shit.

Lexa turned. It wasn't a big deal. Not really. She went back into Clarke's room and nudged her shoulder. “Clarke?” She whispered gently.   
“Mm?” Clarke mumbled.   
“I lost my spot,” Lexa told her. “I'm going to crawl in here, okay?”  
Clarke nodded and scooted over to make room for her.

A few minutes later, as Lexa was drifting off to sleep, she felt Clarke take her right hand and pull her arm around her. She should have seen this coming, Clarke was always one to cuddle. “Thank you,” Clarke whispered.  
Lexa didn’t know what she was thanking her for and honestly, she was too tired to ask, so she simply curled into her and took a deep breath as her eyes slipped shut.

Much better than the floor.


	28. Chapter 28

Thanksgiving morning Clarke woke up in her old bed at her parents house. Jake had picked up her and Raven up the night before and brought them. Everyone ran around on Thanksgiving and did their family visiting, but in the evening they all met at the Griffin residence for a late dinner and to have their family time. Knowing that she still had hours before anyone would arrive, Clarke rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. That was until Raven came limping into her room and flopped down on her bed, shaking her.

“Come on, Clarke,” she told her. “Time to get up.”  
“Ugh.” Clarke groaned. “Why?”  
“The parade is going to start in a little while.” Raven explained quickly.

Clarke looked up into her dark eyes and smiled. No matter how old Raven got, there was something she loved about waking up and watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade over breakfast. 

“Okay.” Clarke told her as she shuffled out from under her blankets.  
“I think someone's making cinnamon rolls,” Raven said as they exited the room.  
“Don't they always?” Clarke laughed as she slipped into her robe. “You're getting me coffee.”  
Raven pouted. “Oh okay.”

As they entered the kitchen they found Jake and Abby having coffee and food already on the table.

“Good morning, girls,” Abby greeted them pleasantly and Jake smiled.  
“Morning,” Clarke yawned as she slipped into a chair.  
Raven gave them a wave as she made her way to the coffee maker. 

”My queen,” She bowed a few moments later as she placed a cup of coffee in front of Clarke.  
Clarke took a sip. “You may go now,” she said waving her hand.  
“Imagine that,” Raven grinned as she pulled her out of the chair. “Grab some food, we’re going to watch the parade.”  
Clarke sighed, but smiled. This girl.

Abby and Jake just chuckled at them. There was always something good about having them home. Raven had had a room in their house since she was a teenager, she and Clarke might as well be siblings at this point. Though, really that was how Jake and Abby felt about the whole group and why they were always so happy to have them there for Thanksgiving.

The topic of Finn had been discussed the night before and while it disappointed both of them greatly, they were proud of the way Clarke (and Lexa) had handled it. Though Abby did swat Jake on the arm for laughing over how Lexa had dosed Finn and Costia's champagne with laxatives. Clarke didn’t know it, but Jake had taken it upon himself to contact Finn directly and tell him that he was not welcome at dinner that night.

A couple of hours later Clarke and Raven were curled up under a blanket in the living room when Abby came through the room.

“Any idea who will be arriving first?” She asked.  
“I’ll think Lexa and Anya,” Clarke answered quickly. “There uncle is away, so.”  
“That's too bad,” Abby said softly. “Don't forget I’ll need your help later in the kitchen.”  
“Uh huh,” Clarke nodded. She knew her mother wasn't about to let her touch a thing in the kitchen.  
Raven just smirked and kept her eyes on the television.

Before the parade even ended Anya and Lexa were there. They really didn't have anything else to do, so they figured that they would just come early and help. After all, putting together a meal for eleven people was no easy task and unlike Clarke, they could actually cook.

“You’re early,” Clarke said as she pulled Lexa into a tight hug.  
“Figured we could help out,” Lexa told her as she gave her a squeeze and dropped a quick kiss on her cheek.  
“Well, I will always accept help that is offered.” Abby chimed in from the doorway.  
“Unless it's Clarke's.” Raven quipped.  
Abby shot Raven a sly wink and returned to the kitchen.

“You can't drop your bag in my room,” Raven suddenly said to Anya.  
Lexa and Clarke stared at them for a second as the lightest of pinks flushed Anya cheeks. She nodded and walked away.  
“You can dump yours in mine,” Clarke told Lexa. “Not that you have to sleep there or anything. You know there's plenty of space, but this way no one will be tripping on it.”  
“Good idea,” Lexa said as she scooped up her bag and followed Anya up the stairs.

Okay. So this was true and not true. Yes there was plenty of space, but at the same time, Clarke couldn't deny that she wouldn't mind sharing a bed with Lexa for the night. She was amazing to cuddle with and with as crazy as everything had been, having someone to cuddle with, certainly helped her sleep. Perhaps if Lexa's stuff was already there, she would just go with it.

“You could just ask her,” Raven said knowingly. “You know she wouldn't care.”  
“I know.” Clarke replied. “So, what's going on with you and Anya?”  
“What's going on with you and Lexa?” Raven crossed her arms.  
“Not a thing,” Clarke answered quickly.  
“Maybe a thing.” Raven responded softly and gave her a look.

That look was all Clarke needed to know not to press, at least, not right now. So instead, she decided that now was probably a good time to go take a shower and get dressed.

An hour after, she walked into the kitchen to find Lexa, with her sleeves rolled up to her elbows and her hands buried in a sink of soapy water. “This should be your job.” she told her quickly.  
“Ah,” Clarke stuck her tongue out slightly. “Looks like you beat me to it.”  
“Uh huh.” Lexa glanced at her.  
Clarke noticed as Lexa eyed her top, which was currently a large bulky hoodie that belonged to her father. Walking over, she leaned against the counter and looked at her. “It's cold,” she told her softly. Which was true, it being late November and all. “Besides, it's super comfy.”  
Lexa nodded and returned her attention to the sink.

As the day ticked on, little by little, all of the members of their group showed up. Some helped in the kitchen, while others watched football and just lounged around snacking and chatting. Truthfully, they all pretty much floated between doing all of the above. Except for Clarke, who eventually found herself banished from the kitchen until after dinner. All and all it was really just a great day. A real family day and Clarke was honestly grateful for it.

Several times Clarke found herself just sitting back and taking in the sight of them all.

Monty and Jasper, making a game of tossing grapes into each other's mouths from opposite ends of the dining room table. Bellamy, Lincoln and her father getting way to engrossed in a touchdown on the television and then celebrating like they were all still back in college. Or her mother and Octavia having the most ridiculous debate about the best way to prepare and serve peas. Peas! Not to mention, the sweetest stolen moments that seemed to be happening between Raven and Anya. It warmed her heart to watch it all. 

Several times throughout the day her eye would catch Lexa's and Lexa would just grin. She seemed to be taking it all in too.

When they sat down to eat, Jake stood at the head of the table and smiled at them all. “Well,” he began, “here we are again, another year…”  
Suddenly Raven stood up and glanced around at them. “I shouldn't be here,” she said softly.  
“Raven,” Clarke made to stand, but Lexa put her hand on her knee.  
“Let her speak,” Anya said firmly, her eyes on Raven.

Clarke looked at Raven too. Something very different was showing in her eyes. Clarke sank back into her seat and waited.

Raven took a deep breath. “I shouldn't be here,” she began again. “This isn't the life that I was meant to have. Everyone knows where people like me are supposed to end up. They're not supposed to have college educations or awesome careers or…” her voice trailed off.

Tears welled up in Clarke's eyes. Raven never spoke like this. Never.

“Somehow, I didn't end up where I was supposed to. Somehow, my path crossed paths with these two crazy girls and then everything changed.” Raven’s eyes found Clarke and Octavia before she glanced around the table. “I shouldn’t be here, but I am. I'm here and I have this amazing life, and it's because of all of you.” Tears slipped out onto her cheeks as she locked eyes with Abby. “I'm standing here, because of you. I can walk, because of you.”

Abby quickly brushed a tear off of her cheek as Jake reached out at took her hand.

Raven swallowed hard. “People talk about Thanksgiving and being thankful, well, everything that I’m thankful for, is right here in this room. All of you. My family.” It was getting visibly harder for her now. “I just wanted you all to know how grateful I am and how much…” her words were lost to a light sob as Anya stood up and hugged her.

In the moments that followed, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room. One by one each of them had to get close to her, had to hug her and express their own feelings. It was alright, the food would still be there when they were done. This was more important. This was family.

After dinner everyone dispersed throughout the house, with most going to the kitchen to help clean up. Clarke watched from the doorway as Raven sat on the couch with her parents on either side of her. She had no clue what was being said, it wasn't her business to know. In that moment, all she cared about was the fact that Raven was there with them.

Deciding to leave them in peace, Clarke turned and walked away. As she made her way back to the kitchen she spotted Lexa at the opposite end of the hall, standing in front of a large picture window with her hands cupped behind her back, just staring.

“Hey,” she said softly as she came up next to her, her fingers slipping around her upper arm. “Are you okay?”  
Lexa nodded slowly.  
Clarke dropped her head onto Lexa’s shoulder. She knew what she was thinking. “I don't know what any of us would have done if we had lost her.”  
Lexa shook her head. “I don't know either.”  
“I don't think that she realizes how grateful we all are for her too.” Clarke told her.  
Lexa shook her head. “She should.”  
“She should.” Clarke agreed.  
“What are you grateful for?” Lexa asked, still staring at the window.  
“Same as Raven.” Clarke answered quickly. “All of this. Our family.” she took a deep breath. “And you.”  
Lexa glanced at her.  
“I know we’ve talked, a lot,” Clarke lifted her head as she tightened her grip on Lexa's arm. “but I am so glad that I didn't lose you.”  
”You'd never lose me,” Lexa told her softly, “and I’m just as grateful.” She added as she turned, pulling Clarke into a hug and placing a firm and lingering kiss on her temple.

A pang of emotions went off somewhere in Clarke's chest as she pulled Lexa closer and nuzzled into her neck.

At the end of the hall, Jake and Abby stood silent, watching the sweet interaction.  
“Do you think they'll ever figure it out?” Abby asked quietly.  
"Anything's possible." Jake replied as he slipped his arms around her. “But, they're both pretty stubborn,” he added.  
Abby chuckled lightly and just shook her head as she and Jake retreated back down the hallway.

These two dummies.


	29. Chapter 29

Lexa stood in the bathroom, splashing her face with cold water.

It was the hug that did it, she decided - or at least, that's where it started. It was in the kiss, that lingered just a second too long and in the way that Clarke had pulled her closer and held her there. The longer Lexa had stayed there, feeling the warmth of her body and breathing in everything that is Clarke, the more she felt it. It was in the way she kept pulling her closer and the sound of her breathing. It was everything in those few moments that they had alone in that hallway. All of those things had set every nerve ending in Lexa’s body on fire and she needed to extinguish them, now.

“Fuck,” Lexa whispered before she dried her face and went back out to to join her friends.

Entering the living room she found Raven and Anya lounging on the couch while they chatted with Bellamy who was laying lazily in a chair. She glanced into the next room and saw Jasper relaxing in a chair while he talked to someone on the phone. Crossing into the dining room she found Monty, Jake and Abby dealing out cards getting ready to start a game. “I’m in for the next hand,” she told them as she passed though, she could use a distraction. 

She entered the kitchen to find Lincoln and Octavia putting away the last of the dishes.

“Hey,” Octavia said as she looked up.  
“Need any help?” Lexa asked quickly.  
Lincoln shook his head. “Nope. We got it.”

She gave them a nod and went back into the the dining room to wait for the next hand to start. Clarke had appeared and had taken up residence next to Monty. She appeared to be whispering tips on how to beat her parents into his ear. Lexa smirked as she sat down next to Abby.

“Are you hear to give me tips on how to beat my daughter?” Abby asked her.  
Lexa grinned. “I’m afraid, I can't do that,” she told her.  
Abby feigned offense. “Then away with you, child.” She said waving her hand.  
Lexa laughed as she got up and moved to the head of the table. She couldn't let anyone think that she was actually going to help Clarke. 

Glancing up, she found Clarke's eyes focused directly on her, there was something familiar in them. She smirked as if she had a secret and whispered something to Monty. Lexa’s eyes narrowed playfully as she got up and went into the living room, she knew it was going to be a long hand.

As she dropped herself down into a chair, a sighed escaped her.  
“You alright, squirt?” Anya asked her quickly.  
“I'm fine,” Lexa told her. Yep. Totally fine.  
“Where's Clarke?” Raven asked her.  
Lexa pointed to the dining room. “Helping Monty beat Jake and Abby in cards.”  
Raven laughed. “Shit, they won't stand a chance.”  
Lexa shook her head. “But, they will keep on trying.”  
“They will.” Raven agreed. “They always do.”  
The four of the laughed. It was true. Clarke had become quite the card shark and Jake and Abby had been trying to beat her for years.

It wasn't long before Clarke came sauntering into the living room and plopped down on to Lexa's lap. “He won, didn't he?” Lexa asked, already knowing the answer.  
“Of course he did,” Clarke said as she adjusted herself. “Then they kicked me out.”  
“Do you blame them?” Lexa asked as she moved herself under Clarke's added weight.  
“Nope,” Clarke shook her head. “Hey, when you got it, you got it.”  
“Truth.” Lexa nodded as Clarke began to fiddle with the next of her shirt.

“Lexa, are you playing?” Jake suddenly called from the dining room.  
Hell yes. Lexa made a move to get up but Clarke stilled her. “No, stay,” she told her. “You're so comfy.”  
Lexa wanted to object, she did, but she couldn't. Everything in her body screamed for her to stay right where she was, so she did. “I’m good.” She called back to Jake. 

So not good. 

“How about we all change into something more comfy and watch a movie?” Raven suggested.  
“Sounds good.” Clarke's nodded.  
“I'm in.” Anya said as she stood up.  
“Yeah,” Bellamy agreed. “I'll tell everyone else.”

As everyone made there way to different rooms to change, Lexa again found herself in the bathroom, splashing cold watering her face. “Knock it off,” she told herself in the mirror. 

By the time she came out, Clarke was already changed and back in the living room, so she slipped into Clarke's room and quickly changed into a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt. As she made her way back into the living room her eyes fell on Clarke who had changed into something very similar to what she was wearing and was waiting patiently for her on the couch. As Lexa sat down, Clarke threw a blanket over the two of them and nuzzled into her side, “You always smell so good,” she told her.  
“Soap and water,” Lexa nodded,  
“Smart ass.” Clarke pinched her side but it was barley a pinch. In fact, it was done in such a manner that it left Lexa with only two thoughts. Either Clarke was really oblivious to what she was doing or, her best friend was trying to kill her.

The movie that Raven chose was, for the most part, uneventful and by the time that it ended Lexa was quite surprised to find that Clarke had managed to make it through the entire thing without falling asleep.

“Okay people,” Raven said as she got to her feet. “I'm done.”  
“Me too,” Bellamy yawned.  
“Uh uh,” Jasper mumbled from the floor where his eyes were already closed.

As everyone slowly made their way off to their designated sleeping areas, Lexa stretched out on the couch, her spot after all, and unlocked her phone. She frowned, her battery was just about dead, and her charger? That was in her bag, in Clarke's room. 

Well, shit.

She made her way down the hallway and lightly tapped on Clarke's door.

“Yeah?” She heard Clarke's muffled voice from the other side.  
“Sorry,” she told her as she stepped into the dimly lit room. “I just need my charger.”  
“No problem” Clarke replied from the edge of the bed where she was sitting

Lexa dug around in her bag for a few minutes until she found what she was looking for, then quietly made her way back to the door.

“You don't have to sleep on the couch, you know?” Clarke told her. “My bed is huge.”  
“I don't mind it,” Lexa shrugged.  
“You could stay,” Clarke suggested again as she got up and walked forward.

Fuck.

Lexa took a deep breath. “Clarke, I…”  
“Lexa.” Clarke cut her off, her voice low and raspy. 

Lexa turned her head slightly, her eyes finding Clarke’s, they were dark with something that was all too familiar. Something that gave her a moment of clarity and took her back to an unspoken understanding from a long time ago. It was okay.

No more thinking. 

Lexa stepped forward, her hand quickly moving to the back of Clarke’s neck as she pulled her close, bringing their lips together for the first time in years. A moan escaped Clarke as she rolled her body forward, grabbing needfully at her shoulders and neck. The feeling of Clarke's unbound body against hers was warm and amazing – it felt perfect. A tremor moved through Lexa's body as Clarke's teeth gently tugged on her lower lip asking for an entrance, which she instantly granted her. Clarke's tongue slipped forward effortlessly, teasingly and the sensation that it sent through Lexa was almost more than she could stand. 

Too long, that was the only thought, as Lexa hooked her hands beneath Clarke's thighs and hoisted her up. Clarke gasped at the friction between them and the warmth against Lexa’s belly told her that it had been a long night for her too.

“You knew,” Lexa accused her as she led them blindly toward the bed.

Once on the mattress Clarke easily flipped them over, straddling Lexa's waist and discarding her shirt. Yep, unbound. She stayed like that for a moment, her blue eyes locked with Lexa's, darkened with want and need. Gently she rocked her hips forward as she leaned down. “Of course I knew,” she panted softly, before bringing their lips together again.

Far too fucking long.


	30. Chapter 30

Clarke rolled over and stretched, every muscle in her body ached, but it was the best kind of ache in the world. Opening her eyes, she found that she was alone, but she didn’t mind, everyone knew that Lexa was an early riser. As she shifted herself up to lean against the headboard, her thoughts went to the previous night. 

She had heard it, the way that Lexa’s breath had hitched in the hallway when she nuzzled in close to her and felt the way her body temperature increase as they stood there. As the night had worn on, more and more she was able to tell where Lexa’s mind was and that she was trying to fight against it. It was in the smallest things, the tiniest of tells. Clarke hadn’t been offended, not at all. If anything, all it did was entice her and by the time they were all settling in for the night, she was more than worked up herself. So, when Lexa came into her room to retrieve her charger, she couldn’t let to opportunity pass. As her friends had previously pointed out, Clarke was a sexual being and if Lexa was indeed aching with the same craving, she would be more than willing to satisfy it. Her curiosity had been answered the second that Lexa turned and looked at her with her green eyes dark and lustful and her breathing slightly labored. She had no doubt that Lexa wanted her just as badly and in that moment she found herself so grateful that her room was more set apart at the far end of the hall, because she knew exactly what was coming. Clarke sighed as she pressed her head back against the headboard.

A moment later the door creaked open and Lexa stepped inside, looking freshly showered and already dressed with cup of coffee in her hand. “Hey,” she said softly as she held out the cup. “I brought you coffee.”  
“Thank you,” Clarke smiled taking the cup. She took a sip, before setting it on the nightstand. “What time is it?”  
“Almost ten,” Lexa answered as she knelt down and began rummaging through her bag.  
“Why’d you let me sleep so late?” Clarke yawned.  
“Obviously you were tired,” Lexa answered, continuing to rummage.  
“Yeah, and who’s fault is that?” Clarke teased playfully.  
Lexa found whatever she was looking for and stood up. “Oh, it’s totally yours,” she grinned.  
Clarke feigned offence and chuckled.  
“You should go take a shower,” Lexa told her, jerking her thumb.  
“Are you implying that I stink?” Clarke rubbed her eyes.  
“Implying, no,” Lexa shook her head. “I’m flat out telling you and while it’s a scent that I certainly don’t mind, I’m sure that everyone else would appreciate you showering.”  
At this, Clarke couldn’t help but laugh.  
“The pancakes are just about ready,” Lexa told her as she moved toward the door. “So, I suggest you get a move on, unless you want Raven to eat them all.”  
Clarke sat up, “Tell that girl that I will cut her.”  
“Yeah,” Lexa smiled. “I’ll get right on that.”

When Lexa left the room Clarke quickly slipped into her robe and made her way to the bathroom just down the hall. Though she’d always hate to admit it, Lexa was right and a shower was certainly in order. As she dropped her robe her eyes fell on several marks that had been left behind by Lexa, not that she minded. Her fingers smoothed adoringly over the ones that she could reach, sending a subtle shiver slipping down her spine. Lexa was, without a doubt, the most versatile lover that Clarke had ever been with and there was just something undeniably remarkable about how well they complemented each other. They always had, right from the start and last night just proved, time doesn’t change everything.

“Damn,” Clarke smirked at herself in the mirror before stepping into the shower.

A little while later when she dropped into a chair between Lexa and Monty, Raven shot her a look. “Cut me?” She asked quickly.  
“If you ate all of the pancakes?” Clarke laughed. “You’re damn right.”  
Everyone at the table laughed, and Raven stuck out her tongue.  
“Coffee?” Lexa asked, holding the pot.  
“Please,” Clarke smiled.  
Lexa refilled her cup and set the pot back down on the warmer.  
“So, what’s everyone doing today?” Jake asked with a yawn.  
“Unfortunately, I have to take off after breakfast,” Bellamy sighed. “Work.”  
“Gross,” Octavia whined.  
“I’m going to catch a ride with him,” Monty added. “I have a lot to do to get ready for my presentation on Monday.”  
“Well, I’m still glad you were able to make it. “Abby told them.  
“We’re going shopping.” Raven suddenly said.  
“We?” Clarke looked up. “Who's we?”  
“As of right now, it just me, Anya, Jasper and maybe, O.” Raven replied.  
“You’re seriously going shopping today?” Lexa asked looking at Anya.  
“I guess so,” Anya shrugged before taking a sip of her coffee. “Someone has to keep this one out of trouble,” she finished, motioning to Raven.  
“Ha,” Octavia shot out. “Good luck with that!”  
“I am not that bad!” Raven insisted quickly.  
“You absolutely are,” Clarke countered as dropped a few pancakes on to her plate.  
“Oh stop,” Raven shot out with a laugh. “It’s like the craziest shopping day of the year. You’re allowed to get a little out of control.”  
“Raven, you literally went shopping out of peoples carts last year,” Bellamy pointed out.  
“They didn’t need that stuff anyway,” Raven shrugged as she took a bite of her bacon.

Octavia and Jasper giggled a little. They had been Raven’s counterparts the previous year as well. Truthfully, the three of them had come away with some pretty amazing deals, but still, it wasn’t tempting enough to make Clarke want to venture out into the stores today.

“Clarke, you and Lexa should totally come with us.” Raven told her, her eyebrows popping a bit.  
Lexa held up her hand. “I can’t speak for Clarke,” she said quickly, “but, I would rather stick hot needles in my eyes.”  
Raven scoffed at her and looked at Clarke. She knew that if Clarke was in, Lexa would go along too.  
“Nope,” Clarke shook her head. “I’m too far too tired to chase your ass from store to store.”  
“Well, maybe you should have gone to sleep earlier.” Raven countered, her lips forming a smirk that spoke volumes.  
Clarke glanced around the table and saw similar smirks on other faces. Okay, so apparently the way that she had spent her night was no secret. “Oh hush,” she smiled slightly.

The rest of breakfast went on with random chatter and it was decided in the end that Raven was going shopping with Anya, Jasper, Octavia and Abby. Bellamy and Monty were heading home and Clarke, Lexa, Jake and Lincoln were going to hang around the house, at least, until the shoppers returned. They would decide after that whether they were staying another night or all going home.

“Oh Clarke, before I forget,” Jake said just as they were finishing cleaning up.  
“Hm?” Clarke looked up from her seat next to Lexa.  
Quickly, he grinned as he tossed a book in her direction and amazingly, she caught it. Looking down at the title however, she couldn’t help the blush that formed on her cheeks. She set it on the table and slid it in front of Lexa, who, upon glancing at the title, instantly flushed a deep red and averted her eyes.

A dictionary.

Clarke bit the inside of her cheek and stifled a chuckle before raising her eyes to meet her fathers. He gave her a playful smirk and left the room, apparently satisfied that his point had been made, and possibly a little too amused with the slight embarrassment that he’d caused them. 

"What's that about?" Raven asked curiously.

Clarke and Lexa glanced at each other for just a second before erupting in a fit of mostly silent giggles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Chapter 10 for the dictionary reference. Apologies to all who were lost.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clear up any confusion over the dictionary reference. This was the specific line from Chapter 10. 
> 
> “You’re kidding, right?” His eyebrows went up. “Clarke, you girls are far from subtle, and I’m not sure that either of you understand the definition of quiet.”
> 
> So yes, Jake and Abby totally heard them.

It was a few days after Thanksgiving and Lexa found herself sitting at her kitchen table furiously typing away on her laptop when Anya entered the room.

“So,” she said as she opened the fridge. “You and Clarke.”  
“What about us?” Lexa asked without looking up.  
“Are you together now?” Anya asked curiously.  
Lexa's brow furrowed slightly as she shook her head. “Uh, no.” She replied and continued typing.  
“Oh.” Anya nodded. “I just thought, you know, you two slept together the other night, so maybe…”  
“Not the first time that's happened,” Lexa chuckled.  
“Well, I know that, but I just thought…”  
Lexa shrugged, still not looking up. “It's not like that.”  
Anya sat down. “Look, I get why you two didn't get together way back when, you had a lot going on, but things are different now.” She told her as she poured herself some juice.  
“Believe me, we both still have just as much going on,” Lexa replied, still very much focused on her work, “and we’re still just as focused on our goals as we were then.”  
“You were willing to try with Costia.” Anya said quickly.  
Lexa stopped typing. “Look how that turned out,” she responded rather harshly.  
“Clarke is not Costia.” Anya defended quickly.  
“You do not have to tell me that.” Lexa snapped. “I am well aware of who Clarke is.”  
“You two could be so happy together,” Anya tried.  
“We are happy,” Lexa insisted. “Look, I know that a lot of people don't get it, but this just- it works for us.”  
“Haven't you ever wanted more?” Anya asked her.  
“What I want, is to finish this article.” Lexa sighed in frustration. “I know I'm only freelancing, but one great article and I can actually make something of myself.”  
Anya’s eyes narrowed. “You say that as though your nothing.”  
“Not nothing,” Lexa shook her head. “But, just, I don't know. I can be better.”  
“I really think you should consider what I'm saying.” Anya sighed.  
“Listen, I get it, I do,” Lexa assured her “but, can you please not push? We’re fine the way we are.”  
Anya shook her head and stood up.  
“What's going on with you and Rae?” Lexa found herself inquiring.  
Anya turned and looked at her. “Something,” she answered quietly.

Lexa smiled. She liked the thought. It was more than obvious that Anya really cared about Raven, and Lexa was pretty sure that Raven felt the same, even though it seemed that neither of them wanted to admit it. 

When Anya was gone all of Lexa’s attention went back into her work. She had already pumped out three articles today and wanted to at least finish the one in front of her before she called it a day. She had meant when she'd told her sister, she was still just as focused on her goals now as she had been back in high school. She loved writing, but didn't want to freelance for the rest of her life. She took every job that she could in the hopes that someday she would produce something that would gain her the attention that she needed establish herself.

Clarke: Lexa!  
Lexa: Yeah?  
Clarke: What are you doing?  
Lexa: Working.  
Clarke: Boo.  
Lexa: ?  
Clarke: I wanted to show you something.  
Lexa: Okay?  
Clarke: IMG_119

Lexa stared at the screen, a smile forming on her face.

Lexa: You bought a car??  
Clarke: :)  
Clarke: Come outside.

Lexa grinned as she shut her laptop and darted for the door. Once outside she found Clarke leaning against a small blue four door with a huge smile on her face. She made straight for her and gave her a hug.

“Clarke, this is awesome.” She told her as she ghosted a kiss on her cheek. “How did you get it?”  
“One of my customers,” Clarke smiled. “They didn't need it anymore, so they were willing to let it go pretty cheap.”  
“Nice,” Lexa nodded. “So, how does it feel to have your own ride again?”  
“Uh, amazing,” Clarke laughed. “Not that I minded all of the walking, but having a car just makes it so much easier to get around.”  
“Definitely,” Lexa agreed. “So, what are you doing now?”  
“On my way home,” Clarke answered. “I have to take a shower and get ready for a rehearsal at Polis, but I just wanted to show you,” she motioned to her car happily.  
“Totally get it,” Lexa grinned at her. Excited Clarke was certainly adorable.  
“Maybe you could come by Polis later?” Clarke suggested, a hint of hope obvious in her voice. “Check out my set?”  
Lexa thought of her article. “Yeah,” she nodded. “As long as I get my article done, I'm sure I can.”  
“Awesome,” Clarke smiled happily.

They chatted for another fifteen minutes or so about the car, the rehearsal and Wells, as he was going to be there. Lexa inwardly groaned at the thought, but assured Clarke that as long as she finished up her work in time, she’d be there. When Clarke finally left, Lexa ran back up to her laptop and began working at a breakneck speed. Truth be told, she would very much like to be able to watch Clarke rehearse her set.

Several hours later Lexa pulled into the parking lot a Polis, she was a little late, but knew that Clarke would only care about the fact that she had shown up at all. Walking inside she quickly made her way into the closed lounge and leaned against the bar. Clarke was on the stage talking to the house band. She looked mildly stressed, but good nonetheless.

“You Lexa?” a voice said in her ear and tuning Lexa found a woman staring at her from behind the bar, she had brown hair with blonde highlights.  
“I am,” she nodded.  
The woman slid a glass in front of her and poured some vodka into it. “Clarke told me to get you a drink when you got here,” she told her with a smile. She was cute.  
“Thank you,” Lexa nodded again and took a sip. She glanced toward the stage and found Clarke's eyes on her, raising the glass slightly, she gave her an acknowledging nod and Clarke smiled.

An hour later, as Lexa sat mesmerized by Clarke singing on the stage, everything was suddenly brought to a halt by the sound of a voice that made her skin crawl.  
“Come on, people,” Wells said as he snapped is fingers several times. “Pay attention.”  
Lexa turned to see him speaking to several employees on the other side of the room. She snarled at his condescending tone, wanting nothing more than than to go knock him out his pompous ass. 

The girl behind the bar rolled her eyes slightly. “He’s such a jerk,” she muttered.  
“Always has been,” Lexa stated simply.  
The girl smiled at her again, a slight twinkle in her dark eyes.  
“What’s your name?” Lexa found the question falling from her lips without thought.  
“Echo,” she answered quickly.  
Lexa smiled. “Interesting name.”  
“I've been told,” Echo chuckled. “Want another?” She asked, motioning to Lexa's now empty glass.  
“Please,” Lexa replied politely.

When Echo returned not a moment later she placed the drink in front of Lexa and grinned. “That one's on me,” she told her with the slightest of winks, before returning to her work.  
Lexa smirked slightly and gave her a light nod.

“Hey,” Clarke's voice broke into her thoughts. “Glad you made it. Sorry, I couldn't get over here before now.”  
“No, you're fine,” Lexa assured her as she placed a tiny peck on her cheek. ”You sounded great up there.”  
“Thank you,” Clarke smiled appreciatively. “The room helps too. It has great acoustics.”  
“Truth,” Lexa agreed with a nod and took a sip of her drink. As the glass left her lips she saw what was coming and her stomach tightened slightly.

“Lexa,” Wells said as he approached them, a stupid little smile on his face. “Long time, no see.”  
“Wells,” Lexa nodded stiffly.  
They stared at each other for a moment, both clearly not interested in the normal small talk.  
“So, Clarke,” he said turning slightly, but Lexa could have sworn his eyes quickly flicked over Clarke's figure and it caused a fire to spark in her chest. “The set sounds really good,” he told her.  
“Thank you,” Clarke replied with a tight, but pleasant smile.  
Wells nodded. “Think you'll be ready for next week?”  
“Oh, of course,” Clarke assured him. “More than ready.”  
This time Wells grinned. “Have you given any more thoughts to dinner?” He asked, his eye definitely wandered.

“Hey, pay attention,” Lexa said harshly and snapped her fingers at him. “Her eyes are up here.”  
Wells took a step back and stared at her.  
“Lexa," Clarke scolded lightly.  
“What?” Lexa shrugged quickly. “It's true. He’s looking at you like you’re a damn meal.”  
“Lexa, I can assure you,” Wells began, but Lexa cut him off with a glare. He put up his hands as if to surrender and walked away.  
“What was that about?” Clarke asked when he was gone.  
“Really?” Lexa looked at her, her jaw tightening. “I know you saw it.”  
“Calm down, okay?” Clarke told her softly.

But, Lexa didn't want to calm down. She tipped the rest of her drink into her mouth and raised her hand to flag down Echo. Why the hell was she suddenly so angry?

“Another one?” Echo asked as she approached them.  
“Please,” Lexa nodded.  
“No,” Clarke interjected. ”I think you're good.” 

Seriously? 

“I think I can judge that for myself.” Lexa replied quickly, but Clarke shot Echo her hardest, don't you dare glare, and Echo walked off. “Whatever,” Lexa sighed as she dropped her hand onto the bar.

Suddenly Clarke's hand was on the back of her neck, it was soothing. “What is it?” She asked knowingly.  
Lexa shook her head. “I don't know,” she answered. It was true. She didn't know why her anger had flared so fast, but now she just wanted to sink into the floor.  
“Want to get out of here?” Clarke asked her, her thumb lightly rubbing across her neck.  
“I want to go home.” Lexa nodded.  
“Okay,” Clarke said, taking a step back. “Want me to come with?”  
Lexa shook her head. “No,” she said as she leaned forward and barley kissed Clarke's cheek. “I’ll text you tomorrow.”

Getting home, Lexa through herself into the shower and then went directly to bed. As she lay there with her arm across her face, she felt herself being consumed by embarrassment and regret. What the hell had happened? Why had she gone off like that? She was there to show support for Clarke, not cause a scene. She’d been mentally scolding herself for about an hour when suddenly her phone lit up the room.

Clarke: Are you okay?  
Lexa: I’m sorry about what happened.  
Clarke: It’s okay.  
Lexa: Not really.  
Clarke: People look, it's what they do.  
Clarke: You are the one that said that I have an amazing body.  
Lexa: I did and you do.  
Lexa: But, I made a scene.  
Clarke: You did.  
Lexa: I can't stand Wells.  
Clarke: I know.  
Lexa: I’m sorry.  
Clarke: Stop. Just relax and try to get some sleep, okay?  
Clarke: I don't want you disappearing.

Clarke knew her far to well. Lexa was more than ready to disappear for a couple days.

Lexa: I’ll try.  
Clarke: I'll see you tomorrow?  
Lexa: Yes.  
Clarke: Promise?  
Lexa: Promise.

Lexa tucked her phone away and rolled over. Clarke was right. She needed to relax and get some rest. Everything would be fine tomorrow.


	32. Chapter 32

Clarke came through the door and dropped down into the chair. Though she had texted Lexa after what happened at Polis, she was still frustrated. Like really, what the hell was that about? Lexa never acted like that. She'd smoothed things over with Wells after Lexa left and finished rehearsing, but still she couldn't stop thinking about Lexa and the way her temper had just flared like that. It wasn't like her.

“You okay?” Octavia asked from the couch.  
“Frustrated.” Clarke mumbled, rubbing her eyes.  
“Want to talk about it?” Octavia sat up and leaned against the side of the couch.

Clarke sighed and explained what happened to Octavia, who listened without interruption, like she usually did when Raven wasn't around.

“Maybe she was jealous?” Octavia offered when Clarke finished speaking.  
Clarke shook her head quickly. “Lexa doesn't do jealousy.”  
“Not usually, no,” Octavia agreed, “but you two did just sleep together a few nights ago.”  
“Totally irrelevant,” Clarke shook her head again. “How many times have we slept together over the years?”  
“Only you can answer that one.” Octavia shrugged.

Too many times to count.

“You could just ask her?” Octavia suggested. “If that's what it was.”  
“No,” Clarke answered quickly. She absolutely would not be having that conversation.  
“Why not?” Octavia inquired.  
Clarke shook her head. “Lexa doesn't do jealousy,” she repeated.  
“Sounds like maybe she does,” Octavia crossed her arms.

Clarke wasn't about to find out. She had just gotten her first taste of Lexa in years and damn it, she wanted more. What they had worked for them and she wasn't going to ruin it by complicating it. Lexa didn't do jealousy. No. This had to be something else. Clarke just couldn't imagine what.

“Why aren't you two together?” Octavia asked her rather forwardly. “You totally should be.”  
“What we have works,” she answered quickly.

A relationship fell into the complicated category and nope, not going there. 

“So you keep saying,” Octavia nodded. “I just think you two should consider that you could be more than bed buddies.”  
Clarke's face twisted up at this. The fuck? “We are more than bed buddies.”  
“You know what I mean,” Octavia told her pointedly. “I mean, is it because Lexa doesn't do relationships?”  
Clarke scoffed quickly. “Obviously that not the case,” she said waving her hand. “Costia.”  
“Costia was a train wreck.” Octavia rebuffed.  
“Uh, you don't have to tell me.” Clarke snapped lightly as she kicked her shoes off.  
“So, she doesn't really count.” Octavia readjusted her seat on the couch.  
“She counts,” Clarke disagreed.

Costia totally counted. She had been the first person the Lexa had ever really tried to have an actual functioning relationship with and look what happened. 

The following day, Lexa didn't turn up. She sent Clarke a text and told her that it was because of work, but Clarke wasn't so sure. 

Two days after that, Lexa still hadn't come around, Clarke was getting pissed. She had told Lexa that she didn't want her to disappear. She'd told her it was fine. Where the hell was she?

After four days Clarke was just plain upset. Lexa had promised she'd see her and she still hadn't been around. Her texts had been vague and all blamed work for her absence but at this point, Clarke honestly didn't believe her. Something seemed up. She felt like Lexa was avoiding her and she didn't understand it. 

“Why don't you just drive over there?” Octavia told her as she walked back into the kitchen.  
Clarke popped up. Shit. Why hadn't she thought of that?

Without waiting another moment Clarke grabbed her keys and made her way to the door.

On the drive over, Clarke was in a haze. She didn't know what she would say or what she would do, but she just needed to see her. She needed to find out what, if anything, was really going on and why it seemed like Lexa was suddenly avoiding her.

Finally reaching her destination, Clarke knocked on the door and held her breath.

“Clarke?” Anya said, looking at her curiously. “What's up?”  
“Is Lexa here?” Clarke inquired, already basically knowing the answer.  
“No.” Anya shook her head. “But, I heard from her a little while ago and she should be back soon. Want to come in and wait?”  
“Definitely.” Clarke nodded and stepped inside.  
”Want something to drink?” Anya asked as she closed the door.  
“Water would be great.” Clarke answered and they made their way to the kitchen.

Anya got her a glass of water and set it on the table. “Everything alright?” She asked. “You seem, tense.”  
“I don't know.” Clarke shrugged. “I just feel like Lexa's been avoiding me. Has she seemed okay to you?”  
“I haven't seen her.” Anya shrugged. “She's been out on some assignment or something for days.”  
“Oh,” Clarke said simply. Okay, so maybe Lexa wasn't avoiding her.

Suddenly Clarke heard the front door and she spun around, waiting. Lexa came around the corner and the sight of her sent something coursing through Clarke's body.

“Clarke?” Lexa's eyes went wide as she came around the corner.  
“You promised.” Clarke said quickly, her brow furrowing slightly. Her mouth had suddenly gone very dry.

Anya glanced between the two of them. “Okay, I think I’m going to take off for a while,” she said before leaving the room. A minute later they heard the front door open and close again.

“You promised,” Clarke repeated, a little harsher this time.  
“I know.” Lexa said as she walked passed her and poured herself some water.  
“Why are you avoiding me?” Clarke couldn't help herself.  
“I’m not,” Lexa replied and took a sip of her water. Her eyes didn't meet Clarke's.

Bullshit. 

“Did I do something?” She pushed again.  
“Of course not.” Lexa insisted quickly.  
Clarke took a sip of her water. She was suddenly very hot. “You said I would see you. You knew that I didn't want you to disappear and then you did.”  
“I had to,” Lexa answered as she slipped out of her coat and pushed her hair back off of her shoulders.  
Oh god. Focus. “Are you okay?” Clarke questioned as her feet carried her forward.  
“I’m fine.” Lexa assured her. “I was working.”  
Clarke slipped her hands around Lexa's waist and hugged her. Her body was tense and hot. “Are you sure?”  
“Of course,” Lexa nodded as she returned the hug.  
“What happened at Polis?” Clarke questioned without stepping away.  
“I don't know.” Lexa swallowed hard, her body tensing even further. “I was fine and then…”  
“Then what?” Clarke asked.  
“Fucking Wells.” Lexa muttered, shaking her head slightly. “It's one thing to appreciate, it's a whole other thing to drool. I just, I don't know. The way he was looking at you, it just made me angry. It was, wrong.”  
Clarke gave Lexa's waist a squeeze, but didn't say anything. Was Octavia right? Was Lexa jealous?  
“I mean, I was fine,” Lexa continued. “I was sitting at the bar, listening to you sing and talking with Echo and then, fucking Wells.”

Now Clarke felt her body tense slightly. Yes. She had noticed Lexa talking with Echo, and hadn’t missed the slight wink that Echo had sent her way either. She didn't like it. She knew that if Lexa wanted to go after Echo there was nothing that she could do about it, but God, did she want to. Shit. Maybe she was the jealous one?

An all too familiar sensation began to spread through Clarke's body and quickly it became too much. Without giving it any thought she pushed her body into Lexa's and placed a lingering, open mouthed kiss on her neck. Lexa sighed and Clarke felt her body relax into hers. She breathed in deep, taking in the scent of Lexa. God, she needed her. She needed her right now. “Lexa…” she whispered as her hands fisted the back of Lexa's shirt. It came out desperate, but Clarke didn't care. That's exactly how she felt. Desperate.

Lexa’s hand moved up her back until it found it’s place on the back of her neck, she pushed firmly with her thumb and Clarke let her head tip back. Not a second later Lexa's lips we're trailing down her neck. Clarke sighed at the feeling and everything in her body begin to tingle. Lexa’s grip on her hip became firmer as she pulled her even closer. “Clarke…” she whispered before bringing their lips together.

It was hot, furious and just as desperate as Clarke felt. An ache shot through Clarke's body as she gasped for air. “I need you,” she practically whined as she tried to get even closer. “Please…”  
Lexa shuddered at the words and brought her eyes to meet Clarke's.  
“Fuck…” the word fell from Clarke's lips as she noticed that Lexa's pupils were blown wide open. “Lexa…”

Clarke didn't get to finish as Lexa's mouth was already back on hers, her teeth tugging firmly at Clarke's lower lip, practically demanding an entrance. She felt Lexa's fingers pull at her jacket and paid no attention to wherever it fell as she ripped her arms out of it and then wrapped them tightly around Lexa's neck, deepening their kiss even further. She rolled her body against Lexa's and God, it felt so good. They had to move. They had to move right now. This couldn't happen here. 

Clarke took a step back, pulling Lexa with her. She wasn't about to break her hold and Lexa followed her blindly, out of the kitchen, down the hall and into the bedroom. As Lexa kicked the door closed behind them, Clarke pushed her up against it. “I want you,” she gasped between kisses as her nails trailed down Lexa's abdomen. 

Lexa flipped them around, now pushing her against the door. “You have me,” she breathed into her neck, causing Clarke to squirm against her, fighting for friction.

She knew that Lexa was speaking in the moment, that she was speaking of the moment and that was okay. They were both clearly frustrated, both clearly feeling desperate. They wanted this, they need this and it was okay.


	33. Chapter 33

Lexa sat working at her laptop. She had been slammed with work over the last couple of weeks and though she didn't understand it, she gladly accepted it. While her professional life had been pretty much chaos, her personal life had been relatively calm. Things seemed to slip back to normal between her and Clarke after they had so desperately fallen into her bed weeks ago. While Lexa couldn't exactly explain how it had happened, she certainly had no objections. The moment Clarke's mouth had touched her neck, all she wanted was to feel her, everywhere, in every way and that's exactly what she did.

Lexa paused for a moment, arching her back to stretch out her muscles. Her thoughts went to Anya and a question that had gone unanswered from several weeks ago. 

-Haven't you ever wanted more?-

She had given in and attempted a relationship with Costia and that turned out to be an absolute nightmare, but Costia wasn't Clarke. No. Not even close.

Lexa sighed as she returned to her work. She had meant what she'd said to Anya, about believing that she could be better. It was how she'd always felt. It was why she worked so hard. So, when it came to the topic of her wanting more with Clarke or not, there was only one thing that really came to mind.

She had to be better.

She had to be better, because until she was, what did she really have to offer? It wasn't really about whether or not she wanted it, it never had been. What they had worked for them, but if she was ever going to consider having anything more, she had to make something of herself first. She had to have something to offer her. Being a part time physical trainer and freelance journalist wasn't enough. She had to be better. It was the one goal that she’d always had, to just be better.

Besides, there was nothing that said that Clarke even wanted more. She'd never even implied as much. No. She seemed completely content with the way that things were. She always had. What they had worked for them, it always had.

“We need to book our flight.” Anya said as she came into the room.  
“I'm not going,” Lexa replied instantly. “I’m swamped.”  
“Lexa,” Anya sighed, “it’s Christmas.”   
“Tell him that I'm sorry,” Lexa said without taking her eyes off of the screen. “He knows how focused I am. He’ll understand.”  
“You're going,” Anya told her.  
“I’m not,” Lexa shook her head.  
“Lex…”

Lexa slammed her laptop shut and a shattering sound made her heart freeze. “No,” she said as she opened it back up, her eyes falling on the broken screen. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Lexa: Where are you???  
Raven: Clarke and O’s. Why?  
Lexa: I need your help. Like, right fucking now.  
Lexa: IMG_203  
Raven: Ah shit, Commander. I can fix that.   
Raven: Come pick me up.

Lexa jumped to her feet, scooping up her laptop and made her way to the door.

“Where are you going?” Anya asked quickly.  
“To pick Raven up so she can fix my fucking laptop and I can get back to work,” Lexa said harshly and then paused. “Look, I’m sorry, but I'm not going. This is too important,” she told her before walking out the door.

Anya sunk back into the couch and sighed.

Anya: Tread lightly.  
Raven: She alright?  
Anya: I don't know. She's definitely stressed out.  
Raven: Alright. I’ll try to behave.  
Anya: Raven…  
Raven: I got this ;)

Forty minutes later Lexa pulled up in front of Clarke's and fired off another text to Raven. As she waited for her to emerge she stared out the window at the abnormally blue sky. Ten minutes passed before Raven finally appeared. Lexa didn't say anything, she knew Raven still wasn't as fast as she used to be.

“Temper tantrum?” Raven asked as she slid into the passenger seat.  
“Something like that.” Lexa mumbled.  
“Well, that'll teach you.” Raven nodded. “Don't worry. All I need is about eighty bucks and an hour. I'll have you back up and running. No problem.”  
“Thank you for this.” Lexa told her as she pulled out onto the road.  
“Any time.” Raven assured her.

When they got to the store Raven took Lexa's money and wandered off. “I work better alone,” she told her.

Clarke: Hi.  
Lexa: Hi.  
Clarke: Everything okay?  
Lexa: I broke my damn laptop.  
Clarke: That's what Raven said. What happened?  
Lexa: Just closed it too hard.  
Lexa: I really don't have time for this.  
Clarke: Sorry.  
Clarke: I'll text you later.  
Lexa: I meant the computer.  
Clarke: Oh.  
Clarke: :)  
Lexa: Dork.  
Clarke: Hey!  
Lexa: ;)  
Lexa: Raven’s back. I'll text you later.  
Clarke: Okay. Good luck!

“Got a deal,” Raven told her as she closed the door. “Saved you twenty five bucks.”  
“Awesome,” Lexa responded, but really, she didn't care about the money. “Where to?”  
“My place, of course.” Raven said as she waved her hand.

An hour later Raven was hard at work in her living room, while Lexa paced the floor furiously. 

“You alright over there?” Raven asked without looking up.  
“I’m fine,” Lexa replied stiffly.  
“You sure?” Raven looked up. “You've seemed tense for weeks.”  
“I have a lot on my mind.” Lexa said as she crossed her arms and continued to pace.  
“Clarke?” Raven questioned plainly.  
Lexa stopped and looked at her. “Work.”  
“Uh huh,” Raven nodded and returned to her work.  
Lexa glared at her and then had a thought. “Why? Did Clarke say something?”  
“Clarke always says something,” Raven chuckled, “but no, it was actually Anya.”  
“Anya?” Lexa shook her head. “What’d she say?”  
“Just that you're stressed out.” Raven answered and held up her hand. “Don't even try to say that you're not. I've been with you for like two hours and your stress level is stressing me out.”  
Lexa sighed. Fuck.   
“So, what is it?” Raven asked. There was no hint of taunting in her voice. “Something going on?”  
Lexa’s brow furrowed. “It's just some of the articles I’ve been working on,” she motioned to the laptop. “They're important. Like, they could be important for me.”  
Raven got to her feet and walked toward her. “Then you need to calm your ass down,” she told her. “There’s a reason why so many people contract you. You're a damn good writer. Everyone knows it.”  
Lexa nodded. It was true. She was a good writer. She had spent years perfecting it. “Thank you,” she said softly.  
“Thank me when I get this piece of shit of yours back up and running.” Raven winked.  
“Hater,” Lexa chuckled.  
“Lex, this thing is old as hell,” Raven said as she returned to her spot on the couch. “You're actually kind of lucky that I was able to find what I needed to fix it.”  
Lexa knew that her laptop was old, but she didn't care, she liked it.

Thirty minutes later Raven announced that she was done and Lexa held her breathe as she watched her press the power button. As the computer came to life Lexa felt relief wash over her. “Thank you!” She squealed as she pulled Raven into a tight hug.  
“Ugh, gross.” Raven joked. “Commander germs.”   
“Shut up,” Lexa said as she nudged her shoulder.  
Raven only laughed. “Why don't you come back to Clarke’s with me?” She suggested. “Take the night off. Start fresh tomorrow.”  
Lexa thought for a moment. “Eh, I don't want to intrude.”  
“That's a good one,” Raven laughed again. “I'll take it as a yes.”  
“Rae,” Lexa began.  
“We can finish off that horror trilogy.” Raven tempted her.  
Lexa couldn't stop the grin that crossed her face. “Clarke's going to kill you.”  
“Nah,” Raven waved her hand. “I have you to protect me.”

A little while later they walked through the door of Clarke and Octavia's and found the two lounging in the living room.

“What are you doing here?” Clarke asked as she jumped up.  
“Hello to you too,” Lexa said as she crossed the room and greeted her in her normal fashion. “Raven convinced me to take the night off.”  
“Nice,” Octavia nodded as she gave Raven a high five.   
“What can I say?” Raven shrugged. “It's a talent.”  
“So, what are we doing?” Clarke asked curiously.  
“Food, definitely and,” Lexa paused and tried to fight off a smirk, “uh, a movie.”  
Clarke didn't miss the pause. “What movie?” she asked, her eyes narrowing.  
Lexa only grinned.  
“No!” Clarke instantly objected. “Come on! It's Christmas time, not Halloween!”  
“Her idea,” Lexa said and pointed to Raven.  
“Traitor,” Raven glared playfully as Octavia gave her another high five.  
“We’ll be nice, Clarke,” Octavia told her quickly. “You can even pick dinner.”  
Clarke thought for a moment, but didn't respond. A funny little look appeared on her face.  
“Same as last time?” Lexa asked knowingly.  
Clarke grinned.  
“Chinese and pizza, it is,” She chuckled and pulled out her phone.

Halfway through the night, every phone in the room started to go off.

***New Event Created***

MontyG: Hey everyone, I know it's a little early, but being that we won't be seeing each other for Christmas, I want to make sure that everything is in order for New Years. So, everyone's in, right?????  
Reyes: Hell yes!  
BabyBlake: Of course!  
Linc: I will definitely be there.  
JasperJ: Totally in!  
A: I suppose.  
Reyes: Always such enthusiasm.  
A: I do what I can.  
BigBlake: I will be there.  
BabyBlake: Yes!  
Princess: In.  
Reyes: Who’s cooking?  
BabyBlake: Me.  
BigBlake: Me.  
Reyes: Jasper, booze?  
JasperJ: Totally got this. I assume there's no need to ask the RoP?  
MontyG: Of course not. :)  
Commander: Just kill me now.  
A: Oh, look who decided to join the conversation.  
BabyBlake: She's sucked into a movie.  
Reyes: And Clarke's kind of wrapped around her, so I'm thinking that it's kind of hard for her to text right now.  
Princess: I am not.  
BabyBlake: She absolutely is.  
Reyes: IMG_132  
Linc: How can that possibly be comfortable?  
BigBlake: Clarke, you're going to suffocate the poor girl.  
Princess: Don't even care. I'm not moving.  
A: Hahaha.  
Commander: She’s fine.  
Commander: I'm in, by the way.  
Princess: As if you had another choice?  
Reyes: Right?  
MontyG: See you all on New Years Eve!!!


	34. Chapter 34

Clarke let out a sigh as she finally pulled into Monty’s driveway. A call off at the diner had her almost pulling a double, so she was arriving considerably later than she'd planned. Glancing around she recognized the array of vehicles in the driveway and it seemed like she was the last to arrive. Grabbing her bag, she slipped out of the driver’s seat and made her way up the snowy walk. As she approached the front door, it swung open and Monty smiled at her. “Hey.”  
“Hey,” Clarke returned the smile.  
“You finally made it.” Raven said to her as she stepped inside.  
“Yeah, finally.” Clarke sighed as she slipped her bag off her shoulder and held it at her side. “Longest twelve hours of my life.”  
“Ouch,” Monty winced.

Raven stepped forward and handed her a small bottle. Clarke smirked with a glance at Monty as she tipped the clear liquid into her mouth and swallowed. Her insides instantly burned as she inhaled deeply, trying to stifle a cough. “Thanks,” she nodded as she tossed the empty bottle back to Raven.  
“Of course.” Raven grinned. “Go drop off you’re bag. A bunch of us are in the kitchen.”

Clarke gave her a nod and made her way upstairs to the room that she normally occupied during her stays at Monty’s. She glanced around. It felt weird. The last time she was there, she had been arguing with Finn about Lexa and made some really stupid decisions. Shaking off the feeling, she stepped out of the room and made her way back downstairs. As she crossed through the living room she spotted Bellamy sitting on the couch and ruffled his hair. He called her a jerk and she stuck out her tongue at him just before turning into the kitchen where she found Anya, Raven and Octavia.

“Hey,” she said as she grabbed a beer from the fridge. “Where’s Lexa?”  
“Don’t know,” Anya shrugged. “Haven’t seen her since before the holiday.”  
Clarke practically choked on her beer. “What do you mean?" She coughed. "Didn’t she fly out with you?”  
“Nope,” Anya shook her head. “She wouldn't go. She said that she had too much work to do.”

Clarke felt her eyes narrow as an annoyance built up inside of her. She had texted Lexa several times over Christmas, and the week that followed and not once did she mention that she hadn’t gone with Anya to visit their uncle. As pair of headlights reflected off of the wall, she knew instantly who it had to be and turned on her heel, walking quickly through the front door. 

Before she even realized what she was doing, Clarke found herself storming out into the snow toward Lexa. “You asshole,” she snapped quickly.  
“What?” Lexa looked at her, completely confused.  
“You were here?” Clarke snapped again. “You knew that I thought that you were with Anya at your uncle’s place.”  
“What difference does it make?” Lexa shrugged as she pulled her bag out of the car and flung it over her shoulder.  
“Lexa!” Clarke couldn’t even stop herself. “It was Christmas!”  
“It’s not that big of a deal,” Lexa told her as she rubbed her eyes.  
“I would have come and spent it with you.” Clarke explained. “You didn’t have to be alone.”  
“I was working.” Lexa responded quickly.  
This only annoyed Clarke further. “That’s all you’ve been doing for weeks! It was Christmas,” she practically exploded. “You shouldn’t have been working. You should have been with family.”  
“I didn’t need to be with family,” Lexa bit back, visibly annoyed as well. “I needed to be working. It was important.”  
“God!” Clarke rolled her eyes before turning away. “You’re such a fucking workaholic.”  
“So what if I am?” Lexa stepped forward. “How the hell do you think people get anywhere in life, Clarke? They work for it.”  
“You think that I don’t know that?” Clarke practically growled. She worked her ass off, and Lexa damn well knew it.

The two eyed each other for a moment. Clarke wasn’t exactly sure whether it was that Lexa had basically lied by omission or the fact that she had spent Christmas alone that had more upset her, but either way, she was fighting again the urge to just smack the brunette upside the head. Finally Lexa’s shoulders slumped a little and she gave her an slightly apologetic look. Clarke shook her and sighed as she turned back toward the house. “Come on,” she said holding out her hand. A few seconds passed before she felt Lexa’s fingers intertwine with her own, her hand was cold.

As they made their way up the walk, Clarke glanced sideways at her. “Hi,” she said softly.  
“Hi,” Lexa replied quietly.

As they crossed the threshold into Monty’s house, Clarke let go of Lexa’s hand and watched as Lexa dropped her bag by the door and slipped out of her heavy coat. Turning, Clarke pulled the bun out of her hair and ran her fingers briskly through it as she walked back into the kitchen. She knew that work was important to Lexa, she got it, but still she couldn’t help how she felt. She worked hard too, but she also understood that there was more to life than just work and sometimes you just had to take a step back. Lexa on the other hand, needed reminding of this – often. She leaned back against the counter, returning her attention to her previously abandoned beer and sighed again. She shouldn't have gone off like that, she knew it – but couldn’t help it. 

A few minutes passed before Lexa appeared in the doorway. Anya tossed her a small bottle and an apologetic look. Lexa shook her head and tipped the moonshine into her mouth. Like Clarke she swallowed it all in one go and stifled her cough before crossing the room to retrieve a beer from the fridge. As she crossed back in front of Clarke to return to the doorway, Clarke grabbed her from behind and pulled her back. “I’m sorry that I called you an asshole,” she whispered into her hair.  
Lexa turned her head slightly. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you,’ she responded. 

Clarke nodded lightly and Lexa tried to step away, but she tightened her grip. She’d noticed how tense Lexa was and knew that if she waited just another moment or two, she would surely relax some. Clarke was right. After just a minute, Lexa adjusted her stance and leaned back against her. Clarke smiled as she looped her thumb playfully into one of Lexa’s belt loops and the two of them stood there engaging in whatever randomness the conversation among the group flowed into. 

As the night wore on they parted ways several times, each getting into whatever suited them at the moment. Clarke found herself unsurprisingly dominating in several rounds of cards against any random person who dared to try and beat her, while Lexa and Lincoln were getting dominated in some video game that Jasper finally got them to agree to try. Somehow it seemed that every half hour or so Bellamy or Octavia would appear with yet another tray of food, while Monty and Raven floated around making sure that no glass, can or bottle sat empty for too long. Anya had long since taken control of the music and her selections throughout the night seemed nothing but spot on to suit the mood of the house. 

“Ugh.” Clarke heard Lexa groan and looking over she saw her drop her head back onto the couch, clearly having lost again. Shaking her head, she returned her attention back to her cards.  
“Better pay attention, Griffin,” Raven warned her with a grin as she took a card from the deck.  
“No way you’re beating me, Rae,” Clarke grinned back.

Lexa appeared at her side and dropped down on to her lap. “Hey,” she said softly.  
“Lose again?” Clarke questioned with a not so sympathetic smile.  
“That game is rigged,” Lexa shook her head.  
“Aw,” Clarke cooed her with a chuckle.  
“Hey, hey, hey!” Clarke said suddenly as she noticed Lexa’s eyes floating to her cards. “Don’t try to sabotage my game just cause you suck tonight,” she laughed and gave her a nudge.  
“I would never,” Lexa feigned offence, but her grin gave her away.  
“That’s it,” Clarke shook her head, “off.” She said and bumped Lexa off of her lap.  
“Harsh,” Lexa pouted playfully.  
“That’s what you get,” Clarke told her as she returned her attention to the game and drew another card.  
Lexa rolled her eyes, but smiled before walking over and talking to Anya.

“You two are so ridiculously gross,” Raven told her as she shook her head.  
“Why?” Clarke asked as she laid her cards down, showing her hand.  
“You just are.” Raven grinned as she too, showed her hand. “I win.”  
Clarke’s face flushed red. “Lexa!” She yelled. “You distracted me!”

Lexa turned her head and smiled before shooting a wink at Raven. Clarke’s jaw dropped. “Oh, you little shit!” She said before jumping to her feet and darting across the room, causing Lexa to outright squeal and try to take off toward the kitchen, but Clarke caught her around the waist. “You totally set me up,” she accused as she poked her fingers into Lexa’s ribs.  
“Maybe.” Lexa laughed, her green eyes sparkling. “You shouldn’t have said that I suck.”  
Clarke took in the sight. It was the most relaxed she had seen Lexa in weeks. She smiled. “Well, you do suck,” she told her as she let her go.  
“Yeah well,” Lexa shrugged.  
“I’m totally going to get you back for that,” Clarke told her  
“Can’t wait,” Lexa laughed with an accepting nod.  
Clarke smiled at her and glanced at the clock. “Twenty minutes, guys!” She announced.  
“I’ll get the champagne ready,” Lexa told her as she turned to walk away.  
“Oh, hell no, you don’t.” Clarke shook her head as she grabbed ahold of her arm.  
“Don’t you trust me?” Lexa grinned.  
“Not one even a little,” Clarke winked. “Rae?”  
“Yep,” Raven laughed as she stood up and walked passed them. “I got it.”

Shortly thereafter, as they all stood in the living room watching the last few seconds of the year disappear, Clarke slipped her hand into Lexa’s and gave it a squeeze. “Happy New Year,” she told her softly.  
Lexa grinned at her. “Happy New Year, Clarke.”

When the clock struck midnight the room erupted in cheers and Lexa leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. A strange warmth suddenly spread through Clarke's chest and she couldn’t help the blush that crossed her cheeks or the smile that followed. That simple moment was, without a doubt, the best way she’d ever brought in a New Year.


	35. Chapter 35

January had gone by in a haze of articles, meetings and clients. Lexa was feeling it, there was no doubt. She was honestly exhausted, but the work kept coming in, so she kept working. Dropping her head down onto the table, she decided to just give herself five minutes.

****Incoming Skype Call****

Lexa glanced up at the screen and clicked the accept button. Clarke’s face appeared on the screen, but she didn’t speak, only stared.

“What?” Lexa finally asked.  
“I had a feeling that I’d find you in front of your laptop.” Clarke shook her head, looking slightly annoyed.  
Lexa gave her a questioning look.  
“Thanks for the ride.” Clarke responded.  
Lexa’s eyes darted to the clock. Shit. “Fuck,” she winced. “Why didn’t you call me?”  
“I did.” Clarke replied simply.  
Lexa reached across the table and pushed the button on her phone. Six missed calls. “My ringer was off.” Lexa shook her head. “I’m sorry.”  
“It’s fine,” Clarke shrugged. “One of the guys from the garage gave me a ride. He was nice.”  
“I’ll make it up to you,” Lexa assured her. “Dinner? Friday night?”  
“Can’t,” Clarke answered quickly. “I have plans.”  
Lexa felt her stomach drop slightly. “Oh,” she nodded. “Saturday?”  
“What about tonight?” Clarke asked, her voice sounding hopeful.  
“Clarke,” Lexa shook her head. “I’m right in the middle of something here.”  
Clarke’s shoulders dropped a bit. “I understand,” she told her, but the disappointment was clear in her face.  
“Clarke,” Lexa’s brow furrowed. “I’m…”  
“Don’t worry about it, Lex,” Clarke cut her off. “I have to go. I just wanted to let you know that I made it home. No worries.”

The screen went black and Lexa sighed, mentally scolding herself.

“You alright?” Anya asked as she came through the room.  
“I forgot to pick up Clarke,” Lexa replied as she rubbed her eyes.  
“Seems like you’re forgetting a lot of things lately,” Anya told her.  
“I’ve just been busy,” Lexa shook her head.  
“Understatement of the year,” Anya sat down. “You’ve been nonexistent. You even bailed on Jasper’s last weekend.”  
“I had to,” Lexa insisted quickly. “I had a deadline.”  
“I get it,” Anya nodded. “But, you need to take a step back. You’re going to burn yourself out.”  
“I’m fine.” Lexa shook her head.  
“So you keep saying,” Anya snapped lightly, “but, I can tell by looking at you that you’re not. You should take the night off. Go hang out with Clarke.”  
“I think she’s pissed at me,” Lexa muttered quickly.  
“All the more reason that you should go.” Anya crossed her arms.  
“I have to get this done.” Lexa shook her head as she redirected her attention to her laptop. “I’ll see her at Polis tomorrow night. She has rehearsal and I told her I’d come watch.”  
“Yeah,” Anya said as she got to her feet. “That was last Thursday.”  
Lexa’s eyes shot up. “No, it wasn’t.”  
“Actually,” Anya nodded as she gave her a pat on the shoulder, “it was.”

Lexa sat back in her chair. Shit. She closed her laptop.

Grabbing her stuff, Lexa quickly made her way out to her car. Okay. So maybe Anya had a point. Maybe she had been pretty forgetful and nonexistent. Lexa made a call from her car and ordered some food, hoping that it would pretty much be ready by the time she made it to the restaurant. Thankfully, it was and Lexa was able to run in and out and then quickly make her way to Clarke’s.

Luckily the traffic was light and when she got there she took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

Clarke opened the door and gave her a sarcastically curious look. “Who’re you?”  
Lexa grinned weakly. “Well, once upon a time, I was your best friend,” she answered, “but, lately I’ve just been an absent jerk.”  
Clarke’s eyebrows went up, she seemed slightly amused. “I might remember you,” she nodded. “What do you have there?” She asked, motioning to the bag in Lexa’s hand.  
“Peace offering,” Lexa held up the bag.  
“Chinese?” Clarke asked.  
“Italian,” Lexa replied, again with a weak grin.  
Clarke sighed and stepped aside to let her in.

Lexa stepped inside and took the food into the kitchen, turning around she found Clarke staring at her. “What?” She asked curiously.  
“Even though you’ve been a real ass lately,” Clarke stepped forward and pulled her into a hug, “I’m glad you came over.”  
Lexa gave her a squeeze. “I’ve just been really busy.”  
“You’ve been obsessed,” Clarke corrected her as she stepped away.  
“I’m not obsessed,” Lexa disagreed harshly. “I just have a lot going on.”  
“I know,” Clarke took a slight step back and nodded. “I’ve been reading a lot of your stuff.”  
“Online or print?” Lexa asked curiously.  
“Both,” Clarke answered simply. “Kind of hard not to. You’re name seems to be popping up a lot.”  
“I’ve been busy,” Lexa repeated, as her eyes found the clock on the wall.  
“Yeah,” Clarke sighed. “You said that already.”  
Lexa nodded, feeling slightly stupid. Maybe this was a bad idea?  
“So,” Clarke said suddenly, “to what do I owe the honor?”  
“Listen, I’m sorry that I wasn’t there to give you a ride.” Lexa replied firmly. “Also, I’m sorry about last Thursday. I thought it was this week.”  
Clarke shrugged. “It’s not like you’ve never heard me sing before.”  
“I know,” Lexa told her, “but, I like it and I said I’d be there, and then I wasn’t.”  
“You weren’t.” Clarke nodded.

Lexa knew that she’d blown Clarke off a lot lately. She hadn’t meant to, but it just seemed to keep happening, so as uncomfortable as it was, she couldn’t really begrudge Clarke's obvious annoyance with her.

“You look exhausted,” Clarke told her, shaking her head.  
“I am,” Lexa admitted and rubbed her eyes. “Want to eat?”  
“Sure,” Clarke gave her a nod and sat down.  
Lexa sat across from her and began pulling containers from the bag. “So, what’s been going on?”  
Clarke took a deep breath. “Um, life?” She replied. “Work, art, preforming at Polis.”  
“Same old thing,” Lexa nodded as she glanced at the clock.  
“Pretty much,” Clarke shrugged.  
Again Lexa nodded she was listening, but barely, her mind was already back on her unfinished article.  
“I think you need to take a step back.” Clarke's voice broke into her thoughts.  
“Huh?” Lexa said looking up.  
“From your work.” Clarke explained. “It looks like it's taking quite the toll on you.”  
“Fuck. You sound like Anya.” Lexa shook her head, feeling slightly annoyed. “I'm fine.”

They ate in an awkward silence. Though Lexa burned right through her food, Clarke seemed to be taking her time. Lexa could tell that Clarke was still mad, but she didn’t know what to do about it. She had hoped that having dinner with her would make up for some of it, but clearly that wasn’t working out. By the time they were finished cleaning up from their meal, she was just beyond uncomfortable and ready to get back to work.

“Okay,” Lexa finally said as she glanced at the clock again. “I guess, I’m going to go.”  
“Seems like you’ve wanted to leave since you got here,” Clarke shrugged, “so…”  
“Don’t do that,” Lexa shook her head quickly.  
“Do what?” Clarke asked. “Lex, tell me, how many times have you looked at the damn clock since you got here?”  
“What do you want me to say, Clarke?” Lexa snapped. “I just have a lot going on right now and I don't have time for this.”  
Clarke shook her head, before turning and walking down the hall. “Thanks for dinner.”

Lexa watched as Clarke walked into her bedroom and shut the door. “Great,” she muttered to herself as she walked toward the front door.

As she drove home she let out a sigh of frustration. Everyone needed to back off. She was doing the best she could. Yeah, so she forgot a few things and she wasn't around as much – she was busy. She was working. Why did everyone act like that was a bad thing?

She had snapped at Clarke. Shit. She didn't mean to, it just happened. She’d text her when she got home and apologize. She really had gone over there with the intention of hanging out, but everything just went weird.

“Fucking shit,” Lexa muttered to herself as she walked through her front door and sat back down at the computer. She looked at the clock. Yep, she’d be working well into the night again. 

Five hours later, the last of Lexa's energy was spent and she closed her laptop and put her head down. She needed a couple of hours. Just a couple of hours.


	36. Chapter 36

Clarke was frustrated. A few days had passed since her explosive dinner with Lexa and now she was just, frustrated. Frustrated and worried, definitely worried.

When she had first opened the door to find Lexa standing there, her heart damn near burst with joy, five minutes later though, as Lexa’s eyes kept bouncing to the clock and she took in that nervous tick about her, her heart simply sank. She should have known that this was coming. All those weeks ago, when they had fought at Monty’s over Lexa spending Christmas alone and working – that should have been her warning. But, she had let it go, for the sake of peace and now Lexa had clearly gone from bad to worse. 

“Excuse me?’ An older woman asked, raising her hand slightly.  
Clarke smiled and made her way over the table. “What can I get you?”  
“Just some cream, please.” The woman replied sweetly. “Try as I may, I just can’t drink my coffee without it.”  
“Sorry about that,” Clarke replied pleasantly. “I’ll be right back.”

She returned just a moment later and placed the cream on the table before apologizing for having forgot it in the first place. Clearly, her mind was not completely focused on her job at the moment.

Clarke knew that it had irritated Lexa when she had called her obsessed, but that exactly how she’d been behaving. She had chosen that word specifically, as she was trying to make a point. A point, which Lexa quickly disregarded. No one knew exactly how many articles Lexa had been putting out, only that they just kept coming. The girl was on fire, there was no doubt about that, everyone could see it, but the toll that it was taking on her was not one that Clarke felt should be ignored. She’d seen that look in Lexa before, it frightened her and really, the only thing that she found more frightening, was the blind eye that Lexa turned to the obvious. Eventually, she was going to crash. She was going to crash and it was going to be bad, just like last time.

Clarke sighed as she leaned her elbows on to the counter in the diner and rubbed her temples. Lexa just wouldn’t listen. Hell, at this point, she was probably so far gone that she was actually incapable of listening. All she was seeing was the work that needed to be done.

Everyone knew that Lexa was driven, she always had been. Her work was extremely important to her and she poured everything that she had into it. She was a workaholic, everyone knew it. However, the problem was that Lexa wasn’t just a workaholic in the terms that she really enjoyed her work and was heavily devoted to her career, no. For Lexa, it ran deeper – dangerously deeper. It was a behavioral pattern, an inner compulsion and when it reared, Lexa saw nothing else. The blinders would go up and she would just force herself forward, insistent on work and pretty much nothing else. It was something that she usually kept in check, but the sight of her the other night told Clarke that it was anything but in check.

“Hey,” Raven said as she slipped on to a stool in front of her.  
“Hey,” Clarke replied softly.  
“Thinking about Lexa?” Raven asked, clearly already knowing the answer.  
Clarke nodded and turned around to get her a cup of coffee. “Have you seen her?” She asked without looking at her.  
“I have,” Raven acknowledged.  
“And?” Clarke set the cup down in front of her.  
“Anya’s worried.” Raven responded and Clarke could see that there was concern in her eyes too.  
“She won’t listen to me,” Clarke shook her head.  
“You tried to talk to her about it?” Raven inquired curiously.  
“Not exactly,” Clarke shrugged. “I told her that I thought she needed to take a step back. It didn’t go so well from there.”  
“I should have known,” Raven shook her head, “when she got all crazy over her laptop screen getting busted.”  
“I should have known, when she spent Christmas working.” Clarke crossed her arms. “There’s no way that we could have. It’s been a long time.”

It was true. It had been a long time since Lexa had acted like this. Not since college. The last time it got away from her, it had ended badly and Clarke really didn’t want to see that happen again. It was scary and had shaken everyone right to their cores. There had only been one other thing that had ever shaken them like that, the day that Raven had her car accident.

Raven took a sip of her coffee. “I was over there last night,” she shook her head again. “God, she was awful. She finally ended up storming off to her room to work because she said that she could hear us breathing and it was distracting.” 

That was another thing that would happen. Lexa, who was generally beyond sweet, would become a much meaner version of herself. Lashing out over the most ridiculous things. Clarke blamed it on the lack of rest that she would allow both her mind and body to have.

“Well, what were you two doing?” Clarke chuckled jokingly.  
Raven shot her a playful glare. “Watching a movie,” she answered quickly. “Asshole.”

Clarke knew that she had to do something, just not what. Lexa wouldn’t listen and she was afraid that if she’d pushed too hard, Lexa would just push her away and throw herself even further into her work, effectively making herself worse. A lose-lose situation. That’s what it felt like. 

Clarke felt her phone buzz inside her apron.

Anya: This jerk.  
Anya: IMG_262 

Clarke stared down at the picture. Lexa was asleep at the kitchen table, her head resting on top of her closed laptop and her glasses slightly skewed on her face. It would be absolutely adorable, if Clarke hadn’t known what had led to it. Lexa looked smaller, weaker and it broke Clarke’s heart, until something else in the corner of the picture caught her attention and her heart burst into flames of anger.

Clarke: Are those energy drinks???  
Anya: Uh huh.  
Anya: She’s been going through them like they're water.

This fucking idiot.

“What is it?” Raven asked curiously, obviously taking in the look on Clarke’s face.  
Clarke flipped the phone around and showed her the picture, zooming in on the cans captured in the corner. “Apparently, she needs a little help staying up to work now.”  
“Ugh,” Raven shook her head, clearly disgusted. “That’s stuff is so bad, and you know she’s probably barely eating as it is.”  
“I know,” Clarke sighed. “That’s the last thing she needs to be putting in her system.”

Clarke: Stupid.  
Anya: She is.

Clarke felt her jaw clench as she took a steadying breath. Lexa never, ever touched that stuff, she knew better. She was a personal trainer for crying out loud, she knew that they were nothing but garbage. Clarke shook her head quickly and gave her eyes a hard rub. Okay, red flag. Huge red flag. This has to stop. It has to stop now. 

Fuck it. Let her be pissed.

Clarke: As soon as you get the chance, bring me that fucking laptop.


	37. Chapter 37

Lexa rolled over in her bed and yawned. She felt really good. She had miraculously cleared all of her work the night before, then took a long hot shower and gone straight to bed. She glanced at the clock. She had slept about ten hours. Forget good, Lexa felt great. 

Slipping out of her bed, she stretched quickly and retrieved some clothes from her dresser. She knew that it was Sunday, but was pretty sure that she would already have new items waiting in her inbox. That’s how it had been for weeks, a steady stream of work and it was, awesome. Pulling on jeans and a large, bulky hoodie Lexa made to the bathroom to brush her teeth and deal with the normal morning routine. Afterward, she made her way out to the kitchen, she needed some coffee.

“You're up early,” Lexa said as she spotted Anya on the couch.  
“I am.” Anya acknowledged and took a sip of her coffee.

Lexa shrugged and made her way into the kitchen. After pouring herself a cup of coffee, she sat down at the table, ready to get back to work. However, something was missing. She thought for moment. Where did she last have her laptop? Getting up she walked into the living room and glanced at the coffee table. Nope. She turned down the hall and went to her bedroom to check her desk. Still nothing. What the hell?

“Anya,” Lexa called as she came back out. “Have you seen my laptop?”  
Anya looked up. “The last time I saw your laptop, it was in the hands of a very unhappy looking blonde,” she answered simply.

Lexa's eyes narrowed as a pang of fury went off in her chest. “What?”  
Anya nodded, a serious, yet smug look on her face.

Fucking Clarke.

“Are you kidding me?” Lexa mumbled to herself as she turned on her heel and stormed back to her bedroom. Ripping her phone off of the nightstand, she went to her recent calls and hit Clarke's name. Not a moment later, Clarke appeared on the screen. Great. A fucking FaceTime.

“Where the hell is my laptop?” Lexa demanded instantly.  
Clarke looked at her, remaining seemingly calm. “Good morning to you too, Lexa.”  
“Clarke!” Lexa snapped fiercely. “Where the f…”

The screen went black.

Lexa stared at it for a second, before she took a deep breath and hit the redial button. Clarke quickly answered.

“Good morning, Clarke,” Lexa greeted her though her clenched teeth. “Where's my laptop?”  
“You don't need your laptop, Lexa.” Clarke replied quickly.  
“What the fuck do you mean I don't need it?” Lexa asked harshly. “Of course I fucking…”

Lexa caught a glimpse of an eye roll and the screen went black again. 

“Ugh.” Lexa grunted. This bitch. She bit down on her knuckle hard and hit the redial button again, and again, Clarke answered.

“Stop fucking hanging up on me!” Lexa yelled quickly. “Now tell me where…”

Yet again, the screen went black.

“God damn it!” Lexa spat loudly as she kicked her nightstand. “Fuck!” She groaned as she fell over on to her bed, gripping her foot. She had totally forgotten that she was barefoot. Shit.

Lexa hit the redial button again, but Clarke didn't answer. She tried again, nothing. Again, still nothing. Five calls in a row went unanswered before Lexa finally fired off a text as she continued to examine her toes.

Lexa: Answer your fucking phone!  
Clarke: Exactly who the hell are you talking to?  
Lexa: Clarke! Answer your phone.  
Lexa: I need my laptop!  
Clarke: You don't.  
Lexa: I do!  
Lexa: What the hell were you thinking???  
Clarke: You know precisely what I was thinking. I told you what I was thinking.  
Lexa: And I told you that I was fine.  
Clarke: You're not.  
Lexa: I am. 

Lexa rubbed her eyes. this was unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable! Who the hell did Clarke think she was? She had no right. No fucking right!

Lexa: I want my laptop back.  
Clarke: No.  
Lexa: Now Clarke.  
Lexa: Stop fucking around.  
Clarke: I’m not fucking around, Lexa. You need to stop.  
Lexa: I mean it, Clarke. I have work to do.  
Clarke: It can wait.  
Lexa: Bring me my fucking laptop or I’m coming over there and getting it myself.  
Clarke: You want it?  
Lexa: Yes!!!  
Clarke: Come and get it.  
Clarke: IMG_287

Lexa stared at the picture and her eyes rolled with annoyance. No fucking way. 

Lincoln’s words rang out in her head…. Since when does Clarke play fair? 

She clenched her teeth, suddenly feeling sick.

Lexa: So not fair.  
Clarke: So don't care.  
Clarke: You want it, come and get it.

Lexa glanced at the picture again. There on the screen, was her laptop and it was resting firmly on the lap of a very disappointed looking Abigail Griffin.

Fuck.

Lexa limped out of her room grumbling.

“You alright?” Anya asked as she glanced up.  
“Clarke,” she shook her head. “She gave my fucking laptop to Abby,”  
“Ha” Anya scoffed and shook her head. “She called in Abby? You're screwed.”  
“Shut up,” Lexa snapped quickly. “Why would you let her take my laptop?”  
“Because she's worried about you.” Anya said as she stood up. “We all are.”  
“I'm fine!” Lexa said loudly.  
“You're not,” Anya shook her head, “and everyone can see that, except for you.”  
Lexa took a deep breath and glared at her sister. This was bullshit.

Slipping into her boots, Lexa grabbed her keys and stormed out to her car. Such bullshit.

The drive to Jake and Abby’s wasn't exceptionally long, but it wasn't exactly short either and it did nothing to calm Lexa's nerves or her temper. Clarke taking her laptop was bad enough, but the fact that she had involved Jake and Abby, that was just unnecessary – uncalled for even. Betrayed. That was exactly how Lexa felt. Betrayed and angry. No. Betrayed and furious. Fucking furious.

As she pulled up in front of the house, Lexa took a deep breath. No sooner had she stepped out of the car and Jake stepped out of the front door. He shoved his hands in his pockets and gave her a sad and almost sympathetic look as he waited for her. “She’s in her office,” He told her when she approached.

Lexa nodded and stepped through the front door. The first thing that she saw was Clarke and that pang of fury went off in her chest again. Clarke stood up, her blue eyes were hardened and stern, she raised her chin as if to show that she was ready for anything that Lexa was going to throw at her. Lexa took a deep breath and stepped forward.

“Lexa?” Abby's voice broke into the silence and Lexa froze. With one more piercing look at Clarke, she turned and walked toward Abby's office. Sticking her head inside, she found Abby sitting at her desk with the laptop in front of her. 

“Come in, Lexa,” Abby said quickly. “Sit.”  
“I'm not staying.” Lexa shook her head. “I just came for my laptop.”  
“Sit.” Abby repeated and just like that, Lexa sat down. Such bullshit.

They sat in silence for a few moments. Abby seemed to just be taking her in. It was rather unnerving and kind of annoying.

“Do you want to tell me what's going on?” Abby finally asked.  
“Nothing.” Lexa answered. “Nothing is going on.”  
“Well, everyone seems to think somethings going on,” Abby shook her head, “so, I guess I’m just going to call bullshit on that response.”  
“Everyone’s wrong.” Lexa crossed her arms. “I've just been busy.”  
“Busy,” Abby echoed.  
“Working.” She clarified.  
“From what I hear, you're working too much.” Abby told her.  
“I'm not.” Lexa shook her head. “You don't understand.”  
“Then make me understand.” Abby now crossed her arms. “Your pumping out article after article, meeting with clients, taking meetings, barely eating and from what I know, barely sleeping either. So, make me understand.”  
“It's important.” Lexa answered without looking at her. “Damn it, I'm trying to make something of myself.”  
“You've already done that.” Abby shook her head.  
“I haven't.” Lexa snapped lightly. “It's not enough.”  
“What's not enough?” Abby asked curiously.  
Lexa was suddenly hot, too hot. She pulled off her hoodie, which left her in only a tank top. “Me,” she spat furiously.  
Abby's eyes softened. “Lexa,” she said tenderly. “You're more than enough.”  
“I'm not.” Lexa shook her head. “I've never been and I need to be, if I…” she stopped short and shook her head. ”Fuck.”

Abby got up and moved into a seat next to her. “Lexa, you’ve already come so far, but what you're doing now, it's just not healthy.”  
“I'm fine.” Lexa insisted as she averted her eyes.  
Abby's hand suddenly went to the side of Lexa's head, her thumb stroking over a scar that lay hidden beneath her mass of dark curls. “Do you remember?” She asked quietly.  
Lexa looked at her. She sighed. Of course, she remembered. How could she forget?

Her mind flashed back 

She had run herself ragged in college. She had pushed her body too far. Between her course schedule and working multiple job, food and sleep were often forgotten or cast aside and finally her body revolted, causing her to pass out at the top of a stairwell. She didn't remember the fall, only waking up in the hospital two days later to learn that she’d suffered a collapsed lung, a broken arm and that her skull had been split wide open. Abby had kept her admitted for more than a week. It was beyond embarrassing and had scared the life out of everyone, especially Clarke.

Suddenly similarities between then and now flooded Lexa's mind and her heart sank. She looked down at her hands and nodded. “I remember.”  
“You were lucky last time.” Abby told her. “Now you need to stop.”  
“I’m just…,” Lexa shook her head as she quickly brushed the moisture from her eyes. “I'm trying to be somebody.”  
“Lexa,” Abby's voice was soft and kind. “Sweetheart, you are somebody.”  
Lexa shook her head and rubbed her eyes. 

It wasn't enough. It had never been enough. Hell, maybe it would ever be enough, but Abby was right. She needed to stop. Clearly she had already gone too far. She wasn't trying to hurt herself or anyone else, and didn't want to end up back in the hospital. It was time to back off. She had to get it back under control.

“You have so many people who love and respect you.” Abby continued. “You have them all so worried.”  
“I didn't mean to,” Lexa shook her head.  
“I know.” Abby shook her head and she pulled her into a hug.

They stayed that way for a few minutes. Damn Clarke. How the hell did she know that it would be Abby that would make a dent? How the hell did Abby know how?

“So,” Lexa said as she pulled away. “Are you going to let me have my laptop?”  
“Can I trust you to take care of yourself?” Abby asked her.  
Lexa nodded.  
“You know that I have eyes everywhere.” Abby reminded her.  
Lexa grinned. “I know,” she nodded again. “You can trust me.”  
“I know.” Abby told her as she walked over to her desk and picked up the laptop. “Don't make me regret this,” she added as she held it out to her.  
Lexa stood up and took her laptop. “I won't,” she promised.  
“Next time,” Abby said as she crossed her arms. “I’ll let Jake experiment with his power saw.”  
Lexa chuckled, but she knew that Abby was completely serious.

Scooping up her hoodie, Lexa made her way to the door.

“One more thing,” Abby stopped her.  
Lexa turned and looked at her.”Yes?”  
“Go easy on Clarke,” Abby said sternly. “She had good reasons.”  
Lexa swallowed hard, but only nodded before she turned and walked out of the room.

Right. Clarke.

Lexa walked down the hall and deposited her laptop and hoodie on the dining room table as she glanced into the living room where Clarke was sitting. As soon as she entered the room, Clarke stood up, that same unapologetic look on her face as she squared her shoulders and set her jaw.

Lexa eyed her and stepped forward. “You took my laptop,” she said firmly.  
“I did.” Clarke responded, her eyebrow lifting slightly. Fearless.  
"You gave it to Abby," Lexa kept her tone even.  
Clarke only nodded, her eyes completely unwavering.

They stared at each other.

Lexa felt her features soften. “Thank you,” she said softly.  
Clarke stared at her, her eyes misting over. Clearly the emotion was just too much. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck. “You're such a jerk,” she whispered.  
Lexa grinned in spite of herself as she pulled her closer. “So are you.”


	38. Chapter 38

In the days that had passed since finally getting Lexa to see that she needed to stop, Clarke hadn’t seen her much. Though according to Anya she was indeed taking a step back, the two were still fairly annoyed with each other and just needed some space. They still texted, but only lightly, so Clarke was sitting on her bed, guitar in her lap just working on her music. 

Valentine's Day was quickly approaching, and as per her contract, she would be spending it performing at Polis. It was, after all, one of their busiest nights of the year, so it made absolute sense for Clarke to give up any possible plans to perform. Who knows who might see her? Silently though, she hoped that Lexa would be there, as aggravated as she still felt, she couldn't deny that she missed her being around. 

Pushing the guitar aside, Clarke sighed and leaned back against the headboard. She had indirectly heard some of the things that had been said between Lexa and her mother and her mind was still fighting to understand. How was it possible that Lexa could think she wasn't good enough? Was it because of Costia? 

Before Costia, Lexa had found what seemed to be the perfect balance for her work, but after, that was when she started to started to spiral. She remembered worrying about what Costia's cheating would do to Lexa in the long run. Was it possible that it had made Lexa doubt her worth, the same way that Costia's words had made her doubt her own body?

Clarke shook her head as she grabbed hair tie off of he nightstand and pulled her hair into a sloppy bun, just wondering what. What wasn't Lexa good enough for?

It didn't make any sense. Lexa was great, everyone thought so. How could she possibly think that she was anything less?

“You okay?” OctavIa asked from the doorway.  
“What’s up, O?” Clarke glanced up at her.  
“Well, I was on my way to the kitchen,” Octavia said as she stepped into the room, “when suddenly I could hear you thinking.”  
“I just don't understand.” Clarke sighed and shook her head.  
“Understand what?” Octavia asked curiously as she sat on the foot of the bed.  
“How Lexa could think she's not good enough.” Clarke shrugged. “I mean, she's pretty amazing.”  
“She is,” Octavia agreed, “but, good enough for what?”  
“I don't know,” Clarke answered. “In general? Maybe? I only overheard part of it, but she wasn't really specific.”  
Octavia thought for a moment. “Did you ever think that it's you?”  
“That what's me?” Clarke asked utterly confused and slightly offended. “I’d never do anything to make her feel like that. She's my best friend.”  
“No,” Octavia shook her head. “That it’s you that she's not good enough for.”  
“No.” Clarke instantly shook her head. “What the hell O? Stop it. You know it's not like that.”  
“Maybe it is,” Octavia suggested firmly. “Maybe she wants it to be like that, but she thinks she's not good enough for you.”

Clarke thought for a moment. No. Just, no. It's not like that.

“No. I don't think so,” Clarke shook her head again. “She’d say something.”  
Octavia released a small chuckled.  
“What?” Clarke asked quickly, feeling instantly annoyed.  
“Why would she say something?” Octavia laughed this time and tucked her dark hair behind her ear. “You haven't.”  
“Octavia!” Clarke shot off of the bed as though it had bit her. “”Knock it off,” she said as she walked over to her dresser and picked up her phone. Shit. No messages.  
“Deny it all you want,” Octavia shook her head, “but, I know it and so does everyone else.”  
Clarke only shook her head, suddenly it was oddly hard to breathe and she was hot, really hot.  
“I've told you before,” Octavia continued, “you two should totally be together. I mean, it’s so disgustingly obvious that you’re in love with each other.”

Clarke's mind began to spin. In love? What? Shut the fuck up.

“Enough Octavia,” Clarke shot out quickly, feeling a bead of sweat slip down her temple. “Just stop. I’m not in love with Lexa.”  
“No?” Octavia stood up and crossed her arms. “Are you sure?”  
“I’m…” Clarke started, but lost her words as anger built up in her belly. Fuck this shit.

She wasn't in love with Lexa. She’s couldn't be. She'd know if she was. She loved her, of course. That went without saying. She was her best friend and had been forever, but in love with her, no. That was just, it was just – No.

“When are you just going to stop running away from it?” Octavia suddenly questioned her harshly. “You've been doing that since high school and look where you are now?”  
“Shut up,” Clarke snapped back as she walked toward the door.  
“Just think about how you feel when you're with her,” Octavia pushed. “Just let yourself actually feel it.”  
“I said, shut up!” Clarke yelled as she spun back around to face her.  
“No,” Octavia fired back fiercely .”Damn it, just listen to me.”  
“I don't want to listen to you!” Clarke shook her head and stormed out of the room. “It's bullshit.”

Grabbing her keys, Clarke quickly ran out into the snow and got in her car. She needed to get away, far away. This was too much. It was just too fucking much. 

As Clarke sped down the road her mind just reeled. This was wrong. Octavia was wrong. Just because she enjoyed being around Lexa and well, sleeping with her, that didn't automatically mean that she was in love with her.

“Fuck,” Clarke muttered as she turned the corner, feeling her back tires slide a little.

Everyone just needed to stay out of her relationship with Lexa. Fuck. No, not relationship – her friendship. God!

Yes, Lexa was all sorts of amazing. She was every good trait that Clarke could possibly think of all rolled into one incredibly beautiful package, but…

But what?

Again, Clarke felt that odd pang of emotion go off in her chest and suddenly the air was stolen from her lungs as tears formed in her eyes. That's when it hit her. But, nothing. 

“Oh god,” Clarke said aloud as she reached for her phone in a panic and quickly dialed Octavia's number. She switched it over to speakerphone and just listened to the ringing. “Pick up, damn it!”

“If you're calling to yell at me again, just save it.” Octavia said when she answered.  
“O, please,” Clarke fired out immediately as her tears spilled onto her cheeks. “Please, you can't say anything to Lexa. You can't.”  
“Clarke…” Octavia tried  
“Octavia, please!” Clarke desperately cut her off. “She can't know! She can’t!”  
“What makes you think she doesn't already?” Octavia asked quickly.  
“Please, just trust me,” Clarke practically begged. “You can't say anything like that around her. Please!”  
“You should talk to her,” Octavia told her.  
“I can't do that!” Clarke responded adamantly. “I can't lose…” and that's when she felt it, the tires slipping again. She turned the wheel to try and correct it, but it was already too late.

Caught in the moment, Clarke forgot how to think and she slammed on the brakes, which instantly sent the car into a wild spin. “Oh fuck!” Clarke yelled as she gripped the steering wheel hard, trying to again to correct it and then she felt the impact. There was the sound of crunching metal, of shattering glass and the last thing Clarke heard was Octavia screaming her name before everything went black.


	39. Chapter 39

Lexa was running. Running as fast as she could, as fast as her legs could possibly carry her. She had been out having a drink with one of the editors that she knew when her phone started to go crazy. All she had to see where the words Clarke and accident and she was gone. Knowing that Ark Memorial was only a few blocks away, she hadn't even bothered with her car, she knew that her legs would get her there faster.

Rounding the corner, Lexa hit a patch of ice and her feet flew out from under her, sending her flying into a parked car. “Fuck,” she groaned as she stumbled to her feet and took off again. Just as the hospital came into view an ambulance zoomed passed her, its sirens wailing. Clarke?

Lexa pushed her legs even harder, trying desperately to catch up. As she turned into the parking lot the ambulance came to a stop in the bay and two men jumped out and made their way to the back, she was so close. The moment they started to pull the gurney out, Lexa saw a flash of red stained blonde hair and screamed, “Clarke!”

Suddenly something heavy caught her around her midsection. “Lexa! Lexa, stop!”  
“Get off me!” Lexa roared and a moment later Lincoln was laying on the flat of his back, gasping for air as she made her way toward the door. He should have known better. 

Approaching the door, Lexa found her way blocked. “Ma’am, I'm sorry,” a security guard told her. “I'm going to need to you calm down.”  
“Calm down?” Lexa’s eyes went wide with fury. ”They just took my best friend in there.”  
“I understand, ma’am,” he told her. “But, you need to calm down and let them do what they do.”  
“He’s right,” Lincoln said as he appeared next to her, holding his side.  
Lexa turned and looked at him, her chest was heaving. “Okay,” she nodded, raising her hands, “okay.”  
Lincoln put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze.  
“How are you already here?” She asked him.  
“I was on my way to hang out with Octavia,” he answered. “She…um, she was on the phone with her, when it happened. She's pretty upset.”  
Lexa’s heart sank even further. “Where is she?”  
“Inside,” Lincoln nodded toward the door.  
Lexa looked at the guard pleadingly. “Can I go in now?”  
The guard nodded. “Just stay calm and let them help your friend.”  
“Of course,” Lexa said as she grabbed Lincoln's arm and they walked through the double doors.

The first thing that Lexa saw was a very distraught looking Octavia and without giving it a moments thought, she stepped forward and pulled her into a hug. Octavia gripped the back of her shirt and began to cry harder. “I heard it,” she sobbed.  
Lexa closed her eyes and shook her head slightly. “Shhh.”  
Octavia stepped back, pushing her dark hair out her face and took a deep breath. “Everyone else is already on their way,” she told her.  
“Is Abby here?” Lexa asked instantly.  
Octavia nodded and pointed to the door down the hall, Lexa assumed that's where they had taken Clarke.

Good. Abby would take good care of her. Of course she would. How Abby worked under such insane pressure, Lexa would never understand.

“Hey,” Raven’s voice suddenly filled they hallway and turning Lexa found her and Anya heading their way. Octavia bolted forward and crashed into Raven. Lexa watched them, remembering that only a few months back, it was her and Clarke standing in practically the same spot, doing exactly the same thing. Octavia was saying something to Raven that Lexa couldn't hear and Raven just kept shaking her head over and over.

“Do we know anything?” Anya asked as she approached.  
Lexa shook her head, quickly brushing the tears from her eyes.  
“Are you okay?” Anya questioned, her eyes concerned.  
Lexa didn't answer, in fact, she couldn't.

She couldn't, because this couldn't be happening. It just couldn't. Not again and not to Clarke. Lexa's mind was spinning. Clarke would be fine. She had to be. 

“I should be with her.” Lexa said as she shook her head.  
“You can't be,” Anya told her. “Not now.”  
A new rush of tears spilled from Lexa’s eyes. “She needs me.”  
“You're here,” Anya told her firmly. “That’s all you can do right now.”  
Lexa shook her head again. That wasn't enough. It wasn't enough. Her body began to shake as she turned and began to walk down the hallway.

“Lexa,” Lincoln said as he grabbed her wrist, squeezing it hard. “Stop. Getting yourself thrown out isn't going to help anyone.”  
Lexa glared at him, but she knew that her eyes were pleading. He was right and she knew it. She wanted to just break, but she couldn't, so she simply relented with a nod. 

Cupping her hands behind her back, she began to pace furiously. There was an ache in her chest that was mirroring the ache in her head and she was quite certain that her heart was going to give out at any moment. Clarke had to be okay. She had to be.

It didn't take long for the halfway to become filled with all of the members of their group. Time was ticking by excruciatingly slow and Lexa just wished that someone, anyone would tell them something. 

“Lexa,” Jake said as he appeared in front of her, grabbing her shoulders and squeezing.  
Lexa looked up and that's when she really lost it.  
“Shhh.” He whispered, rubbing her shoulders. “We’ll know something soon.”  
Lexa nodded. How was he so calm?  
“She's stubborn,” he answered her unspoken question.  
Lexa couldn't help the light grin that appeared on her face, she understood. Yes. Clarke was stubborn, ridiculously stubborn and strong. She'd fight. 

“Jake!” a voice rang out.

Lexa looked up to see Jackson at the other end of the hall, motioning to Jake. With one more squeeze to her shoulders Jake let go and jogged down the hallway.

Lexa swallowed hard as a rush of panic flooded through her body. Oh God. Oh, please. Please, please, please. She felt herself slip down into a chair and Bellamy was instantly at her side. “It'll be okay,” he assured her. “Clarke will be fine.”  
A new rush of tears threaten her eyes. “What if she's not?” She asked quietly.  
Bellamy pushed his dark locks off of his brow and took her hand. “She will be,” he nodded.

Lexa's eyes floated down the hallway. Almost everything that she saw was eerily familiar. How could this be happening again?

Down at the far end of the hall Raven and Octavia seemed to be arguing. Raven seemed to be trying to calm Octavia, but all to no avail. Octavia was practically raging, her head constantly shaking. Lexa's heart broke for her, she couldn't even imagine what she must be feeling, having been on the phone with Clarke when the accident occurred. Maybe she felt responsible?

Suddenly Lexa caught a glimpse of a man further down the hall and when his shaggy brown locks came onto focus, Lexa shot to her feet. Finn?

“It's not him,” Lincoln said quickly.  
Lexa continued to stare.  
“Finn,” Lincoln clarified, stepping forward. “It's not him. He’s gone.”  
“Gone?” Lexa blinked and looked at him.  
Lincoln nodded. “He took a transfer,” he explained, “and moved out of state.”  
Lexa only nodded, honestly feeling relieved. That last thing she needed to deal with right now was Finn fucking Collins.

“She's going to be okay,” Abby's voice suddenly filled the corridor.

Lexa spun around. Really?

“She's banged up,” Abby nodded. “There was a lot of bleeding, but it's mostly superficial.”  
“Can we see her?” Raven asked quickly.  
Abby nodded. “She's pretty out of it,” she told them, “and we gave her something for the pain, but yes, I’ll let you see her.”  
“Lexa, you go first.” Octavia didn't hesitate. “She’ll want to see you.”  
Lexa shook her head. No. Octavia should go.  
“It's okay,” Octavia assured her. “We’ll give you two a minute and then we’ll be down.”  
Lexa nodded and turned to follow Abby down the hallway.

When they stopped in front of the door, Lexa took a deep breath, suddenly afraid of what was on the other side.  
“It's okay,” Abby assured her as she gave her back a light rub.

Lexa stepped inside, her eyes instantly falling on Clarke. She was tucked into the bed with her eyes closed and her face littered with cuts. Lexa felt her heart break at the sight. Jake stood up and stepped away from the bed as she stepped forward. Slipping her hand into Clarke's, Lexa took a deep breath and tried to keep her tears a bay.

Suddenly Clarke's eyes snapped open and she looked around, clearly unfocused. The second her eyes found Lexa's, they instantly filled with tears that quickly spilled out onto her cheeks. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, shaking her head lightly as her face twisted up in pain. “I didn't mean to…”  
“Shh,” Lexa tried to calm her.  
“Please,” Clarke’s voice was strained and her eyes were fighting to regain focus. “Please, don't leave me.”  
Lexa’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Hey,” she said softly, squeezing her hand. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”  
“I love you,” Clarke barely whispered as her eyes slipped shut.  
“I love you too,” Lexa told her as she pushed some hair off of her forehead. “We all do. Just rest now.”  
Clarke didn't respond, her breathing was already evening out. 

Lexa just watched her, grateful to see her chest rising and falling with each breath.

“Hey,” Octavia said softly, dropping her hand onto Lexa's shoulder.  
“Hey,” Lexa nodded, still holding Clarke’s hand. “I think she's asleep.”  
Octavia sighed and shook her head.  
“Are you okay?” Lexa asked, finally looking at her. She looked completely wrecked.  
Octavia shrugged slightly. “We kind of got into it earlier,” she replied. “I think maybe I pushed too hard. She left and then…” her voice trailed off.  
Lexa slipped her free hand into Octavia's. “This isn't your fault.”  
Octavia shrugged again and squeezed her hand, but didn't say anything.

Little by little people floated in and out of the room, until finally Abby told them that it was time for them to all go home. No one argued, well, no one but Lexa.

“I'm not leaving,” she said adamantly as she stood next to Clarke's bed, her hand still locked in Clarke's.  
“Of course you're not,” Abby sighed. “But, you should. She's fine.”  
Lexa shook her head. “I’m not leaving,” she repeated.  
Abby seemed to accept her position and finally nodded before she left the room.

It was well into the early morning hours when Lexa finally gave in and laid her head on the bed next to Clarke's arm. It was there that she fell asleep, listening to the sound of sweet breathing, with her head resting on her forearm and her hand still firmly secured in Clarke's. 

No way was she leaving.


	40. Chapter 40

Clarke's eyes fluttered open, squinting at the fluorescent lighting, she glanced around. What the hell? Oh, hospital room. Oh right, accident. Oh fuck, pain. Her head gave a particularly long throb. Suddenly something stirred beside her and she jumped, her eyes falling on a mass of chestnut locks and the sweetest face ever created. Lexa was right there with her. Her head on top of one hand, as the other lay interlocked with Clarke's own. Her heart swelled at the sight, as a sudden warmth spread through her body. 

Of course she was in love with Lexa. It made complete sense. How could she not be? How could she not see it? Octavia was right. She just had to take a moment to actually feel it and when she did, everything that she had ever felt, suddenly made sense. 

A sadness suddenly spread through her. This was bad. This was so fucking bad. God, so bad! 

Fear gripped her once more. Lexa couldn't know. No. She absolutely could not fucking know. It would put everything that they were, everything that they had, into question. No. NO. Absolutely not. She loved Lexa. She loved what they had. She couldn’t lose it. Not for anything. Not ever. 

A tiny whimper suddenly escaped the brunette and Clarke grinned, wondering curiously what she was dreaming about. Her hand went forward and pushed a strand of Lexa's hair out of her face. “Lexa,” she said softly.  
“Hm?” Lexa shifted lightly.  
“Lexa,” Clarke repeated. “You're dreaming.”  
“Clarke,” Lexa mumbled sleepily and then her eyes shot open. “Clarke!”  
Lexa's green eyes sparkled with such surprise and warm adoration that Clarke couldn't contain the smile that spread across her face. “Hi,” she said softly.  
“You’re awake.” Lexa said quickly, a thin mist appearing in her eyes. “You're really okay?”  
“I'm okay.” Clarke assured her.  
Lexa leaned forward and hugged her waist. “You scared me to death,” she whispered as she hid her face.  
“Hey,” Clarke said as her brow furrowed, “get up here.”  
Lexa shook her head.  
“It's okay,” Clarke told her quickly. “You won't hurt me.”  
Lexa looked up, her eyes so wide and innocent. She nodded and crawled onto the bed, burrowing into Clarke’s side and hanging on for what felt like dear life.  
Clarke grinned at seeing this side of Lexa. “Just stay close to me,” she found herself whispering as Lexa's arms tightened around her.  
“Do you remember what happened?” Lexa asked.  
“Not after the car spun out.” Clarke answered. ”I tried to get it back, but it just happened too fast.”  
“Ice?” Lexa asked curiously.  
“I think?” Clarke shrugged.  
“I should tell someone that you're awake,” Lexa said as she went to move.  
Clarke tightened her grip. “Don't you dare go.” Please.  
Lexa looked up at her. “Okay,” she nodded and as she dropped her head back down. Clarke felt her heart rate increase.

Fuck. This was wrong. All so wrong. 

Stop. Nothing is different. Nothing has changed. Everything is the same as it was yesterday or a week ago. It's okay.

Clarke shifted a little and tried to shake the thoughts form her head. “Okay,” she said. “You probably should get someone.”  
“Of course,” Lexa said and slipped off the bed.

Clarke watched her as she left the room and pushed herself up. This made the throbbing in her head slightly worse, but not intolerable. 

It didn’t take long for Lexa to return with a nurse that Clarke didn’t recognize. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes several times as the nurse checked her over. Lexa was quick to send her very uncompromising looks any time she tried to object, so finally she just bit the side of her cheek and got through it. She knew that she had to, but still, she hated it

“Is my mother here?” Clarke finally asked.  
“Of course,” the response came quickly.  
“I’ll find her,” Lexa nodded as she got to her feet and quickly disappeared again.  
“You’re girlfriend seems very sweet.” The nurse smiled kindly.  
Clarke blinked stupidly. “Oh, no.” She shook her head. “Lexa’s just a friend.”  
The woman’s eyebrows went up as she gave Clarke a very skeptical stare. “Honey, you should really fix that,” she told her simply. “That girl looks at you like you hung the moon.”  
The statement released another feeling of warmth through Clarke and she smiled, wondering for a moment if it could actually be true, before Lexa returned with her mother.

“How are you feeling?” Abby asked as she picked up her chart.  
“Slight headache,” Clarke answered, “but, it's not so bad.”  
“You scared the life out of everyone.” Abby said as she flipped the page.  
“I didn’t mean to,” Clarke insisted. “I think I hit some ice. I can't believe I wrecked my car. I feel like I just got it.”  
“You did,” Lexa shook her head.  
“It's not wrecked.” Abby told her as she set her chart down.  
Clarke's eyes shot up. “It's not?”  
Abby shook her head. “Banged up front fender and a shattered drivers side window,” she explained, “from your head.”  
Clarke nodded. Well, that explained the headache.  
“Your father is already on top of getting it fixed.” Abby said as she pushed some blonde locks out of Clarke's eyes.  
“He doesn't have to do that.” Clarke shook her head.  
“Clarke,” Lexa spoke up, “don't argue.”  
Clarke felt her eyes narrow slightly.  
“You'll just make your headache worse.” Lexa crossed her arm and cocked her eyebrow challengingly.  
Clarke rolled her eyes and submitted. Her head did already hurt, she really didn't want it to get any worse.  
Lexa grinned and sat back down next to her.  
“So,” Clarke said as she dropped her head onto Lexa's shoulder, “how long do I have to stay here?”  
“Maybe one more night,” Abby answered.  
“Mom!” Clarke whined quickly.  
“Clarke, I just want…” Abby began.  
“What if I stay with her?” Lexa interjected.  
Clarke's head popped up. “Really?”  
“Lexa, are you sure?” Abby asked.  
“Of course.” Lexa nodded. “It's not like I've never spent the night at Clarke's before.”  
Clarke gave her mother her best pleading look.  
“Alright,” Abby sighed. “But, I want her resting, Lexa.”  
“Absolutely,” Lexa said with a playful salute.  
Abby reached forward an touched Clarke cheek. “I'll have them write up your discharge papers.”  
“Thank you,” Clarke nodded and just like that Abby turned and left the room.

As soon as the door shut Clarke turned and looked at Lexa with a grin. “You're awesome.”  
“I do what I can.” Lexa shrugged. “Besides, she told me that all of your scans came back good.”  
“Thank you,” Clarke said as she placed a quick kiss on her cheek.  
“Any time.” Lexa nodded. “Just don't go scaring me like that again. I’m not sure that my heart can take it.”

As Clarke waited for her discharge papers, Lexa went and retrieved her car from where she had left it the day before. Clarke was rather surprised to hear about how she ran to the hospital rather than bothering with her car.

“By the way, Clarke,” Abby said as reappeared in the doorway. “Your father dropped this off this morning.”  
Clarke looked up and smiled. “My phone? Thanks.”  
“You should let everyone know that you're going home,” Abby said pointedly.  
“Okay,” Clarke nodded. “Good idea.”

Clarke: FYI I'm going home.  
Raven: Yes! Awesome.  
O: So soon?  
Clarke: Mom agreed, as long as Lexa stays with me tonight.  
Anya: Good. How is the squirt?  
Clarke: Tired? But, okay. I think?  
Jasper: Great!  
O: Fair enough.  
Lincoln: Glad to hear it.  
Bellamy: Good. Don't do that to us again.  
Monty: :)  
Clarke: I didn't do it on purpose. :(

Clarke tucked her phone into her pocket as she made her way through the double doors to where Lexa was waiting for her.

“Hey,” She said as she slipped into the passenger seat. “Thanks again.”  
Lexa smiled warmly. “I don't mind.”

Just as Lexa was getting ready to pull out of her spot, Clarke caught a glimpse of her reflection and practically screamed.

“What?” Lexa asked as she slammed on the brakes.  
Clarke ripped down the visor and stared it the mirror. “Oh my f…” She breathed. “My face.”  
“Clarke, it's fine.” Lexa told her quickly.  
“Fine?” Clarke unintentionally snapped. “Lexa, I look like I got into a fight with a cheese grater!”  
“Clarke,” said as she shifted the car back into park. “You were in a car accident.”  
“I know,” Clarke said as she shook her head, trying desperately not to cry. "I just, I didn't know I looked so…”  
“It'll heal,” Lexa assured her. “Your mother doesn't even think that there will be much scarring.”  
“It's so ugly,” Clarke's hands moved to cover her face.  
Lexa reached out and took her hands. “No,” she shook her head.  
Clarke stared at her, fighting the urge to rip her hands away and cover her face, but as she looked into Lexa's eyes, she suddenly felt calm. “Okay,” she finally said.  
“Okay,” Lexa nodded and let go of her hands.

When they were getting close to Clarke's, Lexa cleared her throat. “You should talk to O.”  
Clarke's brow furrowed. “About what?”  
“She said you two got into it yesterday.” Lexa answered.

Clarke felt her heart freeze. Oh shit. Fuck. What did Octavia do?

“She’s feeling pretty guilty about what happened to you.” Lexa explained.  
Clarke felt her face slip into a frown. “It’s not her fault.”  
“I know,” Lexa responded quickly. “But, she said something about pushing too hard and you leaving, and then the accident. So, talk to her.”  
“I will,” Clarke nodded. ”I absolutely will.”

Octavia didn't have anything to feel guilty about. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. 

Hours later they were lounging together on the couch. After food, a nap and more food, there really wasn't much else that Clarke could do besides lounge and watch television, so that's what they were doing. Lexa was stretched out with Clarke laying across her, her head resting on her stomach. It had been a do nothing day, basically exactly what her mother ordered.

There had always been something about being close to Lexa that made Clarke feel good. It made her feel safe and warm and, home. Right now, she needed that, perhaps more than ever before. Several times, she found herself wondering if it was wrong to be cuddling with Lexa now, but every time she thought it, quickly she pushed it away. Nothing could ever be wrong about cuddling with Lexa. Of all the crazy things going through her mind right now, that was the one thing that she adamantly refused to have any doubt in.


	41. Chapter 41

Lexa slowly opened her eyes. She was still lying on Clarke’s couch and Clarke was still lying across her with her head planted firmly on her chest. It was noticeably darker and warmer. Glancing toward the television, Lexa found it off and then realized that there was a large blanket draped over them. 

Octavia. She grinned at the thought just before becoming very aware of a strong ache in her shoulder blade. She shifted slightly to try and ease it and immediately felt the intense sting of Clarke blunt nails as she clamped down, ridiculously hard into the bare flesh of her hip. She winced with a quick intake of breath, her abdomen tightening so fast that it actually pushed Clarke further up. “Shh,” she whispered against Clarke’s hair. “It’s okay, Clarke. I’m not leaving.”  
Clarke tilted her head slightly, her nose grazing against Lexa’s chin. She was so obviously still asleep.  
“It’s okay,” Lexa repeated as she rubbed her back. Fuck, that hurt.

After a moment, Clarke’s grip on her lightened and Lexa felt her body relax again. Clarke had always been really tangible, but in the last twenty four hours, it seemed to go to a new extreme. It was almost like Clarke was actually afraid that she was going to leave. Did Clarke really think that she’d do that? Well, obviously, because she specifically asked her not to leave her at the hospital. Lexa shook her head at the memory, she’d never just leave her like that.

Clarke rolled her body and pushed herself up, burrowing further into her neck. Lexa just sighed as she continued to rub her back. Her thoughts kept drifting back to the accident and thinking about all of the horrible things that could have happened and what she would have possibly done if it had been worse. She felt her heart rate increasing just at the thought. She had been so absent lately, so preoccupied with her work that she had forgotten. She had forgotten that for reasons just like this, you need to take a step back and spend time with the people who mean the most, with the people that you love.

She hadn't meant to let it get so out of control, it just happened. There was so much that she wanted to do, so much that she wanted to accomplish. She had been working hard since high school to try and make something of herself and she finally felt like she was getting close to that goal. The work had been rolling in nonstop and she was making great connections, but she never took a step back to see what she was doing to herself, or the people that she cared about. 

Clarke had tried to tell her. Hell, everyone had tried to tell her. She should have listened. She had given up weeks with her friends – her family. Weeks with Clarke. If the accident had been worse, then the last time she would have ever seen Clarke would have been the day that Abby finally straightened her out. The last embrace that they would have ever shared, would have been one were they both so honestly called each other jerks. The last…

Something in Lexa's chest was beginning to tighten and breathing was becoming more and more difficult. It was the what ifs. The what ifs were starting to eat at her mind and she couldn't stop them. She couldn't stop thinking, stop wondering. Her chest was so tight now that it actually hurt. 

Suddenly Clarke’s hand moved to her face, her thumb soothingly stroking along her jaw. “What is it?”  
“Nothing,” Lexa replied quietly. “Go back to sleep.”  
“Lexa,” Clarke sighed sleepily. “I can hear your heart beating. What is it?”

Lexa bit down on her tongue for a moment.

“I just…” She finally shook her head. “I was really scared.”  
Clarke picked up her head and looked at her, but didn’t say anything.  
Lexa cringed under her stare. “When I saw them take you out of the ambulance…” she shook her head again and averted her eyes. "I saw the blood and I just…”  
“Lex,” Clarke said softly as she continued rubbing her jaw.  
Lexa swallowed the lump in her throat. “I don’t know what I would have done if…” her voice cracked as the tightness in her chest reared again. She felt her brow furrow as she closed her eyes and she took a deep breath.  
As if Clarke just knew, she dropped her hand down on to her chest. “I’m okay,” she reminded her quickly. “I’m right here, with you.”  
Lexa only nodded, still not looking at her. The weight and warmth of her hand was oddly soothing.  
Clarke pushed up again and placed a soft kiss on her cheek.  
Finally Lexa turned her head and looked at her. “I’m just going to wrap you up in bubble wrap,” she told her as she pulled her into a ridiculously tight hug.  
Clarke giggled against her chest. “You’re squishing me,” her voice came out all muffled.  
Lexa chuckled and let go. “Sorry.”  
Clarke wrapped her arms around her. “I didn’t say stop,” she mumbled.  
Lexa grinned and hugged her again.  
“If I hadn’t run out on my fight with O,” Clarke sighed after a few minutes, “it never would have even happened.”  
“The fiery Clarke Griffin ran out on a fight?” Lexa joked. “No.”  
Clarke poked her in the ribs. “Shut up,” she muttered back.  
“What were you two fighting about?” Lexa asked curiously and distinctly felt Clarke’s entire body tense.

Weird.

“I was being stubborn,” she answered after a beat. “I didn’t want to listen to what she was trying to tell me.”  
“That doesn’t sound like you at all.” Lexa teased, earning herself another poke in the ribs.

Whatever the fight had been about, Clarke didn’t seem to want to talk about it, at least, not in any detail and Lexa wasn’t about to push her. Though it did seem slightly strange. Normally if something was going on with Clarke, Lexa was her goto person to talk to. But, knowing that this was between Clarke and Octavia, Lexa decided not pry. If Clarke wanted to discuss it, she would. It was as simple as that.

They stayed like that for a while, not really speaking, but just hanging on to one another. Both lost in their own thoughts, until Clarke finally broke the silence. “Lex?”  
“You’re hungry,” Lexa replied without opening her eyes, “aren’t you?”  
“Maybe.” Clarke grinned sheepishly.  
Lexa pulled out her phone. Five in the morning. “You know that if I start cooking, it’ll wake Octavia,” she told her.  
“She won’t be too mad,” Clarke shrugged, “if we feed her.”  
“True,” Lexa reasoned. “Alright. I’ll make breakfast”  
“Yes!” Clarke breathed happily.  
“But, you’re on coffee duty,” Lexa told her quickly.  
“Yes ma’am.” Clarke nodded as she sat up.  
“The things I do for you,” Lexa rolled her eyes playfully.  
“Well, you love me,” Clarke said cheerfully as she hopped off of the couch and walked toward the kitchen.  
Lexa grinned. “Worst idea ever,” she cracked.  
Clarke spun around with a feigned look of offense. “Bitch.”  
Lexa shrugged and stood up. “Yeah well, you love me.”  
Clarke seemed to flush a light shade of pink and quickly turned her attention to the coffeemaker. 

Lexa joined Clarke in the kitchen and they set themselves to their separate tasks. But twenty minutes later, when Clarke knocked over the bowl of pancake batter as she attempted to retrieve a few mugs from the cabinet, Lexa shook her head. “Nope. You're out.” She said quickly. “Out of my kitchen, Clarke.”  
Clarke’s eyes went wide, but the smile was even wider. “Lexa!”  
“Who’s kitchen?” Octavia interrupted as she appeared in the doorway.  
“If I’m cooking in it,” Lexa explained without hesitation, “it’s mine.”  
Octavia crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow looking thoroughly unimpressed by that response.  
“Your kitchen,” Lexa muttered as she looked down and began cleaning up the batter.  
“Ha,” Clarke scoffed happily.  
“God, you two suck,” Octavia whined as she made her way to the coffeemaker.

Lexa looked up and she and Clarke exchanged similar grins. Maybe they did, but it was okay.


	42. Chapter 42

Clarke glanced at the clock while she searched though her closet for something to wear. She had to be at Polis in couple of hours to perform. 

“You know that I don’t blame you,” She said as she glanced over her shoulder at Octavia, who was sitting on her bed. It had been a week since the accident and even though they had already talked about it, Octavia seemed to be having a really hard time shaking her guilt.  
Octavia looked down and simply shook her head.  
“It wasn’t your fault.” Clarke reminded her firmly.  
“I pushed you.” Octavia shook her head. “I didn’t realize how much of an emotional overload I was sending you into. I didn't even think about it.”  
Clarke nodded and pulled her black dress out of the closet. “I could have handled it better,” she responded. “I didn’t have to run away. I chose to. There was no way that you could have known that I’d do that. When do I ever?”  
“That’s true,” Octavia nodded slightly. “I was shocked when you did.”  
Clarke had been shocked to. She was never one to back down or run away. She’d always fight, even if she was wrong. “It wasn’t your fault,” she repeated.  
“So,” Octavia said after a few minutes. “What are you going to do?”  
“About what?” Clarke asked as she pulled her hair up, examining the remnants of the cuts on her face.  
“Lexa.” Octavia answered quickly. “I mean, you’re in love with her, Clarke.”  
Clarke felt her entire body stiffen. “Please, don’t say that,” she said quietly.  
“Say what?” Octavia asked, looking slightly confused.  
“That I’m in love with Lexa.” Clarke answered.  
“But,” Octavia’s face twisted up in further confusion. “You are in love with Lexa.”  
“I know that,” Clarke sighed and shook her head, “but I can’t be.” Nope. Absolutely not.  
“Can or can’t,” Octavia shrugged. “You still are.”  
“O, please…” Clarke began.  
“Ahem,” a noise came from the doorway.

Clarke spun around so fast that she almost fell. “Raven?” Her eyes went wide. “What are you doing here?”  
“Makeup.” Raven answered with a shrug. “You asked for my help. I knocked, but no one answered and the door was open.”  
Clarke’s eyes narrowed. “How much did you hear?” Please, say nothing. Please, say nothing!  
“Enough.” Raven replied as she walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed.  
Well shit. “Fuck my life,” Clarke rubbed her eyes.  
“If it makes you feel any better,” Raven grinned. “I didn’t hear anything that I didn’t already know.”  
“Not even the slightest bit better,” Clarke rolled her eyes and took a deep breath.

Great. Just, great. Now not only did Octavia know, but Raven knew too. Screwed. That’s what she was. Completely screwed. Fuck. If Lexa found out everything would become instantly weird. It wasn’t supposed to be like this!

“Calm your shit, Griffin,” Raven told her quickly with a wave of her hand. “It’s not like I’m going to tell her.”  
“Promise that you won’t,” Clarke sternly pointed at them. “Both of you.”  
“Of course we promise, Clarke.” Octavia responded immediately. “But, you really should tell her.”  
“No,” Clarke said loudly as she shook her head. Definitely not happening.  
“Then what are you going to do?” Raven inquired curiously.  
“Nothing,” Clarke replied and redirected her attention to her makeup.  
“What do you mean nothing?” Octavia sat forward. “How can you do nothing?”  
“There’s nothing to do.” Clarke sighed, feeling herself getting slightly frustrated. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”  
“Do you know how insane you sound?” Octavia shook her head. “Of course it was supposed to happen. You two should have gotten together years ago.”  
“I have to agree.” Raven nodded.  
“I told you, it wasn’t like that.” Clarke responded quickly. “It’s never been like that.”  
“But, what if it could be like that?” Octavia asked her.  
Clarke warmed at the thought, but quickly shook it from her head. “I’m not going to ruin everything that Lexa and I have by trying to turn it into something that it’s not. I can’t,” she responded as something tightened in her chest.

She took a deep breath. Every emotion that she’d ever felt where Lexa was concerned seemed to have been suddenly amplified by this revelation and it was almost more than her heart could take. She couldn’t tell Lexa. She just couldn’t. The possibility of losing her, was a chance that she was just not willing to take. She wanted to deny it, to pretend that she’d never realized it, but she couldn’t, because now everything made sense. It had always been her, only her.

“Earth to Clarke,” Raven said as she waved her hand in front of her.  
“Clarke blinked. “Sorry?”  
“What are you so worried about?” Octavia asked her.  
“I can’t lose her,” Clarke answered simply. “I just can’t.”  
“What do you think?” Raven asked suddenly. “Like, she’d get angry?”  
Clarke shook her head. “No, not necessarily that she’d be mad,” she answered. “Just that things would be weird – different.”  
Octavia sighed heavily as she pushed her hair back off of her shoulders.  
“Look, let’s just drop it.” Clarke finally said as she began to get changed. “I have to get ready.”  
“You can’t avoid her forever.” Raven told her.  
“I’m not avoiding her,” Clarke insisted. “Just, this.”

Octavia and Raven exchanged a look, both knowing full well that there was no way that this could possibly end well.

Hours later Clarke was on the stage at Polis. The place was packed and had been for a while with no signs of it slowing up any time soon. Lexa still hadn’t made an appearance, even though she said that she would, and this had Clarke feeling more than slightly disappointed. Lexa wouldn’t forget, would she? No. Lexa said that she’d drive her home. They just talked about it the other day. She wouldn’t forget. She’d turn up eventually.

The next three songs melted away and the whereabouts of Lexa was starting to weigh heavilyy on her mind, until she glanced back over to the bar and saw a familiar mass of dark curls. Instantly a warmth spread though her, but then just as quickly, she felt herself burn as she watched Lexa chatting and laughing with Echo again.

As soon as the song ended Clarke turned around and grabbed her bottle of water. Rolling her eyes she took a long sip and tried to calm the sudden fire that was building in her belly. This was bad. She had no right to be jealous. They were just talking. But, Clarke couldn’t help but remember the wink that Echo had thrown Lexa’s way once. Just the mere thought caused Clarke’s lips to tighten. Nope. Stop it. She’s not yours.

“Fuck it,” Clarke muttered to herself before turning to the band. “I’m taking five,” she told them and walked off of the stage.

Clarke approached the bar with a smile. As frustrating as it was to see the two of them talking and possibly flirting, she had to admit, it was good to see Lexa. She had missed her.

“Hey,” She said brightly as she got close.  
Lexa turned, the side of her mouth instantly twitching into a grin. “Hey,” she said softly and stepped forward, leaning into to greet her.  
But instead of the normal cheek kiss, their lips met in a soft, warm kiss. It was over before it even started, but that didn’t stop Clarke’s mind from reeling as she stepped back.

Oh shit. Didn’t mean to do that. Definitely didn’t mean to do that. Shit. Play it cool.

“Nice to see you, too,” she grinned smoothly. “I was starting to think that you weren’t going to show.”  
“Sorry,” Lexa blinked, “I got held up with an editor. You sounded great up there though.”  
“Thank you,” Clarke smiled.

“Here you go,” Echo said as she set a glass on the bar. “Vodka neat.”  
“Thank you,” Lexa smiled pleasantly and lifted the glass to her lips.

Clarke fingers instantly itched to knock the glass away, so she clasped her hands together in front of her and sent a polite, but small smile toward Echo. The two chatted for a few minutes, but because her break was so short, it wasn’t long before Clarke found herself making her way back to the stage, feeling thoroughly uncomfortable about leaving Lexa with Echo.

“Clarke?” A voice caught her attention.  
Turning, she found it’s source. “Hi Wells,” she smiled.  
“Happy Valentine’s Day,” He smiled and held two roses out to her.  
“Thank you,” she smiled politely and accepted them.  
“When I saw Lexa at the bar, I took one out for her too,” he confessed quietly, “but then as I got close, I thought she might just stab me with it, so.”  
“She might have.” Clarke laughed and glanced back toward the bar, where she found Lexa’s darkened eyes locked on her.  
“Anyway, I’m getting ready to head out, but I wanted to tell you that you've done really well tonight,” Wells told her. "Awesome, actually."  
Clarke smiled and thanked him again before turning and continuing her path to the stage.

During the first song, Lexa didn’t take her eyes off of her. In fact, she barely even blinked as she sat listening with her finger absentmindedly rounding the rim of her glass. The look in her eyes sent a shockwave straight to Clarke’s core. Damn. So hot. 

Several songs in though, Echo was back and appeared to be eagerly engaging her in conversation. Lexa for the most part, seemed very distracted. Shit. Something was wrong. 

When the last song ended, it was finally the end of Clarke’s night and she was glad. She was ready to get out of there, and even more ready to find out what was wrong with Lexa. Was she angry about the kiss? Maybe because it happened in front of Echo? Shit.

Clarke stepped down off of the stage and made her way into a room in the back to collect her things. Suddenly she felt long, warm fingers wrap around her wrist. “Excuse me?” Lexa’s voice filled her ears.  
Clarke looked up confused.

In an instant Lexa’s lips were on her and she couldn’t even to attempt to swallow the moan that escaped her as Lexa pulled her close. The kiss was searing and Clarke felt it course through every inch of her body. “I saw you staring at me,” she whispered when their lips parted.  
“I was hoping to send a message,” Lexa told her as her lips traced along her jaw.  
“And what message was that?” Clarke barely breathed as she tilted her head.  
“That you were going home with me tonight,” Lexa practically growled before nipping at Clarke’s ear and raking her hands down to her hips.  
Clarke felt her eyes roll slightly, as she kissed her again. “Aren’t we possessive tonight?” She couldn’t contain herself.  
Something flickered in Lexa’s eyes and she blinked, looking almost unsure of herself.

Fuck. No. Too much. 

Clarke’s hands instantly shot to the back of her neck. “After a greeting like that, I was kind of hoping that this was how the night would end,” she whispered before crashing their lips together again and rolling her body forward.  
This time it was Lexa who couldn't suppress a moan. “Let’s get out of here.”  
Clarke looked up and nodded before stealing another kiss.

It might have been wrong, but Clarke didn't care. She couldn't care. No. As her fingers intertwined with Lexa’s, her mind reeled again, but she simply couldn't care. There wasn't another place in the world that she would have chose to be, not tonight. No, definitely not.


	43. Chapter 43

Lexa rolled over and stretched, as she arched her back she felt soft hands slide across her abdomen and a warm mouth attach itself to her hip. She grinned as her hand moved forward and her fingers became intertwined in Clarke’s long blonde locks, relaxing into each of the kisses that were being dropped against her skin.

She hadn’t planned on spending the night with Clarke, at least, not like this. But all it took was that small kiss from Clarke and her body was burning. It was kind of funny, how easily her body reacted to that. She knew, even before Clarke stepped away, that she wanted to spend the night with her, that she wanted her. But then, Clarke was performing, the sound of her voice was soothing, but the movement of her body, the expressions on her face, everything about her just kept working her up even more. By the time the set was over, Lexa couldn’t get to her fast enough. She needed to touch her, to taste her – she just needed her and thankfully, Clarke was totally receptive to her gutsy advance. 

Though she did call her possessive. Shit. Maybe she had gone a little too far? But then again, here they were, so maybe not.

Clarke moved suddenly, straddling her lap and Lexa whimpered slightly at the feeling of her against her skin. “Hi,” she managed to get out.  
“Good morning,” Clarke smiled down at her, before moving to drop more kisses on to her neck.  
Lexa tilted her head, allowing herself to get lost in the feeling.

Clarke’s teeth grazed against her lightly, causing her hips to buck slightly and Clarke giggled against her neck.

“You think that’s funny?” Lexa asked quickly.  
“I think it’s cute,” Clarke replied as her lips continued to move against Lexa’s skin.  
“Hmm,” Lexa hummed as she moved her hands to Clarke’s hips.  
“So, you were pretty hot last night,” Clarke whispered softly.  
Lexa blushed slightly, but didn’t say anything.  
“I mean the way you just,” Clarke shivered, “came in and took…” she rolled her hips forward slightly, causing her breath to catch.  
“Fuck,” Lexa’s breathed as she sat up, wrapping her arms around Clarke’s back and running her mouth up the length of her neck.  
As she pushed her body up, Clarke let out a light gasp and arched her back. “Yes, please,” she whined before claiming Lexa’s lips again.

Yeah. It was far too early to get out of bed anyway.

A couple of hours later Lexa was sitting with her back against the headboard, just watching Clarke sleep. This was something that had long since become a favorite pastime, she could do it forever. She loved everything about it. From the sound of Clarke breathing, to the way she murmured, and the way that her brow would always furrow and her nose would crinkle. It was, without a doubt, the most adorable thing ever.

Lexa grinned before quietly climbing about of the bed and slipping into some clothes. Coffee. That’s what they needed.

“Hey,” Lexa greeted her sister as she entered the kitchen.  
“Morning,” Anya said as she glanced up. “Damn! I didn’t realize that you brought a vampire home.”  
“Not a vampire.” Lexa chuckled lightly. “Just Clarke.”  
“Clarke did that?” Anya’s eyes went wide. “Hot damn, she’s…”  
Lexa shot her a warning glare. “Careful,” she grinned before pulling two mugs out of the cabinet.  
“Lex!” Anya laughed. “It’s like a claiming bite.”  
“It is not.” Lexa chuckled again. “She just got a little, overzealous.”  
“Yeah, so I heard.” Anya rolled her eyes. “So, sex on Valentine’s Day, anything I should know?”  
“No,” Lexa answered without looking at her.  
“God, you two are killing me.” Anya groaned as she dropped her head into her hands.  
“Meaning what?” Lexa asked as she filled both of the mugs.  
“Meaning that you need to cut the crap and get together already.” Anya replied bluntly.  
Lexa turned and looked at her. “Stop.” Fuck. Here we go again.

Just then Raven came limping into the kitchen wearing Anya’s robe. “Morning,” she yawned.  
Lexa’s eyebrows shot up at she turned and looked at Anya. “Anything I should know?”  
“Shut up,” Anya growled as she glared at her. “Stop avoiding the issue.”  
“What’s the issue?” Raven asked as she sat down.  
“Nothing.” Lexa answered immediately.  
“That Lexa and Clarke need to stop dancing around and actually deal with whatever’s between them.” Anya said as she crossed her arms.  
“Agree.” Raven said with a stretch.  
“Anya,” Lexa began.  
“Lex, you just spent the most romantic night of the year, sleeping with the woman that you so totally love,” Anya cut her off and pointed down the hall. “Obviously, there’s more than just friendship there.”  
Raven’s eyes went wide. “Wait, what?”  
“Of course I love her,” Lexa fired back. “She’s my best friend.”  
“How can you be so smart, and still so dumb?” Anya questioned rhetorically.

Lexa shot a quickly glance towards Raven. Anya needed to stop. She needed to stop talking, right now. This could fuck up everything between her and Clarke.

Lexa closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Anya, enough.”  
“You and Clarke spent the night together?” Raven asked, her voice seemed odd.  
“What are you so afraid of?” Anya interjected quickly.  
“I'm not afraid.” Lexa replied sternly. “It's just, it’s not like that.”  
“It is like that.” Anya insisted. “She loves you, you love her. The only thing that you two are lacking is the damn title. So, if you’re not afraid, what is it?”  
“Enough.” Lexa spat loudly. “God. Just, stop.”

Picking up the two mugs of coffee Lexa quickly made her way out of the kitchen and back down the hallway. Pausing in front of her door, she took a deep breath and tried to calm her nerves. With everything that she had going on right now, that was the last thing that she needed. 

Everything between her and Clarke was fine. Someday, when they were more settled into their lives, who knows, maybe there could be more – if Clarke even wanted more or came to want more. But right now, They both had too much going on, too much that they were trying to accomplish and what they had worked for them. Everyone needed to just back off. Fuck. They knew what they were doing. 

Taking another deep breath, Lexa stepped into the room and grinned when her eyes fell on Clarke. She was lying on her side, with the sheet pulled all the way up to her eyes. When her eyes opened, they sparkled beautifully. “Hey,” her voice came out raspy and muffled.  
“Hey,” Lexa smiled as he closed the door behind her. “I brought you coffee.”  
“Thank you,” Clarke said as she sat up and took the mug. “Someone named Nia called you.”  
Lexa's brow furrowed slightly. “You answered my phone?”  
Clarke shook her head. “I grabbed it to make it shut up,” she explained, “and saw the name.”  
“Oh,” Lexa replied as she picked up her phone. Looking at the screen, she found that Nia had left her a message.

– Lexa, Nia here. I have some great news. Give me a call as soon as you can. Bye now.

Lexa felt her eyebrows pop up slightly. Great news? 

“Who’s Nia?” Clarke asked curiously.  
Lexa looked up and her and noticed a sheepish looking smile cross Clarke’s face. "She’s a friend of mine,” she answered simply, “and the editor at one of the magazines that I write for.”  
“Oh,” Clarke nodded as she set down her mug and pulled on one of Lexa’s large t-shirts.

Lexa and Nia had been friends for awhile and Nia would have loved to take her on board at the magazine, but there just wasn't a position for her. They’d had lunch a couple of weeks ago and discussed all of the articles that Lexa had been turning out. Nia wanted to put some together and send them out to some friends of hers, in the hopes of helping Lexa move forward with her career. Lexa happily agreed. Could this news have something to do with that? Lexa swallowed hard, feeling her heart rate spike a little. 

“Would you mind?” She asked looking at Clarke as she held up her phone.  
“No,” Clarke shook her head and sipped her coffee. “Go ahead.”

Lexa sat down in her chair and dialed Nia back.

“Hey Nia, what's up?” Lexa said when Nia answered.  
“Lexa, I have fabulous news.” Nia responded happily.  
“Okay?” Lexa waited.  
“I heard back from a colleague of mine and she wants to work with you,” Nia explained, “All things considered, it's an amazing opportunity.”  
Lexa felt her jaw drop slightly as her heart flipped. ”What?”  
“Can you meet to discuss the details?” Nia asked.  
“Of course.” Lexa nodded. She didn't even have to think about it.

A few minutes later when Lexa hung up the phone, she just sat, feeling slightly stunned.

“Are you alright?” Clarke's voice broke into her thoughts.  
Lexa blinked and looked up. “I have to go meet Nia.” She answered as she got to her feet. “I think I’m about to be offered an actual job.”  
Clarke smiled. “That’s awesome,” she told her as she slipped off of the bed and pulled her into a hug.  
“Yeah,” Lexa said as she hugged her back. “Holy shit.”  
They laughed for a moment.

Lexa already felt shocked and she didn't even know anything about the job yet. Suddenly a thought entered her head and she looked at Clarke. “You don't mind if I go?”  
Clarke smiled again. “You're too sweet,” she answered warmly. “Go. I’ll ask Anya to drive me home.”  
“Shouldn’t be a problem.” Lexa said with a grin. “She needs to take Raven home anyway.”  
Clarke eyes went wide. “Raven spent the night?” She laughed.  
Lexa nodded. “Apparently.”  
“That little shit,” Clarke grinned as she started to get dressed.

Late that night Lexa was sitting at her kitchen table, lost deep in thought. Her meeting with Nia had been great, greater than she could have ever expected, but now she needed to process. Nia hadn't been lying when she called it an amazing opportunity, it definitely was, but it also required some thought. 

Suddenly Anya sat down across from her. “You okay?” she asked, looking at her curiously.  
“Yeah, I'm fine.” Lexa assured her. “Thanks for taking Clarke home, by the way.”  
“Of course,” Anya nodded. “So, what's going on?”  
“I got offered a job.” Lexa explained. “Assistant Editor.”  
Anya’s face lit up. “Lexa, that's incredible!”  
Lexa nodded, but she couldn't stop her brow from furrowing slightly. It was incredible. It really, really was.  
“Why do I feel like there's more to this story?” Anya questioned her knowingly.  
Lexa looked up and their eyes met, she sighed. “Isn't there always?”


	44. Chapter 44

The day had been strange. Anya had dropped Clarke off in the early afternoon and Raven decided to hang out at her place, which wasn’t odd, except for the fact that Raven had been acting funny ever since Clarke had come out of Lexa’s bedroom and Clarke didn’t quite understand why. 

When they first got there, Clarke had immediately showered and when she came out, she found Raven just sitting on the couch, texting on her phone and not saying a whole lot. It seemed, odd, but Clarke just grabbed her sketchbook and plopped down into the chair, figuring that if Raven had something to say, she would. As the hours had ticked by though, Raven barely said anything and Clarke became more and more curious about what was bothering her. Finally, she caved.

“So, you want to tell me what your problem is?” She asked, but didn't look up.  
“I'm just a little surprised that you would spend the night with Lexa.” Raven sighed as she tossed her phone to the side and crossed her arms.  
“No more surprised than I am that you'd spend the night with Anya.” Clarke responded as she looked up. Shit. She knew that look. That was Raven's tough love look. “Besides, me spending the night with Lexa isn't anything new,” she added and closed her sketchbook.  
“It is now.” Raven told her with a nod. “And at least Anya and I acknowledge that there's something between us.”  
“You do not!” Clarke laughed. They never specifically acknowledged anything.  
“To each other, we do.” Raven defended firmly. “But you and Lexa, fuck, it's like you intentionally avoid it.”  
“I already told you, I can't tell her.” Clarke shook her head and tossed her sketchbook on to the table.  
“But, you can sleep with her?” Raven scoffed and readjusted her position. “You don't think that it’s a little bit, wrong?”  
“Wrong?” Clarke’s eyes widened. What the hell? She hadn't done anything wrong.  
“Clarke, you’re in love with her. You've acknowledged that much,” Raven explained.  
“So?” Clarke crossed her arms.  
“So, it's not just sex for you, Clarke.” Raven answered rather loudly. “It’s more than that now.”

Clarke swallowed hard. Okay, well shit. She hadn't really thought about it like that and she couldn't deny that her emotions were definitely in the drivers seat. 

“Look, I didn’t plan on sleeping with Lexa last night,” she tried. “One thing led to another and I just, ugh, God, I can't even pretend that I didn't want it.”  
“Clarke, that is a shit response.” Raven responded shaking her head disapprovingly.  
“What is your problem, Rae?” Clarke felt herself getting angry.  
“It just seems wrong to me.” Raven continued to shake her head.  
“That I slept with Lexa?” Clarke was totally confused.  
“That you slept with her without telling her the truth,” Raven fired at her. “It's different for you now, Clarke. I just feel like you’re on a collision course and you're taking her with you. It's not going to end well if you don't deal with what's obviously right in front of you.”  
“I'm not doing this with you, Rae,” Clarke shook her head feeling extremely defensive. “I told you, I can’t.”  
“No, of course not,” Raven said sarcastically as she shook her head. “Fuck her brains out all night, sure. But tell her how you really feel – God forbid.”  
“For fuck’s sake, Raven,” Clarke rolled her eyes. “You make it sound like I used her.”  
“You two have been using each other for years,” Raven responded matter of-factly, “but, you had an understanding and that understanding became void the second you realized that you were in love with her.”

Clarke shook her head and looked at the floor. Fuck. Okay. Maybe, Raven had a point. She hadn’t even considered that fact. Okay, that did make it seem kind of shitty.

“Stop being so damn scared.” Raven told her after a moment. “She's in love with you too.”  
“Did she tell you that?” Clarke looked up at her, feeling almost hopeful.  
“She doesn't have to tell me.” Raven answered as she rolled her eyes. “I see it. I see it in every interaction that the two of you have. I see it in the way that she looks at you and in the way she talks about you.”  
Clarke felt her heart sink slightly as she shook her head. “I can't risk everything that I have with Lexa based off what you think that you see.”  
“How do you not see it?” Raven asked loudly, clearly becoming annoyed. “Everyone sees it. Everyone!”

Clarke got to her feet and walked into the kitchen. If Raven was right, if – then why wouldn't Lexa just say something? In all the years that they had been friends, shit – in all of the years that they had been sleeping together, never once, had Lexa ever hinted that she might want anything else. Everything was always just normal between them. Even after sleeping together, they’d always just revert back to their normal behavior. Always.

Suddenly her conversation with Octavia flooding back to her mind… Why would she say something? You haven't.

This was followed quickly by flashes of the night before. The tenderness in Lexa’s touch, the passion in her kiss and the look in her eyes. Oh God, that look. “Fuck,” she said as she leaned back against the counter. Holy shit, maybe Lexa was in love too? 

Was it possible that they both shared the same thoughts? The same fears? The same, feelings?

A quick rush of emotion swept through her body as tears flooded her eyes. “Rae?” She called as she turned and walked back toward the living room.  
Raven stood up and looked at her curiously. ”What?”  
Clarke grabbed onto her shoulder. “Are you sure that…” she barely breathed. “Do you really think that she..?”  
Raven's brow furrowed as a sympathetic look crossed her face, but she smiled. “No,” she said softly. “I know. I’ve been watching you two for years.”  
A breath escaped Clarke that was something between a laugh and a sob. “I really don't want to lose her. I don’t know what I'd do, but God, I…”  
“Love her.” Raven finished her sentence for her.  
“So much.” Clarke nodded as her eyes welled up. “O was right. I never let myself feel it, but once I did, it just….I just…”  
“What?” Raven asked curiously as she sat down, pulling Clarke with her.

Clarke closed her eyes and let her thoughts go to Lexa. That familiar warmth spread through her body as her heart fluttered and something began to pull in her chest. It was such a powerful feeling and it brought more tears to her eyes.

“It's just so strong.” Clarke shook her head, but couldn't not smile. “It’s an overwhelming feeling. I’ve never felt anything like it. It's just so, it's so real. I close my eyes, and I can feel it everywhere. In my heart, in my skin," she paused, suddenly overcome by a shiver. "I can feel it, right down into my bones. Like, it's as deep as it can possibly go. It’s just everywhere.”  
“Tell her.” Raven said firmly.  
“What if it’s not the same for her?” Clarke asked as a tear rolled down her cheek.  
“What if it is?” Raven countered with a grin.

Clarke’s mind began to flood with the endless possibilities of what life could be like if Lexa actually did feel the same. She smiled, feeling a sudden unexpected burst of courage explode with in her. She took a deep breath. “I’m going to tell her.”


	45. Chapter 45

A week and a half passed by in a blur and Lexa had been playing a good game of avoiding everyone. She had been called out on an assignment, which had made things slightly easier, but only slightly. Tonight she was picking up Anya and heading over to Raven’s for one of their weekends, even though she would have much rather been crawling into her own bed. Her mind was too full and her chest felt extremely heavy. Anya had been on her case more than usual and it was almost becoming more than she could stand. Lexa knew that she was just concerned, but still, it was a bit much. She needed to process and to think.

This was a huge. Bigger than anything that she had expected when Nia started talking about sending some of her work off to her colleagues. In the blink of an eye she’d go from being a freelance journalist to the Assistant Editor of a wildly popular magazine, who wanted her so badly that they were actually willing to pay for her to relocate. It was insane.

“It’s a big deal, I get it and it’s pretty amazing,” Anya said as she slipped into the passenger seat, “but, San Francisco….”  
“Is really far,” Lexa sighed. “I know.”  
“Really far,” Anya echoed. “Like, almost three thousand miles far.”  
“I know.” Lexa nodded as she glanced at her sister. “You okay?”  
“Just thinking.” Anya shrugged.  
“About?” Lexa inquired, but took in the look in Anya’s eyes. “Just spit it out.”  
“What about Clarke?” She asked, her tone slightly scolding. “Have you even thought about what it would do to her?”  
Of course she thought about it. How could she not think about it? “I know that she would miss me, but she would understand.” Lexa replied firmly as she slipped the car into gear and pulled away from the curb.  
“Miss you?” Anya’s eyebrows shot up. “Lex, she would be devastated.”  
Lexa sighed as she leaned against the window and rubbed her temple.

Okay. So, yes. Anya was probably right. Clarke would most likely be a little bit devastated, but it wasn’t like they hadn’t been apart before. Granted, this was a little different, but still. Clarke would understand. They could still talk and text – video chat too. Clarke knew how hard she worked and how important it was to her. She would be excited for her, happy even. She’d be okay. They’d be okay. 

Suddenly an ache went off in Lexa’s chest and she took a deep breath. “Ow,” she breathed lightly as she rubbed her chest.  
“You aright?” Anya asked, turning slightly.  
“I’m fine.” Lexa nodded, focusing on the road.  
“You’re not,” Anya shook her head. “I can see how stressed out you are.”  
“Of course I’m stressed out.” Lexa shot back as she they turned a corner. “You’d be stressed out too.”  
“Look, I don’t know how else to say this, so I’m just going to come out and say it,” Anya said, her tone hardening. “You need to accept the fact that you’re in love with Clarke.”  
“Anya!” Lexa’s eyes went wide. “I never said that.”  
“You don’t have to say it.” Anya fired back quickly. “It’s written all over you. Fuck, it’s written all over both of you.”  
“Stop it.” Lexa responded firmly as she pulled the car over and turned to face her sister. “Clarke doesn’t want me, at least, not like that. Someday, maybe, but…”  
“Enough." Anya cut her off as she folded her arms. “She does want you, and you want her too.” 

Lexa’s mind was already painfully full, she couldn’t think about this. Not now. Another pang went off inside her chest, causing her to wince.

“I think that’s why your chest keeps hurting.” Anya said with a nod. “It’s the thought of Clarke, or rather, leaving her.”  
“I’m doing this for Clarke!” Lexa snapped and then covered her mouth, her eyes wide with horror.  
Anya stared at her for a moment, her eyes narrowing. “What does that even mean?”  
Lexa shook her head, mentally scolding herself. Well, fuck. “Nothing,” she muttered.  
“Lexa.” Anya’s voice came out harder. “Talk to me, damn it.”  
Lexa continued to shake her head as she gripped the steering wheel. “I can’t do that.”  
“You can,” Anya assured her.  
“We’re just,” Lexa shook her head. “We’re just not there. We both still have so much we need to do for ourselves.”  
“Look, I will be the first to admit that there always seems to be something that keeps you two apart,” Anya pointed at her. “But more often than not, it’s the two of you doing it. It’s so frustrating and almost infuriating at times.”  
“No,” Lexa sighed and shook her head again. “Look, maybe your right. Maybe Clarke would give me a chance, but how could I even ask her to, when I don’t have anything to offer her?”  
“Wait,” Anya’s eyes widened slightly, showing a clear realization. “You’ve already accepted that you're in love with her.”  
Lexa’s brow furrowed as that ache shot off in her chest again. She nodded slightly as she slipped the car back into gear and redirected her attention to the road.

She hadn’t accepted it, not at first. For the longest time, she simply refused to even consider the thought, but in the end, it was Clarke. Clarke, who could drive her crazy in all the best and worst ways. Clarke, who had a power over her like no other. Clarke, who somehow soothed her very soul. How could she not be in love with her? She was everything. It was always her, only her.

“You have more to offer her than you think,” Anya said after a stretch of silence.  
Lexa sighed. She knew the conversation wasn’t over yet. “It’s not enough,” she responded through her slightly gritted teeth. “It’s never been enough.”  
“Are you talking about money?” Anya asked curiously. “Because, you know Clarke doesn’t care about that.”  
“It’s more than that.” Lexa shook her head as she parked the car.  
“You need to talk to her.” Anya told her pointedly.  
“I know,” Lexa responded, though she continued to shake her head as she stepped out of the car.  
“Ready?” Anya asked as she walked around the car.  
“Hell no,” Lexa shook her head. “Let’s go.”

As soon as she walked through the door, Lexa picked up a small bottle and tipped the liquid into her mouth. Tequila. Great. 

“Well damn, Commander,” Raven grinned. “It’s about time you finally showed up.”  
Lexa felt her brow furrow slightly. “Sorry?”  
“Someone’s been looking for you,” Raven explained with a nod toward the other room.  
“Okay,” Lexa pushed her hair back off of her shoulder. “Let me grab a drink and I’ll go find her.”

Shit. Had Clarke found out somehow? She had a way of doing that. Fuck. This is bad. Really fucking bad.

Lexa walked into the kitchen and pulled a beer out of the fridge. Opening it she took a long sip and followed it with a very deep, steadying breath before she made her way back out to look for Clarke. She found her in a spare room at the end of the hall, just sitting on the edge of the bed, apparently lost in thought.

“Hey,” Lexa said as she stuck her head into the room.  
Clarke looked up and her blue eyes flickered as a warm smile crossed her face. “Hey,” she replied quietly.  
“Are you alright?” Lexa asked curiously.  
“I was wondering if we could talk?” Clarke shrugged, but still held her small smile.  
Lexa swallowed hard. “Sure,” she said as she stepped inside and closed the door.

They were silent for a few minutes, Clarke seemed to be trying to find the right words, while Lexa was pretty sure that she was about to swallow her own tongue.

“Do you remember that fight that I had with Octavia?” Clarke finally asked. “Just before the accident? The one that I ran away from?”  
Okay. Not what she was expecting. Lexa nodded. “I remember you mentioning that there was a fight.”  
Clarke took a deep breath. “Well, it was about you.”  
Lexa felt her shoulders drop slightly. Shit. “What?”  
“Octavia was accusing me of being in love with you,” Clarke explained as she got to her feet and began to pace, “and I got upset. Actually, I got angry and then I ran out.”  
Lexa could feel her heart starting to pound harder in her chest. Fuck.  
“I got in my car and I just took off.” Clarke continued. “I just needed to get away. Everyone always picks on us, but this was different.”  
“Clarke, I’m sorry. She shouldn't…” Lexa began, but lost her voice when Clarke turned and looked at her.  
“That was when it happened.” Clarke said after a few seconds.  
“The accident.” Lexa nodded knowingly.  
“No.” Clarke shook her head and closed her eyes. “That was when I realized, that she was right.”

Lexa felt her jaw slacken slightly. Wait, what? Did she just say..? Definitely not what she was expecting.

Clarke opened her eyes and looked at her, her eyebrows knitted together slightly as she swallowed hard. Lexa could feel them piercing though her. It was amazing that a look could be that physically painful.

Clarke stepped in front of her and locked their eyes. “I am completely, and desperately in love with you,” she finally told her.

Lexa stood there for a moment, having suddenly forgotten how to breathe, all that she could to was stare. As the meaning of Clarke’s words registered in her mind, she felt her body go weak. Without any concept of how long she’d been standing there, Lexa finally blinked, her mind catching up with what her eyes were seeing. Clarke was still there, still standing in front of her with a terrified, but slightly hopeful look in her eyes. 

Fuck. Do something. Anything. Say something. Speak, stupid! 

Lexa opened her mouth, “I love you too,” she heard herself say and the next thing she knew, Clarke surged forward and claimed her lips in a fiery kiss that burned though her entire body. The room around her seemed to spin as flashes fired off behind her closed eyelids and an intense surge of warmth and emotion burst in her chest. Again, she forgot how to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more to go.


	46. Chapter 46

This kiss was unlike anything that Clarke has ever felt and she pushed every emotion that she had into it, wanting Lexa to feel everything that she was feeling, but suddenly, Lexa jerked back. “Stop,” she said, taking a deep breath and stepping backwards.  
Clarke blinked. “I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “I thought…”  
“I know.” Lexa cut her off, her chest was heaving. “I’m sorry. I just….I…”

Clarke watched her, feeling her eyebrows knit together in confusion. Something was off, wrong even. Lexa was tense, tense like she was in pain and shaking her head. “What is it?” She asked stepping forward and reaching out.  
Lexa however, took another step back. “I just, I need to think.” She replied before turning toward the door.  
“Lexa?” Clarke called after her, but Lexa was already out the door and making her way down the hall.  
“Not now,” Lexa responded without stopping. “Please. I just need to think.”

At that, Clarke froze in her tracks. Okay. Well, that was generally Lexa’s way when she felt overwhelmed or like she’d done something wrong. She’d take some time and space to sort out her thoughts and then reappear and they’d talk. But this time, Clarke didn’t wanted to wait. Lexa hadn’t done anything wrong. Just as Clarke began to move again, she heard the sound of an engine start and picked up her pace. No sooner did she open the front door and Lexa’s car pulled away from the curb. Well, fuck. What the hell?

“What’s going on?” Raven asked as she stepped forward.  
“Lexa left.” Clarke replied, feeling her heart sink a little.  
“Did you tell her?” Raven asked curiously.  
Clarke nodded and shut the door.  
“And she left?” Raven was shocked. “Seriously?”  
“Tell her what?” Anya inquired as she appeared at their side.  
Clarke looked at her. Well, now that Lexa knew, there really wasn’t any reason to hide it anymore. “That I’m in love with her,” she answered.  
“What?” Anya’s eyes went wide with shock. “What did she say?”  
“She said that she loved me too,” Clarke shrugged, “and we kissed, but then she ran out.”  
“She didn’t say anything else?” Anya asked, rather forcefully.  
Clarke shook her head, but taking in the look on Anya’s face, it was clear that Anya knew something that she didn’t. “What?” She asked her quickly.  
Anya shook her head, mentally cursing her sister’s stupidity. “She’s so stupid.” Anya replied as she rubbed her eyes. “Give her some space. She’ll be back.”

Clarke didn’t care for this response, but she knew that Anya was right. Lexa would come back and then they’d talk. They’d figure it out and decide what they were going to do about this new development in their relationship. Relationship? Friendship? Relationship. Definitely relationship. While they both had clearly never wanted to admit it, they had been more than friends for a long time. 

The night wore on, but Lexa didn’t return, which only caused Clarke to become more concerned. Sometime after midnight, she fired off a text to her, but was disappointed when Lexa’s phone went off inside her bag, which was still sitting next to the front door. Fuck. Maybe this was a mistake? No. It couldn’t be. Lexa said that she loved her too. How could it be a mistake if they both felt the same?

However, then one night turned into two and then two into four. Before Clarke knew it, a week had passed with nothing but radio silence between them and now, she was way passed worried and into plainly pissed off. What the hell was going on? Why had Lexa run off and where they hell had she been? Clarke had gone to her place, but was only met with Anya who gave her an apologetic look and claimed to have not seen her. This was bullshit. Such bullshit. 

A knock at the door pulled Clarke out of her thoughts and she was off of the couch in record time, storming forward. She ripped the door open to find Lexa standing there, stone-faced and staring.  
“What the hell, Lex?” She asked quickly. “Where have you been?”  
“I’m sorry.” Lexa replied firmly.  
Clarke stepped forward and pulled her into a hug. She couldn’t help but notice how stiff her body was and that she only halfheartedly returned the hug. “What’s going on?” She questioned, her heart flooding with concern.  
“Can we talk?” Lexa asked.  
Clarke nodded and stepped aside.

Lexa moved inside, but didn’t go too far. Quickly turned to face her as she cupped her hands behind her back and squared her shoulders. Something was wrong. The look in her eye sent a shiver down Clarke’s spine and caused her to flinch slightly, but Lexa didn’t speak.

“What’s going on?” Clarke finally questioned, unable to wait any longer. “I tell you that I’m in love with you and you just disappear on me.”  
“Don’t be a hypocrite,” Lexa scolded her lightly. “You ran out on Octavia.”  
Okay. That was rude, even though it was true. “That was different.” Clarke snapped back. Shit. This was already not going well.  
“It’s not.” Lexa replied calmly. “You were overwhelmed. So was I.”  
Clarke felt herself soften at this. Remembering how she’d panicked at the realization of being in love, she could relate to Lexa feeling overwhelmed.

Lexa swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “I was offered a job.”  
“You were?” Clarke grinned lightly. “What’s the job?”  
“Assistant Editor.” Lexa answered quickly.  
“Lexa, that’s great.” Clarke’s grin stretched into a smile as she stepped forward.  
Lexa put her hand up. “The job is in San Francisco,” she said plainly.

Clarke felt her heart tighten as her stomach dropped. San Francisco? Whoa. What the fuck? The pieces of the puzzle were starting to slip together. 

“That’s why you ran out on me?” Clarke questioned her, but she already knew the answer.  
Lexa nodded, but remained silent.  
Clarke swallowed hard. It seemed like her voice was refusing to ask her next question. She tried, but couldn’t get it out, so they just stood there in silence.

“Clarke…” Lexa began.  
“What are you going to do?” Clarke’s voice reappeared and she held her breath.  
“I took the job.” Lexa replied stiffly.  
Clarke stood stunned. “Just like that?” She shook her head, feeling slightly confused.  
“I can’t turn it down.” Lexa replied firmly. “It could be my shot. My only shot. I have to take it.”  
“Fine. I’ll go with you,” Clarke told her, taking another step forward. She didn’t even have to think about it. She didn’t want to be anywhere that Lexa wasn’t. She’d just relocate with her. It was a no-brainer  
“No.” Lexa responded and shook her head. “I’d never as you to do that.”  
“You’re not asking me,” Clarke told her quickly. “I’m telling you…”  
“Your life is here.” Lexa interjected and shook her head again. “Your work, your family – everything.”  
“Lexa, I want to be with you,” Clarke explained firmly. Please.  
Lexa took a deep breath. “I don’t want you to go, Clarke,” she finally said.  
“Oh.” Clarke felt her shoulders drop. What? Shit.

Clarke started to pace, feeling a sudden anger spreading through her. How could Lexa tell her that she loves her, but then tell her that she’s leaving her? Had she done something wrong? Was she just not good enough? She glanced at Lexa, only to find her still standing rigid, her face lacking complete emotion. How the fuck can she be so calm about this? How the fuck was this even happening?

Clarke felt her heart clench in her chest. “You said that you loved me,” she stated, hating how pathetic it came out.  
Something in Lexa’s eyes flickered. “I do.”  
“But, you’re just going to leave?” Clarke shook her head, as something in her belly began to boil.  
Lexa gave her a short nod. “You know, Anya said that there’s always been something keeping you and I apart, but that usually, it was just us.” She took a breath. “This time, it’s me.”  
“Tell me why, Lex.” Clarke snapped, feeling suddenly out of control. “You say that you love me, and here I am, right in front of you, wanting you and willing to follow you. So, make me understand how you can just walk away.”  
“This is an amazing opportunity for me.” Lexa explained sternly. “It’s important. I need to be able to put all of my focus, everything that I have into it and I can’t do that with you…”  
“So, I’d be a distraction?” Clarke asked, feeling completely affronted. “That’s what you’re saying?”  
“No.” Lexa shook her head and released a small, frustrated sigh. “I thought that you would understand.”  
“What I understand is that you’re choosing a job, over us.” Clarke shook her head, as an ache spread through her chest.  
“Clarke, please,” Lexa tried. “This position is very demanding and relationships are also demanding. I can’t do both.”  
“I might be a hypocrite, Lexa,” Clarke scoffed, “but, you’re a liar.”  
“I’m a liar?” Lexa’s eyes widened. “What did I lie about?”  
“You’re lying to yourself.” Clarke said briskly as she shook her head. “It’s not that you can’t have both, it’s that you’re not even willing to try.”  
Lexa shook her head and clenched her jaw.

Clarke could tell that she’d hit a nerve and she wanted to do it again. Just hit it, over and over until she finally got through to her, but she couldn’t. A sudden realization was washing over her, a sadness, and she knew that she was about to drown in it. Lexa was leaving. Like, really leaving.

“Lexa,” Clarke said softly as tears began to fill her eyes. “You can’t just leave.”  
“Yes, I can.” Lexa barely breathed. "I have to."  
“We can figure this out.” Clarke tried to reason with her.  
“There’s nothing to figure out.” Lexa replied in a slightly shaky voice. “I’ve already accepted the job. I’m leaving tomorrow.”  
Tomorrow? What?! Clarke shook her head. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be happening. “We can find a way to make this work, a way to make us work,” she told her quickly.  
Lexa just stood there, appearing completely unfazed.  
“How can you just stand there and act like you don’t care?” Clarke fired out at her in frustration.  
“I do care, Clarke,” Lexa responded evenly, “but, I made this choice with my head, not my heart.”  
Clarke didn’t know what to say, or do – how to make her see. “Please, don’t so this,” she whispered.  
“I’m sorry, Clarke.” Lexa said, her stare unwavering.  
All Clarke could do was stare back at her. She couldn’t think. There were no words. This couldn’t be happening, but it was.  
“May we meet again.” Lexa finally said, with the slightest of nods.  
At these words, Clarke felt something inside of her break. “Or not,” she responded as her eyes narrowed.

Lexa swallowed hard and walked out. Clarke just stood there, staring at the door and feeling her body tremble uncontrollably. She was in a haze, completely unable to decipher the emotions that were burning through her as tears still brimmed in her eyes. This couldn't happen, but it did and when the tears finally ran down her cheeks, Clarke was hit with a new realization. Even if she and Lexa were to meet again, nothing would ever be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has been compared to a train wreck that you just can’t look away from – and I think that’s pretty accurate. It’s been said that I must hate these two, a lot – totally untrue. I just don’t think that being soulmates gives them an automatic free pass to a happy ending. After all, life is messy and nothing is so simple. The story isn't over, it's simply become a part of the Series: Imperfect.  
>   
> I think that these two dummies might still have some fight left in them.  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to contact me here:  
> • z.roe@hotmail.com  
> • @zroe_z (Twitter)


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